Approved Tech The Pale Echo

[Kemoth of Asteria]

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[SIZE=11pt]| OOC INFORMATION | [/SIZE]

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  [SIZE=11pt]Intent: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]To create a personal weapon for Kemoth[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Image Source: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Here[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt] Original Item: [/SIZE] [SIZE=11pt]VT-RAM Disruptor[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Canon Disruptor Info:[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] Disruptor[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt] Other Canon Info: [/SIZE] [SIZE=11pt] Dallorian Alloy |[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] Zersium Flecks [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]|[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] Plas-bonded Ostrine Coils [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]|[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] Vardium Steel [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]|[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] Barrel-shroud [/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt] IRL Info: [/SIZE] [SIZE=11pt] Smartgun |[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] Smart Gun[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Restricted Missions: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]If necessary[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=11pt]| PRODUCTION INFORMATION |[/SIZE]

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  [SIZE=11pt]Manufacturer: [/SIZE]Vanir Technologies[SIZE=11pt] | Kemoth | I received permission from Vanir Technologies to make a mass production or lower version of the VT-Ram Disruptor, but am seeing if I can get an unique one for Kemoth specifically passed here before I tone it down to something suitable for a higher production level[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Model:[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] The Pale Echo[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Affiliation:[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] Kemoth of Asteria[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Modularity: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Yes. Most components can be swapped out[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Production: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Unique[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Material: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Dallorian Alloy | Zersium | Ostrine | Verdium Steel | Electronics[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=11pt]| TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS |[/SIZE]

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  [SIZE=11pt]Classification: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Handheld Disruptor[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Size: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Large[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Length: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]181.4 cm[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Weight: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Very Heavy [2,000g][/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Ammunition Type: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Power Cell[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Ammunition Capacity: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]12 bolts per power cell; 3 power cells per magazine[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Effective Range: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Long[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Rate of Fire: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Average to high [Single shot, double burst, or overcharge][/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Stopping Power: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Very High against non-vehicles; Moderate for type against vehicles[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Recoil: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]High (for a disruptor)[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=11pt]| SPECIAL FEATURES | [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]| Add-ons |[/SIZE]

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  [SIZE=11pt]Modular Rail System [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt](one under-barrel, 2 side-barrel)[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Under-barrel Charric[/SIZE] [SIZE=11pt] (10 rounds, short range)[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Under-barrel slug thrower[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] (Reloadable) (two rounds)[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Side-barrel dart shooter[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] w/compressed air launcher, size-appropriate for the weapon, w/a range of long thanks to larger size than similar dart launchers[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Vardium Steel Ergonomic Grip -[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] The stock grip has been replaced with an ergonomic grip made out of vardium steel that prevents Kemoth’s hands from sweating, and causing problems with firing the disruptor. It is specifically fitted to Kemoth’s hands, which allows it to be better fit to her.[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt] Dallorian-Vardium Steel Alloy Casing - [/SIZE] [SIZE=11pt]The Pale Echo has had its casing replaced with a dallorian-vardium steel alloy. This provides the additional cooling capacity necessary for use.[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=11pt]| STRENGTHS | [/SIZE]

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  [SIZE=11pt]Extended, High-Density Magazine -[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]The Pale Echo has an extended magazine that combines what it holds with the high-density power cell to create a reasonably powerful disruptor bolt, and help to increase the maximum number of disruptor bolts to 12. The magazine doesn’t have to be replaced for a total of three power cells worth of use.[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]High-density Disruptor Power Cell -[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]The Pale Echo is equipped with a high-density disruptor power cell that is made with refined, spin-sealed tibanna gas that allows the VT-RAM to fire more powerful, semi-transparent bolts.[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Extended, Modified Barrel -[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]The Pale Echo has an extended barrel that may increase its size, but allows for modifications. The barrel has zersium flecks and plas-bonded ostrine coils in a Dallorian Alloy base with plas-bonded ostrine in the formula to help with cooling in extended combat. It is equipped with a barrel-shroud that includes air cooling, which enables the double burst mode to be used.[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Adjustable Firing Action - [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Aside from the single-action firing option, Kemoth’s modified VT-RAM disruptor is capable of functioning in a double burst mode.[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Sound Suppression/Semi-Transparent Bolts -[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]The Pale Echo has been equipped with a sound suppression system, and it is capable of firing semi-transparent bolts because of the refined, spin-sealed tibanna gas used in its power cell that are more difficult to see than normal disruptor bolts.[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Rapid-replace Power Cell -[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] The Echo is modified with a power cell holder that can be easily replaced thanks to the holder being able to pop out, ejecting the power cell as needed, and allowing one to be added with ease.[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Double Secured -[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] Multiple biometric types are sought out from the user, allowing the VT-RAM Disruptor to identify who its wielder is, using a small microchip containing quantum RAM, four computer cores, and a small amount of computer storage to eliminate lag time and provide additional features. The biometric types are adaptable, and capable of identifying Kemoth no matter what form she has taken unless she deactivates the biometrics and/or the weapon through the Force-controlled mechanism. The biometrics identify a variety of different signatures, including DNA registered from skin folicles, fingerprints and palm prints (which is where the adaptability comes into play most, as these can change with Kemoth’s shape changing), hand size, strength, and grip style. The VT-RAM also seeks out the signature of Kemoth’s brain-computer interface with a limited proximity sensor hidden within the weapon that only functions when Kemoth has her hand on the weapon, before allowing any kind of access to the weapon, creating an amazing form of security against splicers that outright prevents anyone else from accessing the weapon.[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Electronics Connection/Additions -[/SIZE] [SIZE=11pt] The Pale Echo is capable of being connected to HUDs and other electronics. This would register when the weapon is fired, records parameters of use, and keeps track of heat, power cell round count, magazine status and round count, can notify the user when the weapon needs repair or maintenance, as well as other parameters.[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Fitted Fire-control System - [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] The Pale Echo is fitted with a fire-control system that accurately depicts where the weapon is aimed, provides the best point to aim at when used in combination with the range detectors and other equipment on-board connected electronics, and the precise moment to fire the weapon.[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Overcharge - [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]By using additional energy from the power cell and additional energy from the magazine, the Pale Echo is capable of firing an overcharged shot. The level of overcharge can be decided upon by how long the weapon is held. A single, massive blast capable of annihilating enemies - and exhausting the current power cell - can be fired, or one can simply channel the power of two bolts at the same time.[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Linked Multi-Optic Sight -[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] The multi-optic sight that Kemoth uses, which is linked to her cybernetics, allows Kemoth to "see in the dark or through smoke due" to a combination of ultrasonic, infrared, and night vision sensors, which Kemoth's enhanced senses are capable of adapting to the use of.[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=11pt]| WEAKNESSES |[/SIZE]

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  [SIZE=11pt]Weight & Charge:[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]The greatest weakness of the VT-RAM comes from it's strength. The weapon is insanely heavy for it's size, weight a whopping one and a half kilograms while only featuring a charge powerful enough for eight shots in a single powerpack. Compared to other blaster pistols and weapons of similar size the RAM weighs quite a bit, being unwieldy while at the same time having only a limited number of shots before running out of ammo. Knocking this weapon is aside and utilizing it properly requires time and experience with handling such a heavy weapon. (Directly taken from original VT-RAM app; edited only slightly)[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Heat: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]The multiple methods of cooling the weapon does not stop heat from being a very real thing. The heat of firing 12 bolts rapidly, one after another, as fast as you can may not cause too many problems, since it is designed to be allowed for extended battles, but doing so while completely exhausting the magazine's capacity to handle three power cells one after another, for whatever reason, is likely to cause both intense burns (3rd degree or worse), and has the potential to cause the weapon to detonate. Maybe one day Kemoth will add a cryocooler to the barrel, but who knows. [/SIZE]When the weapon overheats, it may detonate, but for the most part it will become entirely inoperable.
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Physical Damage: Physical damage to the weapon, such as from the lightsabers Kemoth would encounter when battling her equals, are capable of harming the weapon's sensitive systems to the point of making them useless or dangerous to Kemoth. While the weapon can't be stopped up by things like dirt or dust in the battlefield, physical damage [/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Overcharge: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]The overcharge function isn't lacking in danger for anyone involved. The chance of too much heat building up in the weapon doubles when using overcharge rapidly. Instead of taking all three power cells that a single magazine can handle to overheat, it really only takes 1.5 power cells worth of energy to overheat. [/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Ionic Interference: While ions cannot interfere with all of the systems in the weapon, it can, however, interfere with several. The first would be the fitted aiming system, which will become completely non-functional and one will have to rely entirely on themselves. The second would be the adjustable firing action. Because it is digital, it will become stuck in one position for half an hour. The third is the electronics connection, but the effects are limited. The the temperature, the magazine counter, and power cell round count.[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=11pt]| DESCRIPTION |[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]The Pale Echo was innovated for one purpose: to produce a killing machine capable of obliterating enemies in a package smaller than comparative systems. It built up on a similar, previous innovation that produced one of the most high-quality disruptors in history, a ground-breaking design by Vanir Technologies. The third-model prototype of a potentially new model of disruptor based on the VT-RAM, possessing more features than you would find in the production model, the Pale Echo is a sophisticated weapons system that possesses the capacity to help make Kemoth even more of a killing machine than she already is. While most of the kinks have been worked out, aside from the lack of the use of a cryocooler in the barrel and other similar functions to increase power and cooling, the Pale Echo isn’t a perfect weapon. It is heavy and weighs a lot - something that may be fixed by the use of echani graphite in the future (probably after a development thread) - possesses flaws in its overcharge mechanism, overheats more easily than it would with a cryocooler, doesn’t possess as much power as it could because of lack of use of an augmented spin barrel, and still possesses the issue with its charge.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]The power behind the Pale Echo, however, allows Kemoth to quickly dispatch enemies in even powerful heavy armors, building up on the VT-RAM’s position as one of the most powerful handheld weapons on the market, and allowing the Pale Echo to hold the position of being even more powerful. The combination of the magazine, the new power cell, and the extended, modified barrel increases power by up to 20%, thanks largely to the materials used in the barrel and the power cell. Meanwhile, the overcharge function could allow the Pale Echo to heavily damage lightly armored vehicles if targeted at the right spot when at full power, and to do moderate damage to medium armored vehicles, while doing light damage to heavily armored vehicles, though this isn’t necessarily worth it because of the dangers that the overcharge function creates when used rapidly or at full power. Kemoth is not the most skilled disruptor user, but the Pale Echo makes up for that. Perhaps others will realize that, soon. The advanced electronics in the weapon help turn it into a definite plus on Kemoth’s side, with her strength, decent skill in using the weapon, and the aim assistance providing what she needs to make it a danger to her foes.[/SIZE]

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[Progflaw99]

<p>Under Review.</p>

 

[Progflaw99]

Hi! I'll be judging this submission. I'll go from top to bottom here with a few things.

Firstly, in your materials, you've listed Zersium Flecks. According to the article, it's primarily used in armor. What is its application in a blaster pistol?

| TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS | Classification: Disruptor Size: Handheld Length: 181.4 Weight: 2,000g Ammunition Type: High-density Power Cell; Magazine Ammunition Capacity: 12 bolts per power cell; 3 power cells per magazine Effective Range: 90 meters Rate of Fire: Single shot, double burst, or overcharge Stopping Power: Very high (non-overcharge) to extreme (overcharge) Recoil: High (for a disruptor)

Size: Please use the template's rating criteria. (Please choose a size between Very Small, Small, Average, Large, Very Large and Extreme.) Keep in mind, this size descriptor is relative to the type of weapon.
Weight: Please use the template's rating criteria. (Please choose a weight between Very Light, Light, Average, Heavy, Very Heavy and Extreme.)
Ammunition Type: This should read "Power Cell", as capacity is mentioned in the next part of the template.

Effective Range: 90 Meters This seems a bit far. For example, the DH-17 Blaster Pistol has an effective range (Optimum Range) of 30 meters. This Disruptor has three times that range with no real explanation as to why it would possess and increased range. Additionally, most disruptor pistols suffer from a decreased range. For example the DX-2 and MSD-32 Disruptor pistols are both sub 10m range. Please use the template's rating criteria. (Effective range in relation to the weapon type. Remember that a carbine will have a longer range than a pistol, an assault rifle longer range than a carbine, and a sniper rifle longer than an assault rifle. Choose from Point Blank, Personal, Average, Long Range, Battlefield, and Extreme. Battlefield and Extreme will require justification in strengths and weaknesses.)
Rate of Fire: Please use the template's rating criteria. (How quickly the weapon fires. Choose from Very Low, Low, Average, High, Very High, and Extreme. Very High and Extreme will require justification in the strengths and weaknesses.)

| Add-ons | Under-barrel Charric (50 rounds, 80 meters) Under-barrel grenade launcher (Reloadable) Side-barrel dart shooter w/compressed air launcher, size-appropriate for the weapon, w/a range of 200 meters thanks to larger size than similar dart launchers Side-barrel compact Baragwin plasma flamethrower with a range of 30 meters. It doesn’t require an external flame source because of its type, and because of its plasma nature the flame burns hotter than usual. Compact top-barrel multi-frequency spotlight glowrod Vardium Steel Ergonomic Grip - The stock grip has been replaced with an ergonomic grip made out of vardium steel that prevents Kemoth’s hands from sweating, and causing problems with firing the disruptor. It is specifically fitted to Kemoth’s hands, which allows it to be better fit to her. Dallorian-Vardium Steel Alloy Casing - The Pale Echo has had its casing replaced with a dallorian-vardium steel alloy. This provides the additional cooling capacity necessary for use.

Are these Add On's all supposed to be attached simultaneously? An underbarrel attachment is certainly within the realm of possibility however having this many attachments with such a variance in purpose is a bit excessive. I think you could probably choose two of these items to be attached in the original submission. Alternatively, what you could do is specify that there is a modular rail system attached to the weapon, allowing for a host of attachments. As far as the flamethrower goes, it states it's a conventional flamethrower sans a fuel source. Even a conventional flamethrower would require significantly more dedicated space in a firearm than is attachable in a handheld pistol. Let's whittle these attachments down to 2 of the above, and we can look at the details at that point.

Electronics Connection/Additions - The Pale Echo is capable of being connected to HUDs and other electronics. This would register when the weapon is fired, records parameters of use, and keeps track of heat, power cell round count, magazine status and round count, can notify the user when the weapon needs repair or maintenance, as well as other parameters. Force-controlled Safety - The safety on the VT-RAM is able to be activated and deactivated through a complex and compact piece of equipment that replaces the normal, button-based safety and its mechanism, without taking up any extra space. It requires specific knowledge of the mechanism to use or gain knowledge of. Force-controlled Mechanisms - Aside from the safety, the biometrics, the chip scanner, and the weapon itself can be deactivated through similarly complex and compact pieces of equipment that require specific knowledge to use. Even if Kemoth’s Force abilities are dampened by the likes of Voidstones, the mechanisms are capable of being manipulated. Should the force not be available to Kemoth, her natural, non-Force related telepathy can be used to control the Force-related mechanisms within the weapon thanks to a telepathic receptor that was added.

Electronics Connections: How are these connected? Wireless? Cable?
Force Controlled Safety: How does this work? Is it an internal safety that has to be manipulated with the Force? Is it tied to Kemoth's personal Force Signature? How is that done specifically? Even if other characters don't know how it works it is important to detail in the submission. Alternatively, does the weapon need an additional safety if it is bio locked? You could entirely cut that out with minor change to the submission's inherent security features due to the biometric and electrical verification already included.
Force Controlled Mechanisms: Like the above, what mechanisms specifically are controlled via the Force and what kind of knowledge is required to manipulate those mechanisms more specifically?

Fitted Fire-control System - The Pale Echo is fitted with a fire-control system that accurately depicts where the weapon is aimed, provides the best point to aim at when used in combination with the range detectors and other equipment on-board connected electronics, and the precise moment to fire the weapon.

Fitted Fire-control System: Fire control systems are typically applied on larger weapons emplacements and missile/heavy weapons batteries. How does this do what it's doing when applied to a handheld pistol? Is it a software that works in tandem with a HUD? Is it an electronic control system integrated into the weapon? Explanation of how this works when a user squeezes the trigger and aims at a target would be beneficial.

Linked Multi-Optic Sight - The multi-optic sight that Kemoth uses, which is linked to her cybernetics, allows Kemoth to "see in the dark or through smoke due" to a combination of ultrasonic, infrared, and night vision sensors, which Kemoth's enhanced senses are capable of adapting to the use of.

Linked Multi-Optic Sight: Is this piece of technology linked specifically to the weapon? The description makes it sound like this ability is already inherent to Kemoth and therefore redundant to the submission itself.

Extended, High-Density Magazine - The Pale Echo has an extended magazine that combines what it holds with the high-density power cell to create a reasonably powerful disruptor bolt, and help to increase the maximum number of disruptor bolts to 12. The magazine doesn’t have to be replaced for a total of three power cells worth of use. High-density Disruptor Power Cell - The Pale Echo is equipped with a high-density disruptor power cell that is made with refined, spin-sealed tibanna gas that allows the VT-RAM to fire more powerful, semi-transparent bolts.

High Density Magazine, High Density Disruptor Power Cell: Are these two things the same? Does the weapon fire two different projectiles? I would suggest moving these into the same heading as "High Density Power Cell".

Extended Barrel: How long is the barrel extension? Are we talking a full foot, or several inches?

Adjustable Firing: I would list the firing modes in this strength, detailing them here rather than in the Rate of Fire as they currently are

Additional Comments: I would be sure to add your "Special Features" listed under "Modifications" as strengths. They all provide something that could be seen as a strength of the weapon. Under weaknesses your description of the weapon's capacity is inconsistent with what is listed earlier in the submission. As far as "Overcharge" weakness, what happens if the weapon *is* overcharged? Does it explode? Do the components melt rendering the weapon useless?

In short, I would say this.

• Cut down the list of attachments to 2
• Correct discrepancies in the template as listed above
• Flesh out some of the details in the systems you've described
• Add the special features of the weapon listed under your heading "Modifications" to the "Strengths" portion (As appropriate, notably the quick reload as well as any other systems listed that provide a distinct benefit to the weapon's function or capability.)
• Given the high number of strengths, I'd like to see the addition of at least two weaknesses added, or one critical weakness. Does the weapon hold up to ion damage? Is it sensitive to physical damage?
• With the changes, modify the description to reflect these more accurately.

Please tag me when the changes have been made or with any questions or clarifications. Thanks!

[member="Kemoth of Asteria"]

 

[Kemoth of Asteria]

Hi! I'll be judging this submission. I'll go from top to bottom here with a few things.

Firstly, in your materials, you've listed Zersium Flecks. According to the article, it's primarily used in armor. What is its application in a blaster pistol?




Size: Please use the template's rating criteria. (Please choose a size between Very Small, Small, Average, Large, Very Large and Extreme.) Keep in mind, this size descriptor is relative to the type of weapon.
Weight: Please use the template's rating criteria. (Please choose a weight between Very Light, Light, Average, Heavy, Very Heavy and Extreme.)
Ammunition Type: This should read "Power Cell", as capacity is mentioned in the next part of the template.

Effective Range: 90 Meters This seems a bit far. For example, the DH-17 Blaster Pistol has an effective range (Optimum Range) of 30 meters. This Disruptor has three times that range with no real explanation as to why it would possess and increased range. Additionally, most disruptor pistols suffer from a decreased range. For example the DX-2 and MSD-32 Disruptor pistols are both sub 10m range. Please use the template's rating criteria. (Effective range in relation to the weapon type. Remember that a carbine will have a longer range than a pistol, an assault rifle longer range than a carbine, and a sniper rifle longer than an assault rifle. Choose from Point Blank, Personal, Average, Long Range, Battlefield, and Extreme. Battlefield and Extreme will require justification in strengths and weaknesses.)
Rate of Fire: Please use the template's rating criteria. (How quickly the weapon fires. Choose from Very Low, Low, Average, High, Very High, and Extreme. Very High and Extreme will require justification in the strengths and weaknesses.)




Are these Add On's all supposed to be attached simultaneously? An underbarrel attachment is certainly within the realm of possibility however having this many attachments with such a variance in purpose is a bit excessive. I think you could probably choose two of these items to be attached in the original submission. Alternatively, what you could do is specify that there is a modular rail system attached to the weapon, allowing for a host of attachments. As far as the flamethrower goes, it states it's a conventional flamethrower sans a fuel source. Even a conventional flamethrower would require significantly more dedicated space in a firearm than is attachable in a handheld pistol. Let's whittle these attachments down to 2 of the above, and we can look at the details at that point.




Electronics Connections: How are these connected? Wireless? Cable?
Force Controlled Safety: How does this work? Is it an internal safety that has to be manipulated with the Force? Is it tied to Kemoth's personal Force Signature? How is that done specifically? Even if other characters don't know how it works it is important to detail in the submission. Alternatively, does the weapon need an additional safety if it is bio locked? You could entirely cut that out with minor change to the submission's inherent security features due to the biometric and electrical verification already included.
Force Controlled Mechanisms: Like the above, what mechanisms specifically are controlled via the Force and what kind of knowledge is required to manipulate those mechanisms more specifically?





Fitted Fire-control System: Fire control systems are typically applied on larger weapons emplacements and missile/heavy weapons batteries. How does this do what it's doing when applied to a handheld pistol? Is it a software that works in tandem with a HUD? Is it an electronic control system integrated into the weapon? Explanation of how this works when a user squeezes the trigger and aims at a target would be beneficial.




Linked Multi-Optic Sight: Is this piece of technology linked specifically to the weapon? The description makes it sound like this ability is already inherent to Kemoth and therefore redundant to the submission itself.




High Density Magazine, High Density Disruptor Power Cell: Are these two things the same? Does the weapon fire two different projectiles? I would suggest moving these into the same heading as "High Density Power Cell".

Extended Barrel: How long is the barrel extension? Are we talking a full foot, or several inches?

Adjustable Firing: I would list the firing modes in this strength, detailing them here rather than in the Rate of Fire as they currently are

Additional Comments: I would be sure to add your "Special Features" listed under "Modifications" as strengths. They all provide something that could be seen as a strength of the weapon. Under weaknesses your description of the weapon's capacity is inconsistent with what is listed earlier in the submission. As far as "Overcharge" weakness, what happens if the weapon *is* overcharged? Does it explode? Do the components melt rendering the weapon useless?

In short, I would say this.

• Cut down the list of attachments to 2
• Correct discrepancies in the template as listed above
• Flesh out some of the details in the systems you've described
• Add the special features of the weapon listed under your heading "Modifications" to the "Strengths" portion (As appropriate, notably the quick reload as well as any other systems listed that provide a distinct benefit to the weapon's function or capability.)
• Given the high number of strengths, I'd like to see the addition of at least two weaknesses added, or one critical weakness. Does the weapon hold up to ion damage? Is it sensitive to physical damage?
• With the changes, modify the description to reflect these more accurately.

Please tag me when the changes have been made or with any questions or clarifications. Thanks!

[member="Kemoth of Asteria"]

1.) http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Zersium/LegendsIn Legends, it is used " as zersium flecks in the black body glove worn by Imperial stormtroopers, providing additional insulation and reducing thermal discomfort from impact with a blaster bolt. " The flecks help to prevent the blaster from flying apart. It isn't its original purpose, but it was also used in blaster rifles, so, yee.
2.) Done
3.) Done
4.) Done
5.) The original app has a range of 75 meters. This has extended range as compared to that.
6.) Done
7.) I edited it. Specified how many can be attached. Because it is a larger weapon for its size, and because of Kemoth's strength, the amount of add-ons matter less. Plus, it has rails on the sides and bottoms. So, I think three works. I had a question, though, as the flame thrower doesn't require a fuel source, and there are wrist-based systems that function almost entirely in the wrist. Wouldn't that work for this? Plus, there are already under-barrel flamethrowers on the site. P.S. If you really want the rails to be reduced to two, I can definitely do that, but I'm trading off weight here. The weapon would probably seriously hurt the wrist of someone non-enhanced at this point, especially with the additional recoil of overcharged shots.
8.) Wirelessly. It is similar to my Saber Electronics Package, that I made on Ivlyn, in functionality and how it works.
9.) No Force signatures. Force signatures are not a thing, as I was told in my Forceometrics thing. The safety is an unique internal mechanism controlled by the Force, exactly as it says. Yes, it does. The safety is not security, but simply so Kemoth, when handling it while cleaning it and such, does not shoot herself dead, or hit one of her relatives or children, or an ally.
10.) Just like the above, exactly as it says.
11.) The fire control system is used in weaponry IRL, even smaller ones. With sophisticated SW tech, such a thing could be achieved. Software, yes, as well as targeting sensors added to the new casing. If I actually need to add this to the app, along with anything else, I will.
12.) Kemoth is a genetically and cybernetically augmented Codru-Ji, a species with phenomenal senses for sentient beings. it is a system designed specifically to function with her specific senses, and capacity regarding eyesight. She is capable of perceiving it better than she could with a system made for a species with different sensory perceptions, for example.
13.) No, uh, magazines and power cells are separate systems in blasters, with different purposes. The power cell contains energy, while the magazine contains condensed tibanna that allows for high density. A blaster or disruptor without a separate magazine won't function as well.
14.) The barrel is probably several inches longer, as that is what I changed from the original creation. I could apply some kind of acceleration ring on the outside, fi you want, to allow for longer range, but it's really the power and high density propelling it further in combination with other things that allows for the increased range.
15.) They are listed in both, with overcharge being in special features since it is more of your usual disruptor feature.
16.) I do not believe sophisticated technology in this number all qualifies as a strength. Perhaps combined, but the same can be said for nearly any special feature on something. The safety, electronics, and overcharge for example aren't necessarily a strength. Multi-optic sights are a somewhat common canon technology. Fire-control systems will be making their way into smart weapons as time goes on IRL, and it does not enhance one's skill with a weapon, merely makes aiming easier. It also requires other technologies to even function properly. The double security measures are not really a strength, as biometrics are a standard feature of personal weapons on the board, as well as the smart guns some of this submission's features are based off of. The safety in no way provides a clear, distinct advantage. It is simply a fancier safety, that barely anyone is able to use. Removed capacity weakness mention. Like with the problems you would encounter in similar weaponry, it could range from causing 3rd degree burns and rendering the weapon useless, to exploding. It really depends on the story, and on how dead you want your character. I did, however, move the rapid-replace thing to strengths, as that provides a distinct advantage beyond the norm in combat. If you really want me to move them to strengths, I'll do that, though, as I'm not trying to argue here. It doesn't really matter in the long run, right? It's just a little copy and paste.
17.) Added the weaknesses, though, mate ^_^

 

[Progflaw99]

1.) http://starwars.wiki...Zersium/LegendsInLegends, it is used " as zersium flecks in the black body glove worn by Imperial stormtroopers, providing additional insulation and reducing thermal discomfort from impact with a blaster bolt. " The flecks help to prevent the blaster from flying apart. It isn't its original purpose, but it was also used in blaster rifles, so, yee.

I read the article, moreso I was inquiring as to the functional purpose of their inclusion in your disruptor pistol, to dissipate heat off the barrel, chamber, etc?

Length: 181.4

181.4 (Unit of measurement missing)

Modular Rail System (one under-barrel, 2 side-barrel) Under-barrel Charric (50 rounds, 80 meters) Under-barrel grenade launcher (Reloadable) Side-barrel dart shooter w/compressed air launcher, size-appropriate for the weapon, w/a range of 200 meters thanks to larger size than similar dart launchers Side-barrel compact Baragwin plasma flamethrower with a range of 30 meters. It doesn’t require an external flame source because of its type, and because of its plasma nature the flame burns hotter than usual.

Modular rail system makes sense now, however there's a few inconsistencies. So, firstly: The Grenade Launcher. What kind of grenade launcher are we talking, 40mm, 20mm, something else? As a rule, pistols are far too small to have a mounted grenade launcher attached to them, unless you're talking small, like maybe the size of a single shotgun slug. Generally speaking, grenade launchers can be placed on Carbines or Rifles, but not pistols. Personally I'd say drop this attachment in favor of something more appropriate on a pistol sized weapon. As far as the Under barrel charric, I'd ask that you choose one primary attachment to mount on the lower rail, either that or leave it modular and assign an attachment of your choosing that will fit on the rail once you've begun a thread. I'm not sure I can justify having not only both a grenade launcher (Which I'm effectively denying) and a charric (Read as hand held maser) mounted beneath the barrel of a pistol sized disruptor weapon. Disruptors are already quite powerful, and to in effect make this an "Everything" weapon by including a grenade launcher, charric, and a flamethrower is definitely beyond not only the scope of practicality, but unbalanced. As far as a flame thrower goes, micro flame throwers do exist, however in a size easily mountable on a disruptor pistol I find unlikely. Even sans a fuel source, Boba Fett's was gauntlet mounted, certainly not at the end of a blaster. What I would suggest is looking into what types of attachments are practical and are appropriately sized considering the weapon you're attaching them to is a pistol, even a large pistol has limits. Otherwise, I would suggest adjusting the submission to a carbine.

Regarding the range of the disruptor itself, 90 meters is nearly 100 yards - the length of an American Football field. Firstly, an extended barrel does very little for range in a non ballistic firearm/weapon. Accuracy sure, but in a disruptor weapon the only way to increase range (or pretty much any energy weapon) would be to increase power output. As discussed previously regarding the SWRP Chaos factory, precedent is not cause for a granted stat or rating. Each submission is judged on its own merit. I would say scale this down to something more reasonable considering it is a blaster pistol, not a rifle. Alternatively, simply specify the range via rating per the template and let the roleplay determine specifics. See: Link

Extended, High-Density Magazine - The Pale Echo has an extended magazine that combines what it holds with the high-density power cell to create a reasonably powerful disruptor bolt, and help to increase the maximum number of disruptor bolts to 12. The magazine doesn’t have to be replaced for a total of three power cells worth of use. High-density Disruptor Power Cell - The Pale Echo is equipped with a high-density disruptor power cell that is made with refined, spin-sealed tibanna gas that allows the VT-RAM to fire more powerful, semi-transparent bolts.

From the wookie here: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Tibanna/Legends

Tibanna gas produced four times its normal energy output when cohesive light passed through it. Thus, when spin-sealed (compacted at the atomic level), tibanna was used as a conducting agent in blasters and other energy weapons, producing greater energy yields and thus greater amounts of damage. Most personal weapons could not tolerate this power boost, but ship-mounted blasters benefited greatly from the use of tibanna gas. Exceptions to this rule were the DC series rifles of BlasTech Industries, which used tibanna gas to produce powerful ionized bolts that were damaging to both organics and droids - something that was crucial to winning the Clone Wars. Tibanna was also used to make a useful variant of the DC series ionized bolt, which made the weapons' energy output imperceptible to the naked eye.​

As this is a disruptor pistol, not a blaster rifle, creating a semi-transparent bolt or using the gas to create a stronger weapons output for a pistol would not be possible.

Moving on to the Modifications, please include the biometric security to the strengths field. Having a weapon that's linked to you and you only is certainly a strength.

Force-controlled Safety - The safety on the VT-RAM is able to be activated and deactivated through a complex and compact piece of equipment that replaces the normal, button-based safety and its mechanism, without taking up any extra space. It requires specific knowledge of the mechanism to use or gain knowledge of. Force-controlled Mechanisms - Aside from the safety, the biometrics, the chip scanner, and the weapon itself can be deactivated through similarly complex and compact pieces of equipment that require specific knowledge to use. Even if Kemoth’s Force abilities are dampened by the likes of Voidstones, the mechanisms are capable of being manipulated. Should the force not be available to Kemoth, her natural, non-Force related telepathy can be used to control the Force-related mechanisms within the weapon thanks to a telepathic receptor that was added.

Force-Controlled Safety: I understand the purpose of a safety, be it mechanical or electronic in nature, however what I'm asking is for a description of how it works, either mechanically or electronically. Simply stating that it replaces the standard external mechanical safety and that it requires specific knowledge does not explain how that safety works. Does it require Telekinetic manupulation? A data Input? These are the sorts of things I'm looking for an explanation on.

Force Controlled Mechanisms: Which mechanisms? What is the function of these mechanisms and how do they affect operation of the weapon? You state they can be used to deactivate the weapon - how? The other part that confuses me a tad is the last bit. "Should the force not be available to Kemoth, her natural, non-Force related telepathy can be used to control the Force-related mechanisms within the weapon thanks to a telepathic receptor that was added." What is a telepathic receptor? What enables the mechanisms to be controlled via the Force, are they manipulated using telekinesis? Telepathy is communication based, not telekinetic in nature. I'm not sold on this idea.

Weight & Charge: The greatest weakness of the VT-RAM comes from it's strength. The weapon is insanely heavy for it's size, weight a whopping one and a half kilograms while only featuring a charge powerful enough for eight shots in a single powerpack. Compared to other blaster pistols and weapons of similar size the RAM weighs quite a bit, being unwieldy while at the same time having only a limited number of shots before running out of ammo. Knocking this weapon is aside and utilizing it properly requires time and experience with handling such a heavy weapon. (Directly taken from original VT-RAM app; edited only slightly)

I'm still not sure that the numbers match up. At the top you typed: [SIZE=11pt]Ammunition Capacity: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]12 bolts per power cell; 3 power cells per magazine, now here you say it has 8 shots to a powerpack. As well, under strengths you have "Extended High Density Magazine" and "High Density Disruptor Power Cell". Is there a difference between the two? They seem like redundant entries as both seem to mean the same thing.[/SIZE]

Physical Damage: Physical damage to the weapon, such as from the lightsabers Kemoth would encounter when battling her equals, are capable of harming the weapon's sensitive systems to the point of making them useless or dangerous to Kemoth. While the weapon can't be stopped up by things like dirt or dust in the battlefield, physical damage

This seems like an incomplete sentence. As there are few weapons that would hold up to a lightsaber and no materials suggest resistance to such a weapon, I would focus more on what jarring impacts, slug rounds, or hard impacts with other melee weapons would do to the disruptor. Is it hardened? Likely to work flawlessly if you fall onto it? Or if someone hits it with a baseball bat? If a lightsaber would slice through it like butter, mention that.

Overcharge: The overcharge function isn't lacking in danger for anyone involved. The chance of too much heat building up in the weapon doubles when using overcharge rapidly. Instead of taking all three power cells that a single magazine can handle to overheat, it really only takes 1.5 power cells worth of energy to overheat.

Please describe what effects an overcharge would have on the blaster itself and the wielder should the weapon experience it.


Go ahead and address these, and I'll take another look through. Thanks
[member="Kemoth of Asteria"]

 

[Kemoth of Asteria]

I read the article, moreso I was inquiring as to the functional purpose of their inclusion in your disruptor pistol, to dissipate heat off the barrel, chamber, etc?




181.4 (Unit of measurement missing)




Modular rail system makes sense now, however there's a few inconsistencies. So, firstly: The Grenade Launcher. What kind of grenade launcher are we talking, 40mm, 20mm, something else? As a rule, pistols are far too small to have a mounted grenade launcher attached to them, unless you're talking small, like maybe the size of a single shotgun slug. Generally speaking, grenade launchers can be placed on Carbines or Rifles, but not pistols. Personally I'd say drop this attachment in favor of something more appropriate on a pistol sized weapon. As far as the Under barrel charric, I'd ask that you choose one primary attachment to mount on the lower rail, either that or leave it modular and assign an attachment of your choosing that will fit on the rail once you've begun a thread. I'm not sure I can justify having not only both a grenade launcher (Which I'm effectively denying) and a charric (Read as hand held maser) mounted beneath the barrel of a pistol sized disruptor weapon. Disruptors are already quite powerful, and to in effect make this an "Everything" weapon by including a grenade launcher, charric, and a flamethrower is definitely beyond not only the scope of practicality, but unbalanced. As far as a flame thrower goes, micro flame throwers do exist, however in a size easily mountable on a disruptor pistol I find unlikely. Even sans a fuel source, Boba Fett's was gauntlet mounted, certainly not at the end of a blaster. What I would suggest is looking into what types of attachments are practical and are appropriately sized considering the weapon you're attaching them to is a pistol, even a large pistol has limits. Otherwise, I would suggest adjusting the submission to a carbine.

Regarding the range of the disruptor itself, 90 meters is nearly 100 yards - the length of an American Football field. Firstly, an extended barrel does very little for range in a non ballistic firearm/weapon. Accuracy sure, but in a disruptor weapon the only way to increase range (or pretty much any energy weapon) would be to increase power output. As discussed previously regarding the SWRP Chaos factory, precedent is not cause for a granted stat or rating. Each submission is judged on its own merit. I would say scale this down to something more reasonable considering it is a blaster pistol, not a rifle. Alternatively, simply specify the range via rating per the template and let the roleplay determine specifics. See: Link





From the wookie here: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Tibanna/Legends

Tibanna gas produced four times its normal energy output when cohesive light passed through it. Thus, when spin-sealed (compacted at the atomic level), tibanna was used as a conducting agent in blasters and other energy weapons, producing greater energy yields and thus greater amounts of damage. Most personal weapons could not tolerate this power boost, but ship-mounted blasters benefited greatly from the use of tibanna gas. Exceptions to this rule were the DC series rifles of BlasTech Industries, which used tibanna gas to produce powerful ionized bolts that were damaging to both organics and droids - something that was crucial to winning the Clone Wars. Tibanna was also used to make a useful variant of the DC series ionized bolt, which made the weapons' energy output imperceptible to the naked eye.​

As this is a disruptor pistol, not a blaster rifle, creating a semi-transparent bolt or using the gas to create a stronger weapons output for a pistol would not be possible.

Moving on to the Modifications, please include the biometric security to the strengths field. Having a weapon that's linked to you and you only is certainly a strength.





Force-Controlled Safety: I understand the purpose of a safety, be it mechanical or electronic in nature, however what I'm asking is for a description of how it works, either mechanically or electronically. Simply stating that it replaces the standard external mechanical safety and that it requires specific knowledge does not explain how that safety works. Does it require Telekinetic manupulation? A data Input? These are the sorts of things I'm looking for an explanation on.

Force Controlled Mechanisms: Which mechanisms? What is the function of these mechanisms and how do they affect operation of the weapon? You state they can be used to deactivate the weapon - how? The other part that confuses me a tad is the last bit. "Should the force not be available to Kemoth, her natural, non-Force related telepathy can be used to control the Force-related mechanisms within the weapon thanks to a telepathic receptor that was added." What is a telepathic receptor? What enables the mechanisms to be controlled via the Force, are they manipulated using telekinesis? Telepathy is communication based, not telekinetic in nature. I'm not sold on this idea.





I'm still not sure that the numbers match up. At the top you typed: [SIZE=11pt]Ammunition Capacity: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]12 bolts per power cell; 3 power cells per magazine, now here you say it has 8 shots to a powerpack. As well, under strengths you have "Extended High Density Magazine" and "High Density Disruptor Power Cell". Is there a difference between the two? They seem like redundant entries as both seem to mean the same thing.[/SIZE]





This seems like an incomplete sentence. As there are few weapons that would hold up to a lightsaber and no materials suggest resistance to such a weapon, I would focus more on what jarring impacts, slug rounds, or hard impacts with other melee weapons would do to the disruptor. Is it hardened? Likely to work flawlessly if you fall onto it? Or if someone hits it with a baseball bat? If a lightsaber would slice through it like butter, mention that.




Please describe what effects an overcharge would have on the blaster itself and the wielder should the weapon experience it.

Go ahead and address these, and I'll take another look through. Thanks
[member="Kemoth of Asteria"]

1.) Oh, uh, the zersium flecks are present in the barrel, and a little around it.
2.) Edited.
3.) Got it. Edited And yeah, is shotgun-sized.
4.) Yes, it is nearly 100 yards, and it is a reasponable adjustmenty in size. This is a direct modification of the previous weapon, given more poweer to give it range. The plas-bonded ostrine increases power, as does the magazine/power cell combo. So, uh, still not okay? If not, I'll change it if you really want to.... say... 80 meters? I think that might actually be better.
4.5) NVM! I just changed it. I'm more comfortable with 80, and want to move on. No need to hold things up, or be extra difficult over only 10 meters, right? If Kemoth needs more range, I'm sure she can get it from something else. This isn't meant to be used over massive distances, anyway, and 100 yards is getting into the area of close-ranged sniping.
5.) Disruptors are types of blasters, and the magazine very much has tibanna gas. Besides, the VT-RAM is powerful enough to damage even heavily armored foes, and outright kill them. It may be handheld, but it is unwieldy, but it is capable of competing with larger weapons systems. Do you have another reason? I can definitely change it, though, since it isn't a biggy. There is still the sound suppression. I made it semi-transparent because fully invisible things wouldn't be possible, thanks to the power difference.
6.) Done.
7.) Telekinetic. Apologies. Added
8.) Telekinesis. Largely telekinesis, for the first part. The telepathic receptor - which is a redundancy, and separate from the other system - simulates a small part of the brain (I could make it organic, but that would require me adding the whole "it can get sick" thing; do you want that? would that make it better?) records Kemoth's neural input, via a range much like a wireless interface system, and achieves things digitally by responding.
9.) Oh, uh, lemme explain. The magazine is separate from the power cell. It contains tibanna gas, rather than any power. The tibanna gas it holds, which is densely compacted, is capable of servicing three of the power cells, which contain the energy necessary to make the disruptor fire when in combination with the tibanna gas, which is much like a fuel as real gas is. They both contain separate things, and one cannot be around without the other.
10.) Oh, yeah. Definitely butter. Kemoth hasn't had the time to figure out/have someone figure out how to optimize the system for phrik or a similar system, like echani graphite or songsteel. Though falling on it probably won't do much... I fixed it. Hopefully. I am just guessing with the numbers here, though. If you want to change them, just give me a ballpark.
11.) Oh, uh, the overheating symptoms are described above in heat, I think. Overcharging builds more heat, and can more easily cause an explosion. I'm not completely opposed to my characters dying, under any circumstances, but if there is a reason, and it is time, then that explosion probably will happen... would be anticlimatic, though. Should I copy/paste what happens, or do anything else?

 

[Kemoth of Asteria]

[member="Rolf Amsel"]

Forgot to tag you. Apologies. Several changes have been made ^_^ I also just moved all of the modifications to strengths for ya.

 

[Progflaw99]

Manufacturer: Vanir Technologies

Please hyperlink to the company here.

Effective Range: Long [90 meters]

This range is still going to be a bit of a sticking point. To better allow for the flow of RP, I think it would be best simply to list the range provided by the template instead of a numbered range.

Looking over the submission as a whole,

Under-barrel Charric (50 rounds, 80 meters) Under-barrel grenade launcher (Reloadable) (Size of shotgun pellet)

Regarding these attachments. An under-barrel charric I could see if it was mounted on a blaster rifle, however sidearms are typically quite small in comparison. I know you've said this is a large disruptor pistol however even some of the largest of sidearms don't typically have the capability to in effect, be a 2 in 1 weapon. A carbine or rifle could likely, however a pistol I am unconvinced. Please either replace this with something else, or remove it. Alternatively, a low capacity short range replacement would be acceptable.

Regarding the under barrel "Miniature" grenade launcher. As typical grenades are not miniaturized, I might suggest an alternative. Attaching an underbarrel slugthrower (One with either a 2 round capacity or less) with an explosive slug would work much better and likely be less conspicuous.

Stopping Power: Extreme against non-vehicles; High for type against vehicles

This I would shift these ratings down a notch. With already noting "Long" range, a High, and Moderate rating would much better reflect a balanced submission.

Extended, Modified Barrel - The Pale Echo has an extended barrel that may increase its size, but allows for a maximum range of 90 meters (270 feet) rather than 75 meters (225 feet). The barrel has zersium flecks and plas-bonded ostrine coils in a Dallorian Alloy base with plas-bonded ostrine in the formula to help with cooling in extended combat. It is equipped with a barrel-shroud that includes air cooling, which enables the double burst mode to be used.

As previously mentioned, an extended barrel would do little to increase range as the barrel is neither rifled nor is it guiding a projectile. To increase the range, more power would need to be applied as this is an energy weapon. You could state that an extended barrel increases accuracy at range however.

Force-controlled Safety - The safety on the VT-RAM is able to be activated and deactivated through a complex and compact piece of equipment that replaces the normal, button-based safety and its mechanism, without taking up any extra space. It requires specific knowledge of the mechanism to use or gain knowledge of. Force-controlled Mechanisms - Aside from the safety, the biometrics, the chip scanner, and the weapon itself can be deactivated through similarly complex and compact pieces of equipment that require specific knowledge to use. Even if Kemoth’s Force abilities are dampened by the likes of Voidstones, the mechanisms are capable of being manipulated. Should the force not be available to Kemoth, her natural, non-Force related telepathy can be used to control the Force-related mechanisms within the weapon thanks to a telepathic receptor that was added.

These particular systems will need to be explained further. Simply stating that there is a "Specific Mechanism" that can lock the weapon is not sufficient. Things to explain would be "Is it a manual switch internal to the weapon, adjusted/switched via telekinesis? How does it function? As far as being able to activate a "Force-controlled Mechanism" via telepathy, I see insufficient data when it comes to canon sources that this is a viable technology. Alternatively, like the "Force Controlled Safety" you will need to describe how it works should you be referring to telekinesis.

Overcharge: The overcharge function isn't lacking in danger for anyone involved. The chance of too much heat building up in the weapon doubles when using overcharge rapidly. Instead of taking all three power cells that a single magazine can handle to overheat, it really only takes 1.5 power cells worth of energy to overheat.

I would include an explanation of what happens to the weapon when an overcharge occurs. Does the weapon explode? Does it simply cease to function? You don't have to describe what happens to the wielder, but only functionally what happens to the weapon.

[member="Kemoth of Asteria"]

 

[Kemoth of Asteria]

Please hyperlink to the company here.




This range is still going to be a bit of a sticking point. To better allow for the flow of RP, I think it would be best simply to list the range provided by the template instead of a numbered range.

Looking over the submission as a whole,



Regarding these attachments. An under-barrel charric I could see if it was mounted on a blaster rifle, however sidearms are typically quite small in comparison. I know you've said this is a large disruptor pistol however even some of the largest of sidearms don't typically have the capability to in effect, be a 2 in 1 weapon. A carbine or rifle could likely, however a pistol I am unconvinced. Please either replace this with something else, or remove it. Alternatively, a low capacity short range replacement would be acceptable.

Regarding the under barrel "Miniature" grenade launcher. As typical grenades are not miniaturized, I might suggest an alternative. Attaching an underbarrel slugthrower (One with either a 2 round capacity or less) with an explosive slug would work much better and likely be less conspicuous.





This I would shift these ratings down a notch. With already noting "Long" range, a High, and Moderate rating would much better reflect a balanced submission.




As previously mentioned, an extended barrel would do little to increase range as the barrel is neither rifled nor is it guiding a projectile. To increase the range, more power would need to be applied as this is an energy weapon. You could state that an extended barrel increases accuracy at range however.




These particular systems will need to be explained further. Simply stating that there is a "Specific Mechanism" that can lock the weapon is not sufficient. Things to explain would be "Is it a manual switch internal to the weapon, adjusted/switched via telekinesis? How does it function? As far as being able to activate a "Force-controlled Mechanism" via telepathy, I see insufficient data when it comes to canon sources that this is a viable technology. Alternatively, like the "Force Controlled Safety" you will need to describe how it works should you be referring to telekinesis.




I would include an explanation of what happens to the weapon when an overcharge occurs. Does the weapon explode? Does it simply cease to function? You don't have to describe what happens to the wielder, but only functionally what happens to the weapon.

[member="Kemoth of Asteria"]

1.) Done
2.) Done
3.) Edited
4.) Edited
5.) The VT-RAM already does high damage for its thing. It already has a long range. This increases the power, and thus the range. I did, however, lower it to moderate and very high
6.) It does have more power, but I removed mention of the barrel itself extending the range.
7.) The telepathic receptor is organic, and comprised of the same material you would find in the telepathic nodes of the brains of sentient species. Essentially, it is brain matter. It, however, is small and has a limited purpose. Besides, there are Force-activated lightsabers that are activated entirely through the Force. I think there is a precedence set for this kind of thing, as even if it is slightly different it is the same concept, as canon has shown that brain matter facilitates this kind of thing by the existence of telepathy itself. I also just removed the Force-controlled safety. I realized that Kemoth wouldn't be able to turn the safety off if she encountered a Ysalamir.
8.) The overcharge is the feature, that allows you to charge shots, not the weakness itself. This specific weakness describes how the heat weakness intertwines with the overcharge feature. I did, however, add the explanation you wanted to the Heat weakness.

[member="Rolf Amsel"]

 

[Kemoth of Asteria]

I removed the Force stuff. It would just get in the way of having fun in threads, TBH. If the weapon fails, it fails, and I don't want to use space sorcery to try to make three redundant systems that are, frankly, just too much.

 

[Progflaw99]

Modular Rail System (one under-barrel, 2 side-barrel)

I would quantify this as Personal or Short range rather than meters as it allows for 1. More flexibility and 2. Remains consistent with the template range system.

Adjust that and I think we'll be set. Thanks!

[member="Kemoth of Asteria"]

 

[Kemoth of Asteria]

I would quantify this as Personal or Short range rather than meters as it allows for 1. More flexibility and 2. Remains consistent with the template range system.

Adjust that and I think we'll be set. Thanks!

[member="Kemoth of Asteria"]

[member="Rolf Amsel"] Changed the effective range to what you wanted.

 

[Progflaw99]

| Add-ons | Modular Rail System (one under-barrel, 2 side-barrel) Under-barrel Charric (10 rounds, 40 meters) Under-barrel slug thrower (Reloadable) (two rounds)

The general range was correct, however in terms of the under barrel charric is what I was referring to. The overall range of the disruptor was fine at "Long" as you've tooled the disruptor to be a longer range for a pistol.

[member="Kemoth of Asteria"]

 

[Kemoth of Asteria]

The general range was correct, however in terms of the under barrel charric is what I was referring to. The overall range of the disruptor was fine at "Long" as you've tooled the disruptor to be a longer range for a pistol.

[member="Kemoth of Asteria"]

Oh, okay, fixed! I also did the same to the other attachment (the dart launcher). The dart launcher has a long range, and the under-barrel charric has a short range.

 

[Progflaw99]

Awesome. Pending Factory Mentor Review.

[member="Jamie Pyne"], [member="Nadja"], [member="Taryc Ap'Irae"]

 

[Ellie Mors]

[member="Kemoth of Asteria"] [member="Rolf Amsel"]

Manufacturer: Vanir Technologies

This links to the marketplace thread, please hyperlink this to the approved company submission.

 

[Kemoth of Asteria]

Done.

[member="Nadja Keto"]

 

[Ellie Mors]

[member="Kemoth of Asteria"]
I believe you accidentally removed the hyperlink altogether.

 

[Kemoth of Asteria]

[member="Nadja Keto"]

Oh darn, I'm sorry! I fixed it, mate.

 

[Ellie Mors]

Approved.