Alderaan, Shades of Grey

[Verrin Ris'To]

Verrin had been nearly bursting with excitement as the shuttle touched down on Alderaan, and it had taken a lot of his self-control to keep himself under control as the ramp lowered. He didn't really want to look like a youngling leaving the temple for the first time, especially in front of his fellow Padawans and the Knight that had accompanied them on this 'learning trip'.

As they walked out of the shuttle, Verrin was finally able to see the planet that captured his imagination for the last few hours. The crystal, blue skies with the occasional lazy, white cloud floating by, the green grass, tall, and snow capped mountains; it was beautiful. Even the slight chill in the air could not take away from the planets natural allure. Almost all of his time had been spent on Coruscant, and the few planets he had been allowed to go could not compare to the natural beauty of this planet.

Verrin stopped to breath in the fresh air of the planet, his lungs stung slightly from the sudden intake of cold air. His eyes were jumping all over the landscape trying to take in as much as possible, so consumed with looking; he had stopped paying attention to what the knight and fellow padawans were talking about as he followed behind them.

The walk was far too short for Verrin's liking as their destination came into view, a small enclave tucked into the mountain ranges where young Jedi could come and center themselves in the tranquil environment, but the enclave looked confining compared to the surroundings, and he wanted to wander and explore the planets beauty, not be locked into a small facility doing the same thing he did for hours every day, meditate to keep himself under control.

As they entered the building, Verrin paused outside the door. He didn't want to enter. Normally, he did as he was bidden as he still had much to prove to himself and others, but... he didn't know when the next time he would be able to come to this planet, and he wanted to experience it. Fully experience it, so Verrin took a deep breath to gather his nerves and turned around, letting the doors close behind him separating him from the group.

He would apologize to the Masters later, but for now, the planet was calling to his spirit. The next few hours were his... Verrin could only hope that the masters wouldn't notice his absence for a bit so that they wouldn't spend time chasing him causing him to get in more trouble then he already would. Taking another deep breath of the cold air, he started walking in a random direction, enjoying the feel of his robes sliding over the green glass.

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

Alexandra sat along like normal, her robes folded beside her with her cloak as she sat cross legged on a perfectly circular stone that dotted the middle of a circle of stones she had created around it which resided right by a waterfall that fed the river. Her stomach retained the small bulge that had come with her pregnancy and her hair was down this time instead of up, letting it flow down her back and onto her shoulders. Her eyes were their normal silver, kind and soft as she smiled lightly and stared at the waterfall that lay before her, calm and controlled.

The River this all contained was flanked by two sets of forest and a patch of clear flat ground that led to the rivers backs, clouds overhead casting shadows down on Alexandra and the area around her. She remained absolutely silent and alone, her mind though picking up on the mind that was [member="Verrin Ris'To "], who was heading right for her from the direction behind her, yet she didnt move and waited to see who it was and if he came with ill intent.

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

It hadn't taken him long to find a river, its crystal clear waters beckoned him to crouch down and let the waters run through his fingers. This planet was serene, and for the first time in a long time, he didn't find it hard to control himself. That he wasn't constantly walking on a razor edge that required him to spend hours maintaining. The force was so easy to feel in this place, soothing and relaxing as it flowed around him and through him. The only problem was the sunlight was still a little too strong for his sensitive eyes, and so he was forced to put on his visors to help block out the rays. It did take away from some of the beauty, but it was either that or have his eyes burn for the rest of the day.

But there was something calling him to follow the river up, a pull in the force. With every step, it seemed to be getting stronger. After the a short walk, Verrin stepped onto the grass of a meadow, with a breath taking waterfall cascading down and feeding the river. Their was two tree lines flanking a small stone circle, and the image it created was very powerful. It seemed so peaceful, his sharp eyes made out a figure sitting at the center, on a round stone. Verrin stopped unsure if he was disturbing the silver haired woman, she seemed to be meditating, and it he realized that she was the cause of the force that he had felt.

It didn't feel like any of the masters or fellow Jedi he had ever met, so he didn't expect a person to be creating the soft pull. Verrin stood where he was, in the meadow behind her as he didn't want to interrupt her as he had no idea who she was, but at the same time, he wanted to see more of this place. He wanted to touch the waterfall, to swim beneath it, to lay in the meadow under the blue sky... Lost in his inner debate, Verrin didn't move further or away.

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

"Are you going to say something or just stand there with your mouth open for bugs to go in?" She glanced over her shoulder as her voice came out soft and controlled, a calmness to it that flowed with her speech that had been just loud enough for him to hear and no louder. "I mean, i love it when people just stare but you do know its easier to strike up a conversation if you say something." She was young, very much so, soft eyes watched him as she sat there with her head turned as best she could to keep him in view without moving. @Verrin Ris'To.

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

"Are you going to say something or just stand there with your mouth open for bugs to go in?" Verrin blinked a few times stuck between shock and embarrassment. How long had she known he was there? Her voice was calm and soft, and when she turned her head, it seemed they were roughly the same age. Maybe with her being a little older then he, but despite what appeared to be similar age; he couldn't help but feel like a child when she spoke to him.

"I mean, i love it when people just stare but you do know its easier to strike up a conversation if you say something," Verrin lowered his head, his hair falling over his shoulder, "Sorry," He replied, even more he felt like a youngling again being told to behave and sit properly by the teachers, "I didn't mean to stare, I was just surprised that someone was here."

Verrin stood where he was for a few more seconds before stepping forward, she had said it would be easier to strike up a conversation... that meant she was okay with talking to him, right? That he wasn't intruding. Moving into the meadow, Verrin knelled on his robe, enjoying the way the grass shifted and moved around him in the breeze, "I am Padawan Ris'To, I was just wandering around the enclave, do you stay there with the other Jedi?"

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

"No, im not a Jedi in the least sense actually. Infact i am more grey than anything." She smiled and turned her body to face him, her hands crossed on her lap and the bulge of her belly, though not large yet, was certainly noticeable. "Dont worry about being sorry, you did nothing wrong so theres no reason to be sorry. I am Alexandra Cinthra, an independent force user in this little galaxy of ours, its a different path but things are certainly worth it." @Verrin Ris'To

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

"No, im not a Jedi in the least sense actually. Infact i am more grey than anything." Verrin had no idea what to make of that one. Grey? What did she mean exactly? When she turned around, he noticed the slight bulge in her stomach, and going by how thin she was, even he, with his little exposure to the outside world, knew she was pregnant. He forced himself to look up and meet her eyes as he was fairly sure it would have been rude to stare.

"Dont worry about being sorry, you did nothing wrong so theres no reason to be sorry. I am Alexandra Cinthra, an independent force user in this little galaxy of ours, its a different path but things are certainly worth it." Alexandra Cinthra. It fit for some odd reason. She reminded him of the masters at the temple, but at the same time, she didn't.

"Independent Force User?" Verrin asked as this was his first time hearing about that. In his experience at the temple, people were either a part of the Jedi Order, untrained force sensitive, or Sith. While he had never met a Sith; she didn't strike him as a sith, but she wasn't a Jedi either...

"I am sorry, but I don't know what you mean by that. What path?" He asked letting himself relax under the glow of the sunlight and feel of the grass.

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

"The path to choose what i want to learn and what i want to do with my gift. I assume from your question you are a Jedi? You dont seem stupid enough to be a sith otherwise you would have attacked me and i would have simply defeated you without breaking a sweat." She paused and stretched but stayed sitting where she was before speaking once more to him. "So, are you out exploring Alderaan, or did someone send you in this direction as part of a test, i really hope it isnt one of those, 'Go quell the darkness' things, because i can assure you that i am no more dark then your Masters." @Verrin Ris'To

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

"The path to choose what i want to learn and what i want to do with my gift. I assume from your question you are a Jedi? You dont seem stupid enough to be a sith otherwise you would have attacked me and i would have simply defeated you without breaking a sweat." That was a blow to his pride. He knew he would probably lose if he were to ever fight her as she gave off the same feeling as the Temple Masters did and... Verrin did not enjoy fighting as it was. It risked bringing out his baser, cruder, instincts, and he didn't want to risk losing control. He had finally become a padawan after being held back for years. He couldn't, and wouldn't, risk losing it. But to hear her say it so bluntly, a lifetime of training had really meant that little in comparison to such a woman?

"So, are you out exploring Alderaan, or did someone send you in this direction as part of a test, i really hope it isnt one of those, 'Go quell the darkness' things, because i can assure you that i am no more dark then your Masters." Verrin blinked at that, why would the Jedi want her gone? Why would she think that? But it did help push his wounded pride into the back of his mind.

"No, I am supposed to be meditating with the others to center myself," Verrin admitted as he had to spend a few hours every day otherwise his control would slip, "But I wanted to see more of this planet. Almost all my life had been spent on Curoscant, and this planet is beautiful."

Verrin gripped his hands together inside his sleeves, "May I ask... why would the Jedi want you gone?"

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

"Im not exactly a Jedi, arent you guys all about the Purging of the non-Jedi. How everyone not in the Jedi has fallen to the dark side and are now a wound in the force that is purely there to be a pest for those of the order, a cockroach to be stamped out and destroyed? Atleast most Jedi seem to think that, there are a few good Jedi and you might be another one so there is still hope for you yet." She leaned forward on her hand and studied him. "You haven't trained with the force alot, have you?" @Verrin Ris'To

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

"Im not exactly a Jedi, arent you guys all about the Purging of the non-Jedi. How everyone not in the Jedi has fallen to the dark side and are now a wound in the force that is purely there to be a pest for those of the order, a cockroach to be stamped out and destroyed? Atleast most Jedi seem to think that, there are a few good Jedi and you might be another one so there is still hope for you yet."

The way she spoke about the Jedi created the initial defensive reflex to rise in his chest, but he bit back on it. He... well, he didn't really know much about those policies, but it seemed wrong. That didn't sound like what his instructors and masters told him about nor did it fit with why he had to spend hours meditating to control himself.

"You haven't trained with the force alot, have you?" Verrin was caught off guard by the question, did he really seem so weak?

"I just recently became a padawan," Verrin admitted. He was.. years older then most people who became Padawans, and it was a touchy subject with him. Verrin looked off to the right at the trees, watching the way the leaves danced in the wind.

"I have to be careful with my training," Verrin said, "I am a K'paur... My kind, we have trouble with control. I," he paused, "can lose control, and I don't want to fight," He admitted lost in his mind.

"The other younglings used to talk about becoming great Masters, saving the republic, becoming heroes, but I never wanted that," Verrin said, he wasn't sure why he felt at ease with this woman, but she felt so much older then he. His senses in the force were always sensitive because of his race, and she felt warm, soothing.

"I want to explore. I want to see the beauty of the universe... I never wanted, and I don't want, to be a warrior. I don't trust myself. I wouldn't mind becoming a knight and just wandering the galaxy," Verrin said softly.

He had never told anyone that, but it was, and always has been, his dream. He didn't have to worry about losing control, the bloodlust that waited at the pit of his stomach. Was that so wrong? He understood that he had responsibilities as Jedi, and Verrin would always uphold his responsibilities, but he didn't want to become like some of the Jedi he saw visiting the temple. Cold and distant as if waiting for the next fight against the Sith or the Mandalorians or whatever else was out there.

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

"That is a good dream and goal, and sorry if i sound a bit more hateful than i mean to be just stuck in my old mindset about." She looked at the man for a few moments before speaking once more, this time with her own question for him rather than continuing on with a rant. "What are you studying if you dont mind my asking, perhaps i could help you with it if you dont see me as too dark a force user to assist you?" @Verrin Ris'To

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

"That is a good dream and goal, and sorry if i sound a bit more hateful than i mean to be just stuck in my old mindset about." Verrin looked up, blinking in surprise. It was a good dream? He had always worried that his dreams were too selfish to befit a Jedi. He would try to help people when he could, but... was it truly okay to just want to explore and be himself instead of devoting himself to destroying the Sith and anyone else that the Council feels they should? He knew he could kill, the constant burning in his gut told he it would be easy, too easy, but he didn't want to kill anyone.

Verrin was a little curious as to what she meant by old mindset. Did she used to be something else? Well, she had to have a teacher, so maybe it was a rouge Jedi or even a sith? But then again, she didn't feel dark. He still didn't know how a sith was supposed to feel, but he was sure it couldn't be like Alexandra.

"What are you studying if you dont mind my asking, perhaps i could help you with it if you dont see me as too dark a force user to assist you?" She wanted to help him train? Well, if he went back to the enclave with his abilities raised a little they would be less upset with him then they would otherwise be once he returned, "As far as lightsabers go, I practice Makashi. It helps me focus, and it is almost like a dance," he said.

He had never told the saber instructor that, of course, as Verrin was pretty sure that would have made the instructor mad often talked about the elegance of the style, "With the Force, I have been focusing on Force Sense. I have always been... good at it, and it comes easily to me. Someday I want to be able to see through it, but I still have trouble refining it. I can touch and focus on large things, but when I try to cover a large area and feel the smaller tugs and pulls, it becomes overwhelming."

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

"Both those i can help with luckily, so my offer stands if you still want help, though there is a catch. You tell no one i am here, tell no one of anything you saw here, and tell no one you had help in your training. And lastly, if you're ever looking for more help, you return and seek me out, i get a little bored without the constant chance to help those improve themselves and their connections to the force." She smiled but did not stand, her hands did not move, and her eyes remained still and kind, her soft gaze resting on him and watching him react to the offer. @Verrin Ris'To

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

"Both those i can help with luckily, so my offer stands if you still want help, though there is a catch. You tell no one i am here, tell no one of anything you saw here, and tell no one you had help in your training. And lastly, if you're ever looking for more help, you return and seek me out, i get a little bored without the constant chance to help those improve themselves and their connections to the force." Verrin blinked a few times, from her talk earlier; she had a strained relationship with the Jedi, but why was she didn't she want people to know she helped him? Wasn't that a good thing? Alexandra had been nothing but kind to him and even offered to help him in the future if he came back, so the least he could do is agree to her desire for privacy.

"I won't tell anyone, you have my word," Verrin said before stopping and looking at her stomach once again. He had no idea on the different stages of pregnancy now how they really effected people at each stage, but he had to ask, "Are you sure you will be okay with... I mean, are you sure it won't hurt anything?"

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

She looked down, the bulge was sizable, but not overly. Which meant while a full blown duel would be impossible, helping him with technique was still very possible, plus there was always force sense she could just help him with. "It will be fine, im not far enough along that my pregnancy wont impede me from basic training, so worry not about it." She slowly stood and pulled her sabers to her hands with the force before clipping each one on opposite sides of her belt. "Where shall we start with your private tutoring." @Verrin Ris'To

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

"It will be fine, im not far enough along that my pregnancy wont impede me from basic training, so worry not about it." Verrin nodded feeling more at ease as he didn't want her to harm herself if she over exerted herself while pregnant, "Where shall we start with your private tutoring."

Verrin scrunched his brow thinking about it, he still wasn't comfortable with the idea of forcing her to have to exert herself, no matter what she said, which training his lightsaber form could do, so it would be better to test the waters with sense, "Force Sense would be a good place to start," he said before motioning to a spot on the meadow close to him, "Would you like to sit?"

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

"Sit, why didnt you ask a minute ago when i already was there Padawan Ris'To, i mean, making a pregnant woman get up just to sit back down. Dont those Jedi teach you any manners anymore, next you'll ask if i want to run three miles to the next town for bread." She smiled, her tone and general air around the words clearly a joke as she jumped from the rock and landed lightly on the ground with little more ease than if she had merely stepped from the rock to there, her landing looking as if a feather touched the ground rather than her. "But, sense you asked, i guess it wouldnt hurt to sit." She sat down, less than a meter away, slowly and softly. @Verrin Ris'To

 

[Verrin Ris'To]

"Sit, why didnt you ask a minute ago when i already was there Padawan Ris'To, i mean, making a pregnant woman get up just to sit back down," Verrin opened his mouth, "I didn't, I mean.."

"Dont those Jedi teach you any manners anymore, next you'll ask if i want to run three miles to the next town for bread." He closed his mouth a little embarrassed that she had caught him up in that, she was just teasing him. She had a remarkable talent at making him feel like a child again. Would he ever be like that someday? Making padawans stumble over their words and fidget under his teasing? He still couldn't understand how she could only look a few years old then he, but seem to be so mature compared to him.

"But, sense you asked, i guess it wouldnt hurt to sit," He offered up a weak smile when she sank to the grass in front of him, just out of arms reach, "Okay, here I will show you," he said as he closed his eyes and let himself relax.

Even as a boy, feeling the ebbs and flow of the force came easily to Verrin, something that surprised most of his teachers, but it was something almost all K'paur had some power in. Taking a slow breath, Verrin let the chilly air fill his lungs as his mind seemed to fade away, and it was replaced by the world. He could feel, smell, and sense the blades of grass as they moved, but it felt like a sea of life more then individual strands making it up, he could feel the trees, the nearby animals, and he could sense her, and if he let his sense touch her; he could even feel the life growing inside of her.

Reaching back out, he started to reach out his awareness while trying to bring into mind the blades of grass, but where once it was a sea, now was just a canvas of green. The more he stretched out, the less aware of the tiny details he became until a sudden creak of a nearby tree broke his concentration pulling him back to his body. Verrin waited a few moments before opening his eyes, "Did you feel it? I can't keep the details there. It starts to blur when I stretch out."

[member="Alexandra Cinthra"]

 

[Alexandra Feanor]

Alexandra watched him curiously and quietly, studying him as he did it and then faded out. His words fell on her but she ignored them as she had been more focused on how he brought the force under control to allow him the sight that he had used. "Once more, only this time, i want you to focus on how you bring the force to listen to you rather than focusing on whether you can expand your sight or not." She was curious, what did the Jedi teach their students now in their abilities to sense, how close had the Jedi come to becoming Sith and controlling the force rather than working with it. @Verrin Ris'To