I haven't figured it all out yet why the force weaves it's way in the manner in which it does. Ever since my arrival in this galaxy the things that have happened I did not see.

The death of my parents at a young age. Why did that have to happen? Fate? Destiny? Neither of these words help to comfort me in any way. There is this hole within me where my parents once were. Had I been older perhaps than I could have handled it better, been better. It is easy to look back and see fault, and solution. But it is the past and it only now exists in my dreams.

My sisters. A difficult subject, Arianna says there are journal entries from then where our father discusses a son. Was there a child before all of us, that we did not know? And what happen to him? Was his fate the same as Maeve's? More questions, and so very few answers.

Does anyone really understand the pressures of belonging to House Organa? Do they know how they look at us expecting some kind of action, answers. That we were taught to be duty bound. Duty. My whole life is duty. Except for when I am home with Jas'ika. Only then do I find I can forget about all of it, everything and just be Rianna.

The path upon which I have walked. Always traditional, always of the old ways. But it was too lonely a walk thank god for Jas'ika Ar'klim, otherwise known as Ordo . What would my life have been like without him. Without all the children that he adopted and gave me opportunity to know. Are we to have our own child? What responsibilities would fall on that child, to bear the legacy of Ordo, and the weight of House Organa. This would have to be a special child. I don't know that I could burden someone with all of that.

Anija Ordo at times such a somber little thing. Evi Sohl strong nows her own mind Arla Balor lost and looking for answers Aran Ordo he seems a bit like Jas'ika but we don't see him much.

Then there is Ginnie Ordo I look at her with her big brown eyes and infectious smile and want nothing more than to wrap her up and keep her safe. The images of her life before becoming our daughter are enough to tear out the soul of anyone, except perhaps the Sith. But are even they that evil. I do not know.

The pains that have come and haunted me someone taking Ginnie from us. Her brother Isley has returned, and I often wonder will he demand her back. And what would I do if he did. If she wanted to go I would try to stop her, but he is her blood. I do not wish to think of what that would lead to.

No one has asked me that question. I wonder what they are thinking it would be easy to find out, but I do not think I can face that. My beloved strong military minded riduur an instrument of the Dark Lord of the Sith. I knew something was wrong that day he came back from Coruscant, had anyone heard that conversation they would have known something was wrong. He did not use the familiar of her name that day, and his logic was so odd. Show the Galaxy how united the sith could be, and they would unite to fight them. War, to start a War. That was not my husband, no. The more I listened, the more I knew something had happened that day but at what moment, I had to find it for myselff. Such a subtle thing to watch, it was only my trained eyes that saw it.

But it was his words, his plans and a few other things that will not be written here.

For months he waged war and then Teta happened. The worst horror anyone could witness a death shot. I felt the emotions of hundreds that day, and fought them all down. Creating barrier after barrier to my mind, my emotions. Death. I had felt it crawling over him that day my foresight kept struggling, the ripples of time had changed so much that day. The force it seemed had not decided what was to happen.

The only reason I went to the surface was to get him. My responders were all over Teta helping but once I had seen him shot I couldn't watch, I went after him, and then the retreat the heavy losses.

Exhaustion every hour trying to find the healing power to save him, thank god for the healing crystal that he had Aedan get me. Without it he might not have survived. What would I have done then? How do you go on when exposed and bleeding, how do you deal with such loss. She imagined many things, the work had paid off. He lived, and because he did, she did.

He was not the same though, how could he be? Even now I try to be understanding but I see it. He's driving himself to make it all up. It has taken so long for him to be able to walk again, I wasn't sure he would. His sheer will made it possible. The long trip along the edge of mandalorian space gave us the time we needed to get him on his feet. The pain that he endured, goddess it killed me inside to watch him bear it, but he wouldn't do it any other way. I think he thought of it as a form of penance.

I went to the funeral of the Mand'alor the one that my Jas'ika's hands killed. I could feel eyes upon us at that time they all thought Jas'ika dead but there were those present that their hatred of him rippled through the force pushing on me. I could have tried to explain, just as Anija and I had explained to Azrael. But even I had to admit everything I would say sounded like a desperate woman looking to save her husband by any means. There are some though I know will not listen. Not now, and not anytime in the future.

He's going off again, I can hear him getting his armor together another mission undercover. I have duties at Myrkr at the prison. The place most of my Jedi skills for healing are secondary to my skills as a doctor. I think everyone forgets that I'm a doctor too.

Anyhow..time to go.