Melded Minds | End of Totality

The nightmares had started.

Efret sat on a rock bench overlooking the sand garden, the robe she rarely wore draping off the back. A few feet ahead of her, a mandala slowly traced itself in the tan grains. The meditative monotony wasn’t helping. She should have known it wouldn’t have, not in this case. Still, maybe she hoped that sketching would lull her to sleep and the interpretive image of a lotus would restore her purity of mind.

But no. Both were squandered. She couldn’t have them back.

She knew that the dreams were related to that godsdamn dagger. Though she did not see it, she saw what it had made her see on Jedha and the scars it had left itched when she woke, blood inside singing songs of release. The number of times she had almost ripped off the healing skin she'd never admit.

She had returned to Coruscant a few days after she had grown restless. If she was to be bothersome, she would be it away from Elias. But, really, was this Temple any better? She supposed not by much, but at least she wouldn’t come upon him during one of her late night or early morning walks. Those were supposed to clear her head though they often did no such thing, not further cloud it with worries about how to hide what was wrong. At least he wouldn't feel responsible for not restoring her sense of peace. There was no doubt in her mind that he had at least once. She couldn't have masked her troubled aura if she had tried.

Emotion but peace, she reminded herself. The mantra went unheeded.

She felt dirty. It was more than the imprints of Bogan left on her psyche, which were bad enough. It was more than how he had let her go when he had almost had her at the end of her rope. It was how she didn't want the memories to stop.

There was nothing she could take for what was happening to her, but maybe there was still a way to salvation. Maybe if she endured all of the dagger's evocations, her thoughts would finally be her own once more.

So, given the chance, she'd seek him out again—and she wouldn't tell any of her fellow Jedi lest they stop her.