Dear Diary,
It's funny how life can change so quickly in such a short span of time. Now as I sit alone in my quarters inside the belly of a Super Star Destroyer, I have a bit of time to contemplate how I got here. And to jot it all down in case the worst happens and Veiere, Caedyn and Loreena never get to be given the chance to understand why I made this choice to go with the Mandalorians.
It was a difficult decision to make. Every option had it's downfalls. Which one carried the least amount of deaths? This one did. Which one carried the least amount of destruction? This one did. And no matter which decision that I would come to, someone in my family would be angry about it. Someone would be hurt. I just hope that it's only temporary.
Now to the point of it all. During a recent political gathering it was made very clear that I put a lot of people in danger, just by accepting the position as Empress that was offered to me. Fate is a fickle thing. I had nothing but good intentions, wanting to raise up Zakuul as an economic boon in the region in the same ways that I had done with Commenor. But I wasn't even really given the chance. Even at my public coronation, we were attacked by one super power and threatened by yet another on the other side of the Galaxy. Death, genocide, destruction...All these things were set to go in full swing. And even as I had hoped that being on the other side of the Galaxy would protect me from Sith forces; it had turned out that that was just wishful thinking too.
I can't protect or help anyone if I'm dead.
So what to do?
My niece Yasha and her husband Kaine offered me sanctuary where I'd at least be safe from the Sith. That's a big one there. After what they had done to both myself, my family and Commenor, I'd be on the losing end if I had to confront them again. With their alliance with the Mandalorians, the Sith cannot touch me there.
Should I have gone to Veiere and the Jedi? That sure sounds obvious and reasonable, but then there's the harsh reality that doing so would put them all in danger. Yes the Jedi are already at odds with the Mandalorians, but why would I want to add more on top of that? Why give the Sith more reasons to attack them? I just didn't want that guilt upon me too.
A Sith witch, the Mandalorians and even some Imperial forces worked together to break me out of Purgatory prison. I didn't ask for it, I didn't plan it and I certainly wasn't made aware of it until the exact moment. But it happened and I am grateful all the same. However that too has it's drawbacks. I'm an escaped convict in the eyes of some. My already shady image has been tarnished all the more. Will I ever gain the respect back? Probably not.
But Yasha and her family respect me, regardless. She needs me now more than ever, and who knew that I'd be more than just her aunt, but moreso like a surrogate mother to her? I can't explain why she needs me, not even here in case this diary is hacked. It's far too risky.
Even Veiere won't be told. I had sent him a message a while back, but he did not respond. I know that he saw it, I felt the anger from him soon after. Yet there has been no word. Our last meeting had it's arguments, but I had hoped that we had parted on mutual terms.
Now I'm not so certain.
While I am here traveling through space, Zakuul is not left alone. Our forces are there with my top Admirals looking after things. We're even going to utilize some of the Mandalorian shipyards in order to build our fleets so that when an attack does come, we'll be able to hit back. The Scions look after things for me while I am gone on this 'quest'. That's what the Zakuulans were told; I am on a quest. I don't exactly know how long this will be.
It's not really a lie. I am on a quest. I have to help Yasha get the Mandalorians back on track and at least give them some independence from the Sith. I know why Yasha makes some of the decisions that she does, for I've had to go through it myself. Not long ago some of her people asked for my help, but I wasn't in the position to do so. Now I am. I just hope that I'm successful.
Some might say that I've forsaken them, and forsaken all that's good in the Galaxy. But no. I haven't. I am working to make things better and to lessen the wars, ease the tensions and maybe turn the tide so that the Darkness will once again be forced to retreat into the abyss where they came from.
But that won't happen for a long time.
There are many troubles that lay ahead for me. I can feel it. And perhaps I may be killed for my efforts. I just hope that in the end, my family and friends will be able to understand and respect the choices that I've made. They weren't easy. But nothing worthwhile ever is.
Forever a Diplomat. Forever in politics.
Until next time, Diary.
Kay Arenais.