Hello, Syd.

You only gave me one chance to respond to your letter through this encrypted frequency, so I’ve got to make this count.

There’s going to be another attempt at arresting Xiphos soon. The operation has already been planned out. I could get in a lot of trouble for telling you this stuff, but that’s okay. I trust you. If my trust proves unfounded, I’ll take the blame. Anyway, the Silvers know she’s hiding on Kerest in an old training facility. They’re going to try and catch her and her allies by surprise. This time, a couple of members of the NJO are involved. We need the extra firepower after what happened last time.

I don’t know how much you know about the first arrest attempt, but I’ve been blaming myself for its failure. The shockwaves after Csilla hadn’t gone away yet, and I was still too close to the Dark Side. It made me act stupid, giving into my anger. I’m still dealing with it even now, although I’d like to think I’m getting better.

A friend once told me that the very fact that I try so hard to be “a great practitioner of the Light” makes me more susceptible to the Dark Side. Because when I reach for the extreme opposite of the spectrum, when I try my best to achieve that impossible goal of being totally good and right, the Light just grows distant. Instead of finding balance, I wind up touching the other side.

I’m not going to go around calling myself a Je’daii just because I discovered that I do actually need spiritual balance, and I still don’t believe in that Gray Jedi stuff. Mixing the two isn’t going to achieve balance, it’s just muddying the waters. In fact, I don’t know if I fully agree with any particular group or thinker. I mean, does anyone have a perfect way of looking at reality, one philosophy which holds all the answers? I’ve met Sith who thought that way. Xiphos is one of them.

You know that I love being a Jedi insofar as they are heroes, defenders, symbolic of the good guys. But do you know what else I love? I love you, Syd. I loved you even back when you didn’t consider yourself worthy of being called a Jedi. And I’m going to keep loving you whether you decide you don’t want to be a Jedi after all anymore.

So let me put it this way. I can only fight one enemy at a time, and there are a lot of enemies in this galaxy of ours. A lot of bad people who want to hurt others, or are selfish enough to not care if they hurt somebody. I’ll fight wherever there’s fighting to be done. But you don’t need to worry about me fighting for the wrong cause, because you taught me the necessity of thinking for myself. Even if that lesson was learned because you led me down the wrong path.

I’m more worried about you, wherever you are. We sentients are not meant to be alone, y’know, so come back soon. In the meantime, take care of yourself.

Love, Starlin

P.S. Not like I’m
in love with you, I mean, but the mentor, parental, that sort of love, yeah. You're a few thousand years too old for me.

P.P.S. Nimdok is going to sit Kerest out, but I’m going to be part of the team. So if you are considering warning Xiphos, maybe don’t do that, because I think she straight up wants to kill me at this point.