Somewhere in Confederacy Space...
It's been a few days now, and I can only hope that either Trajan Kurze or Djorn Bline have received my messages. I'm sure my cousin will be vastly disappointed in my choices, but then again, when isn't she disappointed with something in her life? My decision wasn't made lightly, but it was made for the sake of my family; my daughter, Ivalyn. I could have decided to stay, and then perhaps make all the same mistakes that my mother did with my sisters and me. Or, I could have hired a governess to raise my children for me the way my cousin has. Neither of those options fitted me, and - I have to say. I am rather proud of having built what I did and regardless of my cousin's opinions; without me, the woman's bones would be colder than the soul that currently occupies what she calls a body or perhaps a heart. Furthermore, she'd have no Empire to rule over or throne to sit upon, but then no one thanked my mother when she saved their arses during Omega, either.
Coldness and cruelty, such wonderful family traits.
Outside of the First Order, no one really knows me - sure my face might seem familiar but the more I get away from Dosuun. The less likely anyone will know who I am, admittedly I have made a few contacts prior to my departure. Notably with Exarch Srina Talon, and the Vicelord although I'm not sure that Darth Metus received what I sent. In any regard, my time in the Confederacy has been well spent. The ship has been refueled - my niece Niance Kinniak has decided to remain in the First Order, but Firelle is all too happy to meet with me once I reach the Galactic Alliance's borders. It's been refreshing though, just to be - without worry of who would give a flying kriff as to what I was doing or with whom.
Ryssa has apparently paid for my resupplies from the Confederacy all the way up to the border of the New Imperial Order. She told me that if Djorn was worth anything he'd be able to meet with me there. Although she warned, our family doesn't know how to make anything happy but she wished me luck. Mother seemed agitated about my departure but she only wished for me to be happy. As for my cousin?
Someday. Someday, we'll talk and have that conversation, one day we'll see eye to eye and be there for one another, not today.
She has a lot to do - and me? Well. It's time to live my life for me, and my daughter and not for anyone else. I'm just sad that it took me this long to realize that I have to live my life for myself. Do what must be done to make myself happy, and to be happy with who I am. I am far from the perfection that my cousin seems to have been conditioned to expect from people. And if neither my old Warmaster or beau return my letters, then I will do what my mother before me has done; work for myself and thrive. As someone once said, let your reputation fall where it may and outlive the bastards.
So, I intend on doing just that.
Until next time.