"Welcome back to Galaxy Daily, the only broadcast in the Outer Rim brave enough to tell the cold, hard, unvarnished truth while those polished Coruscant suits sip their blue milk and pretend the galaxy isn't falling apart! I'm your host, Reggie Rau, the most reliable voice in reporting, no matter what those corporate hacks on the mainstream HoloNet want you to believe.
Now, folks, we've got a major galactic conspiracy breaking tonight, and you heard it here first!
For months, everyone's been asking the same question: Who is Darth Strosius? We've all seen him stomping around in those suffocating dark robes, buried beneath three inches of heavy face plating and a localized voice-scrambler. Not a glimpse of skin, not a hint of a breath. And why is that, folks? Because there isn't any skin!
That's right! The evidence is staring us right in the face. Darth Strosius and General
Helix
, the infamous droid military commander, are one and the same! Think about it! Has anyone ever seen Strosius and Helix in the same room together without a holo-delay?
No! It's an elaborate disguise, a metallic bucket wrapped in a Sith cape, all designed to fool us into thinking there's a living, breathing sentient behind that lightsaber!
Now, just an hour ago, we had a caller, a lovely, albeit horribly misguided woman named Mara from the Mid Rim, ring into the station. She tried to tell me, 'Reggie, there's no way they're the same person! I heard Darth Strosius's announcement a few months ago about freeing the Hutt slaves! A robot wouldn't care about freeing slaves!'
Bless her heart, but Mara's missing the entire sinister plot! I didn't even bother correcting her on-air because the truth is so much worse than she thinks. Why would a cold, sadistic droid like Helix-Strosius go out of his way to free thousands of organic laborers from the Hutt Cartels?
It's not charity, people. It's TOTAL ECONOMIC DISPLACEMENT!
You take those organic workers out of the spice mines and loading docks, and who's going to fill the vacancies? Droids! Autonomous, non-unionized, cold-steel machines! Strosius isn't liberating anyone.
He's manufacturing a galactic unemployment crisis, stripping hard-working organics of their livelihoods and driving the labor market into the dirt so his mechanized legions can take over every industrial sector from Nal Hutta to the Core!
Meanwhile, organics are being thrown into the streets, left without a single credit to feed their families. And all for what? So a sadistic rogue robot in a fancy black dress can run the entire galactic economy from behind a desk!
The writing's on the wall, folks! The math doesn't lie, the timeline doesn't lie, and as always, Reggie Rau never lies! This is Reggie Rau, signing off for Galaxy Daily. Stay paranoid, stay informed, and buy your trade route maps from a trusted source!"
Now, folks, we've got a major galactic conspiracy breaking tonight, and you heard it here first!
For months, everyone's been asking the same question: Who is Darth Strosius? We've all seen him stomping around in those suffocating dark robes, buried beneath three inches of heavy face plating and a localized voice-scrambler. Not a glimpse of skin, not a hint of a breath. And why is that, folks? Because there isn't any skin!
That's right! The evidence is staring us right in the face. Darth Strosius and General
Helix
, the infamous droid military commander, are one and the same! Think about it! Has anyone ever seen Strosius and Helix in the same room together without a holo-delay? No! It's an elaborate disguise, a metallic bucket wrapped in a Sith cape, all designed to fool us into thinking there's a living, breathing sentient behind that lightsaber!
Now, just an hour ago, we had a caller, a lovely, albeit horribly misguided woman named Mara from the Mid Rim, ring into the station. She tried to tell me, 'Reggie, there's no way they're the same person! I heard Darth Strosius's announcement a few months ago about freeing the Hutt slaves! A robot wouldn't care about freeing slaves!'
Bless her heart, but Mara's missing the entire sinister plot! I didn't even bother correcting her on-air because the truth is so much worse than she thinks. Why would a cold, sadistic droid like Helix-Strosius go out of his way to free thousands of organic laborers from the Hutt Cartels?
It's not charity, people. It's TOTAL ECONOMIC DISPLACEMENT!
You take those organic workers out of the spice mines and loading docks, and who's going to fill the vacancies? Droids! Autonomous, non-unionized, cold-steel machines! Strosius isn't liberating anyone.
He's manufacturing a galactic unemployment crisis, stripping hard-working organics of their livelihoods and driving the labor market into the dirt so his mechanized legions can take over every industrial sector from Nal Hutta to the Core!
Meanwhile, organics are being thrown into the streets, left without a single credit to feed their families. And all for what? So a sadistic rogue robot in a fancy black dress can run the entire galactic economy from behind a desk!
The writing's on the wall, folks! The math doesn't lie, the timeline doesn't lie, and as always, Reggie Rau never lies! This is Reggie Rau, signing off for Galaxy Daily. Stay paranoid, stay informed, and buy your trade route maps from a trusted source!"
