Thantophobia

[Lynnori Cruz]

​

phobia; the fear of losing someone you love.​

​

Bastion, A Definitely Illegal Clinic Of Sorts, Evening
Maniac | Interacting with [member="Kole Harper"] ~ A.I. ~ "'Member when we met?"
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"You know, I'm not even going to ask, Z."

That had been the greeting Lynnori had gotten from the lips of a certain unlicensed neurologist who smirked upon spotting the HRD duck in through the doorway, eyebrow raised, "Get bored with pink and blue?"

"Yeah, it's nice to see you too, A." Lyn sighed but nonetheless found herself offering the briefest hug to the short Epicanthix, who seemed to be in fine shape since they had last laid eyes on each other nearly a year ago, "Did you already forget what I told you over the net?"

"Oh, Z, your lack of faith is an insult." Of course, they had never exchanged true names. A had been a formerly-licensed medical practitioner picked up by the underground racing scene to treat anything from early-onset arthritis to abnormal foot swelling. One particular niche, one that she had actually studied for, however, was the study of the mind. The brain and it's functions, how to warp perception. Crazy chit, which lost her her licence in the first place and relegated her to this illegal work -- A was much more fit to it, anyways, and had assisted Lyn plenty in the past as a member of Aurebesh, "Sounds interesting, to say the least. Why am I looking at him instead of his folks? You think someone's put fake noise in his head; could just as well be something wrong with the family."

She had considered calling A on more than one occasion, for... Just someone to talk to, about her own issues of the mind. The courage had never been worked up. But with Kole's new 'condition', well, there was nobody Lyn trusted more. She certainly didn't trust any native Bastion doctors with this, who knew what pocket they resided in, "Just humour us," Lyn offered with little justification to the point A had made about Kole's family (They weren't exactly welcome back to that homestead, so, this really was their only option at the moment), pulling out of the embrace a bit too fast, "He's waiting outside. You can, uh, set up, right?"

"Of course I can," The black-haired woman retorted swiftly, "You still haven't told me what I'm meant to be looking for."

"Just... Something."

"I'm sure I'll find plenty. Go run off to him and bring him in, I have to set up the scanner." It was that the doctor disappeared from the cramped hallway that served as this particular building's lobby, down a side door that led to examination rooms like the one they would soon stand in as they attempted to diagnose Lyn's troubled lover. She was eager to leave as well, moved on back through the sliding door to the outside, to cool Bastion's street, where their speeder was waiting. Kole within.

The female HRD leaned on the frame, peering within. It had been hard enough to get this far. Hard enough to persuade him that maybe a check-up would do some good, serve to clear the air. In his place she would have felt crazy, so, maybe this was her way of projecting a solution onto things, "Hey." She offered with a smile that was far too loving than it had right to be.

"Ready?" The door swung open, her hand extended.

 

[Rakaan Horne]

Bastion, A Definitely Illegal Clinic Of Sorts, Evening
Fabrications | Interacting with [member="Lynnori Cruz"] ~ Love/Paranoia ~ "'I may not be as honest as I ought to be."
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As if he were some kind of pet, or child, he remained within the vehicle as she ducked out. Investigated the area ahead, his gaze finding itself fixated upon the console as blinking lights and other distractions made themselves known. He recalled the events prior, but he never wanted to; not again, never. Kole slept that night, but not really- he lay wide awake, turned away from the individual that shared it with him. He couldn't face her, he couldn't do anything. It broke him, to an extent. Arbra had been a planet of such trauma, such awful memories, but now it had gone above and beyond it all. It was hell. His hell.

He feigned a smile as Lyn returned to him, her dainty hand held out. "Mhmm." He grunted, clambering form the vehicle. Maybe she wanted him to take his hand, to pull him from the speeder, but he could never really see her being strong enough to do so- even after that body replacement. The Droid had done so afterwards, though. Moving alongside her, dreading the interior and what he may find.

Kole hadn't a clue as to what he'd find, but maybe it's that in which scared him the most.

 

[Lynnori Cruz]

Bastion, A Definitely Illegal Clinic Of Sorts, Evening
Paranoid | Interacting with [member="Kole Harper"] ~ A.I. ~ "We fell in love on a Sunday."
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Her hand did grasp his, albeit tentatively. He could rise on his own, but she didn't want him to be on his own.

When he had faced away from her that terrible night, when he had willingly pushed her out, that had been the worst of it. She had laid there for hours, too, staring at the same ceiling she often saw through differing framing, this time seeing it through a wave of overwhelming grief. Eventually, it had become too much to bear, she had rolled over to hold him but even then there was no response or acknowledgement, so in simple, greedy fashion she used him as her comfort and was helpless to provide the other way around.

Maybe this was how she provided. She held his hand in her own, leading him onwards, "I just--" Lyn sighed, shaking her head, "I just think we can try to understand this." Understanding, in her mind, was a step closer to a solution. What was a solution to this like? Maybe an end to Kole's suffering. Much in the same way that he only wished her happy and safe and, ultimately, with him, she desired much of the same for Kole; to see him in pain like this, to see him near-shellshocked, is what was really starting to break her. Silent now, she led him through the doors of the ramshackle clinic, to where A had her head poking out of the hallway she had previously disappeared down, a stimstick hanging between thin lips. A black bob of hair now tied up and away from her eyes, wide-rimmed glasses tipped down her nose as she peered over at the two, "Come along, Z," The birdlike woman tittered, not even so much as introducing herself to Kole, "I've got it warmed up."

"She's going to conduct a scan," The female HRD muttered softly towards Kole as she guided him, "I've done it a dozen times. It's just a probe. Doesn't hurt or anything." Reassurance was all she could offer. The surprisingly thin doctor led them down the hall to the furthest room, in what seemed to almost certainly be a converted motel room of some kind. It had been split in half by heavy-duty transparisteel dividers, to ensure subject and researcher were utterly separate. Something of a perfectionist, it seemed. Nonetheless, there was a chair for Kole to sit in, and monitors on the other side of the glass for those versed in the medical arts to peruse the findings.

Before they were forced to separate, before they were forced off to either side of the wall, Lyn leaned up and planted the absolute briefest kiss on his cheek. It almost seemed bittersweet.

 

[Rakaan Horne]

Bastion, A Definitely Illegal Clinic Of Sorts, Evening
Hesitance | Interacting with [member="Lynnori Cruz"] ~ Love/Paranoia ~ "'When the walls go up, I said it didn't worry me."
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Kole had been elsewhere. His physical presence had been known here, yes, but there was more to that than a man. His mind ran rampant, circulating several ideas and memories that he once held dear and in contempt. The Android, seemingly human, could recall those times in which he would find himself desperate for something greater, a desire to be more and have a life beyond regular. To be something fantastical. It was every child's dream, right? Lynnori had wanted to be a pilot, a racer, and she got that wish before it all came crumbling down. Kole only ever wanted to leave, to see the galaxy, to become someone worth knowing. It'd depend on who you asked, but maybe the Galactic Alliance might have something on him- the records that survived, that is. Now? Well, it was now that Kole didn't want any of that. He wanted a normal life. It was almost in reach, if not for the identity issues, criminal past, trouble situation with the parents, and an undead girlfriend.

He was content with the last one, though. That was enough, if not for the spikes in activity the burdens in his life had made in recent times.

​There had been such a weight on his mind that he hadn't even bothered to question as to why Lynnori, the woman he thought he knew so well, was being called 'Z'. Did it even register? It might have, but it didn't seem to matter. For even if it had it soared through one ear and out the other. His eyes followed that Doctor with a hint of curious suspicion evident in the way his brow shifted. Lyn's comforting words hadn't quite done anything to ease him in that moment, either, especially as he further inspected the rather... rudimentary equipment. It might have been that, Kole didn't know; he wasn't an expert.

Her lips connected with his cheek, and as she took a step away his head turned to the back of her head. He watched a second longer, unsure if he should even say a thing. He did, anyways: "Hey." Kole called outwards, hoping for her to turn around before continuing with the simple appreciative words of, "Thank you." Harper knew that Cruz was only doing her best, that she was trying, for him. That's what mattered most. He thought so, anyways.

The Droid took a few hesitant steps forwards, his head cocking to either side as if he to grasp a further look. Ultimately, however, he placed himself within the seat. He stared forwards, looking to the two behind that glass. Too much caution had been hidden beneath the surface.

 

[Lynnori Cruz]

Bastion, A Definitely Illegal Clinic Of Sorts, Evening
Atypical | Interacting with [member="Kole Harper"] ~ A.I. ~ "Yeah, I'll never forget."
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Of course, she turned back. She would have anyways, even just to see one last time before, potentially, the change. His two spoken words washed over her and she smiled, and before being taken off into make-shift observation room, muttered out a message that might have been too soft to fully hear.

"I love you."

"You never say that to me, you know." A commented briskly, obviously having overheard the short exchange, and an exhale from her let drug-filled smoke briefly fill the roof. Stifling a cough, Lyn moved to stand by the glass separating. Her shoulders shrugged in response to A's rather playful way of asking for more, "It just... Hits you," The female HRD commented, observing as Kole settled into the chair, "Like a high-speed collision." Arms crossed, body tilted to face the Epicanthix woman, then, who only looked up with dark eyes to the former Zeltron, "Well, I wouldn't know about that. I do know about collisions, though, what they do. Seen you change after every hit to the ol'--" A's palm raised to tap her temple briefly, the same hand holding her stimstick between loose fingers, "--You know. Every time you brained yourself on your dashboard."

"Seems like you finally changed for good. Is all. Must have been one hell of a hit." The narcotic re-entered the Doctor's system as she let it hang between her lips once more and tapped away at certain system settings. Cameras focused down on Kole, the patient, as a long curved arm began to rotate his head, without much warning, a soft humming clearly indicating something was amiss. Or, at the very least, happening. It must have begun.

Slowly, data was spat out. Detailed visuals of Kole's brain, his mind, his psyche, began to plaster the displays across the workplace, things that made Lyn's head tip down to look to. The readings didn't make any sense to her racer mind, of course, but A seemed curious, a flick through certain preliminary data leading to an amused huff, "Oh, that explains it."

"Explains what?" Lyn's brow rose.

A only grinned and puffed away, gesturing to the screen, "Explains you. You didn't need to give me the whole 'in love' speech, considering the fact you're sleeping with a piece of software, which is just about what I expected. Would have just been easier to tell me that."

Lyn's despairing, confused expression met the doctor's amused and near triumphant stare, and it was clear neither were really on the same playing field.

"You mean you don't know? Classic Z. Just take him into a droid repair shop or something, I can't do much for synthetic-organics." And it was in those few statements that made Lyn's knees a little weak, and she found herself forced to lean on the glass enclosure for support.

He.

Wasn't.

Real.

W̶̥̕ȟ̸͍a̶̦̓t̵̳̎ ̶̗͋w̵̘͠a̷̜̍s̴̡͗ ̶̟̈ṙ̷̻ẹ̷͆ȃ̶̼l̷̦̀ ̶̪̽ä̶͎́ǹ̴͙y̸̺͒m̶̤͝o̷̜͘r̵̬̍ȇ̷̟?̵͈̓

 

[Rakaan Horne]

Bastion, A Definitely Illegal Clinic Of Sorts, Evening
Lost | Interacting with [member="Lynnori Cruz"] ~ Love/Paranoia ~ "'But it hit me and I cannot hold it in."
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Kole never averted his gaze. He couldn't, even if he wanted to. It was too quiet. There hadn't been a sound to comprehend in this vacuous space that consisted of pale light, pristinely white walls and a complex machine he could never understand. He breathed so deeply with anxiety coursing through his veins, fearing an answer; any answer, no matter how seemingly logical. It might be logical itself that he feared. Kole swallowed something in his throat as the soft, mechanical whirring chimed into the complete silence. A part of him hoped it wasn't going to work- that it would break upon start up, or never booted to begin with.

He watched her lips, but there wasn't anything for him to hear. His attention shifted to Lyn's entirety. His synthetic eyes were examining each movement from posture, stance, facial expressions, and more. His had been blank, but she appeared worried. Kole, unintentionally, began to replicate such an expression. His heart, artificial as it may be, began to beat faster, harder, he could hear it thumping in his own mind. His figures rise and fall had become all the more noticeable.

Panic.

What is it?

Did she think he knew? That he could've ever known? Possibly. Kole wouldn't be able to make sense of it, but who could?

 

[Lynnori Cruz]

Bastion, A Definitely Illegal Clinic Of Sorts, Evening
Shaking Hands With Stardust | Interacting with [member="Kole Harper"] ~ A.I. ~ "The way that you spelled my name."
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Lyn paused. Her so-called system seemed to cycle, her eyes narrowed to the doctor she saw as friend, only managing, "You've always been a bit of a queen, you know?" Before she forced her rather shaken form to move from one side of the wall to the other, the words of that snarky dark-haired woman to echo in her mind long after, "Yeah, okay, go on. You've always been good at outrunning people. Sure hope X & Y aren't missing you. Oh, and I can tell a mile away, too, must miss your old skin, huh?" It was with a near-angered face that Lyn entered the examination chamber and laid eyes on Kole, who seemed to be working through his own anxieties. A, meanwhile, seemed to be packing up, looking more than disgruntled.

"Kole," She muttered, frustrated, fingers circling each other in a new nervous habit she'd developed ever since Arbra, "Was it you who decided to make me like this?" It seemed to be a genuine question, and she shifted more to stand by him, a hand gripping his shoulder suddenly, "Was it you or someone else?" Had he made her like this just so they'd match? Did he even know?

A made it seem like neither of them had known. Which was the truth. But Lyn's neck ached and her eyes hurt and she held onto his shoulder really, really hard now. There was no reply for a bit, no matter what Kole said Lyn only looked away and muttered, "We're the same. Inorganic."

"You're replicated too."

 

[Rakaan Horne]

Bastion, A Definitely Illegal Clinic Of Sorts, Evening
Inconceivable | Interacting with [member="Lynnori Cruz"] ~ Love/Paranoia ~ "'I can just be paranoid, don't quell the desire to be loved."
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Had there even been an appropriate way to react? He hadn't know. There might have been a way to take this in stride, accept the truth for all that it was and move on with ease. It wasn't something Kole was going to do, though. His elbows shifted straight on his knees, and the palms of his hands caught his head within them. There'd been a deep sigh that left him, both at the question and the statement. His eyes, wide open, as they stared towards the ground- his own feet. They weren't very real, now were they? No. Of course not. His breaths began to stammer, struggling to be fluid in their departure, trembling. Even as her hand met his shoulder, he felt so much disconnection.

"I did." Kole struggled to speak, a hand swiping up his forehead and through the very front of his short hair. His eyes met hers, so full of wild panic and nothing short of absolute disbelief despite his acceptance of the truth. "But I..." He had to breath, to swallow another lump in his throat as all these words had been so tiring, so draining. "I didn't know." He pleaded his own side, so unsure of how everything had been there.

There was movement in the background, something shifting behind that glass. His attention shifted, his eyes glued. Temptation provoked him, he knew that.

 

[Lynnori Cruz]

Bastion, A Definitely Illegal Clinic Of Sorts, Evening
Broken People | Interacting with [member="Kole Harper"] ~ A.I. ~ "It took me a year."
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It was without thinking that she hugged him, without thinking that that hand locked in a death grip released only to pull him close. Maybe this'd be the last embrace they had for a while, as things sunk in, as they splintered over new revelations.

"It's okay."

She didn't even watched as her once-friend abandoned ship, leaving the room without a glance back, "It's okay, it's okay." Maybe that would be the breaking point. It really wasn't okay. Lyn had the opportunity to 'ease' into it, Kole had been thrust upon it. She had been born, he was made. She lived and cried and never quite loved as a living being, but she sure got close. He never had that, no matter what his memories said.

Hypothesis. They were both as real now as they had been before learning they were both androids.

Contradiction. Was it ever real?

Reality. Reality is what stung. Lyn simply kept her arms around him, a little more limp than before, and offered what comfort she could.

That's what loved ones did, right.

 

[Rakaan Horne]

Bastion, A Definitely Illegal Clinic Of Sorts, Evening
Replicated | Interacting with [member="Lynnori Cruz"] ~ Love/Paranoia ~ "'What was going on, does it really f@#$ing matter?"
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But it wasn't.

It wasn't okay, and no matter how many times Lynnori blindly attempted to reassure him with how it was going to be 'okay', it wouldn't change a damn thing. He didn't have all the answers, either. That might have troubled him more. Replicated? Sure, that made sense, but those memories? He needed something concrete, to comprehend as to why his own 'mother' turned on him without so much as a thought, unsure of who he was. Had they even been real? No. They had been nothing short of a fabrication, a way to conceal the truth behind his construction. It wasn't entirely humane. It'd been cruel. Nothing made sense.

Her arms encircled his troubled form, but he remained as motionless as before. His head resting over her shoulder, staring at his own subtle reflection in the glass, his breaths still as frantic as before with their stammering departure from his nose- his chest stuttering, as it were. He couldn't bring himself to react in anyway beyond shock. There wasn't love here, not right now. There was pain and suffering.

Kole stared into his own eyes. He didn't know what he saw. It wasn't Kole, it was K-001. A Droid. A Replicated Man.

"I want to go home."