Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Private Where Rules Don't Follow

"Duty. Discipline. Serenity."

Chapter Two: A Mask of Death and Shadow


Valoria Elryne Valoria Elryne



The cave was ancient, though the Jedi would never call it that. To them, it was simply a forgotten part of the old network — a training hollow sealed off generations ago, once used for deep solitary meditation or endurance trials. But time had done little to dim its presence.

Even now, the air was heavy. Not stale, but full — thick with the hum of untouched memory and buried tensions.

Ilaria Morvayne stood alone in the center of the hollow. The dim glow of crystalline formations arced across the ceiling in clusters, casting pale blue reflections in the still water that circled the stone dais at her feet. She'd been here for over an hour. Waiting.

But she did not pace.

Patience, to her, was not the absence of urgency. It was the dominance of it — a willed quiet, sharper than restlessness, where every heartbeat was another coil of focus drawn tighter.

She stood with her hands lightly folded behind her back, spine straight, shoulders level. Her posture was militant, but serene — not the serenity of peace, but of precision. Her cloak hung loose over her shoulders, the hem trailing the cavern floor, catching dust and silence in equal measure.

Her eyes, icy and analytical, were fixed on the entrance arch, though unfocused. Watching, but not watching.

She had time.

And Valoria Elryne was worth the time.

"So much control," she murmured aloud — not to be heard, but simply to punctuate her thoughts. "So afraid of what lies beyond it."

A whisper, half-amused. Not cruel. Not yet.

Valoria had not trained for several weeks. The official explanation, when Ilaria had asked, had been disappointingly opaque. None of it surprised her. If anything, it confirmed what she already believed.

Ilaria hadn't asked permission. She hadn't told the Council. She had sent Valoria a message without preface: coordinates, a time, and a phrase that did not match Jedi form:

"Stillness is not peace. Come to understand the difference."

She was curious if Valoria even recognized the phrasing. Likely not. The origin was ancient. A distortion from wartime philosophy — rooted more in understanding fear than vanquishing it. But it was a good opening line. A needle in the mind.

She walked slowly toward one of the pillars, letting her fingers brush along its mineral surface. The glow shifted faintly where her hand passed, like heat through frost.

"She'll come," she said to herself, voice as even as a sculptor's breath. "The curious ones always do."

And Valoria was curious. Not in the loud way — not in the fumbling, eager hunger of younger Padawans who asked to spar with Knights too far beyond them, who tried to mimic saber drills they barely understood. No.

Valoria's curiosity, as Ilaria saw it, was concealed.

And doubt, as always, was the softest entry point.

Ilaria turned her back to the entrance, now facing the central platform again. She knelt, not to meditate, but to wait in silence. Not a Jedi's silence — not the silence of emptying the self — but a different one.

The kind that listens for fracture.

The glow of the crystals dimmed as a stray breeze passed through the hollow. There was no tunnel to create it. It was too subtle for that — a movement without source. A trick of temperature, perhaps. Or something older. Something buried.

And Ilaria smiled, just faintly.

Only someone who looked too long would notice the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Only someone very careful would recognize that the tone of her voice — usually crisp and measured — had something warmer beneath it now, something too intentional. Like music tuned half a step below true pitch.

Quieter. Calmer. More dangerous.

Ilaria reached into the satchel beside her and withdrew a small object — a stone, smooth and black-veined, marked with a single vertical line etched in old script. Not Jedi. Something worse.

She placed it on the stone platform in front of her with a precision that was almost ritual.

And then she waited.

The shadows waited.

The light began to flicker.

 


Valoria found herself holding her breath. She didn't really have a reason for it. She was far outside the Temple's reach by now. No-one would notice her absance. Except, of course, if this was the one time someone went looking for her.

She had spent close to the entirety of the hour debating whether or not she should go.

It was wrong. Wasn't it? Sneaking out of the temple like this? What if something were to happen to her? Look what happened to Kas when he strayed in these areas alone. Fatally injured. Hospitalised. In a coma. And, all things considered, he was lucky to have not died. What if one of those creatures found her? She wouldn't stand a chance. And if she was injured, no one would know what happened. No-one would know to come looking for her. Her heartbeat thumped in her ears, making them throb a little.

Could these creature smell fear? She'd heard that supposedly some animals did that. Could the Flesh Raiders be considered animals though? They had a conciousness - however limited it may be.

Valoria took a deep breath regardless. It would help her think straighter. Put her mind back on the task at hand and stop it from pondering the what-ifs. She'd be here all night and day if she continued doing that.

This would be good for her anyways. Far more productive than sitting around the temple bored out of her mind. So long as no-one found out, no harm could come from it. But if someone did find out...

She would be so done for.

Any hopes she had of having her training re-permitted? Gone.

Right. Focus on this. She reminded herself. Deal with that if it came to it.

By this point, admist the worries that had been plaguing her mind, her feet had somehow carried her the rest of the distance to the cave. Her footsteps were soft as she entered, quiet but still audible for someone who was listening. Valoria had no idea why she was here. Not really. Perhaps, she was in need of some different scenery.

Or perhaps, as Ilaria had suspected, she was driven here by curiosity.



 
"Duty. Discipline. Serenity."

Chapter Two: A Mask of Death and Shadow


Valoria Elryne Valoria Elryne



The sound of footsteps reached her long before Valoria would have seen her.

Ilaria did not move. She remained kneeling at the center of the stone dais, her posture regal in its stillness — not the passivity of a statue, but the restraint of a predator at rest. Her eyes remained closed, her hands folded lightly in her lap, as if she had not heard anything at all.

But she had.

The rhythm of footfalls was telling. Hesitant. Cautious. Not the cautiousness of someone stalking a threat, but of someone being stalked. Of someone who did not trust the place they stood in. That was good.

It meant the cave was doing its work.

When Valoria finally stepped into view, Ilaria opened her eyes — slowly, like the eyes of something ancient awakening. Her gaze found the younger woman at once, without the slightest show of surprise or greeting.

Silence.

It stretched out long enough to suggest it might never be broken.

But then, as though that very silence had earned its place, Ilaria stood. Her movement was fluid — the kind of motion that betrayed neither weight nor effort — and when she rose to her full height, she seemed taller than she should have been.

The ambient glow caught the angles of her face, throwing the planes of her cheekbones into sharp relief. Her expression did not change, but there was a gravity to her presence now, a quiet pressure that seemed to settle over the hollow like a second atmosphere.

She looked Valoria over once. Not indulgently, not cruelly — but thoroughly. Like a jeweler examining the flaw in a nearly-perfect stone.

"You came."

The words were simple. Uninflected. But not neutral. Nothing Ilaria ever said was neutral.

She stepped down from the dais, boots echoing softly in the space as she crossed to the edge of the pool that encircled it. She did not beckon Valoria forward, nor did she walk to meet her. Instead, she stood on the opposite side of the shallow basin, like a lecturer waiting to see if the student would come close enough to listen — or wise enough to stay back.

"You know you should not be here."

Her voice was low, matter-of-fact. Not a warning. Not quite a reprimand. Merely an acknowledgment of reality, stated like law.

Another pause. Her gaze narrowed, not in suspicion, but in contemplation. She was reading Valoria. Not just her posture or her breath — but something subtler.

Intent.

"Why come?"

She turned away slightly as she said it, kneeling once more at the edge of the water. This time not in stillness, but in practice — her hand extended, fingers spread. A flicker of the Force stirred the surface, causing slow ripples to move outward from her palm.

But nothing aggressive.

No grand demonstration.

Just movement.

Control.

 


"Why come?"

That was a good question. Why did she come? Valoria wasn't even sure she knew herself.

There were many answers she could give. She could simply claim she was bored of the Temple, and its endless white halls and passages. It would be the truth. Maybe not the truth as to why she was here. But it was still a truth.

She could pin it on the fact that she wanted to learn. She'd been starved of her training for months. It would make sense that she would possess that desire for knowledge. Another believable truth. Once again, not the real truth. She knew it, and she suspected the other girl would too.

So what answer did she give?

The silence between them should have been awkward. It should have felt uncomfortable and pressured and impatient. Instead the silence was simply that. Silence. A soft ebbing between them, not demanding, yet ever present. It made her feel intrigued.

Ahh. So that's what it was then. Intrigue. Curiosity. Perhaps even a desire for connection with someone. She'd been rather deprived of that lately.

That lack of connection had also disturbed something deeper. Everything had changed so quickly. Sometimes it felt as if the world was moving around her whilst she was still stuck in place. And although she wasn't one to admit it to anyone, somedays it scared her. And living in fear was the last thing she wanted. Everyone know where that lead.

Somehow, Ilaria must've noticed it. Valoria didn't know when, or even how. She had a sneaking suspicion Illaria knew more than she ever let on.

Her gaze was fixed on the ripples coming out from under Ilavia's hand. Searching for a way to put it into words without sounding like she was too desperate. Becuase she wasn't desperate. Not by any means. She was hesitant. Uncertain. Every inch of her body was telling her to turn around and walk straight back to the temple as if she'd never left. But she didn't move. For some reason, she found herself incapable. Not now that she was here.

"You sparked my interest." When she did speak, it was reserved. Reserved, yet not weak. Despite acting against every natural instinct within her, her voice was still steady.

"I should not be here. At all." A small, almost self-depreciating laugh escaped her lips. "And yet here I am."

It didn't really answer the question. She didn't feel comfortable to admit to the real reason. It was nervewracking to think about. Let alone say.

But something about the other girl told Valoria she already knew.


 
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"Duty. Discipline. Serenity."

Chapter Two: A Mask of Death and Shadow


Valoria Elryne Valoria Elryne



Ilaria said nothing at first. Not in reprimand, nor in approval.

The words "you sparked my interest" settled in the cavern like heat in a glass—slow to fade, heavy with implication. It was not the phrasing itself that caught Ilaria's attention. It was the way Valoria said it. Controlled. Tentative. Not the flustered stammering of a guilty Padawan, but the admission of someone feeling the weight of their own decisions in real time.

Interesting indeed.

"You sparked my interest."

"I should not be here."

"And yet here I am."

Yes. That was the tension she had expected. Not rebellion, but inertia. The slow slide toward something unnamed, because the alternative—stagnation—had begun to rot her from within.

Ilaria finally stood again. No theatrics. Just motion. A straightening of form and purpose. Her boots made no sound against the stone as she stepped away from the water's edge. Her gaze drifted once to the ring she wore—matte, simple, almost forgettable—and then returned to Valoria.

"Interest is not a sin," she said simply. "But it will be treated as one if you let them know it exists."

The words were spoken plainly, like reciting the weather. Not cruel. Not even bitter. Just… true.

She walked to one of the wider clearings in the chamber—a space once used, long ago, for balance drills and meditations in motion. The stone was uneven in places, worn with age. Ilaria knelt in the center and gestured once for Valoria to approach and do the same.

"We will not draw sabers today."

She waited, allowing time for Valoria to sit, though not long enough to suggest it was optional.

"I do not doubt your form," Ilaria continued. "Nor your dedication. I have seen both. What I question…" she tilted her head slightly, "…is whether you truly understand what feeds your strength."

She extended one gloved hand, fingers splayed outward.

The cave did not respond—not at first. And then, with a sound like a whisper trapped beneath stone, a faint, crackling pulse of energy arced between two small outcroppings of crystal in the wall behind her.

It wasn't lightning. Not yet. Not even pain. But it was Force Shock—its earliest, most primitive expression. A short burst. A flicker of projected voltage that danced, barely visible, between rock and air before fading.

"The Jedi teach you to repress," she said. "To constrict. To breathe through the fire, rather than acknowledge its heat."

Another pulse. Slightly stronger. The light it cast made the shadows on her face move unnaturally.

"But the Force responds not to suppression… only to direction."

Ilaria lowered her hand. The hollow grew still again.

"You are not here because you are reckless, Valoria." Her voice grew quieter, but not softer. "You are here because restraint without purpose is exhausting. And you have not yet been taught to use what you feel. Only how to contain it."

The way she said contain was laced with quiet disdain.

She reached into the folds of her robe and drew out a simple piece of silvery metal, no larger than a coin. It was scorched on one side, its edges warped, but it hummed faintly when set down on the stone between them.

"This is a training diode. Very old. You will not find one like it in the Temple archives."

Another subtle hint, buried beneath the technical tone.

"Touch it with your palm. Breathe as you would in standard meditation. But this time…" she leaned forward slightly, eyes narrowing, "…do not seek peace. Instead, remember the last moment you felt something powerful enough to burn through your calm."

She didn't say anger. She didn't need to. The word would only close Valoria off. Ilaria was never so obvious. Never so blunt.

"Do not judge it. Do not cling to it. Simply feel it. Then, push. Not hard. Not uncontrolled. Just enough."

She sat back again, giving Valoria the space to try. Not encouraging. Not reassuring. Merely… present.

"The diode will absorb and amplify the current you create. It will not harm you."

A pause.

"Unless you lie to yourself."

Her gaze was even. Patient. But not kind.

"In which case, it may reject you."

There was no humor in her voice. Only quiet certainty.

She folded her hands again, her long sleeves falling just slightly back to reveal pale, elegant wrists lined with tiny scars—some old, almost imperceptible, others newer and sharper, like burns not entirely healed.

She made no effort to hide them.

"You need not tell me what memory you choose. I am not your confessor. Only your guide."

Then, almost imperceptibly, a flicker of amusement touched her eyes.

"And I am a very patient guide."

That was true. But it was not a virtue. It was a strategy.

She watched Valoria now—not as a teacher watches a student, but as a tactician watches a gate slowly coming unbarred.

This was not a test of power.

It was a test of honesty.

And honesty, when unshackled from dogma, was always the beginning of change.

 

Valoria took a few cautionary steps back as the other girl rose. She wasn't scared of her. Merely precautious. Aware of the uneasy feeling that had long since settled in her chest.

When the other girl spoke, it all but commanded her attention. Not in a demanding, authoritive way, but in a way that said her words carried worth. Each one was chosen deliberately. She had things to show and tell Valoria that no-one else would consider mentioning.

She stayed rooted as Ilaria made her way across to the larger chamber, eyes tracking her movements. Valoria still didn't know exactly what they were here for. It'd all been rather vague. Ilaria sat, beckoning Valoria to join her.

Valoria glanced back towards the entrance, yet another moment of doubt crossing her mind. It was brief, but it was there. Then she turned her back on it and made her way to join Ilaria. She dropped down gently to her knees, sitting directly opposite the other girl.

Her brow furrowed slightly at the next statement. When had she had time to observe her form and dedication? More importantly, is what did she mean by 'what feeds your strength.' She knew that, right? It was the force, and being at peace with your mind. Having balance. Right?

She watched as Ilaria extended her hand. Nothing happened for a long moment. As Valoria was starting to wonder if she was expected to do something, the flicker of lightning came to life. It was small, minimal, but she still recognised it for what it was.

"But the Force responds not to suppression… only to direction."

The Jedi didn't supress the force. Did they? The more she thought about it, the less certain she grew. So she stopped thinking about it. Pushed it far into the back of her mind.

It wasn't long before she was pondering something else. Not found in the Temple archives? What did that mean? And how come Ilaria happened to have one? Questions were being raised. It was a good thing Ilaria kept talking, or Valoria would've started to voice her thoughts.

Valoria, despite her hesitations, placed her palm over the diode as instructed, feeling the coldness from the stone below starting to seep into her hand.

"Breathe as you would in standard meditation. But this time, do not seek peace. Instead, remember the last moment you..." Wait, did Ilaria tell her to not seek peace? Wasn't that the whole point of meditation? To find peace? How did you meditate without peace?

"...felt something powerful enough to burn through your calm." Valoria didn't even have to try to dig up the memory. With those few words alone, it was brought into her foremind, entirely unwelcome and unwanted. She could feel it. She could always feel it, humming in the background these days. But when it was in her direct line of thought, that hum became a torrent of noise. Or emotion.

She blocked it out. As she always did. She had other moments, right? Ones that weren't that moment.

"Unless you lie to yourself. In which case, it may reject you."
She understood the implication here. Even without the glimpse of Ilaria's scarring. This was a bad idea.

After a considerable amount of silence, her hand withdrew from the diode.

"This doesn't feel right." Her voice was level. Not necessarily as strong as it had been - there was a hint of uncertainty that hadn't been so obvious before - yet it was still calm. She knew enough that she should trust her gut when it came to stuff like this. If it didn't feel right, it probably wasn't.

"I... I don't know if... if I can go through with that." She was scared. Valoria was aware that these were uncharted waters for her. She didn't want to venture deeper than she intended.

"Is this even like, allowed? If it's not found in the Temple archives it's likely for good reason. And it just... it doesnt feel right " She was repeating herself. But it was nothing but that preventing her.

An unsettled feeling in her gut and her own fear.


 
"Duty. Discipline. Serenity."

Chapter Two: A Mask of Death and Shadow


Valoria Elryne Valoria Elryne


Ilaria did not scowl. She did not sigh. She did not scold.

She simply watched.

As Valoria withdrew her hand from the diode, Ilaria's gaze followed the motion with detached precision, like a scholar noting the deflection of a pendulum swing. Not disappointed. Not surprised. Just noted.

When Valoria spoke, the admission hung awkwardly in the stillness like a dropped stone in shallow water.

"This doesn't feel right."

There it was. The reflex. The instinct. That Jedi-conditioned voice of conscience whispering from the shadows of her spine. Caution disguised as wisdom. Fear rationalized into discipline.

It had a kind of purity to it.

It was also, in time, going to be her undoing.

Ilaria's response came slowly. Measured.

"It doesn't."

Not agreement. Not quite contradiction. Just a mirror held up to the words themselves. She let them echo again in Valoria's own ears.

"This doesn't feel right."

She folded her hands in her lap again. Her posture was unshaken, elegant even in stillness, but her expression had shifted—subtly. Less impassive. A little more… interested.

"You think the Force should feel like safety."

Her voice remained professional, her tone precisely modulated. She didn't reach for empathy. She didn't seek to soothe. She simply analyzed.

"You've been taught that anything which unsettles you must be resisted. That discomfort means danger. That instinct is truth."

Ilaria tilted her head just slightly.

"But discomfort is not danger, Valoria."

The words were soft. Not gentle, but low, spoken not to intimidate but to focus. Like the whisper of a flame drawing breath.

"The Force is not here to affirm your expectations. It is not light, or dark, or peace. It simply is. Vast. Indifferent. Wild."

A pause.

Then, quietly, she added:

"And it doesn't care how you feel about it."

There was no cruelty in the statement, but it landed heavy nonetheless. Truth, unvarnished, often did.

She rose—not quickly, not slowly. Just deliberately. Her boots made no sound against the stone.

Ilaria walked past the diode without looking at it. No gesture to draw attention, no verbal note. The device remained where it was: unjudging, indifferent, unshaped.

Much like the Force itself.

She stopped a few paces from Valoria and looked down at her—not from above, not in dominance, but as a lecturer might regard a student on the precipice of understanding.

"You ask if this is allowed."

She didn't laugh. But the shadow of something like amusement—thin and sharp—passed briefly through her features.

"Do you think the people who first discovered the Force... asked permission?"

Her tone wasn't mocking. It was pointed.

"Everything in the Temple archives was written by someone who came before you. They codified their experiences. Their fears. Their mistakes. And then they told you to obey those conclusions as if they were laws."

She stepped lightly aside and gestured—not to the diode, not to the cave, but upward, toward the world above them.

"That's what they teach you to serve. Not the Force. Them. Their version. Their rituals. Their boundaries."

Now she knelt again—across from Valoria, as she had before, but this time with a presence like gravity.

"I am not asking you to abandon your caution."

Her eyes narrowed slightly. Not in threat, but in scrutiny.

"I'm asking you to understand it."

Another silence passed. The weight between them had changed. Heavier. But not hostile.

 

The awkwardness that followed the last thing she'd said pressed in around her from all sides. It rested heavy in the air, leaving Valoria feeling uncomfortable.

It wasn't Ilaria's reaction that caused her to feel that way. It was her lack thereof it. A scowl or irritated sigh would have been preferable to the blank slate she was instead presented with.

At least then she'd know what the other girl was thinking of her.

Her own words were repeated back at her. Reflected, allowing her to hear them for herself. It didn't feel right. Nothing about this did.

Having been desperately analysing Ilaria for some sort of insight, she didn't miss the shift in expression. Valoria couldn't quite read what it was, but something had definitely changed. Whether it was for better or worse, she was yet to find out.

"...That instinct is truth."

Instinct was truth, was it not? At the very least, instinct hinted at the truth. You were to trust it, because more often than not, it will be right. And going by that logic, discomfort was danger. If she felt uncomfortable, that's her instincts saying that something is wrong.

Right?

She wasn't quite so certain anymore.

Her eyes followed as Ilaria rose, drawn to her movement. She remained fixed, her muscles tensing despite being fairly confident if the other Padawan wanted to act out against her, Ilaria would have made it clear by now.

Valoria tilted her head back slightly as the other girl approached, enabling her to see her face properly.

"...And then they told you to obey those conclusions as if they were laws."

A small frown came across her lips. But... if the archives were written by those who'd made the mistakes already, is it not wise to have faith in their words? If only so you don't end up making the same mistakes as them?

"That's what they teach you to serve. Not the Force. Them. Their version. Their rituals. Their boundaries."

Valoria was beginning to feel like she'd been living most of her life in the dark. She'd been within the New Jedi Order for a long time now. But only now was she beginning to see the light. She hadn't been fully illuminated yet - just streaks of light at the moment, piercing the darkness - but in due time, she would be.

'Understand her caution.' What was that supposed to mean? Her caution levels were high at the moment. And rightfully so. But she didn't need help understanding that. She understood that perfectly fine.

Perhaps that's not the caution Ilaria was talking about.

What she was talking about, Valoria came to realise, was her caution towards venturing beyond set bounds with the force.

The set bounds were limiting. She knew that. But it was limiting to protect them. At least, until today, that's what she'd always believed.

"You mean to say they're harbouring truths from us?" Valoria's words came out hesitantly, almost as if she didn't entirely believe what she was saying.

"Is there more to the picture than what we've been taught?"

Her questions weren't urgent or demanding. Rather, she was seeking more information. Answers to questions that had sparked in her mind.

Obviously, she knew there was stuff that was kept from them due to confidentiality and other factors. But if the archives were nothing but an endless way to shape force users to the way that suited them, who knew what else was kept from them.

Her mind wandered to the diode, sitting between the pair, innocent as ever.

Perhaps that's where she'd find the answers to the questions she now possessed.

She didn't reach out for the diode again just yet, but it was visible that she was less opposed to the idea.



 
"Duty. Discipline. Serenity."

Chapter Two: A Mask of Death and Shadow


Valoria Elryne Valoria Elryne


Ilaria did not turn when Valoria spoke.

She stood near the far wall, eyes tracing the faint veins of blue crystal embedded in the rock, one hand clasped behind her back. Her other gloved hand lifted briefly to the stone, fingertips grazing the mineral surface — not reverently, but as if testing its texture. A habit. A ritual.

Only when Valoria's second question crossed the stillness — "
Is there more to the picture than what we've been taught?" — did Ilaria's stance shift. Not sharply. Not dramatically. Just a subtle incline of the head. Acknowledgement. Approval, perhaps. The kind that never came with smiles or praise.

She turned.

Her gaze met Valoria's with quiet gravity, her presence like the hollow itself — still, but suffused with latent pressure.

"Of course there's more."

Not a whisper. Not a scoff. Just a calm assertion, as if she were stating that water was wet, or that night followed day.

"The archives are… curated."

She began walking again, this time not directly toward Valoria, but toward the center of the space — allowing the conversation itself to be the axis around which both of them moved. Slow, unhurried. Like gravity forming a quiet orbit.

"Truth is not singular. It is multifaceted. Messy. Uncomfortable."

She paused near the diode, looking down at it as if it were some half-buried relic of a war that had been won long ago and then carefully forgotten.

"But a doctrine?" Her lips pressed together briefly, something nearly resembling distaste flickering through her features. "Doctrine must be clean. Digestible. Easy to repeat. Easy to teach. Easy to believe."

Her gaze rose again.

"The moment something contradicts doctrine — or, worse, complicates it — it is hidden. Forbidden. Or rewritten."

There was no bitterness in her tone. No fire. Just cold, surgical certainty. The voice of someone who had seen too much to be swayed by idealism, and too clearly to be clouded by hate.

"It's not a conspiracy," she added. "It's preservation. They believe they're protecting you."

Her chin tilted slightly. The judgment in her expression was subtle, but present.

"As if you were incapable of choosing."

The word you lingered. Not as accusation, but as an invitation. Valoria. The individual. Not the class. Not the Padawan. You.

She took a single step closer, just enough to let her voice fall to a slightly more intimate register — not gentle, but careful, as one might speak to a creature you didn't want to startle.

"You feel the wrongness because you're not used to consent in your learning."

A pause.

"You're told when to meditate. What to think during it. What to feel and what to avoid. They don't teach you to know yourself. They teach you to emulate someone else's calm."

A beat.

"Even if it's a lie."

She let that sit. She could see the questions blooming in Valoria now. Not rebellion. That wasn't her. Not yet. But inquiry. Real inquiry. The kind that couldn't be unasked once it surfaced.

That was the first fracture. Not from pressure. From curiosity. The most natural, most powerful crack of all.

"You asked if the diode is forbidden. If so, then so is every part of the Force that does not bow to doctrine."

She stepped past it, slowly circling the device and its faint hum.

"This is not a weapon. It is a tool. The only danger in it is what it might reveal."

Ilaria stopped on the opposite side of the stone from Valoria and knelt again, gracefully, hands folding on her thighs. She did not reach for the diode. She did not ask Valoria to.

"You're not ready to touch it yet. Not fully."

A flicker of something passed through her voice — not condescension, but confidence. A calm, immovable awareness of tempo. She would not force Valoria. That would be crude. The girl needed to arrive on her own. That was the only path that mattered.

"But you're ready to observe."

She gestured once, elegantly, toward the stone.

"Watch. Closely."

Without another word, Ilaria extended her hand again, hovering her palm over the diode.

This time, the effect was different.

A faint tremor ran through the cave floor — not enough to shake stone, but enough to set the ripples in the shallow pool dancing again. A filament of violet energy gathered between her palm and the diode — not harsh, not volatile. Contained.

Then she breathed, slow and deliberate, and the light changed — deepening from violet to a shade just one degree darker, more crimson, as if some hidden filter had shifted inside the pulse.

"You see this?"

The diode responded, the pulse steady, alive.

"There is no chaos, there is harmony."

Another beat. She tilted her palm slightly, and the pulse thinned into a thread — refined, deliberate, almost elegant in its sharpness.

"Try to reach for it in the Force."

 

Illaria's words, as contradicting as Valoria found them, made some sort of sense somewhere in Valoria's mind. That was, she was willing to believe them. Willing to entertain the thought that maybe the Order wasn't as truthful as they appeared.

Her mindset and thoughts weren't as fixed as some of her peers. Even she herself had been able to identify that lately. When the time and situation called for it, she knew how to adapt her mind to re-evaluate a situation. To adjust and find a solution. Most reacted on instinct. When something unexpected was thrown their way, they'd do the first action that came to mind. Valoria preferred to step back for a moment, if she had the time for it, so that she could see the larger picture and avoid doing anything foolish.

After that incident she tried to ensure she always thought first before acting.

"You feel the wrongness because you're not used to consent in your learning."

Consent in her learning? Was that not just the way things were supposed to work? It had been that way for many centuries. No-one thought anything different of it. It simply was. You learn from your higher-ups what they believe you're ready to learn, for your own protection. If they didn't teach you something, that meant they believed you weren't ready.

It didn't sit right with her, though, knowing that knowledge was excluded because it messed with the Order's beliefs. Wasn't the aim to become as competent in their usage of the force as possible? How could they do that if stuff was essentially being erased from the records. All knowledge should be available. To everyone. They always spoke to them about 'accessing the wells of knowledge to deeper understand.' How can they reach the true depths if knowledge continued to be gatekept from them?

Illaria was right. Of course she was. She never missed a thing.

The questions were blossoming throughout her mind. Ilaria had turned her mind from a grass-filled field to a flowering meadow. It helped that she'd been feeling annoyed - no, not annoyed, discontent - towards the council lately. She was growing impatient with them, despite knowing she really shouldn't be. 6 months of waiting tended to lead to that.


"Watch. Closely."

Valoria's eyes flickered from Ilaria's face down to where the diode rested, watching silently as the violet energy gathered. It was kind of beautiful, in its own way. Seeing Ilaria use the diode made it seem less of a danger. Obviously, she still didn't want to think about the one thing that would supposedly be needed for it to work properly. But it was less daunting, which was something. An improvement, at least.

"Try to reach for it in the Force."


She glanced to the other girl as if in confirmation as to what she wanted to do. Right. She just had to reach out with the force. She could do that. Her mind drifted back to what Ilaria had said when she'd first procured the diode.

'...remember the last moment you felt something powerful enough to burn through your calm... [the diode] will not harm you... Unless you lie to yourself.'

That's what she was asking for now. Wasn't it? Why else would she have brought it up again. That was the most logical assumption.

It took a long moment before Valoria decided to commit to it. That's what she would have wanted her to do. Her master, that was. Stop running from her own mistake. And she also didn't want to risk getting hurt by the device. From what Ilaria had shown, it did not look like a fun experience.

The memory wasn't hard to bring to the surface. It was always there, really, lurking in the shallows of her mind. Yet she kept it underwater, knowing very well it could be the thing that ruins her future within the New Jedi Order forever. The reason why she'd be stuck on this planet forever.

But now she let it emerge to the front of her mind.

It was no different to all the other times she'd seen it. No less painful. It was never any less painful. The memory played out, the same sequence of events as always. If only she hadn't left when she'd been told to. Then things might have been alright. She would still be alive. Maybe, just maybe.

And a maybe was enough to keep guilt alive.

Her concentration dropped for a moment, long enough for her discomfort and regret to flash across her face before she re-masked it.

After supressing it for so long, it almost felt good to acknowledge it. Obviously, it wasn't a nice feeling to have. It often weighed heavily on her. But acknowledging it felt much better than stuffing it down the back of her mind.

She imbued that feeling into the force as she reached out to the diode. She had no idea what it would do, but to her logic, it's what Ilaria had wanted. It can't be that dangerous if the other girl was ready to use it with such little hesitation.

With the force, completely unknowing as to exactly what would happen, she grasped the diode, mentally preparing for the worse.



 

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