We, the Scarred

[Krux Mullarus]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDK5qGlLT8s​

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Just a simple, quick trip to Boz Pity to refuel Patriot and crash for the night while en route back to Sanctum space, right?​

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Krux docked his starship at a relatively small town on Boz Pity, which resided in a very flat part of the world near an oasis of freshwater. The only real tourist attraction here was how photogenic the oasis was and the starship fueling station that brought in many spacers, who then took a trip to the little cantina near the center of town.

However, Krux Mullarus had just shared a drink with someone at a cantina less than twenty-four hours ago, and he wasn't feeling it. The countless hours spent alone in the confines of Patriot had taken a toll on the man's mind. He meditated, he slept, he ate, he tried to keep his mind off of her, but he couldn't. Everywhere he looked, all he saw was her face. I have to make her see reason. I don't know if I can live without her... he kept trying to admit, but he insisted he had to move on.

He was afraid he'd lose his mind again. Fall to the temptations of the Dark Side again and have thousands of people murdered. Again. No...anything but that...

So the young, aspiring Jedi left his starship at the small spaceport to refuel and took to the streets. The night sky was bright with stars, and just about everyone in town was either deciding to spend the night at the local cantina drinking and flirting all night or at home in bed. Many lucky ones, to bed with their beloved, a feeling Krux continued to look back on and miss so dearly.

A shower of light, misty rain began to trickle down on the town as Mullarus trudged down the dirt road, pulling the white hood over his head and looking down at the ground, seeing his reflection in the muddy puddles that started to form. His face was starting to look much better since he first arrived on Voss. The dark side corruption was almost completely gone now, the only visible scars left now were actual physical scars. Some small, from cuts, bruises, and the like. Others were more notable, like the long one across the right side of his face, obtained from his grandfather's lightsaber in their duel which ended in the old Sith Lord's demise.

Finally, Krux found himself at the end of the road and looked out over the oasis, which was more like a lake with a lot of trees and tall grass growing around it and giving it that feeling of 'welcome home to paradise'. His indigo eyes scanned the horizon, when he suddenly felt a familiar presence nearby. It was old, Sith Acolyte days old, but he couldn't tell whom it was...


[member="Keira Ticon"]

 

[Keira Priest]

A song for a song

Much the same as his own motives for being on the planet, Boz Pity was a temporary stop for Keira as well, though in comparison she was en route to Mandalorian space instead. She and the clones had been living among the warrior culture for some time now, having assimilated themselves among the people as one of their own. The adjustment had been simple by every stretch of the word, as all of them had more or less been Mando'ade in everything but name. Thus far she wasn't certain just how well they had been received, but she was of the mind to assume everything had been preceding smoothly, or everyone was doing a fine enough job of putting on a face.

There were, however, much more important things to worry about than how well the two groups were merging. Namely the ongoing war with the Sith and the newly forged peace that was still very much tentative between the Mandalorians and the Republic. It was a gap she and her men were meant to fill, but this was in some sense her time away from that niche, and so she did her best to drive those thoughts from her mind for the time being, focusing only on the here and now. Once her senses returned to the present she seemed to be fractionally more at ease, having restricted her ethereal senses to nothing more than the most pressing of oddities within the surrounding area.

When the rain began to fall she didn't shy away or make any attempt to shield herself, instead tilting her head back and closing her eyes, allowing the rainwater to wash over her. What makeup she did wear about her eyes was soon enough smudged, though she couldn't find it in herself to care overly much. On this particular day she hadn't donned her armor, the lack of its presence leaving her with a nearly weightless sensation, the water beginning to seep through her clothing and cool next to her skin a pleasant thing all told. It united her more completely with the galaxy she inhabited, something she only felt she had become distanced from as time passed. Soon enough hopefully the time would come to remedy that.

It was in that moment something familiar bled through to her via the Force, and she was given pause. The aura wasn't something she explicitly recognized, but it withheld enough familiar undertones to warrant further investigation. Once more facing forward she altered her course so as to intercept this individual. Never being one to run from any issue, she much rather preferred the prospect of facing it head on and eliminating any further difficulties. The presence was far more oriented towards the light than she had ever found it in herself to be, but just as with most everyone she associated with it spoke of some brush with the darkness far more intimate than a simple momentary corruption. This was someone she knew.

[member="Krux Mullarus"]

 

[Krux Mullarus]

Her presence was familiar, but her face was not. Yes, he recognized her, but she was different. Good or bad different? He couldn't tell. One thing was certain: He remember her as the 'Jedi' that spoke with him aboard a prison ship after he had been vacated away from the Battle of Balmorra. He just couldn't remember her name, if she ever actually gave it to him.

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out, so he watched her for a second. She was facing him, and for a moment, wondered if she could even see him. Was he invisible now? He cleared his throat and adjusted his robes, as they started to get damp in the misty rain. Finally, words left his tongue.

"...Small galaxy, huh?"

[member="Keira Ticon"]

 

[Keira Priest]

Recognition sparked instantly in her amber gaze, head inclining slightly in acknowledgement and the simple knowing of just who he was. It had been after Balmorra, not an hour after facing down two Sith Lords on the planet. He had been aboard a Republic prison ship, and she had made the executive decision to see and talk to this Sith herself. The conversation hadn't gotten either of them anywhere other than in circles, and she had found herself lacking the patience necessary to carry on the discussion, a feeling that seemed mutual. But she had let him live all the same, and it seemed he had taken that second chance at life and done something with it after all, a feat she herself had never managed to accomplish.

It seemed this time around the label of Jedi suited him far better than it had her previously. For all intents and purposes they had switched places, true irony if any had ever existed. The dark was now her domain, but it was something she had never truly left behind, even when she still walked between both alignments. Just like his corruption had seceded hers was now written plainly in her features, being the most prominent in her amber eyes and the bruising about them beneath the skin. "I'd say it's a pretty big galaxy myself, seeing how we've both changed. Can't say I really mind the difference. I like this version a lot better than the overzealous Sith Acolyte." Just so long as he didn't begin preaching the opposite.

Gesturing with her head she began to walk down towards the lakeside, hands in her pockets, seeming to ignore the rain as it fell. The weather was the least of her concerns. "Republic or Sanctum?" A fair enough question, though the Jedi Order formerly affiliated with the Republic had cut ties with them the last she had heard. Still, it was all very much the same to her. A Jedi was a Jedi, at the very least in name, though far be it from her to categorize everyone into the same box when she was so annoyed with the practice herself. The only sound for a few long moments was the pattering of the rain, but she was content for once to simply exist in and as a part of nature.

"What brings you to Boz Pity, then? You're a bit far from friendly space, whatever Order you hail from now." The conversation was already proceeding far smoother than their first encounter, but that didn't exactly mean much when she had threatened his life the first time. Hopefully neither would be given cause for that to happen again.

[member="Krux Mullarus"]

 

[Krux Mullarus]

The woman had changed just as much as he had, it appeared. The Dark Side fell from her body like persperation. She had fallen. To the Sith, or just to her own selfish desires, like so many dark jedi before her?

"Sanctum. Even today, I feel...uneasy about the Republic. I hear they're barely even standing anymore. It's...surprising, to say the least." he replied to her question, following her closer to thr edge of the lake, where he decided to sit down with his arms over his legs. There was still a part of him that wondered if he should really trust this woman, but the Jedi in him told him it was okay. She saved his life once. Even darksiders can be decent people, too.

"I'm just refilling my ship for the night. I decided to see some of the sights in the outer rim while my Jedi training stood still for a time. Headed back now..." he felt his voice soften, then he turned to her.

"...I never did get your name after Balmorra. I'm Krux. Currently a student of the Jedi...and what brings you here?"

[member="Keira Ticon"]

 

[Keira Priest]

"Not so surprising when you've been involved from the beginning of that downfall." Her position in the coup was something Keira had never felt was worth hiding. There was certainly regret present, but also a distinct lack thereof. It was difficult to feel too bad about something you had done if you felt it was deserved. "The Republic's slowly rebuilding after all that's happened. A new Supreme Chancellor was elected, and a treaty with the Mandalorians has been mostly worked out. Things aren't quite as bad as they used to be." That didn't, of course, mean they would be getting extravagantly better anytime soon, but it was a start. "I'm still affiliated with them, if that's what you're wondering. The Republic, I mean."

Once he sat she did the same, looking down at her hands where they rested in her lap for a moment before looking to him. "Keira. Currently commander of the Republic's clone army and warrior of the Mandalorians." Those were, in her mind, the only titles she held that truly mattered anymore. Unlike him she had no Order to call home, and belonged to no discipline other than war itself. "Don't really know if I can tell you what I'm doing here. Not because it's classified, but because I don't know myself. I am on my way back to friendly space, though. Mandalorian space." It was strange to think she had found a home there, but she fit into the culture well enough, and the men blended seamlessly with it.

"Sightseeing in the Outer Rim, huh? Isn't that a bit dangerous for a Jedi?" The smile that played across her lips showed she was joking - mostly - and there was no ill intent behind the words spoken. "You've not seen much of anything until you've been to Wild Space. That's where the real fun is." And where she had made her home, for a time. Now she was talking just to fill the void of silence between them, but it was nice to hold a conversation that didn't weigh on her conscience in one form or another. They were just two friends catching up. Well, sort of, if you looked past the fact that she had come close to severely injuring or ending his life before. This was a step forward.

"You can probably tell that I've fallen, but I'm not...like them, the Sith, or whatever sort of darksider you prefer. I have more of a control over myself than I did the last time, and I still believe in some kind of greater good. I just don't think being pure and of the light is the way to go about solving all of your problems. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire, and I guess that's what I'm here for." That sounded better than saying she had inevitably given into herself again. "What about you? There has to be some reason you turned on your heel and left the Sith behind for good."

[member="Krux Mullarus"]

 

[Krux Mullarus]

Krux stared out into the water as she spoke, taking it all in. The Republic had managed to survive after all? Even if it's only a shadow of it's former self, it still. It probably wouldn't be the same after their defeat at Contruum, and now, looking back at how he had helped the Sith destroy it all, he felt even more ashamed.

"It hasn't helped much. I've only seen how lawless and corrupt the Rim worlds are. There's no order out here. I wouldn't say i'm in much danger, though. I don't know many Sith who liked it out here, either. This is a place for scum and spice-smugglers. Not a place for an ambitious sith or a benevolent jedi. I don't know much of Wild Space, but i'm sure it isn't much better. I'll stick to Sanctum space, where there is order and I don't have to worry about my starship being stolen all the time."

Finally, when she started to talk about how she'd turned to the Dark Side, opposite of him, his interest had piqued. Despite her reassurances, Krux still scoffed. He was never the condescending type, but he had experienced the Dark Side before she had and he knew all about its temptations. "Oh yes, of course. The Dark Side is only a means to an end. It has never corrupted and utterly destroyed the humanity in anyone who has ever followed that path. Fire with fire, you have to stoop to the darkness' levels of evil to get what you want. No, Keira, you don't. Take it from me, then. I danced with the devil for over a decade, convinced the 'fire' you speak of was the right way to go because it didn't limit your abilities like the Light seems to, but it's not fething true. The dark side is wrong, not because it's mean or unfair and challenging, because the dark side is like a plague. You won't feel the symptoms for a while. You'll feel powerful, like you can take on the whole galaxt, and you'll feel so...human with all of those emotions empowering your every ability.

"But one day, Keira, the dark side will destroy you. When you do feel the symptoms of that plague, your entire life will turn on its side. Everything you ever knew will disappear. You can't control it forever, I know you think you can, but you won't. Say what you want. You're wrong.

"If you won't take my word for it, fine. Don't say nobody ever warned you. You want to know why I abandoned the Sith and chose to pursue the Light? That's why. It destroyed me. I couldn't control it in the end, like I so blindly thought I could. The Sith make you arrogant. They tell you 'You can control it if you are strong enough', but some sith are just fine with being stripped of their humanity and living as a shell of what they could have been.

"I'll tell you how. Love. I fell in love with a woman who loved a Sith Lord. She betrayed me, and my heart shattered. I flew into a blind rage and murdered hundreds of people. Because I couldn't control my fury. I couldn't control the Dark Side. My face became tainted by it, my skin cracked, my eyes turned blood red, I murdered like a psychopath. I was not myself.

"I stopped myself just in time until my old Sith Master stopped me and left me to die in the ruins of my old home. If not for a dear friend of mine, i'd be dead. I didn't deserve to live, but I did, and I changed myself with my second chance at life."

He faced her once again. "Because the Jedi learn self-control above all else, so that they don't lose control over their power and destroy themselves. That is why I left the Sith behind, and why I am trying to save my friends from doing the same chit to themselves.

"I won't let them make themselves victims, too. You should consider it, too."

[member="Keira Ticon"]

 

[Keira Priest]

"I know, okay? I know how bad it is, I know what it can do." Just like him she had already experienced the corruption once before, having sworn it off only to turn back again. "I was trained in the dark for six years, and it was all I knew for too long of a time. An old friend of mine finally convinced me to turn my back on it, and I have him to thank for still being alive today." Looking back, that talk with Connor after Ziost had been her sole motivation to be something better for a long while. Now she had other things, friends and family, individuals and ideals to fight for. "I'm a lot better now than I was before, believe it or not. Now I know who I am, what I'm fighting for, all of that. Now at least I can look at myself in the mirror."

It was quite the irony, really. All this time she had been looking for something to dedicate her life to, and now that she had it she didn't see much of a purpose in turning from her current path. "I've already been ruined by the Dark Side once before. I've felt the pain it inflicts, and I've had it take everything from me. But I'm still here, I'm still fighting, and I'm damn proud of that." Her way of life might not have been the greatest thing in the galaxy, but she still held some measure of pride in it, and that was all that mattered in the end. The opinions of others still weighed on her, however, even if she wouldn't admit it. Military life had a way of making you rethink a number of things.

When he looked to her towards the end of what could be called a lecture she cocked a brow and flashed a grin, shaking her head. "You keep talking to me like I don't know any better. I've played this game before, Krux. Getting burnt after you play with fire doesn't hurt quite as much the second time around. I might not be perfect, but I know what I'm doing." Leaning back on her hands she sighed quietly, bleeding some of the tension from her form. "And I already tried the Jedi thing when I was a kid. It didn't exactly work out. I got bored, so I left. Decided it's better to do things my own way and make myself happy while doing good for the galaxy rather than abide by some stuffy Code."

Producing a cigarette from an inside pocket of her jacket she struggled to light it for a moment in the rain before finally managing the feat, inhaling smoke for a few seconds before exhaling a grey cloud to the side. "I have a family. Four siblings, and two kids, plus the army I command, though that's in name alone. They're the only people I'd want to be better for. But it's been so long that I don't know where to start, or how, or if I even want to. Because as terrible and horrible and wrong the Dark Side is, it's also become home. It's the only real constant I've had in my life, even if it is one of my worst vices. I'm just rambling now, but it's true, for what it's worth." The cigarette found her lips again, and she didn't speak for a long while.

"Just like I told Connor, I'll never be a Jedi. I walk in the middle or I don't walk the line at all. Balance is easier to find when you don't worry about maintaining anybody's standards. I've always been the sort to draw on all aspects of the Force anyhow. It's easier."

[member="Krux Mullarus"]

 

[Krux Mullarus]

All Krux did was sigh. He wasn't too surprised to hear how confident she was that she'd be okay. That's what every darksider thought. That's what he used to think.

"Of course. You'll just have to learn the hard way eventually. Don't let me stop you." he said, staring out into the water.

Wait...

"...Connor. Connor...Harrison?" he asked, turning to her curiously. Could it be she knew his master?

[member="Keira Ticon"]

 

[Keira Priest]

Instantly Keira looked to him once that name passed his lips, a laugh that drove the smoke from her lungs breaking the silence between them before she took another drag of the cigarette. "Oh, you've got to be fething kidding me." A crooked grin remained on her lips for the next few seconds, and she shook her head. "Yeah, that would be him. Connor Harrison, the one and only." There was no doubt that she knew the man. Too well, some might say, but the two of them were intrinsically similar and nearly the same in many aspects. Those traits had bound them together for the years that each had known the other, never allowing them to completely disregard the existence of their counterpart, much to each one's relative annoyance at times.

"We've known each other for around eight years at this point. He's the one that turned me away from the Dark Side the first time, after Ziost. I know I'm close to leaving this behind again. I just need time, and I haven't had a lot of that lately." She owed Connor for more than she would ever admit, that ultimately including her life. Her mentality after Ziost had been that she was fundamentally worthless in the eyes of the greater galaxy, and that every battle was merely her wasting time until the inevitable end. Now she had something more to live and fight for, and she owed him for being alive to witness that in the first place. Their relationship ran far deeper than anyone would ever truly know.

Once again the cigarette found her lips, and this time smoke rings formed in the air on her next exhale, the minor trick serving as some kind of entertainment. Reaching over she stubbed it out, looking to him. "How is it you go turning your back on the dark, then? Because I've tried before and I'm trying now, but it's never been as easy for me as everybody else makes it look. It's...comfortable for me, like a safety net, I guess. I know what to expect from it and how to manipulate it to my needs, and it's like we're old friends. The light is different. It seems fickle, like it wants to draw away but can't. Maybe that's why I've always been grey or dark. I can't figure out how to draw on the Light Side."

[member="Krux Mullarus"]

 

[Krux Mullarus]

A look of equal 'YouGottaBeFethinKiddinMe' spread across Krux's face as well, even chuckling softly. Connor really seemed to get around. Eight years? Goodness. That thought made Krux think. What was he doing eight years ago? Right. He still lived with his grandfather on Anaxes. His days with him were numbered, but still there. Seemed the appropriate time for the Ziost event to have happened, as well, the same time Setzi and Chastity Lunellr apparently had done battle with the Sith Knight that would ultimately destroy their lives...

After her question about the Light and the Jedi, and how she was so confident she would never fit in with Jedi again, Krux laid back in the grass, seeming to be drained of his energy already. He closed his eyes and sighed, "The first step is confidence, of which you have none in the Light. You have already failed."

[member="Keira Ticon"]

 

[Keira Priest]

"Well, it's a bit hard to have confidence in something you haven't known in the least for upwards of eleven years, but thanks for the inspiration. Really helpful, that." The statement was deadpanned, the barest traces of a crooked smile remaining. While he may have worn the mantle of a Jedi, he was about as tactful as any rogue or darksider she had ever met. Looking out across the lake she squinted slightly, that being the telltale look she always wore whenever deep thought chanced to overtake her. In that moment Keira wished she hadn't put out her cigarette, but she wasn't wont to light another, and so would have to go without the stress relief nicotine so readily provided. There were, she supposed, worse things.

Inhaling deeply she held her breath for a count of five before exhaling slowly, an effort to both stop herself from fidgeting and perhaps draw a touch of the dark from her form. Though it would never be that easy, she had to start somewhere. "I'm not looking to be a Jedi. I just don't want to be so dependent on the dark anymore. Even when I was grey I drew on all sides of the Force, and that won't ever change. I just don't want one half to control me for the rest of my life." That didn't seem like too much to ask in her mind, though she knew it wouldn't present itself as an easy task by any means. Better to ask for help than resign to her own self-made darkness. It was a step up from what had been her usual attitude in the past.

"How'd you go about being a Jedi, then? You can't tell me it's as easy as you like to make it seem, and you can't tell me you don't wonder whether you made the right choice every day, because I did the same when I first turned back. Now I'm regretting falling again, and it doesn't feel like there's much of a place for me on the spectrum of the Force. Some days it'd almost be easier if I wasn't sensitive, but I guess I'd better be careful what I wish for." Falling back onto the grass, she crossed one arm behind her head. "It's kind of funny, you know, how it feels like our whole life is dependent on which aspect of some mystical energy field we choose to draw on."

[member="Krux Mullarus"]

 

[Krux Mullarus]

Krux listened, taking in her words as he closed his eyes. It was more to focus on what she was saying, rather than how she was saying it and to avoid distractions. She probably would look at him and feel he was disinterested in the conversation, especially after his last remark that sparked a sarcastic response from her, but he was genuinely curious about the mind of someone with such strange views as her. "If you look to others for a source of inspiration, you should be prepared to lose it, because you will find not everyone in the galaxy is willing to hold your hand. I learned that through my conversion, among many other things.

"You see, Connor Harrison was the primary reason I sought shelter among the Silver Jedi after I had made my decision to leave the Dark Side behind me. It made me lose control of myself, it made me its puppet after I became angry at my partner's betrayal. I couldn't stop myself from feeling the boundless anger and hatred seeping through my pores. I murdered the servants at my manor. I abused my soldiers. I murdered dozens of imperials at a nearby outpost from where I lived. I insulted my apprentices. I almost led a plundering raid on my old master's Sith Academy, knowing how many would die in the process. I had thousands of my own soldiers murdered with a serum that turned the few survivors into machines of war. This was all because I was so confident that the Dark Side was the correct path. All I had done, after I finally got a glimpse of what I was doing through the veil of darkness over my eyes, I realized how wrong I was to choose the Dark Side. So I ran from it. Of course, there were consequences, too. My old master followed me home, where I sought to hide from what i'd done, and after demolishing my entire manor in our battle, he left me to die after skewering me on his lightsaber. I was lucky one of my old soldiers pursued me as well and had enough of a heart to take me to Voss, where Master Harrison convinced me to follow him down the Path of the Jedi, where the dangerous passions and emotions that nearly destroyed me could be suppressed and controlled, so I couldn't destroy the galaxy anymore."

He opened his eyes and turned to her, the scar on his face seeming to glow with a different color than it had before. No, it didn't literally glow, but it seemed every scar on Krux Mullarus' body suddenly looked different. "That is how I went about being a Jedi. No, it wasn't easy making the changes, and i'm still not finished yet. I still struggle with those dark passions from time to time. I still lose my patience, I still get angry, I still feel wrathful toward the people who drove me down this path. I still want to spill that blasted alien's blood for everything he did to me and Setzi...but i'm a Jedi because the Dark Side turned me into a weapon, and I don't want to be a weapon anymore. I want to be human."

Finally, he exhaled, turning back up to look at the stars again. "Yes...you could look at it that way. That is how a lot of people who don't really understand the Force see it, so why not? Ignorance is bliss, after all. To a Jedi, there is no ignorance. There is knowledge. I suppose you wouldn't know, would you? I don't mean to sound...that condescending. I just hope you take my words to heart before the same thing happens to you, too. You may not understand or trust the Light Side now, but look at me. If I can do it, anyone can."

[member="Keira Ticon"]

 

[Keira Priest]

The laugh that poured out of her was entirely genuine, no trace of malice evident in her expression. It was strange how at ease she truly was, but maybe that was because the tale he wove resonated so deeply within her. "Don't worry, you're not near as bad as Connor was when we first crossed paths. Going on about how there's only two sides of the Force to choose from with no in between when he himself walked and continues to walk the middle line. If you want to talk about condescending, that was it." Thankfully he had readily abandoned that school of thought upon their next meeting, or the pair likely wouldn't have grown as close as they undoubtedly were to this day, even if friendship was fickle between them.

"I'm not ever going to bother following this or that dogma, no matter how many times you want to preach the Jedi Code to me." Here she turned her head to look at him, flashing a smile to indicate that hadn't been meant as an insult so much as a teasing comment, a sign of her slowly developing trust if there ever was one. "The only Code I ever came close to following was one that was devised back when the Ravens still existed and somebody thought it'd be a good idea for a criminal syndicate to have their own order of Force sensitives. The only ideals it promoted were the fact that peace and passion were each relative to the other, and that the Force is something that grants one the ability to thrive and forge their own path."

Her eyes slid shut as she allowed herself to sink into the past so that she might recall those words from so long ago. "Peace and passion are relative, survival is all that matters. By surviving I gain longevity, through longevity I gain influence. Through influence I can be free, through freedom I can thrive. Only I can determine my destiny, I am equal with the Force." She let those words hang in the air for a moment so that he might absorb their meaning and she remember it. "Admittedly it was twisted to fit the ideals of what by that time had become nothing short of a criminal empire, but it served its purposes for as long as what I now see as a bad idea lasted."

The rain had finally come to an end, leaving the stars clearly visible, and for a moment all she did was gaze up at what appeared to be infinity. It was easy, lying here on the open plains, to picture a life severed completely from the darkness, but she knew it would come at a price, as everything did. "I don't think I'm ever going to make any kind of Jedi Master. But I will be something better than this."

[member="Krux Mullarus"]