Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Vesuvian

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infernape_by_phlegias_t_redback-d64om1n.png


OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
  • Intent: To make a simian race that uses fire in more ways than one and make Pyromancy more notable among those in the galaxy.
  • ​Image Credit: http://heri-shinato.deviantart.com/art/Infernape-370663835
  • Canon: I think this is in the wrong template
  • Links: (I'll ask to modify this sheet if it's approved)
GENERAL INFORMATION
  • Name: Vesuvians (also known as Mustafarian Fire Monkeys)
  • Designation: Sentient
  • Homeworld: Mustafar
  • Language: Galactic Standard Basic
  • Average Lifespan: 400 years (500 was the oldest force using Vesuvian's lifespan.)
  • Estimated Population: Rare
  • Description: The Vesuvians are simians with white and orange fur, a blazing fire on their skulls and navy blue hands and feet. They typically have golden pieces of armor on at all times.
PHYSICAL INFORMATION
  • Breathes: Type 1 and 2
  • Average height of adults: 2.1 meters
  • Average length of adults: N/A
  • Skin color: Under it's fur is pink, but their feet and hands are a navy blue.
  • Hair color: Orange and white mix
  • Distinctions: White and Orange fur that is hot to the touch, always blue eyes, almost feral simian appearance. The matured females are shorter than the mature males by 2 inches and when they are aged, their head flame seems to grow even stronger than before, to the point of causing headaches. Mature females have softer and warmer fur than the matured males.
  • Races: There is only one tribe of Vesuvians as they all bow to their deity first and foremost.
  • Strengths: All Vesuvians are adept Pyromancers. Vesuvians have a prehensile tail that can grip things along and always have a flame going on their heads. The Vesuvians have a strength rivaling that of a Wookiee and such other races. The flame on their heads grows ever stronger, making their fur all the warmer.
  • Weaknesses: The Vesuvians hate the colder planets because they cannot get used to ice and water. The blazing fire on their heads is their life force and if put out, can kill them. Despite their simian appearance, the Vesuvians are not great climbers or runners. The Vesuvians may be strong, but they cannot control their anger like the rest of the galaxy, resulting in them going berserk quick and losing all reasoning capability quicker. They are androgynous to the point that only they and their friends can tell which an adult of their ilk is which. The flame on their heads grows ever stronger, causing headaches when they reach 325 years of age. Due to their practice of pyromancy and devotion to Suukong, they can't practice the Force.
CULTURE
  • Diet: Meat and fruits are their common dietary habits.
  • Communication: Spoken
  • Technology level: Limited / Primitive.
  • Religion/Beliefs: They believe in an ancestral god figure named Suukong to the point of the first born prince being named such.
  • General behavior: Vesuvians are a usually calm folk, unless you try to put out their fires, otherwise they get extremely angry with you and try to kill you. They raise their young focused on teaching how to fight and how to use pyromancy, which is part of their cultural belief as a necessity. The way a Vesuvian mates deals with their scars and life flame, as in, the bigger and more scarred up they are, the more likely they can find a mate. They seem to have a form of xenophobia that can be cured if you duel one to prove your strength is greater than theirs. The Vesuvians are usually nocturnal, but they can stay up for days on end if the situation calls for it.
HISTORICAL INFORMATION
Most of the Vesuvian history is unknown as the oldest force user was 500 years old and they do not write their history down. What is known is that they lost most of their population, including their oldest Force User, during the Gulag Plague and did not suffer more losses during the 400 year darkness or even in the Netherworld. The 400 year darkness was a chaotic time for the Vesuvians, what with most of their population being endangered from the Gulag Plague events, but outside of their population being on the decline and the population gaining their xenophobia, not very much happened to them in the 400 year darkness as they stayed on Mustafar and far away from other civilizations. In fact, the deity Suukong seemed to return to them from the Netherworld event to lead the remains as a religious leader in a far younger body. This is probably the biggest impact to their history because they began to write a collective history from the life of the 500 year old force user onward. The Vesuvians originally only spoke in grunts and growls, but the species were also able to understand Galactic Basic speech, and were all taught it by the deity Suukong after he returned. Therefore most of the species are having trouble speaking it fully, but this is also because they try to pronounce things phonetically instead of how some words are actually spelled out. After their 500 year old Force wielder died, practice of The Force was in the fast path of decline.
 

Zeradias Mant

Democracy Dies in Darkness
[member="Mazarr Silverbane"]

While we in the Codex make every effort to ensure submissions are processed in a timely manner, there are a number of factors that might contribute to delays in review, including leaves of absence or a particular judge already having numerous submissions under review. Don't think that you're submission is being ignored because it hasn't been reviewed within your expected time frame. Posting reminders are unnecessary and will not speed up the judging process. Thank you for your patience.

With that being said, I'll be reviewing this submission.
 

Zeradias Mant

Democracy Dies in Darkness
[member="Mazarr Silverbane"]

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
  • Your image credit links does not link to the image source. Please see this page for guidance on how to properly source your image.
GENERAL INFORMATION
  • Please elaborate on your language - Do you mean Galactic Basic Standard or another language?
  • Please state the average lifespan of the species rather than the record of the oldest.
  • Please expand upon your description of the species. A paragraph of four sentences minimum should suffice.
PHYSICAL INFORMATION
  • ​For distinctions, you should be describing unique physical traits that define what your species is and what set them apart from humans. Be sure to include any differences between male and female as well as variations between differing regional groups (if any) and characteristics that denote a matured or aging specimen.
  • I know what you mean in your races section, but for the sake of clarity please state that there is only a single tribe or cultural race of the species.
  • I'm going to need a couple more solid weaknesses to compensate for the Wookie strength and adept pyromancy.
CULTURE
  • Given the combination of the primitive and xenophobic nature and being relatively unaffected by the Netherworld event, I'm going to infer that their access to more current technology is quite limited. Please change it to 'Limited / Primitive' or adjust your historical information to justify a more plausible technology level.
HISTORICAL INFORMATION
  • What you have now is a good start, but please add another paragraph. You reference a first Suukong - are you referencing the firstborn prince, the deity, or someone else altogether? Why weren't the Vesuvians affected by the 400 Year Darkness or Netherworld event? While I like the idea of a recorded history and am fine with it beginning 500 years ago, there is a big gap to fill! Use this gap to further develop and explain how the Vesuvians came to be who they are today!
 
[member="Zeradias Mant"]

Also, it is hard to think of 4 sentences for a description when I am limited in time to use a laptop, as it takes a while for me to think.
 

Zeradias Mant

Democracy Dies in Darkness
[member="Mazarr Silverbane"]

GENERAL INFORMATION
  • I'll still need those extra couple sentences added before approving this. It would help to just jot down any ideas you have as footnotes so you know what to elaborate on when you get on a computer!
PHYSICAL INFORMATION

  • Is the only difference between males and females the marginal difference in size? Being androgynous is an acceptable reason for this, but a more distinguishable (even if small) difference would be nice.
  • By solid weaknesses, I mean weaknesses that will balance the strengths in a PvP scenario. Wookie strength and adept pyromancy are not offset by berserk behavior and the other minor weaknesses. You could use something among the lines of them having brittle bones, so they have to exercise caution when using their brute strength, or because of their commitment to pyromancy and devotion to Suukong, they are unable to practice the Force.

HISTORICAL INFORMATION
  • Please add a sentence or two explaining how a smaller primitive society came to speak the most widely spoken language in the galaxy. You may use this towards the additional paragraph I've asked for.
 

Zeradias Mant

Democracy Dies in Darkness
[member="Mazarr Silverbane"]

I'd also ask that you clean up the formatting a bit with all the unnecessary bold, but that's a minor thing. Just tag me when all the changes have been made and I can chalk this up to pending for you.
 
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