I regret so much. Honestly, if I could have stayed on Concord Dawn, I would. I wouldn't have join the Jedi, I wouldn't have joined the Mandalorians. I wouldn't have pushed myself to be a Ori'ramikade. I wouldn't be...subject to all this pain. And for what? I've killed so many people. So many, so many that I've lost count. It's almost routine now. Stab. Slice. Cut. Punch. Break. Twist. Rip. Whatever I do it, it's like I'm disconnected. It's like I'm living this out of body experience, this hollow, empty, horrible existence of a bad movie and I can't turn it off. My son's a monster, I lost the only person that ever really cared about me, and I have no friends.

Josh...Josh, I don't know. I don't have any friends, that's for sure. I don't know where I'm going. When Jedi usually talk about darkness, they're talking about the dark side. But for me? My darkness is literal. I hope, that one day, I could taken in by a giant shadow, and I never have to come out.

The lightsaber weighs almost nothing, but it gets heavier I use it. My hands feel numb, I feel numb inside. Someone turn it all off, let this war be the last war I have to be in, the last fighting I have to do. Otherwise, I know what I'm going to do. I know where I'll go. I'll go where there's no planets that have been charted, no light. To my own darkness, and to the edge of the universe if I have to find some peace of mind that lasts for more than a few moments.