Private Try to Remember That Kind of September

[Gerwald Lechner]

WEARING: xxx
TAG: Naedira Darcrath

Days had a habit of turning into weeks, and weeks into months. Gerwald had lost track of how long it had been since Srina Talon had made good on her promise to bring Naedira back, but it had been done. Perhaps if Gerwald had known what it would have demanded he would have let her rest. The wolf had not understood what Darth Omnia had tried to tell him, because he had not wanted to. The truth was plain. He loved the woman, but his desire for her was just as strong. Love would have let her go, but desire had won out. She was alive, and fighting to become human once more.

Gerwald was certain she would never be fully human, not in the way he had known her. Oh, Srina had ensured his memories would fill the gap of hers, but the wolf wondered if he had her brought back just to leave him. She was tied to him now, but the thought still threatened his own thoughts. He was so used to rejection that even this he doubted at times.

Naedira would not be the Naedira he had known, but she was still herself. Even in death she had pushed the wolf away to protect. The devourer had never quite overtaken him. Gerwald had learned it was because of her. Naedira had become something new whether by design or not, and it had made her powerful.

Yet Gerwald did not labor on what she had become. Every time his eyes looked upon her, she looked as she had. Had the wolf not seen with his own eyes what the merger with the Nocna Mora had done to her, Gerwald would have never believed it.

He stood, as was often his recent habit, leaning against the balcony of his home. Naedira was inside, her mind likely still trying to assimilate Gerwalds recollection of life from the moment she died til the moment of her rebirth. He could only imagine it was a grueling process, and while he was an excellent caretaker, this was not something he could do for her. This was Naedira’s battle. She would remember with time, but how long was anyone’s guess.

The city had grown dark. What sunset there was to enjoy was almost past. The moon would be full soon, and it would be bright. Gerwald could feel his wolf scratching to get out. He was careful to shift when he was in private, not sure of what Naedira remembered of his abilities. It would be just enough for a morning run, or a small nap. The wolf was let loose for only what was needed to keep Gerwald from growing insane by keeping his human shape for too long.

He was of no use to Empyrean or Srina if he went mad.

He was certainly of no use to Naedira if that happened.

The evening air was cool. It was rare Gerwald felt the need to cover his shoulders, but this night he did. A blanket was pulled over his bare back and shoulders, held together by a hand gripping the cloth against his chest. His blue eyes closed briefly as he took in the scent of the night air.

She was close.

A small smile pulled at his lips. It had been on another balcony where they had danced. It was then he knew. He also knew at the time her affections were for another, so he had said nothing. Many times he had wished he would have just told her. It was the product of hindsight. Knowing she was about to be killed would have elicited a courage to cast off any decency he had. It should have been a courage he had regardless. It was all in the past now, but Gerwald had resolved to speak his feelings and mind as a result.

Gerwald often replayed the scene in his mind, and more frequently now that she was awake. He could not look at her without thinking about it. It made him wonder if she would remember it, or if she would remember their encounters when she was dead. Would she form memories from what Srina gave her of those encounters? It did not matter. They would make a life and new memories, enough that whatever gaps his mind had not filled it would not matter.

 

[Naedira Darcrath]

​

Tag: Gerwald Lechner

Dark eyes stayed down at the bottle of water in her hands.

She was supposed to be hydrating. Staying, healthy. The toned brunette had been having visions of Exarch, no, Empress Talon ever since taking her first breath in the waking world. Something had changed. The Nabooian couldn't tell what. Had she changed? Or had one of the leaders of her former government turned into something worse than the beasts that had been her jailors and family for the last decade. She could not feel the Devourers any longer.

But their terrible mark still made itself known.

The man that helped her from the bacta tank, stumbling, with limbs that were unsteady without the armor of the Nocna Mora—Was the only constant she knew. It was debilitating to know that she'd held some sort of life on Geonosis, on Naboo, and that it was all gone. Most of her recorded family members were dead or missing. The data left from the Confederacy was half corrupted because of some terrible event that had taken place in her absence.

Without the Mora…She felt lonely. Weak. Naedira had none of the skills that an acclaimed Knight Obsidian should have been able to readily display. Gerwald had brought her many of her things from storage in hopes that it might trigger her consumed memories. The idea was that the Force would one day help make her whole with the correct stimuli. She was still…Incomplete.

So inept that often…It hurt. Everything, hurt.

It shouldn't have bothered her, the memory loss, but the vexation of things that she didn't know but should have was absolutely infuriating. Forgetting what a fork was for, how to the auto chef, or how to turn on the shower in the refresher. Gerwald still had to draw a bath for her while those instructions slipped away in the silence. She felt like a burden and that had only grown in proportion with her forced resurrection. Would he not have been better off without her added debilitations?

She thanked him, often. Tried to help…But it usually turned into a mess. Her strength was exceedingly unpredictable and seemed to wax and wane with the moon.

Had she returned broken?

Defective?

Naedira didn't know how to answer any of that. Bare feet brought her to the balcony where Gerwald seemed to be resting in the wake of the setting sun. She licked dry lips before speaking, voice cracking, as it had taken her months to say anything at all. Another thing that she had forgotten how to do. "…Can I sit with you?", the brunette asked, quietly, while careful not to touch him. There were moments when she did…Just moments where whatever he was thinking seemed to travel right into her. She didn't mean to invade his privacy but the beginnings of a Force Bond that had existed before Tanaab still existed now.

She just didn't know how to control it.

It would only take a brush of skin for her to firmly see herself in his eyes. Dancing…While peering into eyes so blue it was hard to look away. "I finished a new chapter of the novel your Empress brought."

"She had some new exercises for me to try to bring my powers under control. I don't know that it worked…", Naedira started, though, she seemed a lot smaller now. Much smaller than the woman who had stood up to a mountain with every intent of accepting the consequences of her folly. She couldn't remember so much…So many people—But the mountain? She recalled her murder with perfect clarity. It kept her awake at night. Every, night. "But…I can't do anymore."

"…I'm sorry…I'm just so tired…"

Her head tucked down, guilty, and embarrassed. Gerwald had done so much to save her life and she…She could barely stand to be in her own skin.

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

WEARING: xxx
TAG: Naedira Darcrath

He heard the sound of her bare feet padding against the concrete before her words left her lips. His nose caught her scent before the patter of her steps landed on his ears. It was a rare thing to surprise the wolf, but near impossible for Naedira. Even if he had missed the physical evidence of her approach, her thoughts collided with his long before. Their bond was still intact, and the wolf was more attuned to it now that she walked among the living rather than lurk behind the veil of death which had separated them.

“That is permission you never need to seek,” he answered. “Of the people I can never say no to, you are on the top of that list.”

It was true. Everything Gerwald had done since her death had been for her. Even when she tried to release him of his oath, Gerwald could not turn away. There had always been a conflict within him over whether to let her go or push ahead. In the end his selfishness had won, but he was also convinced to live was what Naedira truly wanted. She simply did not want to live at the expense of others.

That had not been her choice to make.

“It is kind of her to help. I would dare say she had taken you as another of her possessions.”

Gerwald as he turned to face her. Perhaps she would understand the statement, maybe she would not.

“Our mistress has an interesting hobby of collecting those she will, and once she has deemed you hers, it is set. Though… I am glad she has never given me a book. Even though I learned to read after leaving Stewjon, I do not find any pleasure in it.”

Reading had become a necessary thing to the wolf. Even though he devoured every page of Geralt Lechner’s diary after finding it, it was a tool and mechanic to gain information. He had learned what he needed to know about his kind, and where his family specifically came from. Gerwald had discovered why his clan had settled on Stewjon. It would be a topic of discussion for a later time. Right now Naedira needed something else from her wolf.

“Give it time. It will come,” he said as he lifted Naedira’s chin.

The touch was enough for him to see what tormented her. Srina had told him, warned him, that the effects of their actions would have consequences. The amplification of their bond was one of them, it was as though Naedira had melded them for battle once again. He often wondered if she would manifest some of his more canine abilities.

His heart raced for a moment as the hatred he felt toward the mountain surged within him. There would come a day when Gerwald would kill the Sith for what he had done to her, and to him. Yet, the wolf pushed the rage aside for now. Even though it was pointless to hide his feelings from Naedira, he did not want his resolve to become her burden, nor did he want her trying to talk him out of it.

He sighed.

“That is to be expected. Srina told me it may be like this for a while. You are not defective or broken.”

Yes, he had heard her thoughts in his mind as if they had been his own. She did not need to avoid him, so he stepped further into her space.

“You helped me become what you knew I always could be. It is my turn to do the same for you.”

His lips pressed against her forehead.

"The moon will be full tonight, come. The city has an eerie beauty to it at night. It is okay to rest."

 

[Naedira Darcrath]

​

Tag: Gerwald Lechner

Naedira didn't understand why she was at the top of that list.

She could only remember him in scattered pieces. Most of her memories of Gerwald Lechner came from her new life, post-extraction from the Nocna Mora, versus being from the version of her that he remembered. Most of it…Just revolved around feelings. She felt protective of him, even, when there wasn't any danger at all. There was something about him that bade her to trust him when she had no one else in the universe…But for him? It was more.

It was so much more.

"She must be fond of you. To help without…Asking for something."

Sith. That was a word she recalled very, very well. From what she understood it was based on a culture that didn't help anyone without their own personal agenda. It was what she had been. It was what Srina Talon was now. The small and tactically minded Exarch of the Confederacy did not match the terrifying vision that kept appearing when she least expected it. They hadn't been close in the past to her knowledge and admittedly, that notion could have been false, but she suspected I had very little to do with her…And everything to do with Gerwald. "She's…Different."

Unsettling. Something about the presence of the Empress put her on high alert. Naedira couldn't tell if it was because she felt threatened or of it was just an autonomic response to something else. Perhaps an old duty resurfacing out of misbegotten loyalty to a long-dead Empire. Either way…This was not the same woman that she distinctly remembered having a parlay with the Silver Jedi. Even her shadow was ominous…And white-haired woman was doing nothing more, than bringing her books, exercises, and offering softly spoken conversation.

She frowned at being thought of as a possession and found herself standing to the left of Gerwald. Hiding from the wind, just a bit. He said "our" mistress and Naedira couldn't be quite sure about that either. She supposed that it was true, but there was much that she didn't understand. The auburn-haired woman should have felt grateful toward the one who was responsible for removing her from the monstrous shadow realm she'd been locked in. For separating her from the Devourer…But she could still feel it.

The Nocna Mora.

It just wasn't inside of her anymore.

Naedira enjoyed the feel of a paper-bound novel in her hands. It felt tangible. Real. Her eyes widened when Gerwald lifted her chin and her head felt so loud. Jumbled. Her heart fluttered in her chest with emotion she didn't know how to name. Things…She had never asked him about. Tried not to think about. "It's too slow Gerwald…I'm useless."

Useless to him…. Useless to anyone. How could she learn to function in this world again if she couldn't even manage to wrangle control of herself. Her own body, barely, felt like it belonged to her. She knew he was reading her mind and it raced. She couldn't have stopped him even if she wanted to and although she knew he meant her no harm it only added to a feeling of powerlessness.

She wouldn't be able to defend herself if the Mountain came for her.

He would kill her. Again—And again.

She was frightened.​

Her thoughts stopped spiraling at the sudden kiss on her forehead. Everything, stopped. Halting as if frozen. As if she'd lost her sight, hearing, and everything but the ability to breathe. Gerwald always had so much patience with her. What had she done, really, to deserve it? Dark chocolate eyes began to burn and fill with salted water while emotion built up that she couldn't process. "You don't know that…"

Naedira could have been defective, broken, or any number of things because she wasn't whole. He was too close. Did he know that? Why was he here? Why was he in her head above all things?

Confused eyes found his, desperate, for answers.

"Who was I to you? What were we, Gerwald?"

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

WEARING: xxx
TAG: Naedira Darcrath

Fond? Gerwald supposed in her way the Empress was fond of him, but not in any sense of how Gerwald defined it. He supposed he had never thought of her actions in terms of endearment. Yes, she had nursed him to health, and had kept a vigilant watch over him from that moment. Her fondness rarely came in the sense of affection, but rather in a push to be better, a reminder of what it meant to be who he was, what he was. The gifts of books and things that Naedira received from Srina, that was new behavior, almost doting in a way.

“In her way, you may be right.”

He would have to think on it more. Naediea was certainly correct about one thing. She had changed. Srina had embraced a darkness she had not possessed among the Confederacy, or one she had kept hidden. The fall of the Confederacy, the death and rebirth of her husband, or the death of her child, all events which took place while Naedira had been held in a prison of darkness and shadow, had certainly pushed her toward it.

Srina had also become more powerful. The Echani was formidable to most, but she had become something more. She was threatening. Her small frame and proper demeanor was a guise, simply a container for the might she possessed. Gerwald had seen what happened to those foolish enough to underestimate her. Even the Mountain respected her in a way he held for no one.

Gerwald nodded.

“Yes, and for many reasons. Yet, I still owe her my life many times over. I did foolish things after you…”

He stopped. Gerwald had never spoken with Naedira about that day, nor had he uttered the words of what took place in her presence. Perhaps he would not this time either.

“...she gave me direction when I would not take it from others.”

The wolf could smell her fear, as though it were as strong as the blood of a fresh kill. Naedira had never exhibited the kind of fear she was giving off now, but there had been so much that was different. In many ways their roles had been reversed. The woman had set Gerwald on a path to discover more about what it was he was capable of. Her instruction had made his mind strong, able to raise barriers that even Srina Talon herself did not break through easily. It had been painful, though Gerwald still had no memory of that moment. His mind was empty as if there was a void where there should have been knowledge.

It was Gerwald’s turn to show Naedira what she was capable of. He would need to help remind her of who she was. Regardless of what had happened, at the core she would always be the strong woman he knew.

“Not useless. You have a sense of how strong you were, and you are comparing yourself to that. I have no idea what all the repercussions are, what changed because of the fact you were joined with the Nocna Mora. For all we know you are more powerful than imagination could fathom. We just need to find the right key to unlock the thing that is holding it back.”

He smiled.

“I will teach you. We will find it together. You do not need the force to learn how to fight.”

She pushed, challenged him. It did not make him angry. Even in her fear and doubt the need to fight and assert her strength came to the surface.

Gerwald smiled again.

“I do know that, because I have. Until you know it for yourself, I have to know it for you.”

Her question caught him off guard. He should have expected it, and in a way he had. Gerwald knew the day would come when they would have to talk about their past, and more importantly his feelings. Naedira felt them, Gerwald knew that much. He knew she could sense that his loyalty and presence was not merely out of some warped sense of duty. Love was as selfish as it was generous, and Gerwald had long been trapped by it where this woman was concerned. He had laid much of his own life down to have here in this moment, alive, and close. Had it been so wrong of him to want the reward of keeping her?

He would not lie however. Whether she had loved him or simply considered him a friend and one she shared a force bond with before her death, Gerwald supposed he would never know. That did not matter, but she wanted to know what they had been, and that was something much different than what they were now.

“We were… complicated,” he answered.

Gerwald was quiet for a moment as he formulated his thoughts. There was no doubt Naedira could sense the many different ways that he could have approached the answer before speaking again. His thoughts and feelings on the matter would be too strong to hide or keep from their bond.

“The first day we met there was a battle. You had suggested a battle meld. Our minds were linked, and something more. We shared each other’s strengths. We became more powerful. You even gained some of the agility, superior hearing, and sense of smell that my species possess. When you pulled away it was supposed to have been without any effect or consequence, yet something of you remained, and I can only assume that for you, something of me remained.”

“We became close to the point that whenever we got physically close to each other, it was difficult to hide thoughts and feelings. You even knew when I was not being honest. I have never been able to lie to you. I wish I could tell you we were lovers, it would certainly be an explanation that would maybe make sense to you, but we were not.”

Gerwald looked at the moon as that night played in his mind again. They were dancing, her champagne colored dress was still so vivid in his mind. He could still feel the moment he knew that he loved her, the moment he had dipped her. It had been as though they were the only ones in the room. He had always thought he should have told her then… The thought danced in Naedira’s mind as well. He did nothing to hide it, and perhaps helped it to reach hers.

“I said nothing because I was certain your heart was for another, but this bond we share has been there from the moment we first fought side by side. I loved you then, and I still do.”

He found her eyes again. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“The question is not what were we… The question in front of us is what are we now?”

 

[Naedira Darcrath]

​

Tag: Gerwald Lechner

He had to know that she would wonder.

Naedira had always held a vivacious curiosity about the mysteries of the universe now it boiled down to curiosities about her past. About her life—From before. Knowing who she had been and feeling like she was somehow still that commanding warrior were two totally different things. When Gerwald spoke of the things he had done in the wake of her death…He would feel a metaphysical pull at those memories. It wasn't deliberate.

She actively tried not to cross the barrier between them. It always felt like an invasion of privacy. But… Her control was not what it had once been. An invisible hand dipped into the fathomless pool of his mind and she caught glimpses of what he referred to. Cold, snow. She began to shiver almost uncontrollably and her breath came in a faint fog when she exhaled. "Gerwald…", she whispered, almost, a whimper. Images assaulted her senses. Bloody. Violent. It was like watching an old holo-film but was extra-sensory adaptations. She could smell copper.

Naedira could sense the essence of the Mountain.

Her arms came to cross over her chest as she flinched away. Her expression was wan, distant, and pained as she came back to herself. No matter who she had been she couldn't have imagined that she would have wanted what he had done. His Empress had saved him in the very nick of time. A moment longer and he might have…He wouldn't have survived. "Why?"

"Why would you seek him out? How could you be so careless?"

She blinked a little too rapidly for her words to have any effect other than despair. Naedira wasn't angry with him for his choices, but she found herself heart-broken at the thought. Wounded by the sight and smell of his warm blood melting and blending into ice and snow. She knew that she should have been thankful toward the former Exarch, but somehow, she blamed her for Gerwald having been there at all. How could she have let him go?

If the Empress was so powerful, as mighty as she felt in his mind, why hadn't she stopped him?

Why hadn't Srina sensed the grief that cut through her like a knife?

The explanation of their past came when she was already teetering on the edge of being overwhelmed. This was why she was hesitant to touch him. Naedira could handle being close, near, but touching? Everything heightened and everything he was seemed to spill into her like a river flowing to the sea. She couldn't figure out what belonged to who. Were these her memories?

Or his.

There parts of the story that seemed to spark some sort of deeper familiarity. She could almost remember the battle he was referencing. Almost. She remembered knocking on the door to him mind to seek entrance and haven. To let her skill blend with his raw gifts so they might be victorious. But the recollection was faded. The colors were washed out…Like a moving picture without sound. The auburn-haired woman watched him, watching the moon, and she couldn't help but think she must have done it before. It was maddening to feel as she knew him, only, to draw blanks when it mattered most. Whomever she might have felt something for it the past…They were gone. Completely.

It mustn't have been that important.

The fact that he remained?

It was telling.

Her heart fluttered as a watery blush stole across her cheeks. The notion of him being in love with her was far too much for her to grasp at the moment. She could feel his affection for her buried deep. Entwined in all he had become. She reached up and wiped at her eyes with the back of her sleeves and released a frustrated sound into the evening air. Naedira was cold, upset, and confused—Worse?

She couldn't seem to stop crying. It was embarrassing.

Irritated with herself she drew her foot back and kicked the post of the metal railing, hard, and almost immediately let out a yelp. It was one of both pain and surprise that had her instantly hopping on one foot while she reached down to grab her bare foot. Stupid, stupid. Moreover…The balcony railing was gone.

She'd kicked it clear from its bolted moorings…So when Naedira reached for it to steady herself?

It wasn't there.

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

WEARING: xxx
TAG: Naedira Darcrath

“You are not the first to tell me it was careless, or to ask why,” came the initial response.

Gerwald had known it was foolish, but only after the fact. What did Naedira want him to say, that he had been so blinded by hatred that he allowed the Mountain to manipulate him? Should he have explained it away by letting her see the images the Sith Lord had conjured in Gerwald’s mind. Naedira suffered much, and the wolf would never presume to even think he knew the pain of her death. He had seen it though. Over and over again the Dark Lord had forced Gerwald to watch simply to make the wolf understand one thing. Everything he had done had been because he could.

Simply because he could.

A lump caught in Gerwald’s throat. They had tried to stop him. So many had told him that revenge was not going to bring the satisfaction he sought, and it certainly was not going to bring Naedira back. How could they not understand? Gerwald could not stand a world where Prazutis lived and Naedira did not. Was it revenge, or had it simply been a matter of cold-blooded murder?

Gerwald knew the answer, and it was still a promise which he made to himself.

"I will kill him."

His words had produced confusion, pain, heartache maybe. Naedira had never been someone given to so much emotion at once, not at least before. Yes, the wolf had felt strong emotion from the woman before, but none like this. Srina had said things would be different, and even warned that it was possible Naedira would be nothing like the woman Gerwald had known. In fact, she all but promised she would not be. The Sith Lord was beginning to see just how right the Empress had been. She was Naedira, but she was also someone else. This emotion, the confusion, Gerwald did recognize it.

It was his.

The way it manifested was different, but Gerwald knew those emotions so well. How often had he felt confused, angry, upset, cold, abandoned, unsure. This was not their bond, but rather the byproduct of what had been required to fill in the gaps of Naedira’s memories which had been missing. She had received more of the wolf than Gerwald had known, and they would learn with time that perhaps she had received more.

She turned away from him. Gerwald had reached for her, but she pulled back. The wolf could not blame her. So much was happening at once. Their minds were rushing into each other’s. Naedira in her inability to control her own mental impulses where their bond was concerned had pressed her mind deeper. She found the scene, and lived Gerwald’s torture.

Naedira had yet to retreat.

Gerwald felt her anger surge. It was otherworldly. Part of him was frightened at the thought. Had Srina not been able to sever her from the Devourer completely? In a fit of rage she kicked the balcony railing, and the warrior watched as it was launched several meters away from them before it began its descent toward the ground. Were there time to look on in shock Gerwald might have, but as Naedira tried to grab the railing she faltered.

It was no longer there.

Quickly he reached for her. His hand gripped her arm as he pulled her toward him. Massive arms wrapped around her gently, yet firm enough to keep her safe and close. The action had been swift and fluid. In one motion he had both secured her and put his back to the danger. He would not let her fall. Gerwald had not spent the last ten years of his life trying to find a way to bring her back only to lose her again.

“I have you,” he whispered into her ear. “You’re safe. I have you.”

 

[Naedira Darcrath]

​

Tag: Gerwald Lechner

The city was beautiful from this far away.

The seemingly young woman had only teetered on the edge for a moment. Her vision slowed and she saw things she'd ignored before. The shimmering lines of synth-tech that ran through the streets and left everything in a soft glow. Speeders zipping this way and that…The moon was so bright. It hung so low that when she was pulled backward, she was startled, from the change in perspective. Strong arms wrapped around her, enfolding her slender frame, and a soft whisper snapped her back to the present.

Naedira gasped for a breath of sweet air and it ended in a quiet cry. It wasn't pain.

He was just…too close. Her arms were trapped against the wall of his chest and she could feel his pulse like a butterfly beating against her hand. Her first instinct was to struggle, to pull away, but it was a fleeting instinct. He was warm. She felt crushingly protective of him but there was still something that made her feel as if she'd been cornered by some great creature of the hunt. As if he had fangs and claws, he intended to lash her flesh to ribbons, only, that never happened.

Fight, flight, or…

A low growl would purr from the back of her throat for a moment, unbidden, and without her permission. Rather than to pull away from the embrace he held her in she leaned closer and let herself drown in a multitude of sensations. It was like stepping out into the rain on a hot summers evening, if only for a moment, to give in to the quiet call that had been there from the very moment she'd opened her eyes. It was sweet, sweet relief. He smelled of the forest. Of hearth, home, something spicy and earthen. There was something more there and she pressed closer to find it. There was a tiny warm wind that emanated from his skin. But it wasn't wind at all. It wasn't flashy, it was quiet, private, and she suspected that she was the only one who could see it.

It was reassuring, among other things, but most importantly—

"Mine."
​

Like so many times before…Her voice wasn't quite right. Almost angry. This wasn't the demonic dual-tone of the Nocna Mora but it was steeped in something untouchable and unknown. Her hand flattened against his chest before her nails slowly curled across his heart. Not enough to harm him, but, chasing the sound. That steady drum beat. As quickly as this change occurred her head tilted to the side and she realized what she was doing. "Gerwald…", she whispered his name, startled still, and if possible, even more confused than before.

Not all of her confusion belonged to him.

"I-I'm sorry I…"

She trailed off. Swallowing, hard. He was still wrapped around her and it made it hard to think or acknowledge what had been going through her mind seconds prior. She buried those thoughts, swiftly, and the sensation of her pulse rising to match his. "I don't know—"

"...I d-didn't mean to."

It was still there. The sheer strength of her reaction to being held by him, not kicking the railing, left her gut hollow with fear. If he caught it quick enough, he would see that her eyes were shifting in shade. They were paler than her usual chocolate. Not the onyx or crimson of the Devourer…. But hauntingly different. There was a possessive darkness in them. Deep enough, to sink into and float away. She wanted to bury her face in his hair and breathe him in. To keep him close, by force, if necessary.

What kept her from running her nose along the line of his neck was the memory of the Mountain. Remembering, that Gerwald had threatened to kill him. Fear was a powerful motivator and the thought of Gerwald being in danger was enough to quiet her mind. Soothe instincts that she couldn't have understood if she tried. The wind was just the wind. Not heat from his skin. Just the soft…Evening wind. Everything was suddenly so quiet. How loud had it been in her head?

How loud had it been that she felt completely overcome?​

"…I have no right to ask anything from you. You saved…What was left of me. I can't imagine how hard that was but I need you to promise me…please…that you'll never go near the Mountain again."

Her voice was so small. So, very small.

"Not ever. Not for any reason."

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

WEARING: xxx
TAG: Naedira Darcrath

There was something raw and visceral in the air. Gerwald could feel it, as though the wolf inside threatened to take control. Desire consumed him. They were close, so close. His arms would not let her go. It was more to keep her than it was to hold. This was about wanting. Suddenly he knew that he wanted to have her more than he wanted to save her.

Gerwald felt possessive.

The shock of her nearness had become something else. Was this their bond, or was a greater power at work? He could suddenly feel her. It was not her hands on his chest, or the way she touched him. Gerwald felt her desire as if it was his own. When she spoke, there was no surprise, and yet something awakened inside of him. It had always been there, but it was the first time Gerwald had acknowledged it. They were back on the balcony, as if it were that night all over again. The only difference was they were alone this time. It was not just an illusion of the moment.

Still, the world around him faded. It was him and it was her. Gerwald pulled closer, and would continue until they threatened to meld into one. She smelled of Naboo, the floral scents of the countryside, the forests he had known so intimately. A hint of her natural perfume was enough to intoxicate him. It was more enticing and addicting than the Lychanberries of Islimore. He could not control himself. A hand pressed into her lower back as the other ran up to the base of her skull.

His lips threatened to take hers, until she spoke.

“Gerwald.”

It was a whisper. The sound was soft, and would have been near inaudible to the human ear, but Gerwald was not human. The wolf was already scratching, clawing, threatening to take over. Yet, the sound was sobering. It quieted everything around him, and as her heart steadied and calmed, so did his.

“The rail? It can be replaced…”

Had he misunderstood what she was apologizing for? He questioned it, thinking perhaps she might be apologizing for the stolen moment, a shared desire. Certainly she was not threatened by being close, and yet…

Gerwald had felt the pull, the desire to give in and lose control.

Maybe she was right to be afraid, even if he did not want her to be.

Her eyes changed color. This was not a color he recognized, though he felt he should have. Something of the moment still hung in the air, and Gerwald desperately wished that she would remain near. For some reason he was frozen. How many times had he wished for this, thought about a moment like this, yet it seemed the Mountain still loomed over them. Even now he threatened their happiness, his happiness.

“Then don’t ask,” he heard himself say.

It was too late. She had already asked, and wanted him to make a promise. Gerwald had learned that he should not make any hasty promises. Whether it was his Lupo nature, or some other force, once a promise was made, Gerwald would keep it. Naedira was proof of that. She knew it too. She would have to.

Gerwald could feel the lump in his throat return. It was enough to render him quiet. This was not fair, and it was not fair of her to ask. How could he promise to stay away from the Mountain when he made a vow to himself to make him pay for what he had done. As long as the Dark Lord lived, he was a threat to them. They could not give him that kind of power. Was Gerwald simply supposed to let it go.

This was love was it not? Even though it was not fair, he had already told her that she was someone he could not say no to.

He nodded. It was small, soft, but it was certain.

“Because you ask. I promise. I will not go near him.”

Gerwald brought his hand to her cheek. It was soft, so soft. For a moment the wolf had forgotten that she had been dead, caught up in the stone and smoke of the Nocna Mora. His eyes closed for a moment, and when they opened they were trained on the woman he still held close.

“But in return… you must promise that you will not sacrifice yourself again… not for me. I do not know if I am strong enough survive it a second time.”

 

[Naedira Darcrath]

​

Tag: Gerwald Lechner

Naedira had glanced down almost as swiftly as he turned her face toward his. The hand that she felt at the small of her spine, at the base of her neck, was more distracting than it should have been. They were close enough that she breathed his air and even that simple pleasure was dizzying. She had done quite a bit of reading since returning to the waking world. Learning about the only real friend she had in the galaxy had been difficult to a degree. His war records were easy. His history…Less so.

What she did know?

Gerwald was a skinwalker, a particular kind, but with all the benefits that could be expected with a shape changer. What she felt from him was like nothing she had ever known. Instinct told her to hide. To apologize—Repent for some unspoken sin. He was her friend…. But there was something unnatural that bade her to keep watching him. To stay in his arms, even, while she felt his wolf beginning to roll to the surface. The look in his eyes made her shiver and Nae tried to shield herself against it. She kept her gaze down, pinned to his chest, while trying to think about anything else. She didn't want him to see the raw need reflected in her eyes, even though, she knew he sensed it.

Wants of that design couldn't be hidden from a lupine.

Naedira…Didn't understand what was happening. The Devourer wasn't part of her anymore and while they left a mark, their influence was no longer capable of reaching her. She knew that Gerwald had a beast within to call forward but Naedira, no matter how things to be, no matter their shared memories…Did not. It was impossible. She had no wolf to rise with his.

Why did it feel differently?

The preternatural paces that she was walking through had never been meant for a human. She knew that intimately because the spirit of his wolf crashed against her like pounding horses. Even as she stammered to try and make her request, have his word, her body vibrated with what he exuded. Her mouth was too dry to swallow, and she couldn't quite get a full breath of air. He didn't have to touch her to know she was drowning beneath it…But he would know all the same. He would feel her weakening, trembling, because she had never been made for that level of obsessive magnetism.

He told her not to ask.

She had to ask.

He didn't understand how deep-seated her fear was. Gerwald had only known a version of her that was selfless, fearless, and apparently amazing at everything she did. "Please…", she begged softly while he seemed to be considering what she wanted. No. Needed.

She needed him not to search for the Mountain.

"You're…All I have."

Naedira wasn't exactly saddened by that fact. Simply, truthful. Gerwald was all she had and it was something she had found a deep sense of contentment in. She couldn't navigate this world without him and Nae couldn't protect either of them from anything remotely dangerous. He couldn't have eyes in the back of his head and his associations already made him a target. When he acquiesced, she visibly relaxed…Knowing he'd not willingly break his word. "Thank you…"

Dark lashes fluttered against rose-toned cheeks while his hand found her cheek and she still did her best to avoid his eyes. Naedira was afraid of the charged energy that ran between them. Mostly, because it didn't all come from him. It wasn't like before…It wasn't his memories. His worries. It was something real, wild, and uncontrollable that responded to him with or without her consent. The auburn-haired woman found herself nestling her cheek against his hand, luxuriating in the pleasure of such a simple thing while staying much too close.

She knew it was wrong. Knew it wouldn't help...But the sensation of being so relieved was already slipping away.

Her eyes did slowly drift back toward his when Gerwald asked something of her in return. It was only fair since she had made her request and it was the only gift, she could give him. He paid for everything. Her clothes, food, medical, lodging. He could have asked the moon from her and it still wouldn't have been enough to repay him…."I won't, Gerwald…"

"Never again."

It was such a selfish promise to make…But knowing the agony it had caused him? She intended to keep it.

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

WEARING: xxx
TAG: Naedira Darcrath

“You’re all I have…”

Those four simple words were enough to bring enough clarity of thought for Gerwald to understand what she was asking. Oh, he was still convinced her request still came from a place that wanted to protect him, but the need was more basic than that. It was about self preservation. She was tied to him. Whether Naedira understood it in that way, Gerwald did. The ring which he had worn so dutifully around his neck had been her only tether to the land of the living. When it was destroyed to undo what the Mountain had done, a new bind was needed.

Gerwald was that instrument.

That was not why they were drawn to each other. Gerwald could not even say it was their bond. The very real emotion between them collided in a way that threatened to explode in unbridled passion. It took all of his willpower to hold the wolf at bay, and to keep himself from treating the fabric from her flesh. The wolf wanted what it wanted, as did the man. He could not help but hear the voice of the empress in his mind.

“Sith take what they want…”

Perhaps this was what they both wanted. Gerwald could certainly feel the desire which dripped off of Naedira like sweet honey from the comb. Her body shook with an uncontrollable want as it seemed their bodies did everything possible to fight through the obstacles their sheer force of will had erected.

Thank you was the last thing the wolf would remember hearing in that moment. Her relief brought her eye to level with his. Everything he felt was reflected in the chocolate pools that stared back at him. She did not have to say or do anything. Whatever it was she had tried to hide from him was now betrayed with just a look. This was beyond knowing someone. Not even Gerwald had the skill of simply looking at someone and know their deepest desires. No, this was an intimate knowing, an animalistic instinct. He knew her will as much as he knew his own.

Somewhere she made her promise, but Gerwald had not heard it. It no longer mattered. All of his energy was not spent holding back the raw nature of the wild beast which knew the moon was full, and towering plainly in the sky. It had always been harder during a full moon, the drive of nature to run free, to chase it. That made the other desire so much stronger. The need to run free and chase was now coupled with the urge to take and possess. One of them would win out. Gerwald could shift. He could free them both of the tension which threatened to overtake them both. The wolf could run free and return in the morning. He could give Naedira the distance that part of her screamed for.

He could shift.

Gerwald did not.

Her eyes held him still. The soft skin of her cheek nestling in his hand, burrowing to a place of comfort, security, or just giving in, beckoned him to stay. Oh Naedira was more powerful than she knew, and with a power she had never asked for.

Naedira Darcrath had overcome the wolf.

His hand was large against her cheek. That did not matter. Gerwald’s touch was gentle, and it did not take much to guide her toward him further. The wolf would not be freed, not to chase the moon. So long as she continued to look at him, the beast remained captivated by her spell and the burning desire that had overtaken him. The bridge of his nose caressed hers briefly as their foreheads met for just an instant. It was not long after that Gerwald’s lips found hers as they pressed together in an electric embrace.

 

[Naedira Darcrath]

​

Tag: Naedira Darcrath

He was still too close.

Her lips parted to usher a careful warning, a soft request, that he not stand so near to her…But it was much too late. She could feel the wolf in him and it took only a heartbeat to see it in his eyes. It was a sort of slow-motion shorthand that lulled her into a quiet sense of security. With his hand on her cheek some of the need that rolled through her had ebbed into quiet comfort. They made their promises against baser instincts—And Naedira believed them. Truly. "You are all I have."

She repeated the words, as if, he hadn't really heard her the first time. It had nothing to do with self-preservation and everything to do with the fact that he was the only one she knew and the only one who cared whether she lived or died. He was the only reason she bothered trying to remember. To see herself as he had seen her, powerful, and worth a decade to bring back from the dead. It was time that she could never return to him. Time—That she had unwittingly stolen.

It was more precious than anything.

When her eyes turned toward him without thinking…She knew that he knew. It was with piercing clarity that she became completely aware of how they stood and the picture they made. The slight whistle of wind rolling through the spires and columns of his home tossed warm chestnut waves and curls away from her face, partially hiding it, with a curtain of auburn silk. What she felt rising from within Gerwald terrified her. She could feel it with every beat of her heart. It wasn't angry with her but there was something about it that seemed ready to snap from a lack of patience.

The more her inherent fear echoed in her chest the more she witnessed his wolf come to the surface. For a moment...She thought he might. Change. It was there. Right, there. It was visible in a play of muscles that rippled beneath her touch with such sculpted form that it couldn't be all human. No matter how much he worked out, ate right, no one was that fit. It was his sudden and overwhelming want to chase that gave her apprehensions a new level. Did he want her to run?

Wolves liked to hunt.

"Gerwald…", she spoke his name, again, but this time with an edge of warning. Her pulse was racing and the sound was absolutely deafening. She couldn't hear or see anything but him. Couldn't take her eyes away from his no matter how hard she tried. They were beautiful drowning pools of a midnight blue so encompassing that she was surprised to find any light in them at all. If he changed now…His claws would likely rip right through her. Neither one of them were in any frame of mind to play with control or a lack thereof. He was three times her size, normally, and as a wolf?

It would be worse. "Gerwald."

He didn't seem to hear her anymore. His touch could have been punishing…But it was gentle when he drew her closer still. As if he could somehow break the laws of physics and pull her inside him without her noticing. Being too close was suddenly not close enough. His handsome face got so close that his features blurred and she swallowed hard, barely breathing, when she whispered his name one last time. Her voice was pathetically broken, buried, and swallowed by the moment. Sometimes…A kiss was just a kiss. Just a little thing. An expression of affection.

Naedira felt her head tilting back as her eyes fluttered closed. This wasn't one of those times.

It all came back with a vengeance.

Everything she pressed down, pushed away, surged forward and her arms hesitantly slid up to wrap around his neck. Pulling her body higher while she leaned up on her tiptoes. Everything in her wanted to know what flavor he held, the danger, behind blue eyes. A very real shock ran through her and it was as if they'd suddenly, finally, found the right frequency. She forgot they were standing outside.

On a broken balcony, inches, from the edge.

The warmth returned with a vengeance. She felt his power, in the moment. It rode the air like lightning, prickling along the skin while demanding that she surrender. Naedira had always danced along the edge of that energy, but tonight, it didn't want to let go. He didn't want to let go. The auburn-haired woman pulled on his wolf in a way she didn't understand while their lips moved, breathless, as she borrowed bits of his soul. Too much. He would feel wetness on the cheek he touched.

Drowning in tears. Heart on fire.

Burning.

It was then that her eyes flew open and her body tensed, freezing, from liquid fire to tearing herself away from him so fast that it hurt. She could feel it. Something sharp raking against her ribcage from the inside. She stumbled back and her small form pressed against the wall while she slid down it. Her eyes were pinned on the low-hanging moon behind him, luminous, and the size of dinner plates. She couldn't think. She couldn't acknowledge what was happening, only, that the moon was full. That the night sky was full of stars.

It was calling.

Her chest pulled forward as if she was a marionette being held by silk strings. He would the thin skin above her sternum stretch outward like something was trying to escape the prison of her body. Her hands pressed into the cool concrete and something very real moved through her with a phantom blow. Her spine bowed and her eyes shut tight, gasping in pain, while the sensation of fur left her deliriously confused. There was something there in the back of her mind, growling, and outrageously furious with her. She could see the gnashing of sharp teeth, a shock of unearthly, tanzanite eyes.

It snapped at her, viciously, and Naedira could only press further back into the wall while her head turned away from an invisible bite. Her chest heaved and the sound that left her next was not human.

Not human at all.

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

WEARING: xxx
TAG: Naedira Darcrath

Gerwald was transported to a place he had never been, or so it had seemed. The intensity of the draw he felt toward Naedira was supernatural. The wolf knew it was otherworldly, it had to have been. This was beyond even what a dyad may describe as their experience. It was as though they were one, but they were not.

The fire grew between them slowly at first, but it had been stoked ablaze with each touch, from the moment he caught her, her hand on his chest, the small embers grew into something wild and difficult to contain. Her aroma had been intoxicating. The heat of her breath against his neck stirred the animal inside of him. Gerwald had given in, and Naedira had welcomed his kiss.

Suddenly the fire was gone, doused by a cold and sudden breaking. Naedira pushed away from him hard. Had it not been that the wolf within knew where he was standing Gerwald may not have caught himself in time before being hurled from the balcony. His right foot planted into the duracrete floor with a firm step to keep him from being pushed too far. His eyes turned to Naedira and watched as the unexpected unfolded in front of him.

She fell to the ground, palms on the cold pavement. When her sternum seemed as though it was going to bust out of her chest Gerwald wondered. As she arched her back, watching the way her spine curved, Gerwald knew.

Naedira was shifting.

But, she was not.

Her scream was too familiar. Gerwald had not known too many of his people, but certainly had recalled his sister's first change. He knew the pain of his own. The wolf always won in the early days of learning, but Naedira had no wolf, and if she did, she was not lupine. Her body would not change no matter whatever other nature possessed her. It was not designed to what Gerwald's was capable of.

"Breathe through it," he found himself saying.

The moment was surreal as their kiss had been. Time stood still yet again, but not because they were near, nor because of their passion. It stood still out of fear. Gerwald felt it. He knew that whatever was happening threatened to take her away from him again if she did not learn.

But how did he help her?

What kind of relief could she experience if she could not shift?

There were so many thoughts running through Gerwald's mind, and with every question that assaulted him he could not find an answer. If she did not change, it would kill her.

But she could not change.

The wolf took a deep breath. Perhaps if he changed it bring her relief, but he doubted it. Gerwald could not change for her, and he knew, he knew, this was not him. This was not his wolf trying to escape from her. It was her own animal, her own beast, her own wolf. Srina had warned him. She had told him this would give Naedira not only his memories, but some of his nature.

He had not expected this.

Gerwald fell to his hands and knees. She could not change, but somehow she needed to control what was happening. Her inner wolf needed to believe she had changed.

"Breathe through it," he repeated himself. "Do not fight it. I know it hurts, force I know. Fighting it makes it worse. Fighting it will kill you. Embrace it, the pain, the wolf, the change."

It was what he would say to a young wolf shifting for the first time.

"Bury your mind into something else. Focus on a happy memory."

Did she have any? Gerwald could give her one of his, but would it help. He had to try.

Gerwald took her mind back to that day, to the other balcony. He set their dance to repeat almost as if she were caught in an infinite loop. If she focused on it, she would hear his words.

"Just dance with me. You are safe here. Nothing can harm you here."

Naedira would have to do the rest. Gerwald could only help her cope with the pain and guide her through a change she would never be able to make. It seemed Gerwald had to teach her more than how to use the force, and find her connection to it again. He was going to have to teach her to live with a she-wolf inside of her, how to control it.

"Just breathe through it…"

 

[Naedira Darcrath]

​

Tag: Gerwald Lechner

For the first time that Naedira could remember since waking up, she actually felt alive. She'd been fine with the silence. Fine—Going through the motions. He spoke to her with far more than words and said everything she could have ever needed. Showed her in more than just broken memories how he felt. It wasn't the shadow of her that he loved, but all she was, and wasn't. He loved her when she was incapable of doing so. Now. Right, now.

He loved her.

The story was tragic. It had always been tragic—Perhaps it would always be.

Her body felt like it was being pulled apart. Nerve ends raw, abused, from being torn away from a rush of bliss and thrown into a bed of needles. There was a sound in the air that was a piercing howl, mangled with agony, and it took her a long, long moment to realize the cry was coming from her. She was screaming. Both in fear and pain. She could remember what it was like when the Nocna took her over…This was different. Worse.

Distantly…She could hear Gerwald speaking.

She couldn't make out the words. Her voice gave out while she struggled to inhale and simultaneously keep the ravenous wolf in the back of her mind from taking a piece of her. There was another swipe from her chest that broke skin, this time, leaving thin bleeding lines in its wake. Naedira didn't know what to do and could barely comprehend what was happening. All she knew…Was that it was angry with her. It wanted out and she wouldn't let it.

Her body was a prison.​

Breathe.

Breathe through it.

Naedira heard Gerwald through a haze of clarifying pain. He told her not to fight it. Embrace it. She whimpered in response and her head turned away while something pulled her unnaturally in the other direction. It was as if she'd been rag-dolled by some unseen force. Embrace the wolf? Why? Why did she have a wolf that needed anything at all? She was human…Right?

Right?

She went for the ride that Gerwald intended because she couldn't do anything else. The auburn-haired woman couldn't stop looking at the monster that was acting like it wanted to take her head off. She drifted to the place he found happiest. A party. What for? That didn't seem to matter. At first…She watched it as she always had. Through his eyes. She could see herself dolled up in some fancy white and golden gown. Her hair was longer. The vision shifted.


This time—She wasn't looking at herself. She was looking at him. Naedira felt herself laugh and music that she had never noticed played pleasantly in the background. They got something to drink, talked, and she teased him good-naturedly about something. He slightly younger face laughed. His eyes weren't so serious then and Naedira found herself fixing his tie. Only, to be swept down to the dance floor. She gave advice on …not avoiding someone forever…But he denied it. Saying, that he was exactly where he wanted to be. So…They danced.

And danced.

When Naedira opened her eyes next she felt like she'd run a marathon. Everything ached. But, the snarling had stopped. It was quiet. Her hands lost their grip on the ground and her arms went slack as she leaned fully back on the wall for a moment. The monstrous wolf was retreating into the shadows of her mind. Curling away, hiding, while it wrapped slowly around her spine. It still wasn't satiated but something she had done seemed to get it to back down.

For now.

The eyes that looked back at Gerwald were more almost shaped than they usually were. The reflected light in them was white-tanzanite, but without the moon in them, they were really a light amber. She realized she was staring at Gerwald but there was something about her expression that wasn't right either. It was possessive. Filled with fury and promise—So intense that it was almost threatening.

She blinked and it was gone.

Naedira breathed deeply and started to cough, hard, while her hand came to press over the wound on her chest. It wasn't deep but it stung like hell. Still. She moved almost on instinct and moved into Gerwald with her arms wrapping around his waist. The young woman would slide down to his lap and curl up there. Back where it felt safe. Scared.

She was…So scared of this world. Even things that should have been normal and natural—Brought pain.

"I-I'm sorry.", she stuttered out through small hiccups while she tried in vain to regain her composure. "So sorry.."

Nae didn't know what else to say. She didn't know how to explain…Everything was so foreign to her. She pressed her face against his stomach so he wouldn't see her cry anymore. Everything hurt. She was just in so much pain and so embarrassed. Nothing made any sense, not even, to someone that had just recently been resurrected. This was not supposed to happen to a baseline human.

"It wants you.", an indignant growl in the back of her mind made her hastily correct herself. "It—"

"—She wants your wolf."

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

WEARING: xxx
TAG: Naedira Darcrath

She had not heard him, not at first. It was important that she did, however, because the natural instinct to fight what was happening was not going to produce the result she wanted. Naedira had always been a fighter. Gerwald did not have to question whether she would try, not because of their bond, but because he knew her. The same woman that faced the mountain, or wrestled control of the Nocna Mora, would certainly try to tame the wolf. This was not a fight she would win because the wolf was also her nature. It was as much her as the woman she saw in the mirror.

It was a curse, one Gerwald had given her.

He would tell if she could understand, but she was still processing new life. Now it had thrown a rather unexpected dilemma at her, one Gerwald had not been prepared to deal with. He knew how to help her, he just had not thought he was going to need to. At least he hoped he knew how he was going to help Naedira through it. Telling her to embrace it as he would any young lupine experiencing their first of many changes was just a guess.

The wolf was overwhelmed and relieved when it seemed to have worked. Naedira pulled away from his mind as the wolf inside her quieted for the moment. Gerwald had heard the screams, watched the way her body contorted, and broke at the wound on her chest which was still bleeding. She kept her distance at first, which was likely for the best. Gerwald was still trying to make sense of what happened, but even more so, he was trying hard to banish his fear.

His kiss had done this. Oh she had clawed at him before, but she seemed to show some form of control. Their conversation had cooled the heat between them, but his desire, giving into it, had pushed her over the edge. It had woken the animal she carried within. Would he stir the she-wolf once more if he tried to stop the bleeding, if he just ran to her and held her?

They looked at each other for a moment. Her eyes were different. Gerwald was puzzled by it. She couldn’t change, could she? He was certain of it, and yet…

Gerwald did not have much time to think about it. Naedira made the decision for them both. She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried herself into him. He was hesitant, but as the tears fell from her eyes, and as she began to apologize for what seemed like the hundredth time that night, Gerwald wrapped his arms around her. He wanted to kiss the top of her head, but stopped just short, not wanting to stir the wolf once more. His hand ran up and down her back in a comforting manner, and he eventually sighed, letting go of the breath he was holding in.

“I know she does, and this… this is not your fault.”

His voice was calm, reassuring, and gentle. There was something soothing in his tone, almost like he wished for the statement to be balm to the trauma of what she now realized. Gerwald needed it to seem normal, or at least he though she needed him to make it seem that way.

“My wolf wants her. You.”

Gerwald simply held her. Where he would have lifted her chin to look her in the eye, he knew it could also stir the wolf.

So he simply spoke the truth.

“I want you.”

It was the first time Gerwald had said it. He loved her and had expressed that with his words, but he had never named his desires til now. It was something that made controlling his wolf difficult and easy at the same time. They wanted the same thing, because Gerwald had long reconciled both natures were him. Some would say he was a man with a wolf trapped inside, but he knew better. Gerwald was the wolf. Gerwald was the man. There was no distinction. Naedira would have to learn to carry that with her.

She was the wolf.

She was the woman.

“The only question that matters is what do you want.”

Gerwald took the blanket which had been wrapping his shoulders, pressing the corner of it against her open cut. It was her question to answer, and no matter how she answered it, Gerwald was still going to care for her. Naedira was right about one thing, the thing she knew.

Gerwald loved her. Now. Right now. Even now.

 

[Naedira Darcrath]

​

Tag: Gerwald Lechner

Of course, she fought.

The creature that was viciously snapping at her with a gnarled and hungry maw was completely unfamiliar territory. She knew what it was like to be a prison in her own mind. To feel as if she didn't belong to herself, as if, her actions weren't her own. To her knowledge (admittedly, she could have been mistaken) this had never happened before. It wasn't part of baseline human biology. Naedira had the fleeting thought that she was losing her mind. Were it not for the physical pain she endured and visual evidence like the claw marks on her chest? It would have been a possible theory that was easy to accept.

Who would blame her for winding up in an asylum?

What if the entire ordeal had been an untreated fever dream of a very sick mind?

She touched him now not out of any base desires but for simple comfort. There was no anticipation, no eagerness, beyond finding him. The one person she could hide inside and pretend that she wasn't afraid she was losing her grip on reality. Gerwald was real. He was real. And if he was real—She was real. Whatever it was that was curled around her spine felt like an invader. She knew, somehow, that she was supposed to be taking care of it but she didn't know how to do it. The animal inside was like some exotic pet someone had suddenly gifted, but the instructions didn't come with the box.

"I'm sorry.", she murmured again, weakly, but it wasn't an apology for Gerwald. She was apologizing to the wolf. Naedira didn't even know exactly what she was apologizing for…But felt the need to.

She reached for the hidden power in him that lay just beneath the surface. Naedira wrapped herself in the scent of him, the feel of him, while balancing a jittery play of energy. She could feel the moon above and knew that the animal caged inside just wanted to be free. It hated her for keeping it caged. It hated Naedira for her weakness. For keeping her from Gerwald, moreover, from his wolf. The monster that loathed her so much…Wanted the man who rubbed her back in equal amounts. Where there should have been one mind, one thought, there were two.

When Gerwald finally responded…She was surprised. He referred to it as if he already knew what it was. As if he knew what she was. How could he know it wasn't her fault? That this wasn't some side effect of succumbing to the Nocna Mora? Of coming back from the dead? Naedira had royally screwed up so many things in their lives by thinking she'd done the right thing…Why should this be any different?

His tone bade her to relax. She nestled her small form against his without any thought to the wound on her chest. Adrenaline was still pumping, enough, that it didn't hurt as badly now as it would later. She just needed to be in contact with him. Some form of touch, anything, that might let her bathe in the sanctity of his wolf. It—He protected her. Just as much as it hurt. Hearing that he wanted her…It was jarring. She didn't know why. Not with the way he'd held her just moments ago. Kissed her…Like it would be his last breath.

Naedira pushed herself up slowly. Her waving hair framed a heart-shaped face as if some master painter had designed it that way. It was a rich shade of reddish brown that was beautiful, deep, and dark amongst the shadows. She let him press the blanket against her wound and she flinched at the contact. It wasn't just the open wound but the force of it. It was bruised beneath torn flesh.

"What do I want?"

Had anyone ever really asked her that before? She had become a Knight Obsidian out of duty. Certainly—Not when she'd been locked in some nether hell. It was such a confusing thing to be asked when metaphysical demons were pulling on her every which way. In all honesty…She didn't have an answer for him. Not yet. She leaned up slightly and pressed a delicate kiss to his lips before pausing. Waiting. Just waiting to see if the beast would return.

It slept.

So, she kissed him again. Softly. Slowly.

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

WEARING: xxx
TAG: Naedira Darcrath

She apologized, again. Gerwald simply sighed. Somehow she was still connecting this to something she had done, or some kind of failing on her part. That was not the case. If only he thought she would understand, Gerwald would explain it all. Even then he felt she may find a way to make it her fault. For all he knew she would just blame it on the fact she had died in the first place. That would be an easy thing to do, and something she had already done in various ways or thoughts already.

Still, it had been Gerwald’s choice to pursue her resurrection without moving on.

Others had encouraged him to. Gerwald had even entertained the notion. Over the course of ten years he would not have been human if he had not thought about it. There had always been a hesitancy and the what if’s.

What if he could never bring her back? Would he spend his life alone when his kind had been designed to be a pack creature?

What if he had decided to move on and there was a way to bring her back? Would he have regretted it?

The one question that had always haunted him though was much more painful to think about, but had always been on the forefront of his mind.

What if he found a way to bring her back and she wanted nothing to do with him?

He was prepared for the possibility. Gerwald had reconciled his need to keep his promise and the fact he could never control what she decided to do, or what she wanted. The question hung in the air between them. He could tell it had come as a surprise, or at least an unfamiliar request, to her. It was rare anyone had ever asked the wolf what he wanted as well. Srina Talon made him think about it constantly.

In the end Gerwald had done what he did, gave the last ten years to bringing Naedira back, because it was what he wanted. He wanted her. It had never been out of duty, for all the times he tried to make it sound like it was. The wolf did not bring her back because he had made a promise. Gerwald brought her back because it was selfish. It was what he desired. The fact Naedira had wanted to live again before the Nocna Mora had taken her completely was just a coincidence. It became Gerwald’s justification, but in truth, it had never been his motive.

She kissed him. It was tentative, testing. Gerwald shuddered without realizing it. There was an anticipation that her wolf would rise to the surface once more, and when it did not, he let go of the breath in a relieved sigh.

She kissed him again. Slowly.

The dirty blonde warrior let her. He was careful to return the kiss gently, but also about where he placed his hands. His appetite for her needed to be kept at bay for the time being, and they both knew it. At least they had this, this moment, one much sweeter than the one behind them. He smiled into the kiss. Naedira would know he was happy. Despite everything that had just happened the wolf was happy. It had been a long time since he could express that truth.

Naedira had not answered the question, and that had not gone unnoticed. Would he press the issue?

Not now. Forcing an answer was no more letting her come to that conclusion on her own than simply telling her. Maybe for now this was what she wanted, and Gerwald was okay with that. He had known what he wanted from the moment they had danced together on the balcony. What Naedira wanted, well, she was still learning who she was now. That was not an answer Gerwald thought she would have, even if he hoped their desires were mutual.

“This is nice,” he finally said, brushing stray hairs from her face. “It seems my lot in life is to keep making you promises, but I will help you through this.”

He chuckled a little.

“I promise.”

 

[Naedira Darcrath]

​

Tag: Gerwald Lechner

Slowly.

Every movement she made was with an aching slowness. Naedira didn't have the proper words for the question he'd asked so she did the only thing she could think of. Show him. If she didn't want to be with him to some degree, she would have never taken the chance of bringing back the beast. The dark-haired woman didn't understand. Couldn't. It was inconceivable for a human to have contracted such an affliction out of the blue.

Naedira had a hard time thinking of herself as anything other than basic. In comparison to the Sith Knight of Gerwald's memories, certainly, she was about as interesting as watching paint dry or grass grow. She could feel him smile and returned it with a little nip that made her freeze momentarily. The creature twitched… But it wasn't enough to draw its full ire to the foreground. She was grateful for that small mercy. At least…At least she could feel him a little longer.

Her face turned into his hand again in quiet comfort when he brushed her hair away from her eyes.

"Only nice?"

It wasn't what they'd had only moments prior but there was something heart-warming in his restraint. The words had been issued with a gentle tease, though, he would feel her lips curling at the edges in a sweet smile. She could accept being this close even if it was still too far away at the same time. Naedira could keep her wits about her while at the same time…Still have some of what they had. Enough that she hoped he wouldn't feel rejected with how abruptly she'd pulled away.

He promised that he would help her through this and she nodded while she settled back on her haunches. Careful fingers reached out to play with the ends of hair the color of fresh cut wheat and she twirled it lightly around her fingers for a moment. "What is it?", she asked, curiously, but with a fair bit of apprehension. She didn't like not being in control of her faculties.

She had spent too long beneath the yoke of demons.

"You told me it isn't my fault…But what is this? Why…", Naedira paused, lips quirking to the side, so that she might think about her question before asking. "Why is she so angry with me? I know she wants out. I know she wants to go to you. I know…I can feel that I'm her prison. That she hates me for caging her. I just…"

The olive-skinned woman shrugged her shoulders and immediately regretted it. The claw marks on her upper sternum and collarbone pulled with the sensation and she had to grind her teeth together for a moment so he wouldn't hear her pain. "I didn't mean to. I don't know how to give her what she wants."

It was the truth of the moment. The animal in the back of her mind seemed to be treating her like a barrier that had been deliberately placed to keep her from Gerwald's wolf. Naedira had no idea how she'd gotten there, what it meant, or why it felt so good just to touch his hair. Skin-to-skin contact was something she had avoided up until now because she wasn't sure about the feeling it produced. She was startled by how drawn she was, scared, by the electrifying field that moved through her and made every little hair stand on end. A curious thought caused her to raise her head from his hand again and her eyes fell to his with a bit of playful curiosity. "Does this happen to every girl you kiss?"

As much as she wanted to stay where she was the wound on her chest needed to be cared for before too long. Blood was starting to dry and the cracking feeling was making it hurt worse.

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

WEARING: xxx
TAG: Naedira Darcrath

Only nice? That was not quite what he meant. Yes it was nice. It was more than nice. There was so much more loaded into that word than he could express. Gerwald could express what he meant through their bond, and maybe she would feel it. He smiled and shook his head.

“A year ago this was not even possible, Nae”

He let the words express his meaning. Even if it was only nice, nice was better than nothing. Gerwald just held the auburn haired woman in his strong arms, and it brought him comfort, some peace. The life he had traded for this moment had been worth it. She had to know that he would have done it all the same if need be. That was the thing he had resolved within himself. Pursuing her, even when others begged him to stop, had been a choice.

Gerwald did not love Naedira simply because the feelings were there. He chose to love her, and continued to make that choice even when the worst had overtaken her. The wolf could tie every decision he made from her death to that fact. Gerwald got stronger, bettered himself, because he needed to in order to keep his promise. There had been delays, yes, because duty demanded them. Even that was because of her. Gerwald knew she would rather have him fulfill his duty than chase her freedom.

He heeded her every time she asked him to put the Knights above his promise to her.

The fall of the Confederacy freed him from that duty, and ultimately paved the way for her to return.

It was tumultuous. It still was. With every challenge crossed a new one seemed to appear. What they faced now was unlike anything thus far. Learning to walk and talk again, that was normal, almost expected. Dealing with a new nature, that was new.

Different.

“It is more than nice. I could stay in this moment for a long time.”

She had to know.

He felt the shift. Her mind turned to what had occurred, and the question finally came. What had happened? What was the thing trapped inside her? She already knew what it was, that was not what she was really asking.

Gerwald swallowed hard. He was going to answer her. She was not someone he could lie to even if he wanted to. Which he did not. The only thing running through his mind was how he would tell her in a way she would understand what was happening. Gerwald was not entirely sure he understood it himself, other than he knew what had happened and why it had.

“It is your wolf.”

He was stating the obvious.

“I should have seen this coming, and I did not. When we brought you back you needed something… more… to live. Srina took that more from me and gave it to you. I had thought it was to fill the gaps in your memories, but you seem to have taken on my nature as well.”

That still did not explain what was going on really. It simply explained why it was not her fault.

If anything…

“...it is my fault.”

Gerwald swallowed hard and sighed again. He was quiet for a moment.

“I had to have you back. You wanted to live and so I made it happen. You were the one keeping the Nocna Mora from tearing through this world on a couple of occasions. But I had to have you back. And now this wolf is tearing at you on the inside, and that is my fault too.”

How did Naedira give it what it wanted?

“You have to know what it wants. She wanted out, wanted control, but you can’t shift so…”

Gerwald did not know what else to say. He did not have an answer other than to help as if she was a lupine. He had Geralt’s journal, but the vault on Islimore was the only place where the alchemist had worked his dark magic. Even if Gerwald had the science, he did not know how to use it to make it so Naedira could shift.

Once again, Gerwald was at a loss. He would have to get better, and get stronger.

Naedira spoke again… was it a… joke?

The wolf smiled. He could not remember attempting humor until this moment. Even with what had happened there was something to celebrate. Naedira was moving forward and making progress.

“What other girls,” he grinned. “There haven’t been any since you died.”

It was a truth he could have let unsaid. But why?

“You’re special.”

He chuckled and kissed her forehead. The shift caused him to catch the scent of her blood. It reminded him her wound needed to be treated, and soon, before there was too much of a scar. His legs pushed off the ground where they sat as Gerwald lifted Naedira, and made his way toward the room he had given her.

“C’mon let’s get this cleaned up. You’ll feel better in the morning, I am certain of it.”

 

[Naedira Darcrath]

​

Tag: Gerwald Lechner​

The depth of how he felt was still clouded in some levels of mystery out of her refusal to delve too deeply in his mind, but the facts were enough. At the barest minimum, he was a loyal friend who refused to give up on a loved one trapped in an impossible situation. Bound by his word, by duty, but there was also more than that. When the coffers of the Confederacy ran dry, he could have cut his losses completely and focused solely on trying to rebuild himself.

Yet—He had not. The part of him that felt something more for her than simply friendship had propelled him to new heights of determination. Naedira soothed her gentle tease away with a soft laugh and another delicate kiss. It…wasn't enough. She wasn't sure it would ever be enough but she was grateful for what she had. Grateful to feel his affections in whatever capacity she could. Feeling loved, feeling safe, was woefully underestimated. She just…Didn't know the words.

Couldn't fathom it.

When Gerwald told her she had a wolf her head tilted in subtle confusion.

"I don't have a wolf…"

But…She did. It was a response made from reflex. Naedira didn't think too much of herself in her current state and it had become almost a default setting to associate her failings with self-deprecation. It was impossible for her to have a wolf. It should have been. But she could remember a fierce jaw and gnashing teeth willing and ready to rip her skin from her bones. Nae knew it was in her mind. Knew it wasn't real. Was she sick? Maybe, she was ill and emulating Gerwald.

But then…How had it torn through her chest from the inside?

"I…", she trailed off, quietly, resting back on her haunches so she could process the information. He took the fault into himself as he was prone to do and she immediately shook her head to deny it. Nothing was his fault. She was the one who had played the self-sacrificing martyr for a nation that wasn't even around anymore. All he had done, all he had ever done, was try to save her. Protect her. "It's not your fault. Whatever it is…It's not your fault."

"I could be sick or maybe my abilities are just out of whack. You saw me break the railing. I didn't mean to break it but…It's definitely in another zoning code."

She shifted a little on her haunches and covered his next statements with relative ease. Naedira could feel what he would say before it even passed through his lips. Another kiss, to shush him, regardless of her confusion on the subject. She held it for just a little longer than the previous ones but pulled back all the same when she started losing the ability to breathe. When her heart started to beat, faster, and faster… "Even if that is the case…Even if I have a wolf of my own now—It's not your fault. You saved me."

Her gentle joke seemed to fall a little flat, though, his grin made her smile a little in return. She felt the wolf in the back of her mind yip a little in acceptance when Gerwald claimed there hadn't been anyone else. It was possessive without rhyme or reason and seemed deeply satisfied that it wouldn't need to hunt and tear the throat from anyone who touched her m—

The kiss on her forehead broke up her internal analysis of this new presence in her soul and a soft smile spread across her cheeks. It was coupled with a winsome blush that moved across the tops of her cheeks. He stood up and lifted her with him, seemingly, as if she didn't weigh a thing. Her arms hooked lightly around his neck and she rested her head against his shoulder. He was always so warm.

"It's not that bad…Nothing a little bacta spray won't sure."

Assuming he had any close by. She figured that most First Aid kits came with it these days but her knowledge was lacking. Instead, she nestled her head in closer. It felt nice. Something about the way he held her made her feel secure—and even though she handled the news of a wolf rather well it was the silent reassurances that kept her from breaking down.

She was damaged…but she wasn't alone.