Darth Sidious calls a meeting about Death Star Two cost overruns
Darth Sidious: Alright, I want to keep this civil. Efficient. I don't want to point fingers. I don't want to start painfully Force Choking anyone unless it becomes absolutely necessary.
Darth Sidious: Even though it probably IS necessary by this point.
Darth Sidious: This is TK-752 from accounting. He will be going over the spending irregularities and construction setbacks we've suffered.
TK-752: Hello everyone! I've been putting my report together for weeks! I'm sure we'll get to the bottom of this and continue the goal of galactic dominance! For The Empire!
Darth Vader: Its all Jerjerrod's fault. Moff doesn't know his backside from the end of a Star Destroyer
Moff Jerjerrod: I resent that. First off Vader, SCREW YOU, and second off, The project wouldn't have fallen so far behind if you weren't constantly playing Sith Golf in your office, simping over Padme Image Searches!
Darth Vader: Y...you know about that?
Moff Jerjerrod: The Servers are all tied together, dummy! You ain't even using an Imperial VPN!
Darth Sidious: WE HAVE A VPN?!! WHY WASN'T I TOLD ABOUT THIS?! LUKE SKYWALKER HAS BEEN LEAKING MY HOLONET SEARCHES FOR SIX MONTHS NOW! HE EDITS HIMSELF INTO ALL MY HIGH SCHOOL PHOTOS!!!
TK-752: (Flips through papers) Funny, Lord Sidious, I sent a memo to your desk AND to ISB about the new Imperial VPN for use a year ago, but no one has implemented it yet. I made it fairly clear it was now mandatory for all high ranking personnel.
Moff Jerjerrod: Imp-Mail is $#@+ and always has been. I didn't get some messages until like four weeks after they were sent. I never even GOT the divorce notice from my wife until she literally delivered it to me in person. I'm suing Imperial Messaging Service by the way for psychological distress.
TK-752: An Imperial Inquisitor has just sent you a friend request, Moff!
Moff Jerjerrod: Iwithdrawmylawsuitlonglivetheempire.
Darth Sidious: Okay, Vader. Let's start with you. We'll talk about your simping over Padme later. What do you perceive as the problem?
Darth Vader: I wouldn't spend most of my days in the office spinning in my chair if Jerjerrod actually knew how to run a project of this scale. I tried to give direction but there isn't enough Force Chokes in the Galaxy to solve his incompetence!
Moff Jerjerrod: I TOLD YOU, CAPTAIN ASTHMA CHAMP THAT I NEED MORE MEN! N-E-E-D-M-O-R-E-M-E-N. Is it spelled out enough for you?!
Darth Vader: There are literally half a billion wookiee slaves on that Trainwreck of a station. You don't need more men. You need more brains in that skull of yours
Moff Jerjerrod: You need more air filters. I think that smoking on Mustafar habit is gonna kill you.
Darth Vader: Guess the alimony you gotta pay your ex is making you throw caution to the wind
Darth Vader: Bro's been crashing out for weeks over the divorce. I heard he picks random slave quarters and just goes into them waving a bottle of juma and a handgun and screaming at them in the middle of the night.
Darth Vader: He smells like an entire minibar most days. I can smell what he drank through my mask. You know how difficult that is?
Moff Jerjerrod: DARTH VADER RIDES A TRICYCLE MADE FOR CHILDREN THROUGH THE HALLS OF THE COMPLETED SECTIONS. HE HAS BEEN CRASHING OUT OVER PADME FOR LIKE THIRTY YEARS! DUDE ORDERS PICTURES OF CATS CONSTANTLY! IT EATS UP THE BUDGET FOR LIGHTING BY TEN PERCENT
Darth Sidious: Do you have proof of this?
(Moff Jerjerrod furiously pulls up countless photos on his Imp-Phone of cat posters all over the hallways)
Darth Vader: Doesn't prove $#@+. Probably a photoshop
TK-752: The report here only says the Cat Posters are printed on recycled paper!
TK-752: But I am also seeing multiple orders for espresso machines on all decks. Deluxe.
Darth Sidious: I don't even allow the stormtroopers to drink tea...
Darth Vader: I need a lot of caffeine to wake up in the morning.
Darth Sidious: How many decks do you wake up on?
Darth Vader: All the decks
TK-752: Jerjerrod's signature is found on multiple requisition forms for plungers.
Moff Jerjerrod: Wookiee slaves equals fur and broken restrooms
TK-752: There is also horrendous costs on Livestreaming from Vader's office
Darth Vader: My Podcasts are dedicated to roasting the Jedi
Darth Sidious: (facepalms) TK, how much money have these two wasted?
TK-752: Between these two, I estimate a cost overrun of eleven gazillion credits!
Darth Sidious: Is that even an actual number?
TK-752: It might as well be, with how much has been wasted. The Stormtroopers have been caught dressing up as you and doing impressions. They likely forged Vader's signature for the black robes
Darth Sidious: Execute half of the active Stormtrooper force currently on the station. Put a legion of the worst offenders on Endor and force them to build the shield generator on quarter rations
Darth Sidious: Despite what is often said of me, there are actually a LOT of things I will forgive. Cost overruns, insane Moffs, and Childish Sith Marauders, which is why I'm not going to electrocute Vader OR Jerjerrod. But COSPLAYING me? Absolutely not.
Darth Sidious: They lack my rizz
Darth Sidious: Alright, I want to keep this civil. Efficient. I don't want to point fingers. I don't want to start painfully Force Choking anyone unless it becomes absolutely necessary.
Darth Sidious: Even though it probably IS necessary by this point.
Darth Sidious: This is TK-752 from accounting. He will be going over the spending irregularities and construction setbacks we've suffered.
TK-752: Hello everyone! I've been putting my report together for weeks! I'm sure we'll get to the bottom of this and continue the goal of galactic dominance! For The Empire!
Darth Vader: Its all Jerjerrod's fault. Moff doesn't know his backside from the end of a Star Destroyer
Moff Jerjerrod: I resent that. First off Vader, SCREW YOU, and second off, The project wouldn't have fallen so far behind if you weren't constantly playing Sith Golf in your office, simping over Padme Image Searches!
Darth Vader: Y...you know about that?
Moff Jerjerrod: The Servers are all tied together, dummy! You ain't even using an Imperial VPN!
Darth Sidious: WE HAVE A VPN?!! WHY WASN'T I TOLD ABOUT THIS?! LUKE SKYWALKER HAS BEEN LEAKING MY HOLONET SEARCHES FOR SIX MONTHS NOW! HE EDITS HIMSELF INTO ALL MY HIGH SCHOOL PHOTOS!!!
TK-752: (Flips through papers) Funny, Lord Sidious, I sent a memo to your desk AND to ISB about the new Imperial VPN for use a year ago, but no one has implemented it yet. I made it fairly clear it was now mandatory for all high ranking personnel.
Moff Jerjerrod: Imp-Mail is $#@+ and always has been. I didn't get some messages until like four weeks after they were sent. I never even GOT the divorce notice from my wife until she literally delivered it to me in person. I'm suing Imperial Messaging Service by the way for psychological distress.
TK-752: An Imperial Inquisitor has just sent you a friend request, Moff!
Moff Jerjerrod: Iwithdrawmylawsuitlonglivetheempire.
Darth Sidious: Okay, Vader. Let's start with you. We'll talk about your simping over Padme later. What do you perceive as the problem?
Darth Vader: I wouldn't spend most of my days in the office spinning in my chair if Jerjerrod actually knew how to run a project of this scale. I tried to give direction but there isn't enough Force Chokes in the Galaxy to solve his incompetence!
Moff Jerjerrod: I TOLD YOU, CAPTAIN ASTHMA CHAMP THAT I NEED MORE MEN! N-E-E-D-M-O-R-E-M-E-N. Is it spelled out enough for you?!
Darth Vader: There are literally half a billion wookiee slaves on that Trainwreck of a station. You don't need more men. You need more brains in that skull of yours
Moff Jerjerrod: You need more air filters. I think that smoking on Mustafar habit is gonna kill you.
Darth Vader: Guess the alimony you gotta pay your ex is making you throw caution to the wind
Darth Vader: Bro's been crashing out for weeks over the divorce. I heard he picks random slave quarters and just goes into them waving a bottle of juma and a handgun and screaming at them in the middle of the night.
Darth Vader: He smells like an entire minibar most days. I can smell what he drank through my mask. You know how difficult that is?
Moff Jerjerrod: DARTH VADER RIDES A TRICYCLE MADE FOR CHILDREN THROUGH THE HALLS OF THE COMPLETED SECTIONS. HE HAS BEEN CRASHING OUT OVER PADME FOR LIKE THIRTY YEARS! DUDE ORDERS PICTURES OF CATS CONSTANTLY! IT EATS UP THE BUDGET FOR LIGHTING BY TEN PERCENT
Darth Sidious: Do you have proof of this?
(Moff Jerjerrod furiously pulls up countless photos on his Imp-Phone of cat posters all over the hallways)
Darth Vader: Doesn't prove $#@+. Probably a photoshop
TK-752: The report here only says the Cat Posters are printed on recycled paper!
TK-752: But I am also seeing multiple orders for espresso machines on all decks. Deluxe.
Darth Sidious: I don't even allow the stormtroopers to drink tea...
Darth Vader: I need a lot of caffeine to wake up in the morning.
Darth Sidious: How many decks do you wake up on?
Darth Vader: All the decks
TK-752: Jerjerrod's signature is found on multiple requisition forms for plungers.
Moff Jerjerrod: Wookiee slaves equals fur and broken restrooms
TK-752: There is also horrendous costs on Livestreaming from Vader's office
Darth Vader: My Podcasts are dedicated to roasting the Jedi
Darth Sidious: (facepalms) TK, how much money have these two wasted?
TK-752: Between these two, I estimate a cost overrun of eleven gazillion credits!
Darth Sidious: Is that even an actual number?
TK-752: It might as well be, with how much has been wasted. The Stormtroopers have been caught dressing up as you and doing impressions. They likely forged Vader's signature for the black robes
Darth Sidious: Execute half of the active Stormtrooper force currently on the station. Put a legion of the worst offenders on Endor and force them to build the shield generator on quarter rations
Darth Sidious: Despite what is often said of me, there are actually a LOT of things I will forgive. Cost overruns, insane Moffs, and Childish Sith Marauders, which is why I'm not going to electrocute Vader OR Jerjerrod. But COSPLAYING me? Absolutely not.
Darth Sidious: They lack my rizz
