Faction Necessary Precautions [Vonnuvi Jedi Enclave, New Jedi Order]

[Shan Pavond]

Hm...Well. That would make sense to Shan. Part of the reason he went onto the streets of Coruscant when he first arrived at the temple was because of how much it reminded him of home. And the Force knows how long Ko has been part of the Order compared to Shan. So...Well, it made sense that he might have felt homesick.

Funnily enough, Shan wasn't worried about jinxing himself. Not yet at least. The Padawan actually finally had some confidence in himself. He could handle most things thrown at him...Long enough for him to get help from someone else that is. That wasn't important right now though. Shan needed to focus on the conversation as opposed to himself.

Though he tuned back into the conversation at the mentioning of "kissing the noble's asses to get ahead", blinking to himself for a moment. A more insecure Shan might have spoken out in defence of his master but honestly he doubted Kahlil would see that as anything he needed to be defended from. People were allowed to believe what they wanted and Shan wasn't looking to cause issues over it.

"Relief work is great. I wish more Jedi had a focus on that, instead of wanting to have a lightsaber measuring contest. I feel like a lot of Jedi nowadays are more focused on preparing for the next war coming up, and not a lot think about what comes after a war. The planets that'll need healing. The trauma people will be going through. All of that."

Of course, Shan would be getting involved in the war himself, to try and protect people from having to experience such horrors of war...but honestly the Vonnuvi enclave sounded fantastic to him. If the Jedi Temple back on Coruscant ended up becoming the main temple again...Well, he could see himself staying here instead.

Rayia Si Eloise Dinn

 

[Eloise Dinn]

There was a certain awkwardness that followed Eloise's comment about Coruscant and the Nobles, an uncertainty that might not show in their faces, but most certainly did in the Force. Then the moment passed, as Rayia and Shan each sidestepped the topic entirely. It was to be expected, and probably for the best, but some part of her had been hoping for something. A reaction, a rebuttal, a funny face. Being ignored was boring.

"It sounds quite nice here."

"It is," Eloise agreed, her tight-lipped smile caging a nastier remark crouched on her tongue.

"Relief work is great. I wish more Jedi had a focus on that, instead of wanting to have a lightsaber measuring contest. I feel like a lot of Jedi nowadays are more focused on preparing for the next war coming up, and not a lot think about what comes after a war. The planets that'll need healing. The trauma people will be going through. All of that."

"Trauma," she echoed, picking at a few strands of grass. "That word is so fething overused. But sure. What type of Jedi are you, Shan? You too, Rayia. Are you a healer, or a butcher?"

Rayia Si Shan Pavond​

 

[Amani Serys]

Amani didn't need to take long finding the prognosis. She placed her hands on her hips, "Sleep deprivation is nothing to scoff at, Gatz. You of all people should know that by now." He always did this to himself. She understood the state of mind, often falling into a similar trap herself. But there was a difference between overworking yourself, and working yourself to death. Gatz seemed eager to engage in the latter at this rate.

"Taking yourself out of commission won't help people any further. At worst it's another person to worry about." She couldn't help but feel a bit scolding as she said it. It was borne out of concern, of course, but tinged with disappointment at seeing the same pitfall again. She sighed, "It's not the first time we've had a discussion like this. Please let it be the last."

Inanna Harth - Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Inanna Harth Amani Serys

Gatz let out a sigh. It was bad enough to worry his master. Disappointing Master Serys-Organa was just icing on the shit cake he had baked. How was it that he only ever seemed to get things wrong?

"I don't know how." He said at last, a lump in his throat.

Finally, Gatz gave in with a sigh, and practically crumpled into a chair. He doubled over to lean his arms on his knees—half of our sheer exhaustion, and half because his shame wouldn't allow him to look either of his mentors in the eyes.

"How am I supposed to stop?" It wasn't an argument, it was a plea for guidance, "there's always someone else to help. How do I look at someone in need, and say 'your troubles are less important than me taking a nap?'"

He let out a shuddering breath, and willed himself to look up at the both of them, a film of tears over his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I just—I'm useless, most of the time. I don't have anything of value to offer the two of you, after all the time you've spent on me. But then the wounded started pouring in, and I finally had a chance to use what you taught me to help people and..."

He hung his head. By the Force, he was so tired.

"I wanted you two to see that you haven't been wasting your time on me, these past few months." He finished quietly.

 

[Inanna Harth]

Inanna’s brow furrowed. Sleep deprivation? Gatz looked like the walking dead and was barely able to stand because he hadn’t been sleeping properly?

“But… why haven’t you been sleeping?” she asked. “What’s wrong?” The answer was already apparent, sure, but she wanted to hear it from him.

"How am I supposed to stop?" It wasn't an argument, it was a plea for guidance. "There's always someone else to help. How do I look at someone in need, and say 'your troubles are less important than me taking a nap?'"

What, as if the refugees are like a crying baby you have to take care of? Inanna thought, glancing at Ashur, who was still trying to reach for another cookie. Even an infant will go to sleep eventually.

She still didn’t fully understand how he could’ve gone on like this for so long. “On Erakhis, there were millions of Shi’ido all crammed into a single camp,” she said. “Even when I was throwing myself completely into my work, I was still able to sleep. We worked in shifts; Enkidu, Tiamat, or Arimanes would take over while I rested. I trusted them to steer the ship. Besides, they were better at it than me.”

"I'm sorry. I just—I'm useless, most of the time. I don't have anything of value to offer the two of you, after all the time you've spent on me. But then the wounded started pouring in, and I finally had a chance to use what you taught me to help people and... I wanted you two to see that you haven't been wasting your time on me, these past few months."

“I already know I haven’t been wasting my time on you,” she said softly. Amani had taken a scolding tone with him. Inanna didn’t intervene; perhaps he needed to hear it from the Chief Healer. After all, what he was doing was posing a clear danger to his health. "You aren't useless. But if you keep going on like this, you'll be of no use to anyone. Go home and get some rest, Gatz. Please."

Gatz Derrevar Amani Serys​

 

[Rayia Si]

Eloise Dinn Shan Pavond @Others

---

Twice now. It had made twice now that Eloise had tried to provoke them. Rayia’s clawed fingers slowly curled and flexed. ‘I… don’t like the implication that we’re bloodthirsty. Secondly, what’s wrong with being a butcher? They’re a key part of an agricultural society,’ Rayia thought to herself. Clearly there was some animosity here that Rayia didn’t understand. She was also just… too fething old for this. Regardless, she wasn’t going to engage with whatever nettles patch Eloise seemed determined to stick her paws into. Or well, she was going to try anyway. ‘The last thing this meeting needs is for me to get angry and wake the beast within,’ Rayia thought to herself.

Retracting her tail into its sheath, Rayia straightened her shoulders. “I think I’ll just be me. I’ll be both. I’ll be neither. I don’t see the point of putting a name to it when it won’t fit that well,” Rayia said. She was gambling here. Gambling that Eloise would appreciate her directness. Something, perhaps her bestial instincts, was telling her that the girl across from her would appreciate a clearing of the air. Rayia could only hope she was correct.

“More importantly, what exactly do you want from this? Clearly, you have something you want to say. Name it then,” Rayia said, trying to keep the sting of frustration from her voice.

 

[Amani Serys]

“Even when I was throwing myself completely into my work, I was still able to sleep. We worked in shifts; Enkidu, Tiamat, or Arimanes would take over while I rested. I trusted them to steer the ship. Besides, they were better at it than me.”

Amani nodded, agreeing with and building on what Inanna had said, "You trust in your peers to fill in the gaps. Nobody does this alone." By neglecting help, he nearly ruined himself in the process. That was a disservice to those who needed help, and those who help, Gatz included. But he couldn't leave that mindset of uselessness unless he was apparently constantly tearing himself apart.

Inanna was softer with him, but Amani let her play the role as Inanna had let her do. Both perspectives were probably needed to convince him of the futility of what he was doing. The importance of changing his state of mind. "Grab some food and water while you're at it. You may not feel hungry, but it'll help your body reset."

Inanna Harth - Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Inanna Harth Amani Serys

Well, at least Inanna didn't think he was a waste of a Jedi. Gatz wanted to believe that she was right... but then, he wouldn't be in this situation if he'd been who he was supposed to be, would he? In trying to meet expectations, he'd pushed himself too far and fallen short of them again. Just like he always did. Just like he always had, from the moment he'd been brought to the Order as a swaddled youth.

And so, though Gatz wanted to point out to the both of them that he didn't have a home, and that he was always alone, he chose to keep his mouth shut. He'd disappointed the both of them enough for the day. Plus, frankly, he understood their points: rest, don't go malnourished, and ask for help.

That last one had always been particularly hard for him. But then... the point of having a Jedi Order was that there were other Jedi he could rely on for that help, wasn't it? As many qualms as Gatz still had with the Order as an organization, he couldn't deny that there was something reassuring about knowing he had peers and mentors to go to in a time of need.

"I-I understand," he said softly, "I'm sorry. I've failed you both again."

Food ought to be easy: he was at a damn banquet. Sleep was also easy: he lived on The Vonnuvi. He had quarters here, and even if he hadn't, his ship was parked in the enclave's docking bay. Point was: he could satisfy both Inanna's and Master Serys-Organa's instructions.

So Gatz stood with a tired groan.

 

[Inanna Harth]

"I-I understand. I'm sorry. I've failed you both again."

Inanna blinked, her brow furrowing in confusion at his response. "Failed" them? "Again"? All because he hadn't been sleeping? She glanced around, thinking that perhaps he was talking to someone else other than her. But it was just her and Amani, who was now advising Gatz to take some food and water as well.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, still bewildered.

Ashur perked up at the mention of food. "Auggie's Mom," he tried to get her attention. "Can I have some too please?"

"You ate all of my food and now you want more?"

"Yuh."

Inanna sighed. "He's turning out just like his daddy."

Amani Serys Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Amani Serys]

With Gatz, it seemed every little misstep was the end of the world. Some momentous failure for which he ought to be chastised and ridiculed. Every step he made to move away from that mindset seemed to completely reset the second a new fault occurred. All these talks trying to convince him otherwise usually seemed to work, at least at first. Amani couldn't help but wonder how much of it all he was actually listening to now.

It was a good thing Inanna seemed such a patient teacher with him. Probably came with all those decades and centuries of life. Amani let her wraps things up with her apprentice, while the Chief Healer now found herself the subject of Ashur's attention. She hadn't really met the boy properly yet, but he was undeterred in his quest for food. She smiled motherly, and chuckled, "Growing boy needs his food." She nodded back to the banquet line, "There's plenty to share over there. Why don't you ask your mom if it's okay?"

Inanna Harth - Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Inanna Harth Amani Serys

Mistakes on Nar Shaddaa resulted in beatings or death. Some part of him still expected that, even from the Jedi standing next to him. They weren't Kragan or any of his other bosses, but it wasn't easy to forget what failure used to mean for him. Gatz didn't expect them to understand that, maybe not even Inanna, who had lived on Nar Shaddaa.

But to his knowledge, she hadn't been under the thumb of crime lords and spice dealers. Not like he had.

"What are you talking about?"

"Lao-mon, where I had my leg burnt—" Gatz considered Ashur, who probably didn't need to hear the violent specifics, "hurt. Carlac, where our shuttle was almost stolen because I hesitated over the idea of more violence. Tython, where my plan fell through, and we had to fight through a battalion of Imperials. And I'm still not much of a Jedi Healer."

Gatz shook his head with a tired sigh.

"If I screwed up like that in my old... career, I'd never be heard from again."

Buried six feet under—oh who was he kidding, his bosses would have just dumped his body over a railing and let him free fall all the way to Nar Shaddaa's surface.

"I know mistakes and failures are part of the path... but one of these days I'd like to do something right and make you two proud," Gatz admitted quietly, "not make you have to stitch me back together, or worry over me, or have to teach me something for the umpteenth time."

 

[Inanna Harth]

“Getting wounded in battle isn’t a failure on your part,” Inanna said, still baffled. “And I don’t see how you hesitating affected things—I didn’t hesitate, and we still barely made it.”

She’d never heard of anyone bragging about how much of a failure they were. But if his exaggerated portrayal of his role in these events wasn’t boasting, what was it? “You’re taking too much credit for things going wrong, Gatz. None of that stuff was your fault.” Hell, most of it was her fault.

“Look, I get it,” she began. “I used to think that I was dumb. My whole family was scientists, teachers, lawyers—highly educated people. Meanwhile I flunked out of school because I couldn’t pass any STEM classes. I could read and write stories, but how would that contribute to society?” At least, her father didn’t think being a writer was of any real value. “Since I figured I was too stupid to do anything with my brain, I used my body. I did that for a hundred years, before I finally figured out that being learned and being smart were two different things, and I could still be satisfied with what few gifts I had.”

"I know mistakes and failures are part of the path... but one of these days I'd like to do something right and make you two proud. Not make you have to stitch me back together, or worry over me, or have to teach me something for the umpteenth time."

Inanna had a nagging feeling that she had taught him almost this exact same lesson once before, or perhaps she had witnessed someone else trying to teach him. But she couldn’t remember where, so maybe it was just random deja vu. “Every mission you mentioned was successful, Gatz. I’m happy with what you’ve been doing. I wish you were happy with it too.”

With confirmation from Amani, Ashur looked to his mother for permission. Inanna smiled and said, “Yes, I will bring you over to get some food.” She didn’t want him making a mess. “Excuse us,” she said to Gatz.

“Ayo!” Ashur exclaimed excitedly, waving to Amani as they passed. "Thanks Auggie's Mom!"

Gatz Derrevar Amani Serys​

 

[Shan Pavond]

Shan blinked at the comment about trauma. Well. That was unexpected to say the least. It wasn't worth him saying anything over it, people were allowed to think what they wanted at the end of the day, even if he personally disagreed. Though he did raise an eyebrow at Eloise's question, shrugging his shoulders afterwards.

"You ask the people I've helped and treated, they'd say a healer. Ask the people I've fought, they'll say a butcher. Most of the time, it doesn't matter what I see myself as. Plenty of people will have their own opinion otherwise. Though I'd personally lean with the healer approach."

Rayia had a much more...aggressive approach to the answer from the looks of it, as she was being all upfront about Eloise's objective in trying to aggrevate the pair of them. Didn't seem very Jedi-like, but it was like Shan used to say. There were different ways to be a Jedi, and he was in no position to say if they were wrong or right.

Rayia Si Eloise Dinn

 

[Eloise Dinn]

“I think I’ll just be me. I’ll be both. I’ll be neither. I don’t see the point of putting a name to it when it won’t fit that well.”

"You ask the people I've helped and treated, they'd say a healer. Ask the people I've fought, they'll say a butcher. Most of the time, it doesn't matter what I see myself as. Plenty of people will have their own opinion otherwise. Though I'd personally lean with the healer approach."

She preferred Rayia's give-no-chits response to Shan's implied capitulation to the opinions of others, but Eloise could at least respect both answers. "Based," she muttered.

“More importantly, what exactly do you want from this? Clearly, you have something you want to say. Name it then.”

So Rayia had picked up on words unsaid. Eloise glanced toward Shan, who was noticeably silent on the matter, probably not wanting to get involved in a potential conflict. She smirked. "Does every random chat between strangers have to have a purpose?" But she was being coy. Her smirk faded. "There's all these Jedi coming to the Vonnuvi all of a sudden. Most of them are from Coruscant, the place I came here to get away from. I'm a little bit concerned that they'll change things, make the Enclave more like the Coruscant Temple. If that happens, it'll be like losing the place I've come to call home." Again. "I came over here thinking I'd find out for myself if you guys were obnoxious, stuck-up chitheads. If you were, I'd make you feel as unwelcome as possible until you decided to leave.

"... But you guys are cool, I guess." She grit her teeth as though it pained her to admit it.

Rayia Si Shan Pavond​