All the Sith that's Fit to Print
Sith Holidaymakers Heat Up Hoth Resort
- The new Star Tours ski resort on Hoth dazzles with its extra-long slalom slopes, its candy cane cocoa, and its burgeoning power in the Dark Side. Located half a peak away from an abandoned Jedi enclave, the resort has already drawn record numbers of Sith and Dark Jedi vacationers. There are even unconfirmed rumors that Knights of Ren have been seen enjoying themselves. But some locals aren't satisfied. "This resort is not yet the ultimate power in the universe," said Hoth resident Talith (no relation) the Broken, Highest Priestess of the Dying Sun, local dominatrix, and purported gift shoppe attendant. "But someday soon, our God will rise from the double-black slopes and take the chairlift to His due ascendancy. Hail Venmock."
- Great powers rise and fall. Or, in this case, put their hand up and then slowly retreat to the back of the class. It wasn't long ago that Dosuun, the First Order capital, was under the tyrannical thrall of the Dark Lord Skirax. We caught up with some of his former staffers for the skinny on how a dictator adjusts to being forgotten. The Croke Sith attempted his trademark fistbump, but behind his T-visor helmet, we could see the pain in his eyes. The latest in our ongoing series 'Sith: Return to the Shadows.'
- After the death and/or disappearance of Darths Adekos, Carach, and Orcus at the Battle of Ruusan (still, somehow, a Sith victory), the Sith Triumvirate finds itself in need of a new Triumvirate. Our sources tell us that noted hunk of manflesh Darth Ashmedai has taken the reins, but this time around, always three there are. Check out our best guesses for the other two leaders in this up-and-coming Sith government -- with swimsuit pics!
- She's razor sharp, ice cold, and totally at ease among Supreme Whatevers. Also, she interviews like a dream. (Or so we hear. We're not bitter.) We're unwilling to believe she's a lesser being, even if lack of Dark Side power would explain her flawless complexion. After the jump, The Inquisitor examines the evidence that Moff Fortan is secretly Force-sensitive.
- For years, we've brought you up-to-the-minute coverage every time someone claims to be a reincarnation and/or love child of Jared Ovmar. But this time we're serious. Jerry Ovmar, a young businessman from Annaj, tells his story of cloning, possession, brainwashing and stupid amounts of money.
- Who's in charge over there? Since we got footage of Darth Erebos getting shot in the feet by Mandalorian Alec Rekali -- apparently Mandos take trespassers way too seriously -- we've been guessing about One Sith leadership. Darth Carnifex, formerly Darth Vornskr, formerly Kaine Zambrano, is way out of the picture. The Primeval Fleet, normally
the town bicyclea reliable bellwether of which Sith faction is in power, has likewise buggered off. Oh, and Coruscant got taken. Now the One Sith capital is Pantolomin, notable for the underwater cruise liners of Pantolomin Shipwrights. As if that planet needed more things that stand up to aggression by being really quiet and hoping nobody competent notices them.
- The ancient Sith homeworlds are sort of maybe partially under the total control of the Silver Sanctum Coalition. Sith are persona non grata on Dromund Kaas and Korriban. Our travel experts recommend Ziost, Thule, and Malachor Five, the undiscovered gems of the Stygian Caldera. But how much risk is involved if you're looking to set up a secret base there? The Coalition is larger than ever, but is it on the way out? After the jump, we make a pro/con list for basing operations on the fraction of the Caldera that the SSC doesn't control. Spoiler: the 'pro' side includes biddable, nubile Jedi -- and local hot tub affordability.
- Saddest news since the destruction of Dromund Kaas: the darling of the femme fatale scene is starting to show her age. We've got before-and-after bikini pics from everyone's favorite luscious Lethan.