Private What We Carry

[Everest Vale]

Tag: Reina Daival

Eve slept quietly.

The room around her was quiet, still but sterile. Morning light filtered in through the blinds, soft and golden, brushing gently across the pale sheets and the quiet rise and fall of her chest. A monitor hummed a slow rhythm beside her, in time with her breath. She didn’t stir.

Her body lay cocooned beneath the covers, head tilted slightly toward the window. White bandages were still wrapped across her brow and temple, holding soft padding over the space where she once had a left eye. The silver lashes of her right eye flickered once — caught in the slipstream of some dream — but settled again.

She looked peaceful, in that way the exhausted sometimes do. But the tension was there, just beneath the surface. The faint furrow of her brow. The slight twitch of her fingers against the sheet. Her lips parted slightly, breath catching now and then, as if her mind wandered, as if something chased her even here.

But sleep held her gently.

For now, she did not have to fight. For now, she did not have to be strong.

She just had to rest.

 

[Reina Daival]

Location: Medbay
Tags: Everest Vale

Reina was a blur through the Temple. Sprinting as fast as her legs could carry her as she brought a gust of wind with her, skidding to a stop as she changed directions to make her way to the medbay as fast as she could, stumbling ever so slightly as her eyes were wide with terror. She had heard the news only just now and there was no way she was going to waste any time in seeing her friend. Reina had wondered what had happened and now that she had been told some of the story...

She had her own problems to think about right now, the feeling of blood still staining her hands and face from the battle but none of that mattered for her. All that mattered was seeing Everest as she made her way into the medbay room and froze at the sight. The bandages. It brought a...strange feeling to Reina's chest. She didn't know how to explain it, nor how to explain the sensation. Instead she focused on the one thing she did understand. Anger.

It was bubbling. Inside of her. The flame inside of her was growing. Fuelled by the anger she knew she should be keeping at bay, as she clenched her hands into tightly balled fists, digging her nails into the palm of her hands in frustration. Was this what Azurine was worth? Everest getting hurt? Innocent people dying for someone they didn't even know?

Anger was something she needed to control. Reina knew that. But right now she couldn't control anything as she stepped further into the room, trying to hold herself together. Yet another thing she couldn't control however were the tears balling up in her eyes. The illogical part of her brain telling her that somehow this was her fault. She should have been there with Everest. That it should have been Reina who had been harmed, not her friend. The woman just stood there in silence, too afraid to wake Everest. Too resentful to say a single word as she just watched.
​

 

[Everest Vale]

Tag: Reina Daival

Eve didn’t stir at first. The rise and fall of her breath was soft, shallow. Her head was turned slightly toward the window, what little light that filtered through the curtains casting pale warmth on the bandages across her face. In sleep, there was stillness, but not peace. A tremor passed through her brow now and then, a twitch of fingers curling against the blanket, and the tiniest furrow that never quite left her brow.

She didn’t dream quietly. Her body bore that truth.

The quiet hum of medical equipment pulsed gently through the room, but Reina’s presence was louder in the Force than any of it. Grief, fury, guilt, all of it radiated off her like smoke clinging to skin. And still, Eve didn’t wake.

But perhaps... she felt her.

A sigh escaped her lips. Her fingers stirred, twitching faintly against the sheets. Her brow tightened. And then, as if drawn from the depths of some long, churning sea, Eve’s eye blinked open, slow and disoriented. She winced at the light, one hand instinctively moving toward her face before stopping just shy of the bandages.

She didn’t speak immediately. She only turned slightly, blinking up in the direction of the presence she could feel so clearly.

"...Reina?" Her voice was raw and soft, but unmistakable.

A pause.

Then quieter still, her voice catching faintly, as a single, small tear fell down her cheek.

"I— I'm so glad to see you."

 

[Reina Daival]

Location: Medbay
Tags: Everest Vale

Her breath was caught in her throat again, as Reina saw Everest starting to move. Was everything alright? Her eyes were wide, filled with fear and tears as thoughts were racing through her mind. She had seen people get hurt before, some quite gnarly injuries, but it was different when it was like this. Someone you truly cared for.

She couldn't bring herself to say anything as Everest woke. She just watched as Everest's hand moved towards her face, and then watched as Everest blinked in Reina's direction. Every muscle inside of Reina's body was tensed up. What was she meant to say? What was she meant to do? This wasn't something Reina could fix. She couldn't do anything to help. All she could do was hit stuff. Get hit. When it came to comforting people, or being there for those who were hurt...What was she meant to do?

"I'm...I'm here..."

Reina's voice broke as she stepped forward, the tears starting to uncontrollably stream down her face as the dam holding them back had broken. They were streaming down her face as Reina took a few more hesitant steps towards Everest. Anger was mixing with grief as Reina didn't know how to take any of this in.

"I'll...always be here. For you."

It felt strange for her to talk. Like her mind was detached from her lips. It was hard for her to think clearly. Her head ached, and so did her heart. It felt like she wasn't even in control of herself as she just stood by the bed. Reina felt like she was watching all of these through some kind of screen. It was hard to bring herself into the moment...even as The Voice spoke in the back of her mind. That voice that she had struggled to ignore.

Except you weren't there when it counted. You can't protect anyone.​

 

[Everest Vale]

Tag: Reina Daival

Eve blinked again, her quartz eye trying to focus through the blur of sleep and the film of something heavier — grief, maybe. Or heartbreak. She didn't need the Force to feel it. The pain in her friend's voice was like a cold hand wrapping around her own chest. The brokenness in I'm here, the promise in I'll always be here.

It hurt worse than the eye.

She tried to sit up, winced from all her wounds around her, and stopped halfway. Everything ached — her head, her shoulder, her ribs — but none of it mattered compared to the ache that bloomed when she saw Reina cry. Really cry, like she did on Fondor. Not the frustrated kind she sometimes let out in the shadows after a tough spar or a hard day, but this… this was something else.

Eve's lips parted as if to speak, but no words came.

So instead, she reached out — slow, shaking — and found Reina's hand. Cold fingers met warm ones. Eve's grip was weak, but sure. And when she squeezed, it said everything her voice couldn't: I'm still here. I'm still me. Please don't hurt for me.

A tear slipped from the corner of her remaining eye, carving its way through the dried blood and clean bandage lines. But she didn't look away. She just gazed at Reina, full of quiet affection, pain, and something ancient in its simplicity.

"You're here now," she whispered at last. "That's all that matters."

 

[Reina Daival]

Location: Medbay
Tags: Everest Vale

She's just saying that to make you feel better. You know the Truth. You know she's lying.

Reina couldn't help but tense up as she felt Everest's fingers against her own. She didn't deserve this. No. She didn't deserve to have a friend. Not when she had failed her. Everest believed in Reina. Believed that she could be better than who she was, but all Reina could feel right now was Anger. Grief. Shame. None of them were feelings that Everest would want Reina to be going through, but she couldn't stop it.

It should have been you. You're already broken. You aren't whole. Now she's just like us. A part of her is gone now. She's broken.

No. She's not broken. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

She clenched her eyes shut, trying to silence The Voice in her head. It was her. It always was. But she didn't want to hear it. Not right now. It was the first time in recent moments that she could actually recall that other part of her being wrong. Everest wasn't broken. She wasn't like Reina. Everest was still a whole person.

"I...I...I..."

What was she meant to say? Reina knew Everest wouldn't agree if Reina said she had to be there. It was selfish of Reina to think that. Everest was strong. So much stronger than Reina gave her credit for. There was just so much she wanted to say but her mind just wouldn't connect to her mouth. Instead, Reina let out a loud sob, falling down to her knees against the bed.

"...I'm sorry."

​

 

[Everest Vale]

Tag: Reina Daival

Eve blinked, dazed still from everything — the pain, the haze, the sheer weight of healing — but Reina’s sob shook her deeper than any of it. She flinched, not from fear, but from a helpless ache blooming in her chest.

"Reina...?" she whispered, confused, her brow furrowing softly.

She didn’t understand. Why was her friend apologising?

Then came the sound of her collapsing to her knees, the word "sorry" cracked open like a wound. Eve winced at the sound. Not because it hurt her, but because she could feel how much it hurt Reina. It didn't make sense. There was no blame, no fault, no reason. But the pain behind the words was real, and that was all that mattered.

Slowly, gently, Eve reached out again, this time brushing trembling fingers through Reina’s hair, letting them linger at the crown of her head in soft, soothing circles. Her hand was weak, her strength frayed, but the love in the motion was steady.

"Shh," she whispered, voice no stronger than a breath. "Reina, you have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all." Her thumb traced slowly down, brushing just above her friend's temple.

"I'm here. I’m alright," she added, not knowing if either were truly true, but believing in them because Reina needed to.

The tears in Reina’s voice had left Eve shaken, and she still didn’t understand all of it, why her friend looked like she was crumbling, why her pain ran so deep. But Eve didn’t press. She didn’t need answers now. What Reina needed wasn’t explanation. It was comfort.

"You didn’t do anything wrong," Eve whispered again, and gently rested her hand along the back of Reina’s neck, grounding her there in that quiet space.

Then, in an act wholly reminiscent of when she visited Colette here, and she was the one weeping, she ever so slowly moved herself along to the edge of her small bed, and weakly pat the new space made for her in invitation.

"Come on. I've got you."

Though she ached all over, she made sure by the time Reina clambered on, Eve could hold her securely and give her all the comfort she needed.

 

[Reina Daival]

Location: Medbay
Tags: Everest Vale

"I...I want...to be able to protect people...but I can't. She was right."

It was different this time though. Reina had known she'd be able to cope with failing strangers. She hadn't crumbled like this when that trooper had died in her arms. But it was so much different when it was someone you cared about that had been hurt. Even if by all logical sense, it wasn't her fault, Reina couldn't help but blame herself as she clenched her eyes shut tightly.

Serina was right. You know that. She'll always be right.

"I...I hate this feeling...I hate caring. It hurts. And I can't deal with it. I can't punch it. I can't ignore it. I can't scream at it. It's just there."
Reina had always been able to deal with physical pain since she was young. Mental pain had been something she had been able to learn how to deal with...but emotional pain was a different breed. She was drowning in the pain. Sinking deeper and deeper into it, with bubbles of red-hot anguish escaping her. She didn't know what was worse. The Anger she felt inside of her, or the despair that was setting in.

"It's stupid! I know it's not my fault, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. You don't deserve to be hurt like this! You're...too kind! You're too nice! You're everything I'm not!"

She's the Light you've always wanted to be. The Light you'll never be. Look. Even now she's pushing herself, to make you comfortable.

Her throat was starting to throb from the tears, from the strain she was putting on herself as she was letting her emotions out. She hated feeling this way. Maybe she should have stayed as cold as she was when she first joined the Jedi. She'd have been more useful then. She'd been able to stay focused on her task at hand and not have to worry about all of this nonsense.

Eventually, she clambered on to lay next to Everest, to reassure herself that her friend was okay...but whilst Everest was trying to support Reina, Reina was still doing the same for Everest. Trying to be as aware as she could, in case her friend was in too much pain. She couldn't let Everest push herself too much. Otherwise she'd truly feel like it was her fault.

​

 

[Everest Vale]

Tag: Reina Daival

Eve listened, not just to the words, but to the storm inside them. Her single eye remained open, watching Reina crumble beside her with quiet, aching clarity. Every syllable stung, not because they were untrue, but because they were. Raw, unfiltered, and real. And she recognised all of it.

Guilt. Rage. Despair.

Things she herself had known too well.

She didn't interrupt. She didn't try to fix it. She simply reached out again, this time more deliberately, her fingers brushing through Reina's hair with the same gentleness she'd once shown a frightened creature in the Temple gardens. Her thumb swept a tear from Reina's cheek.

"You're wrong about one thing," she whispered, voice hoarse from her own hurt but steady. "You're not nothing like me. You care, so much it hurts. That's why you're here. That's why it hurts."

Her hand stilled, resting against Reina's head, comforting.

"I don't want you to stop caring, Reina," she murmured. "I want you to feel it, and survive it. That's how we stay human. That's how we stay Jedi."

There was a silence then, filled only by the soft rise and fall of breath. When Reina finally climbed into the bed beside her, Eve didn't protest. She shifted just enough to allow space, her fingers finding Reina's again beneath the covers.

She didn't speak anymore. There was nothing else that needed to be said — not yet.

But she held her hand tightly, as if to say:
I'm still here. You are not alone.

They stayed there a while, Eve running a thumb along her shoulder soothingly, as she ler her rest her head against her chest, even if it made her ache a little, and she breathed slow and deep.

And then, softly, after a long moment of quiet between them, Eve blinked. Her voice was barely more than breath, cautious, but kind.

"Reina… who's 'she'?"

There was no accusation, only concern. The question lingered in the quiet like a ripple across still water. Whoever 'she' was, Eve suddenly realised, had left marks not just on Reina's thoughts, but on her heart.

 

[Reina Daival]

Location: Medbay
Tags: Everest Vale

Being human meant going through this pain...Being a Jedi meant having to care, even through the pain. It was true. So...maybe Reina didn't want to be human. Just maybe...

"...Maybe I shouldn't be a Jedi. I'm too...volatile."

It was a thought, a small one that she voiced out loud, as the woman started to almost shrink in on herself. The Anger inside of her had been burning at such ferocity, that Reina was starting to burn herself out. Everything ached. Her eyes, her throat, her mind and her heart. It hurt so much. But Everest wanted her to feel.

This all felt wrong. Everest was the one who was hurt. Not Reina. Reina should be there. Supporting Everest but she couldn't. She could barely support herself. Then there was that question Everest asked. Who was "she". Reina hadn't told anyone about her meeting with Serina. Not properly at least. It felt like she was about to start walking on eggshells, as she stared off into the distance for a moment, as if recalling the memory.

"...I had went looking for materials for my lightsaber...I wanted to find...something strong. That I could defend with...which is when I met her."

That moment still played in Reina's mind every day. The mistakes she may have made. The way Serina knew who Reina was so well. The way Reina had thought they were similar...and maybe they still would have been similar, if it wasn't for the effects of Everest and Valery.

"...She knew me so well. I told her how I wanted to be a Knight of the Light...and she offered to get me Phrik. But...I don't know. Something rubbed me the wrong way...It was...weird. She was pretty. I guess. But...I think her name was Serina?"

She wasn't entirely sure. For all she knew, it could have been some kind of fake name. Or a name she had chosen because it was somewhat similar to Reina's. All Reina knew was that Serina had dug her claws into Reina's heart, and whilst they might not be there anymore, the scars were.

​

 

[Everest Vale]

Tag: Reina Daival

The moment the name left Reina’s lips, Eve froze.

Serina.

The syllables landed like a shard of ice against her spine.

She knew that name. That voice. That presence. The memory surged up from the depths, the too-sweet smile, the strange affection, the way her very presence had poisoned the air of Eve’s dorm. She remembered being watched, being studied, like a creature in a glass cage. She’d fled to Valery shaking and tearful, her instincts screaming that everything was wrong.

And now Serina had found Reina.

Reina, who was still resting against her, shivering with grief and doubt, burying herself beneath pain that didn’t belong to her. Eve’s chest rose with a slow inhale, but this breath didn’t tremble — it burned.

Something shifted.

The ache in her body remained, the bandages pressed tight to her ruined face, but the fog of helplessness began to clear. In its place came resolve. Fierce. Steady.

Protective.

She was no longer that frightened, trembling girl. If anything, Zeffo had carved a truth deeper into her soul: she would do anything to protect the ones she loved. And in the two weeks since waking in this sterile hospital ward, that truth had only taken firmer root, not just in her mind, but in the quiet, unwavering thrum of her heart.

Her hand, still in Reina’s hair, stilled for a moment, then began to stroke gently, as if the gesture could shield her from more than just sadness. Eve leaned in slightly, her voice quiet but full of force.

"She came to me, too," she said. "She made me feel small. Unsafe. She made me afraid in my own room, especially after I realised who she was. Serina Calis was a Padawan once, but she fell. Her name was whispered all over the temple for a while, as a tale of caution..."

Her silver eye — now fierce and full of devotion — met Reina’s tearful gaze.

"But she’s not going to hurt you."

The words came easily, certain. A declaration.

"If she tries... I’ll stop her myself."

She didn’t need to say anything else. It was all there in her voice, in the set of her jaw, in the protective way her fingers threaded through Reina’s hair. One could not dispute at all, what she said, she meant with every fibre of her being. Eve wasn’t just comfort now, she was armour, and not for herself.

"You're not broken," she whispered. "Not too volatile. Not too much. You're feeling. And I’m proud of you for it."

Then, after a pause, she added softly,

"You don’t have to carry this alone. You never have to carry anything alone."

 

[Reina Daival]

Location: Medbay
Tags: Everest Vale

"It...was after Woostri..."

Reina muttered quietly. The time she had came face to face with the Darkness for the first time. The beginning of the Voice in her head. And Serina had been there to try and persuade Reina that she was not walking down the right path. It was almost fresh in her mind as she recalled the moment. And then she listened to Everest. The tone in her voice. Serina had been a Padawan. Who had fallen. That made so much sense now that Reina thought about it. The way Serina acted. The way she slithered in without fighting...With that all being said however...

"...Don't hurt her. Please."

She pleaded. Pleaded in a way that Reina had never spoke before. Reina didn't want Serina to get hurt. After all, the woman reminded Reina of herself. A potential path that Reina could have went down. And if Everest hurt Serina, that meant if Reina had went down that path, Everest would be able to hurt her. It was funny in a way. Reina was the one who wanted to protect others, but here she was with Everest offering to protect her. It was a joke almost.

"I...I want to save her. I want to guide her. Back to the Light."

By now, her voice was a whimper. Reina felt like it was nonsensical for her to believe that she could bring anyone back to the Light, when she was so volatile. So aggressive. But the version of herself that Everest and Valery believed it could. She had to do this. For once, violence wasn't the option she wanted to take. It was a sign of her growth in a way, you could suppose. The old Reina would have happily wanted to rush at Serina with her lightsaber held high...but she was more willing to face other options now.

​

 

[Everest Vale]

Tag: Reina Daival

Eve blinked, slowly.

The silence that followed Reina’s words wasn’t cold, or empty. It was thick with thought, with feeling, as if something inside Eve was being carefully, painfully rearranged.

Don’t hurt her.

She hadn’t expected that. Not from Reina. Not after everything. Her first instinct had been to rise, to shield, to fight, to stop anyone who’d ever made Reina feel small or twisted. The thought of this, womancreeping into Reina’s life sent a flush of something fierce through her chest.

But now... Now she sat with that request, and felt it settle like a stone in still water.

"I..." she started, then faltered. Her fingers flexed slightly in the sheets. The image of Serina — sharp and sickly sweet — rose unbidden. That first encounter, the way it had shaken her to her core. The way she’d run to Valery in tears, afraid to sleep, afraid to be alone. That memory hadn’t faded. Not really. But she had buried it so deep she had fooled herself into thinking it never happened.

Eve looked at Reina, and for a moment, all she saw was someone she loved in pain, reaching out with hands that still trembled.

"I want to protect you," she admitted softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "Everything in me says to make sure she never hurts you again."

A beat.

"But..." Her jaw tensed. "If you still see a way forward for her — if there's something left of her worth saving — I won’t take that from you."

Her silver eye met Reina’s, tender and conflicted all at once.

"I don’t know if I can trust her... but I trust you."

She swallowed, emotion tightening her voice.

"I just don’t want her to pull you down with her."

She couldn't make a promise, but she could trust Reina, and she hoped that would be enough. The emotion was still heavy, like a cloud upon her mind.

"If anything happens to you, Reina... If she hurts you seriously in any way..." She forced an exhalation. Eve knew exactly what she would do to her, but she wasn't sure Reina was ready to hear that.

 

[Reina Daival]

Location: Medbay
Tags: Everest Vale

She could understand why Everest wanted to protect her. Why the Woman wouldn't trust Serina. In any other circumstance, Reina wouldn't have trusted Serina, but she needed to try. To make an effort and that was it. If she failed, she failed. Though of course, knowing Reina's stubbornness, it was hard to believe that she'd just leave it at that.

"...Life is full of pain Everest. That's something I've learned. I hardened myself to it when I was young. Did my best to shoulder it. But now it's all so fresh. So new to me. I know you want to protect me. I want to protect you...But we can't always do that. Sometimes we need to learn from pain..."

When did she suddenly start getting so wise? She sighed to herself, as she rummaged around in her robes for something, pulling out a bit of string. Everest didn't want Reina to be dragged down into the darkness, but that meant she was going to need a lifeline, which...she had. Wordlessly, Reina started to tie the string around her wrist and Everest's. Of course, they'd need to undo it later, but it was the meaning behind it that was important.

"This is...something I learned to do as a kid. It's called...a funeral knot. Ignore the morbid name. It's just...if you don't tie this knot properly, you could be dragged off into sea. It's a life-line. To keep you attached to something solid. Something that won't let you drown."

The last person she did this for was Alana. Someone Reina never saw again after that moment. It was why Reina was so purely focused on tying this knot, it had to be perfect. Sticking her tongue out in concentration, as she rubbed at her eyes with my elbow to clear the tears.

"Tell me...if it's getting too tight. I don't want to hurt you whilst you're...already hurt."

​

 

[Everest Vale]

Tag: Reina Daival

Eve watched in silence, her eye glistening as Reina worked. She didn't speak at first. She couldn't. Her throat had tightened at the gesture — at the quiet, raw love in it. Her gaze flicked from Reina's furrowed brow, to the careful movement of her fingers, to the thread beginning to bind them together.

A lifeline.

Something solid.

Eve exhaled slowly, shakily, and let her arm remain still as the knot pulled snug against her skin. She didn't flinch. Instead, she blinked back the sting of fresh tears and let herself feel what it meant, not just the knot, but the hands that tied it. The promise, however unspoken, that Reina would try. That she hadn't given up on herself... or the Light.

"No, it's not hurting," she whispered.

The knot was snug now. Secure. Eve gave the string a faint tug, feeling the tension between their wrists — and the connection behind it — and offered the faintest, watery smile, her own hand finding Reina's.

"I'll hold on if you will."

 

[Reina Daival]

Location: Medbay
Tags: Everest Vale

The Light was a part of Reina. So was the Abyss. Beneath the waves. The Voice in her head. It had been pushing her to make a choice. Did she continue to fight against the Abyss and enjoy the warmth of the Light, or succumb to the cold waves of the Abyss. Of the Darkness. And it was in this precise moment that Reina was making a promise to herself. To Everest. That Reina had chosen the Light. She'd choose to continue to Fight. For the pain she'd endure from fighting against the Dark was so much less than what she'd lose from accepting it. She'd lose herself. She'd lose Everest. She'd lose her guidance.

"Of course I'll hold on Everest. I'm missing a leg. Not a hand."

Humour. A soft chuckle escaping her mouth at that as she raised her free hand to rub at her eyes. Her eyes settling on Everest, the bright Light in her life that still hadn't been extinguished. The Light that Reina had hated at first. That had seen as weak. As something that needed to be protected. And now it was protecting her. It proved to her there was Light in the Galaxy.

"...You're my best friend Everest."

​