Private Symptoms of the Night

[Aren D'Shade]

The last three weeks had been a whirlwind for Aren. While she had been able to keep up with her work duties to the Republic, the Mandalorians had also needed her help. So while she had been gone from Naboo, Cassian had been attacked. Unknown to her, of course. When she had returned to continue her job, she'd noticed his absence. Things went along as usual, though, and she found this grated on her nerves.

No amount of holonet searching yielded any results as to where he was. Something was wrong, and Aren just could not put her finger on what it was. Giving it another week, she finally had a semblance of an answer. It wasn't one she wanted to learn. Well, that wasn't entirely true. She had wanted to learn what had happened to him, but she didn't like the answer.

An incident had happened while she was on Mandalore. Cassian had been attacked and then secretly brought back to the estate. What she saw on her datapad couldn't easily be faked, and why should it be? Whatever the reason, nothing had been stated publicly, and this was all kept under wraps. Aren couldn't understand why.

Then it dawned on her like a lightning strike out of the blue. His noble lineage made him a target, and it had caught up with him. That didn't scare her. The hidden feelings she had only started to adapt to flared, and she hoped he would want her support. If he didn't, then those feelings would slip into just being a part of her, and she would carry on with her life. Though she hoped that wouldn't be the case. More than almost anything, she silently wished he wanted her. Not that she would admit that to him. Not yet.

Since he hadn't reached out to her, she was hesitant to go to his door and knock. That's essentially what she did, though. She didn't hide her approach or scramble his security cameras. If he were anything like Andy, he would likely appreciate this, considering he knew what she was capable of.

Standing outside the estate gate, she waited for her ring to be answered. Like normal, she wore her leather jacket and carried her bag. She was as armored as she was going to be. Just in case she needed it.

Cassian Abrantes

 

[Cassian Abrantes]

The gate's swing inward like an old sentinel yielding ground, and Cassian moved to meet it. Each step across the stone drive carried a weight heavier than before. To an outside eye he might have seemed collected, yet beneath the surface, shadows coiled, still raw, still restless.

The attack had been a lesson carved into his body and pride both. He had survived, but survival had left him with something far more consuming: the steady pulse of vengeance. Nights had been broken by memory, steel in the dark, blood in the sand and mixed with the sea.

And now Aren stood framed in the morning light. He noted the jacket, the bag, the readiness she wore like a second skin. A part of him, the part still capable of warmth, was almost relieved at her presence. The other part, the guarded, vigilant one, bristled. Trust felt like a luxury he could no longer afford.

When he stopped before her his expression was carved in restraint. The green of his eyes, usually calm, carried a harder gleam now.

"Aren." His voice was low, but firm, stripped of ornament. "You've chosen an…interesting time to visit. Is everything alright?"

Aren D'Shade

 

[Aren D'Shade]

As soon as the gate was open enough for her to slip through, she did. It didn't matter to Aren whether it kept opening or stopped. Once she was across the threshold, she paused for a moment. Seeing him walk with a slower gait was just another piece of evidence to add to what she had pieced together.

He looked calm, but she had learned to read him on a slightly deeper level. He had shadows. More than he'd had when they saw each other last. Hers were still present as well, but far more muted and distant.

With his appraising eyes, he looked at her, and she did the same. There was a difference in their gazes. It seemed like he wasn't sure if he could trust her, even if she hadn't done anything to him. What had been started when they met needed to be restarted. If he was open to that possibility, she was going to do her best to rekindle the flame. Unless that had only been on her side, she didn't think that was the case, though.

"I'd ask the same of you, Cassian. I'm fine, though. Thank you."

Part of her wanted to hug him, but the gleam in his eyes made her think he wouldn't take it well. The coworker part kept her under control, and she didn't allow her feelings to make any decisions for her. In a tone that was almost hurt, she spoke softly.

"What happened?"

Brown eyes searched his green and met them without flinching away.

Cassian Abrantes

 

[Cassian Abrantes]

Cassian held her gaze, unflinching, though the question landed heavier than she might have intended. What happened? It was the simplest of queries, yet it dug at the raw edges he'd been concealing beneath layers of composure and silence.

The slow gait, the shadows she noticed, he hated that she saw them at all. For weeks, he had fought to bury weakness beneath duty and iron resolve. Everything changed that night, everything.

"An attack.." he said at last, voice low, deliberate. "Precise. Calculated. Not chance." His eyes narrowed, not at her, but at the memory. "They wanted me dead, Aren. Not threatened. Not warned. Dead."

He let the words hang between them like steel. His shoulders squared slightly, though she would notice the strain in it, the way his body resisted the movement. "House Abrantes has always carried enemies, but this…" His jaw clenched, the flicker of fire visible in his eyes now. "This was not politics. It was personal. Someone orchestrated it. Paid for it. Hid their hand well."

His gaze snapped back to hers, sharper now, searching her face as if weighing whether she could shoulder what he meant to say next. "I'll find them," Cassian murmured, almost to himself, but there was no mistaking the venom threading his vow. "Every last one of them."

And then, after a pause, his voice shifted, quieter but not softer. "Our current task will be put on hold for the time being. You are still more than welcome to stay for the remainder of the contract. But the work is finished, I have new task now, it will be one I need to travel alone."

Aren D'Shade

 

[Aren D'Shade]

Aren listened to every word he said and remained silent as he spoke. She weighed his words as much as he did, but she didn't interrupt him. There was no judgment on her face, but there was curiosity and then anger. Not at him, but at the whole situation. He might have thought it wise to hold her at a distance, but Aren could take care of herself, and now a small part of her wanted to do the same for him.

"No."

Saying just the one word before continuing, she held a hand up to keep him from protesting. She could tell that was about to begin, and she wasn't going to hear it.

"I understand the job is over, but you can still use my help."

Looking away for a moment, she steeled her resolve and met his gaze again.

"Don't you think there's a chance I might want more than a job, Cassian? You want to do this alone, but you're going to need all the help you can get."

Standing up straight, she squared her shoulders and waited for him to push her away.

Cassian Abrantes

 

[Cassian Abrantes]

Cassian listened, his face an impassive mask even as her words pressed against the walls he’d built. The wind carried a faint chill through the gate, but it was nothing compared to the cold he forced into his own expression.

When she finished, he stood very still, his posture rigid. For a long moment, he said nothing at all, just watched her with that steady, appraising gaze that gave nothing away.

“You shouldn’t tie yourself to this,” he said at last, voice flat, measured. “To me.”

The words were blunt, without warmth or edge, as though he had stripped them bare to keep her from finding any opening in them. His eyes shifted briefly, not to the horizon this time but to the estate behind him, its walls looming like the weight of his family name.

“This isn’t a burden you want.”

He didn’t raise his voice, didn’t let anger seep through. Instead, there was distance—carefully placed between every word, every breath. A distance meant to make her stop before she came any closer.

“Go back, Aren,” he added, quieter now, though no softer. “Before this pulls you under, too.”

His gaze lingered on hers for one heartbeat longer, green against brown, and then he turned slightly as if to end the conversation, every line of his body a signal of retreat into silence.

Aren D'Shade

 

[Aren D'Shade]

His ruse wasn't going to work, and Aren would be just as stubborn as he was. The chill air certainly filled the courtyard and blew up the walk to the house, but she didn't allow it to reach her. Her jacket kept the wind at bay, but his words hurt far worse than any weather ever could.

Cassian did well in keeping his face, body, and even some of his words neutral and distant. Looking at his hands for a moment as he spoke, she met his gaze before he moved away from her.

"Who are you to decide who I tie myself to, Cassian?"

She wasn't going to beg to stay, but he would have to throw her out before she left. Even then, she was not going to give up and throw in the towel of defeat.

"Who are you to know what burdens I want or not?"

Meeting his cold neutrality with only a touch of heat, she wasn't truly angry at him. Maybe at his assumptions, but even then, she hoped to work this through with him. Take one hurdle at a time.

"You've already pulled me in."

Was that too much? She didn't think so, but she could always be wrong.

"You need my help."

One step closer to match the one he had started to take away from her.

Cassian Abrantes

 

[Cassian Abrantes]

Aren D'Shade​

Cassian froze at her words, though outwardly he betrayed nothing. The courtyard stones beneath their feet seemed to hold their breath with him, the only sound the faint rustle of trees bending in the Naboo wind. He had faced assassins with blades drawn, senators with venom on their tongues, even kin who questioned his worth, but somehow, Aren's defiance cut closer than all of it.

Slowly, his gaze returned to hers. He held it with the same practiced reserve he had worn since childhood, the kind that gave nothing away unless he allowed it. And yet, behind that veneer, there was a tremor, like a cord drawn too tight, ready to snap if pulled further.

He looked past her shoulder for a moment, out toward the hills that ringed the estate. His silence stretched as if he weighed words too heavy to let slip. The attack haunted him still, the shadows at the edges of his vision, the sense of unseen eyes marking his every move. That gnawing vigilance had carved itself into him, and though he had sworn vengeance, he had also sworn no one else would be dragged down with him.

Cassian's jaw tightened, his hands curling faintly at his sides. "You say I've already pulled you in," he murmured, each word deliberate, "but that isn't what I wanted for you. Not you." His voice dropped lower, rougher, as though forced out against his better judgment. "Every tie, every bond, it becomes a weapon for them to use. They came for me once. Next time, they'll strike at anyone who dares to stand near."

The green of his eyes darkened as he searched hers, looking for hesitation, for fear, for anything that would let him believe pushing her away was the right path. But instead, he saw her resolve, steady and unflinching. "I don't doubt your strength," Cassian continued, tone even, careful. "Or your resolve. But strength doesn't mean immunity, Aren. Everyone who steps too close eventually pays the cost. And I would not see you made to pay mine."

He held there, rigid and torn, his stance poised between retreat and surrender. But he couldn't allow surrender, not right now. The wind tugged at his cloak, at her jacket, carrying the faint scent of Naboo's gardens, but neither of them moved.

"You know when you talked about disappearing for a few hours. There was a part of me that wanted to completely do it, for a fraction of a second. I thought about myself and what I would do. What I could be, without-" He held his outward to his sides as he gestured to the grounds of House Abrantes, everything that Deej'a peak offered, but most of his his family, his honor and his duty. " all of this...." He stood vigilant, but there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. "I fear if we went I probably would not have come back." He leaned forward, emphasizing the next few words. "And that, would have been the worst thing I could have ever done in my life."

He took a step back, as he glanced towards the ground before looking back up to her.

"Truthfully, I felt you were the most amazing person I've ever laid my eyes on. How absurdly easy, it was for me to lose myself in your presence during our weeks together." Cassian thought about it all, closeness, talks, and everything else in between. "Right now, I can't give in, I can't allow myself to have that luxury, not anymore."

Cassian half turned before looking back to her, now betraying a smile. "I wish you nothing but the best things. But, you must go." Cassian looked on to her with a grievous expression now, he then shook his head. "Go, and don't look back. Because I won't...."

He held there, rigid, every line of his body a wall against her defiance. The cold in his tone was deliberate, sharpened to cut her free. Yet beneath it, hidden deep, was the quiet tremor of a man forcing himself to let go before he ever truly had her. Before he then turned and walked away.

Thread Exit​