The Right Prescription (Chiasa Kritivaas)

[Doctor Zendu]

Location: Doctor Zendu's Private Practice, Belasco.

Doctor Robert Zendu, renowned galactic Xenopsychiatrist was just finishing up some paperwork on a previous patient, a Twi'lek medic who wrote on her hand as her primary means of communication, when the chrono on his wrist pinged softly. He switched off the alarm and checked his calender. Sure enough he had back-to-back appointments today and the next one was with a new patient, another Twi'lek apparently. Not usually one to judge a book by their cover, he couldn't help the fleeting thought that the Twi'lek species were among the most emotional unstable people in the galaxy. Hunched over his desk, he perused the notes in her patient file:

Name: [member="Chiasa Kritivaas"]
Age: 22
Occupation: Exotic Dancer
Species: Twi'lek

The doctor raised an eyebrow at the occupation listed in his notes which came from the preliminary Holocall screening with Chiasa and his receptionist. Well, this was going to be an interesting session indeed. Clutching his patient file to his chest, the young doctor adjusted his horn-rimmed glasses and opened the door of his waiting room, peeking out his head in search of his next patient.

"Chiasa Kritivaas?"

 

[Chiasa Kritivaas]

The things I do for the Ravens..

Chiasa thought with a wry smile, rising as her name was called and offering the doctor a smile. She was dressed very nearly conservatively, for her anyway. Besides, the force only knew what the awful woman on the phone had written down about her, so it was quite likely she could have shown up wearing nothing at all and merely been meeting people expectations. Such was life for a Twi'lek. Which was delightfully ironic when one was calling to book an appointment with a Xenopsychiatrist.

"Doctor Zendu."

She acknowledged him with a friendly nod as she approached, sizing him up. So far she was optimistic about the outcome of this little visit. At worst, nothing would be accomplished, at best.. Well, one never knew what delightful information or services one could get from someone with a private medical practice.

It would be good practice as well. Much as she loved the Ravens she was often forced to speak bluntly and spell things out for many of the members, it was good to remember subtly and diplomacy. To say without saying, and listen to what was not being said. The fact that she'd be playing this game with someone else who was in theory trained to do similar only made it that much more fun.

[member="Doctor Zendu"]

 

[Doctor Zendu]

The first thing Doctor Zendu noticed about his new patient was her outfit, which caused him to emit an audible gulp. The second thing was her pretty smile and so he focused on that in order to maintain his decorum. With a toothy grin, the psychiatrist ushered the fetching Twil'ek into his office, a sleekly decorated, softy lit space with expansive windows that looked out over the sparkling Belasco captial. A spiral staircase in the middle of the room led to his living quarters upstairs, and the office was outfitted with a full kitchen and multiple seating areas. With no detail left undone, it was obvious that Zendu's private practice catered to the wealthiest patients in the galaxy.

As the Twi'lek entered a serving droid rolled up to Chiasa and offered her a glass of ice water infused with namana fruit. In his expensively-tailored tweed suit the doctor stood before her, still clutching her file to his chest, and gestured to his plush, white Hover sofa. "You can sit anywhere you like, Chiasa. Most patients prefer to recline on the Hover sofa."

The young psychiatrist adjusted his jacket and pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose, still blushing at the sight of so much exposed skin. "While you're getting settled in, why don't you tell me a bit more about why you've come to see me today."

[member="Chiasa Kritivaas"]

 

[Chiasa Kritivaas]

Chiasa allowed herself to be ushered into his office, and took a moment to look around. It was very sleek, and very expensive. She approved. Of course, she herself favoured warmer colours mixed with blacks, but that was only because she was quite vain and knew they complimented her better. The Twi'lek accepted the drink from the serving droid and allowed herself a small sip as she listened to the Doctor before turning her attention to the furniture.

Well, if most patients preferred to recline.. Placing the glass back on the droids tray she carefully settled herself on the sofa. Even this was something of a game. To sit completely upright, to be rigid, would be to suggest that she was not comfortable and was uncooperative. To lie completely back as one stereotypically did would be to distance herself from him, looking instead up at the ceiling as she spoke and thus having her own attention focused back inwards. Neither of course could she lounge too provocatively, he had surely seen his share of maladjusted women who would be happy to take him for a tumble. So she sat back on the sofa, feet curled up beneath her, leaning against one arm. Comfortable, yet facing him.

"To be honest, I suppose. I find I am having to become increasingly.. Duplicitous, in my job, and I am always on the clock. I thought it would be healthy to have someone to talk to. In particular, someone with an impeccable reputation for discretion as many aspects of my job are.. Confidential, often illegal and with the possibility of causing property destruction or death if mishandled. In addition, I understand you specialize in Xenopsychiatry rather than the traditional branch, so I felt you would understand more than most."

This was a grand game. It was she supposed the equivalent of going out the door guns blazing from the get go. To walk up to someone, tell them you were a liar when you worked, that you were always working, and oh yes, you were involved in all sorts of shady things. This was not what was generally done. But sometimes people trusted you best when you told them to trust you the least. Besides, she had a path she intended to lead him down, this was only the first step. Besides, she could already see that he found her physically attractive, which was a good start, but it was not quite enough. If she could get him to believe that he was the only one she could be honest with, could expose herself psychologically to, that she needed him.. So much the better.

[member="Doctor Zendu"]

 

[Doctor Zendu]

As Doctor Zendu listened to his new patient speak, he deposited her patient file neatly on his obsessively clean desk and grabbed his little black book. Plucking a pen from the many in his front pocket, the young doctor started taking judicious notes, and then took a seat opposite the Twi'lek lounging on the Hover sofa. A keen reader of body language and expressions, the doctor noticed that her movements were very practiced, each gesture calculated. He also got a sense that she was more cultured and intelligent than most of his patients.

Once she finished, he leaned forward, folding his hands over the notebook in his lap, and spoke. "First of all I want to congratulate you for taking the brave step of seeking counseling. And you are correct, I have studied the emotional behavior of more alien species than any other psychiatrist this side of the Expansion Region, so I believe you're in good hands." He chuckled and gave her a wide smile. "Also let me assure you that all of our sessions are strictly confidential. Any illegal activities you share with me, I will not share with the authorities. It's all in the paperwork you initially signed."

He tilted his head and gave her a tight-lipped smile, his thin fingers tapping his pen lightly on his notebook. "Tell me a little bit more about your relationships. Are you close with your family? Friends? Any significant others? I just want to get a better picture of who Chiasa is."

[member="Chiasa Kritivaas"]

 

[Chiasa Kritivaas]

"I'm sure I am."

A small flirtation accompanied with another smile, nothing serious. It hardly counted, a businessman could have said the same to the Doctor and it would all have been perfectly apropriate.

"Close with my family? No. To the best of my knowledge they still live on Ryloth. I was sold to a dance acadamy at quite a young age. Common practice on Ryloth of course. I say 'a' academy, it was in fact The Academy. I did not see them again after that. Even after I.. liberated myself, I never felt the need to find them again. They'd made their choice and gone on with their lives, I intended to get on with mine."

There was only one dance academy on all of Ryloth that bore the distinction of that name. All the others had more distinctive names, but it was the oldest and the best. To anyone in the business, when you said 'The Academy', they knew.

"I spent rather a long period of time being.. transient I suppose. Depending on what you mean by friends, I either have many or none. There are people that I know about and understand, who's company I enjoy, I tend not to share details about myself with them. Most of them are colleagues. As much as I might like them, it could be dangerous for me if they knew too much about me. On the flipside the more I know about them the safer I am."

She paused for a moment.

"I do worry about them sometimes. It can be a very.. stressful job. I suspect many of them do not have anyone to speak with, and could not afford it individually even if they recognized a problem. Public healthcare options often not being an option at all. I've considered seeing about having specialists placed on retainer.."

She left that, for him to follow up on or not.

"As for significant others, many others, none significant. I feel it would be hard for me to have a meaningful relationship. I'm a twi'lek, and I am very, very good at what I do. To find a partner who would not feel threatened by all the things my job can sometimes entail. It is not so easy."

[member="Doctor Zendu"]

 

[Doctor Zendu]

At her first comment, the doctor smiled and cleared his throat, his eyes looking everywhere but her cleavage. He imagined that Chiasa was quite skilled at innuendos and probably drove all the boys at her workplace crazy. He jotted down a few more notes as she spoke, making sure he captured every detail.

"Unfortunately Job burnout is on the rise in the galaxy, so I'm not surprised that you're suffering from it. What I'd suggest is taking some time for yourself, Chiasa. Perhaps a vacation somewhere? A nice beach where you can get away from it all? I've heard that Chroma Zed is beautiful this time of year."

The doctor then gave her a quizzical expression. "I'm curious about your workplace because you never actually mentioned what it is that you do. If it's a place where they need a specialist such as myself, perhaps I could work something out with the corporation to treat employees at a discount?"

[member="Chiasa Kritivaas"]

 

[Chiasa Kritivaas]

"I've never been to Chroma Zed. Unfortunately it's rather a difficult time for me to take time off. I could, of course. I do not even technically have a job description but.. We're at a rather crucial developmental stage."

Good man, he was getting there. A little like herding felines, but that was all right. The trick, she'd always found, was to let them come to you rather than chasing.

"I suppose I've not mentioned it because pinning down my job is.. difficult. I do what needs doing and is within my capabilities. Sometimes I am eyes and ears. Sometimes I am merely a charming hostess. I find opportunities. I act as diplomat and peacekeeper when necessary. I work for a criminal organization Doctor Zendu, and we're embroiled in a war with the Black Sun."

Much was communicated in that last. The Black Sun were known after all. For a new organization to be strong enough, to have the resources to stand against them.. That let it be known that this was no little crime family, no pack of spice smugglers. They might incorporate both, but the Ravens were so much more.

"As you can imagine, all species are drawn to this sort of life, and if they were not in some way traumatized beforehand.."

She offered an elegant one shouldered shrug. It was not an easy life.

A discount and a Doctor of his reputation on retainer would be good. Even better would be his access to pharmaceuticals and best of all, whether he gave the information up willingly or one of their many slicers found it for themselves, the information he would have about his suppliers shipment times and schedules.

[member="Doctor Zendu"]

 

[Doctor Zendu]

"I am familiar with your organization, The Red Ravens." the doctor said with a smirk, folding his hands over his notebook again. He was an avid follower of current events and upon wracking his brain, couldn't think of any other criminal organization that was at war with the Black Sun syndicate. Plus, he had at least one other Raven on his patient roster. The sheer size of the organization rivaled the Hutts and the Black Sun so it was a numbers game that he would have more Raven patients in his care.

The doctor smiled warmly at his patient. "While I'm not especially known for being exclusively a doctor for criminals, many of those types come to me for treatment because they've heard about my strict confidentiality clause." He smiled. "I am open to working with the Ravens in the future. Perhaps that's something we can discuss at the end of our session. After all, I don't want to take away anything from your time, Chiasa."

Then he switched topics back to those of a more emotional nature. "I find your point of view on relationships interesting. While I don't see a problem with you being polyamorous, I would caution you against writing off what you call a "meaningful" relationship if that's what you really want. There are plenty of proverbial fish in the galaxy after all." Here he gave her a wink.

[member="Chiasa Kritivaas"]

 

[Chiasa Kritivaas]

"Very good!"

The pleased purr was unintentional. She was in fact trying not to be the seductress currently, but she was pleased and in all honesty surprised that he had made the connection and so quickly. Even better that he had not drawn away because of it.

"I would be quite pleased to talk business after this if you've the time. I am sure we can find a mutually pleasing agreement."

She glanced down and away as he spoke once more of relationships.

"No, it's.."

She paused, a flurry of micro expressions appearing briefly on her face before it settled once more into it's usual collected demeanour. Sadness, regret, annoyance, wry amusement.. Clearly it was complicated.

"You misunderstand. Which I suppose is the problem, as everyone does. I am not polyamorous, nor do I have any wish to be. Were I to have a meaningful relationship I would consider myself monogamous. It is unlikely that I would fit the dictionary definition of the word however."

Chiasa paused again. Still because she had trained herself to be so when what she really wanted to do was fidget, to tap or pace.

"Remember that I was sold. I was property. Owned. It is true I changed this, but that in mind, is it so odd that emotional and physical are not necessarily related to me? My body was not mine, what it contained always was."

"This,"

A hand moved to encompass herself.

"this is a tool. Nothing more and nothing less. It is a good and fine tool, but just because someone touches this does not mean that they touch me. To abandon this tool just because it's use might upset a potential love however.. What use is a tool that cannot be used? And to forestall a comment that you would hopefully not make in any case, I do not see it as demeaning. I am exquisite. Why should I not be wanted? Why should I not use this? If it fell out of fashion, if you were told that using your mind was demeaning, would you stop? Would you pretend to be stupid? Would you turn away from that which you were given and are good at? It is good to be seen as humble, but in fact, I am beautiful and you are brilliant, and these are traits which the galaxy loves. Why would we not embrace this?"

"No, the issue is that most others do not disconnect physical from emotional, and I cannot be useless. If I loved someone, I would not wish to hurt them, and inevitably it would hurt them to see me be with, seduce or in some cases create entire fictional relationships with other beings. I suppose a man who could cope with such a life might exist, I just.. Wonder at our chances of meeting I suppose."

 

[Doctor Zendu]

The sounds of his pen scribbling across the paper, Doctor Zendu furiously jotted down more notes. Then he looked up at his patient with his familiar tight-lipped concerned expression. "Chiasa, let me share a quick anecdote. I recently thought that a meaningful relationship wasn't going to be possible for me. Nothing came between me and my practice. My day consisted of eight to ten hours of listening to other people's problems, then four more of paperwork, then maybe a solitary sip of whiskey, and finally sleep. But I recently met someone. Oddly enough, he was a blind date that I arranged through the C.U.P.I.D. dating service." Here he smiled fondly. "An amazing man. A Mandalorian bounty hunter actually. And he's showing me how to put aside work and enjoy my private life."

"Here in therapy, we can work through all those issues you describe. You have to realize what was done to you in the past was done to you. It's not who you are. It bears repeating either way. You don't have to hang onto your identity as a mere object any longer. I won't judge you for using your body as a tool, but I would caution you against disassociating yourself from it the way that you did when you were a slave. You're a free woman now. You no longer need that defense mechanism."

"Does that make sense Chiasa?"

[member="Chiasa Kritivaas"]

 

[Chiasa Kritivaas]

Oh wonderful, he'd found love and was happy and fulfilled, wasn't that nice. She felt a flash of bitterness that she kept from her face. Twi'leks were almost as bad as Lorrdians in their own way. To be capable of polite lies one had to refrain from even the smallest of tells. Still, it was an interesting reaction, and she felt as if she was learning far more from analysing herself than he was. Perhaps that was the point though? Maybe that was supposed to happen. After all, she was the only one with all the facts.

So she examined the bitterness. Dragged it out and took a good hard look at it. She was jealous. She did think she was better than him, she thought she was better than most people whether this was true or not. Why then did they all get to have partners who accepted them with all their myriad flaws and she did not? It wasn't fair, and that made her angry. At the end of the day regardless of all that she had and all that she was, she was still alone, and that made her sad.

And maybe, maybe, maybe she had evaluated him as a potential mate, the same way she reflexively evaluated almost everyone and had wondered if perhaps he really was smart enough to be singularly unique and precious and if perhaps his degree meant that he really could understand and relate to her. He was not traditionally handsome, but he had a.. a sensitive, compelling face. And none of it mattered because he was taken and happy and she had no reason to sabotage that. It was not her job. She did not have to. But she was also jealous of his Mandalorian.

And at the same time, at the very same time, she smiled to think of this peculiar little doctor with a Mandalorian bounty hunter and was happy for them. Wished them well. Hoped it worked out. Just because she seemed destined to be alone while drowning in a sea of other beings who she had to be charming to and win to her side did not mean she wanted everyone else to feel the same. Not truly.

"C.U.P.I.D? Perhaps I'll have to look in to it."

She replied with a smile, hardly a beat behind where she ought to have been.

"It makes sense, and I agree to a degree.. But again, I do not see myself as merely an object. I am not only a body. Perhaps it was the tool analogy or the reference to useless, but I wonder what right or reason for existence does a being have with no use to anyone?"

"I also think that while I am not what was done to me, what I am was shaped by my experiences and my past, and this cannot be changed however.."

Again a slight pause as she tried to order her words in a way that would make sense.

"Sometimes things get broken. Pretending they aren't doesn't make it so. They are not like they were before. They never can be. Perhaps they can be fixed, but there will always be marks where they broke."

Weak points. Shatter points.

"And some things, when broken, can be remade into something else entirely. Perhaps this is not such a bad thing. Something that may have been mass produced is now unique."

"Perhaps I do disassociate too much, this is certainly possible. I do not think I will be abandoning any defence mechanisms entirely yet though. Free is not the same as safe for some, Doctor. Any enemy of the Ravens would gladly kill me. Each Raven has their own background and their own dangers in tow, and this too could kill me. I am force sensitive and have fraternised with both Jedi and Sith, so again, either could kill me. Everything in my world is dangerous Doctor, the dancehall was much safer."

"The challenge I suppose is finding a balance. It would be.. Easy to become a complete sociopath and rationalise it as being done for my own safety. Easy to fake a relationship for no reason other than to say I am in one too. I would.. Prefer not to."

That was an understatement, but she knew she played a dangerous game. So many layers and so many masks, it would be easy to lose sight of who she really was. It would be easy to truly become just a tool. So, so easy, and she would likely serve the Ravens all the better for it. So many reasons for, so few against except that it felt wrong, and she had learned to trust her feelings.

[member="Doctor Zendu"]

 

[Doctor Zendu]

"Well, Chiasa, you're insightful about your own psyche. That's more than I can say for most of my patients," Zendu declared. "There is a key concept in what you described. The idea of re-making something. I think you should focus on re-making Chiasa into exactly what she wants to be. In our future sessions, I can give you exercises to help you with this."

The doctor straightened his tie and cleared his throat. "As for your disassociation, that's commonly the mental armor worn by criminals so that they can justify their actions or simply avoid dealing with the emotional aftermath. So it's natural that you would exhibit this symptom. Chiasa, do you ever think about doing something else? Besides dancing or doing whatever it is you do for the Red Ravens? Furthering your education? Changing careers?"

"I'm only suggesting that perhaps it's your environment that needs changing?"

[member="Chiasa Kritivaas"]