Feedback 1000 Post Roast

[Corazona von Ascania]

Just under a year and 1000 (mostly rp) posts – I don't think I've ever written this much for a character in that span of time!

I never like to put a lot of pressure on my characters to become something when I start writing them – for me, that hinders how much I can enjoy them. Cora started off with a vague backstory and a few major but basic attributes; a young, pampered noblewoman eagerly throwing herself into the New Jedi Order at the behest of her father. Early on, her arrogance and general sheltered demeanor were very fun to write (especially when she clashed with more down-to-earth characters), but they've also allowed me to craft some unique struggles I've never worked with before.

Being pushed into an arranged marriage forced her to make some uncomfortable decisions. Departing the Jedi put a lot of strain on the relationships she'd built, but it all boiled down to a strong sense of duty to her family and her people. And when she couldn't measure up to that duty (cough matricide cough), the subsequent exile from her home planet has her marinating in failure and a loss of her sense of self.

Now, nearly a year after I started writing her, Cora has gradually drifted from enthusiastic, innocent and haughty to enduring, mindful, and still kind of haughty. And still a prude, of course. I'm looking forward on seeing how she navigates being stripped of her home and family; the very thing she's lived her life to protect.

TLDR; Energetic arrogant aristocrat becomes Jedi, learns that life is kind of sucky for most people who aren't born rich, forced to marry an abusive man who she subsequently kills, is now sad that she did that because her family didn't like it.

So I'm here to ask – what do you guys think? I couldn't have done any of this without the fantastic character interactions you've all provided. Is it fun to write with Cora? Were things kind of boring? Did she overtake the stage and you felt like it was hard to interact with her in a meaningful way? Anything I could be doing better/differently that I might not be seeing?

As always, DMs/discord (fat.raccoon) are open if you don't feel comfortable flaying me alive in a public forum.

Thank you for suffering me!

 

[Kahlil Noble]

Cora is one of my all time fav characters to read. I don't often just go and peak through other peoples threads, but I continually find myself peeking through Cora's (whenever I see them I'm not a stalker sheesh.) She's got a lot of trauma, a lot of family duty and pride in who she is, but as of late it's been really interesting to see her face those things and see what they brought her and how she was taken advantage of by the people she's supposed to count on the most.

It's hearbreaking, yet empowering to see her grow from it all and refuse to let it keep her down. Or at least try to.

So yea keep it up.

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

I don't think I've ever had more fun engaging in someone else's story. Never been more proud to be a side character. I'm always open for more emotional damage. Cora is a fantastic character and I'm excited to see where she goes next. Her growth from stuck up prick to mature and damaged has been super compelling, and that excites me for her next big jump. Inject more of that good stuff directly into my veins.

just give me some time to recover pls

 

[Ko Vuto]

Although I've regrettably haven't written much with Cora it has been fun when I have gotten to. Even though it's from a distance it has been enjoyable to read and observe her story from more of an outsider's perspective. I'm diffidently excited to see how Cora develops from where she is now. Sorry I can't really offer much in the way of feedback since like I said, I'm just passively in tuned with her story.

Although I would say having her learn the difference between Kel Dor and Bothans would be appreciated xD

 

[Valery Noble]

She should have kocked.

In all seriousness, she is a great character and you do so well at capturing a personality of someone with that kind of upbringing. I love it when she gets flustered over silly things, but can get equally fierce to protect people around her.

I've said it before but I feel very lucky to have Padawans like Cora, written by writers like you. It really makes being a Master so much more fun

Keep it up and go for the next 1000!

 

[Starlin Rand]

I have thought about/discussed Cora a lot as her story has progressed. She's definitely one of the best written characters I've seen since I joined the site. Her characterization and arc feel like the magnum opus of a veteran roleplayer.

Too often with a character like Cora writers would have her come out a completely different person by the end of the story, having totally changed her views, personality, etc to become the opposite of who she used to be. Cora has changed, but she's still Cora, as you outlined in your OP. That's a far more realistic depiction of someone with her background and experiences. In other words, I can see myself in her. I had to reconcile the way I was raised with the world outside my family upbringing at around the same age she did, and the result was a compromise rather than a complete heel turn. It's more relatable.

Oh, and I love that she's inspired by a different genre than I usually see on Chaos! I love historical fiction, so that's really neat. I also like the Lady Velvet stuff, I thought it was a brilliant lampshading of the trashy bodice-ripper tropes. I also enjoyed her romance with Makko, it provided an emotional anchor for the story. (And you know Starlin was rooting for them.)

There are things about her storyline that I didn't like, or more like I wasn't satisfied with. Certain elements of Ukatian culture didn't quite mesh for me (you used a very historical-inspired setting that wouldn't be out of place in a low-tech world, but it just didn't quite gel with the high-tech science fantasy of Star Wars). I wish we got to see more of Marcel (we did get a hint of depth when he did show up, so credit where credit is due) and that Matt had continued to write Horace, because I enjoyed how smarmy he was. The ending of her Ukatis arc felt rushed and wrapped things up a little too prettily (unless you plan on continuing to write about Ukatis and the consequences of what happened, in which case yay).

I do have one other thing I'd like to bring up, but don't worry, it's not your doing. The way other characters written by other people reacted to this complex, well-written conflict was obnoxious at times. What happened to Cora was vile, I don't recall anyone seriously disputing that fact, but some people overdid it and came across as judgmental or even bigoted. Some appeared to be self-aware that they were allowing their emotions to get the better of them. I don't remember the exact thread, but Kahlil Noble and Cora had a conversation in which she appealed to his better nature, saying that there were good aspects of Ukatian culture that she wished she could show him, and despite his anger over what was happening Kahlil seemed receptive to it. I thought that was a nice touch. Other Jedi characters were not so understanding or empathetic. (But at least one Sith was, even if his empathy was a manipulation tactic...) Which is fine, people are like that in real life. Their presence in the story isn't what bothers me, it's the fact that I don't think the people writing like this were aware of what they were doing or how they sounded. It reminded me once again of my own experiences, and how people who don't understand this kind of conflict and lack empathy can actually make things worse for the very people they claim they want to help.

And uh, that's all, I think. Lol, keep writing, I'm enjoying it.

 

[Makko Vyres]

I can't believe it's been nearly a year since Makko and Cora met!

You've stuck to your guns with this character for a long time and managed to carry out organic change over a long storyline. That's really hard to do.

This character arc, in particular, has reinvigorated my star wars writing muse after several years of dipping in and out of older storylines. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing with Cora!

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Thank you guys for taking the time to let me know your thoughts! And, of course, thank you for being a part of Cora’s story. Writing her wouldn’t be nearly as fun and satisfying without the connections she’s made with your characters. Seriously, yall have been GREAT.

Cora is one of my all time fav characters to read. I don't often just go and peak through other peoples threads, but I continually find myself peeking through Cora's (whenever I see them I'm not a stalker sheesh.) She's got a lot of trauma, a lot of family duty and pride in who she is, but as of late it's been really interesting to see her face those things and see what they brought her and how she was taken advantage of by the people she's supposed to count on the most.

First of all, I'm really glad you're enjoying her story, even when things get rough. Kahlil's gentle yet thoughtful demeanor has cemented him as a more positive paternal figure in her life. I hope, as she grows, she'll learn more from him about what it means to balance the duties of a royal, as well as found family vs. bio family without burning herself to ash in the process. I will avenge my biological father and punch you in the face.

I don't think I've ever had more fun engaging in someone else's story. Never been more proud to be a side character. I'm always open for more emotional damage. Cora is a fantastic character and I'm excited to see where she goes next. Her growth from stuck up prick to mature and damaged has been super compelling, and that excites me for her next big jump. Inject more of that good stuff directly into my veins.

just give me some time to recover pls

Yesss gimmie more big brother Jasper vibes! Absolutely glad to have you as a part of Cora's story, Jasper has been a big influence on her and she looks up to his conviction and strength of character. Also, that one time he fought a bear to save her. Also also, Loomi burger time was one of my favorite threads. I'm trying my best but I can make no promises.

Although I've regrettably haven't written much with Cora it has been fun when I have gotten to. Even though it's from a distance it has been enjoyable to read and observe her story from more of an outsider's perspective. I'm diffidently excited to see how Cora develops from where she is now. Sorry I can't really offer much in the way of feedback since like I said, I'm just passively in tuned with her story.

Although I would say having her learn the difference between Kel Dor and Bothans would be appreciated xD

One of the things I've regretted is not having these two interact more – which is on me! Cora and Ko have been in a few larger threads together, but we've definitely gotta do that gardening thread sometime. They're both on the more senior end of the paddy pack and I think they could bond well over that aspect. I will not.

She should have kocked.

In all seriousness, she is a great character and you do so well at capturing a personality of someone with that kind of upbringing. I love it when she gets flustered over silly things, but can get equally fierce to protect people around her.

I've said it before but I feel very lucky to have Padawans like Cora, written by writers like you. It really makes being a Master so much more fun

Keep it up and go for the next 1000!

I've written a handful of apprentice characters over the years, but Val is the first time I've had a dedicated, consistent Master. And we've kept that up for a year! Amazing. These two have such a natural, fun dynamic that gradually deepened over the last year, and they've been one of my favorite relationships to write. I love how we can hit a range of interactions with these two, from serious, somber moments to goofy and silly. Let's keep it going! If you don't Knight me right now, I will kill you.

I have thought about/discussed Cora a lot as her story has progressed. She's definitely one of the best written characters I've seen since I joined the site. Her characterization and arc feel like the magnum opus of a veteran roleplayer.

Too often with a character like Cora writers would have her come out a completely different person by the end of the story, having totally changed her views, personality, etc to become the opposite of who she used to be. Cora has changed, but she's still Cora, as you outlined in your OP. That's a far more realistic depiction of someone with her background and experiences. In other words, I can see myself in her. I had to reconcile the way I was raised with the world outside my family upbringing at around the same age she did, and the result was a compromise rather than a complete heel turn. It's more relatable.

Oh, and I love that she's inspired by a different genre than I usually see on Chaos! I love historical fiction, so that's really neat. I also like the Lady Velvet stuff, I thought it was a brilliant lampshading of the trashy bodice-ripper tropes. I also enjoyed her romance with Makko, it provided an emotional anchor for the story. (And you know Starlin was rooting for them.)

There are things about her storyline that I didn't like, or more like I wasn't satisfied with. Certain elements of Ukatian culture didn't quite mesh for me (you used a very historical-inspired setting that wouldn't be out of place in a low-tech world, but it just didn't quite gel with the high-tech science fantasy of Star Wars). I wish we got to see more of Marcel (we did get a hint of depth when he did show up, so credit where credit is due) and that Matt had continued to write Horace, because I enjoyed how smarmy he was. The ending of her Ukatis arc felt rushed and wrapped things up a little too prettily (unless you plan on continuing to write about Ukatis and the consequences of what happened, in which case yay).

I do have one other thing I'd like to bring up, but don't worry, it's not your doing. The way other characters written by other people reacted to this complex, well-written conflict was obnoxious at times. What happened to Cora was vile, I don't recall anyone seriously disputing that fact, but some people overdid it and came across as judgmental or even bigoted. Some appeared to be self-aware that they were allowing their emotions to get the better of them. I don't remember the exact thread, but Kahlil Noble and Cora had a conversation in which she appealed to his better nature, saying that there were good aspects of Ukatian culture that she wished she could show him, and despite his anger over what was happening Kahlil seemed receptive to it. I thought that was a nice touch. Other Jedi characters were not so understanding or empathetic. (But at least one Sith was, even if his empathy was a manipulation tactic...) Which is fine, people are like that in real life. Their presence in the story isn't what bothers me, it's the fact that I don't think the people writing like this were aware of what they were doing or how they sounded. It reminded me once again of my own experiences, and how people who don't understand this kind of conflict and lack empathy can actually make things worse for the very people they claim they want to help.

And uh, that's all, I think. Lol, keep writing, I'm enjoying it.

First of all, wow, thank you for taking the time for such a thorough review! I really, sincerely appreciate the thought you put into both the complements and critique. Seriously, I blushed while reading this. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't proud of some of the story beats I've managed to hit with Cora. I've spent a lot of time thinking about what would be both natural for the character, and enjoyable to write at the same time.

Regarding the ending of the Ukatis arc, I agree that it felt rushed because I did end up rushing it. As much as I enjoyed writing Cora being stuck on Ukatis, it was quite limiting and at times, a bit of a bummer to write especially as I'd built it up with like, three OOC months of her being sad about it. So I started to get antsy; I had accomplished what I'd wanted to with Horace and wanted to push Cora's story along before I lost steam for the character. That resulted in a pretty swift ending that lacked the type of pre-wedding build up her earlier story benefitted from. While there are some things I might have done differently in retrospect, I ultimately don't regret pushing that part of her story because it got her to a more enjoyabale place for me to write her in the end. It is still a very valid criticism though! Having her go through all of that helped me to find certain personal limits as a writer.

I very much do plan to explore Ukatis more; being exiled is slowly easing Cora into an arc of self discovery, learning to be her own person blah blah. As long as I keep my muse up, an eventual return to Ukatis will be in the future, and/or some of the actual fallout will reach her.

I too miss the way Matt wrote Horace, he was such a perfect bastard. I will kill Marcel.

I can't believe it's been nearly a year since Makko and Cora met!

You've stuck to your guns with this character for a long time and managed to carry out organic change over a long storyline. That's really hard to do.

This character arc, in particular, has reinvigorated my star wars writing muse after several years of dipping in and out of older storylines. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing with Cora!

Aw, thank you and I'm glad that Cora has had a positive effect on Makko even after ripping his heart out! Her relationship with Makko is a large part of Cora, and really helped to explore some aspects of the character I otherwise wouldn't have been able to, especially concerning her family and marriage.

 

[Tegan Starfall]

Darth Priss one of my many secret apprentices across the Galaxy. Congrats on a thousand now do a thousand more and spread malcontent across the masses.

I know you were involved in my exile but I hold no hard feelings I would attempt to murder you again regardless. It just the way of master and apprentice.

 

[Horace von Cholmondeley III]

Hmmph. Not a fan.

Boo.