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Dimitri Voltura
I have no worldly idea whether this is a complete and total waste of time or not. The biggest part of me believes that it is, that there is no reason to waste my time, to reach out, or to try and attempt to put feelings into words. And why shouldn't I feel that way? All things considered, and what you did...
I felt it you know, the moment the connection was closed between us. It was
tangible. It felt as if I had been punched in the chest and all of the air was suddenly sucked from the room. I could not catch my breath, and yet that was nothing in comparison to the panic that followed. The scrabbling to find you, to hear you, to feel you - I was left thinking something had managed to kill you. Yet it was worse than that.
I realized, more quickly than I care to admit, that it was a
conscious choice to shut me out. That the bond is still there, but it may as well not be. Dead in the water, is the expression I believe, and that is exactly how I've been left to feel.
You of all people know of the things I endured before we found one another. And so you of all people knew what this sort of
abandonment would do to me. You lied to me; you said our bond is one that would never be broken, and yet here I sit at the other end of a broken connection. You have shattered me, and this time I do not feel fit to pick up the pieces. I do not see the point in remaining a shining beacon of hope when there is nothing to be hopeful about.
I can feel the weight of emotion as it pushes me down, and the ever present pull of the Darkness is so much more comforting than the Light has ever been. At least when I reach for the Dark, it reaches back and gives me the means to be able to take care of myself. Which is good, considering no one else ever sticks around to do so.
-Eenia
