Private Somewhere Between Here and There

[Iandre Athlea]

Iandre listened with the same attention SH1-FU had afforded her, finding something unexpectedly reassuring in the matter-of-fact way he described what he'd witnessed among generations of Jedi. There was no judgment in it, nor any suggestion that those Padawans who had eventually chosen quieter lives within the Temple had somehow failed. Some had returned to whatever waited beyond its walls. Others had found somewhere else they could serve. Ian wondered how differently the Order of her own time might have emerged from the war if more Jedi had been permitted to acknowledge what it was doing to them before everything collapsed around them.

"Lessons that aren't easily unlearned." She repeated the words quietly, her gaze returning to the stars beyond the armorglass. "That's probably a better description of it than I've managed." Her mind had learned something very simple nine centuries ago: she had closed her eyes aboard a ship, surrendered herself to the Force, and when she opened them again, everyone she loved was gone. The fact that meditation hadn't caused any of it apparently mattered very little to whatever part of her had drawn the association. "I've spent years telling myself that it isn't rational. Perhaps I've been approaching it from the wrong direction. It doesn't have to be rational for some part of me to have learned it."

The last thing SH1-FU said drew her attention away from the viewport. There was something almost strange about being offered help with this particular problem by a droid she'd met under such unusual circumstances, but Ian found that she didn't mind. If anything, there was a certain comfort in speaking with someone who had spent so long teaching Jedi without being one himself. "I think I would like that." The admission came easily enough once she'd decided to make it. "I've never really tried to overcome this particular fear. Avoiding meditation aboard a ship is remarkably easy. There's always something else to do, and I've become very good at finding it." A faint smile accompanied the confession. "Apparently avoidance becomes considerably more respectable when you call it productivity."

Her eyes drifted toward the navigation display as it changed, then back toward the stars. She knew what would come next. Even hyperspace itself didn't trouble her in quite the same way anymore. She could travel, sleep, read, work, and otherwise function aboard a ship without difficulty. It was the deliberate act of closing her eyes and surrendering her awareness to the Force that remained beyond the line she'd quietly drawn for herself. Perhaps SH1-FU was right that she didn't need to cross that line immediately. Simply acknowledging that she wanted to someday was more than she'd done before.

"Thank you, Shifu." Her expression softened. "I didn't expect to spend this trip discussing my unresolved relationship with meditation with an ancient training droid, but I'm beginning to think that may have been an oversight on my part." She let the humor linger for a moment before something he'd said earlier returned to her thoughts. He had asked that they speak once Ti'sonta had retired, and Ian had deliberately given the Twi'lek time rather than pouncing on the opportunity the instant her cabin door closed.

Enough time had passed now that Ian finally glanced toward him again. "There was something else." Her tone remained quiet, without urgency or suspicion. "Earlier, you said that once Ti'sonta had gone to bed, there was something you wanted to discuss with me." She left the question there rather than trying to guess what he intended to tell her. "I'm listening."

Ti'sonta

 

[Ti'sonta]

The ancient droid nodded slowly as the navigation console beside him chimed. "Indeed. More an understanding for her actions from now until Naboo. But before we discuss such things, it would be best if you brace yourself. We are about to enter hyperspace."
Stepping over to the pilot's seat, SH1-FU stood still for a moment as he synched with the main controls, the steering column and consoles lighting up in sequence as SH1-FU's routines automated the pre-hyperspace procedures. With a lurch, the pinpricks of light that surrounded the cockpit stretched into bright spears that streaked past, casting the droid and the force user in a shifting spectacle.

~~~

​

Ti'sonta let out a weary sigh as she stepped out of her personal refresher unit. She was quietly glad she had that installed a few jobs ago. Hauling passengers across the black was a lot easier when you didn't have to weave around guests for the shower. But that didn't matter now. Struggling on some black silk pyjamas she "liberated" from some backwater crime lord, she made her way to the mirror and looked at the twi'lek staring back at her.

"...Force, you look dreadful..." She muttered darkly to herself. Her bloodshot amber eyes were undercut by dark bags, her lekku hung limp over her shoulders, and her cheeks looked peaky. The shower certainly helped, but she would need to fix this up before Iandre decided to look to deeply into things. She opened up the vanity to take out her makeup bag when a warning chime sounded over the PA. Instinctively the twi'lek grabbed hold of the sink in front of her just before the Dolly Dagger jolted forward, causing the vanity to close with a slam right in front of her.

She blinked a moment before standing up straight. "...Okay, I get it. Rest first." Ti'sonta spoke finally, taking it as a sign from the Force. She didn't know if the Force was ever that sentient or if so even cared for one castaway, but it was fun to pretend in any case. It let her feel less alone.

With a groan she stepped out of the ensuite refresher unit and into her cabin, taking out a thin cushion and setting it on the floor before sitting down in the center of the room. Right, she needed to do this. Just empty her mind of all but the mental lock, and breathe.

~~~
​

"...There. Now I can begin the explanation." SH1-FU nodded in affirmation as he disengaged himself from the controls. The droid leaned backwards to rest against the back of the pilot's seat and clasped his hands before him in an oddly human gesture.
"You see...Ti'sonta will be doing her utmost to not sleep until our voyage is over." SH1-FU began, his optics focusing on Iandre. "As Ti'sonta has explained to you the other night, she...has not had the best of experiences with force users. Her previous servitude under the Sith lord has made her rightly paranoid of any attempts to invade her mind. Unfortunately...this fear has extended to anyone who can use the Force. She has nothing against you, you understand. I dare say that she rather likes you. But please understand that she has essentially been on the run ever since that day and she firmly believes that it is that fear that keeps her alive."

 

[Iandre Athlea]

Iandre took SH1-FU's warning seriously, reaching for the nearest secure handhold and bracing herself before the Dolly Dagger made the transition. The familiar lurch came a moment later, stars stretching into brilliant lines beyond the cockpit before resolving into the shifting blue-white passage of hyperspace. Her grip remained firm for another second before relaxing. Traveling this way no longer troubled her much. It was what she sometimes associated with being aboard a ship that remained difficult.

Once SH1-FU began his explanation, Ian listened without interrupting. His first statement made several things fall into place almost immediately. Ti'sonta wasn't simply exhausted because she'd been working too hard or because pirates had interrupted an already difficult night. If she routinely refused to sleep around Force users, then Ian herself had become another reason for the exhaustion she'd noticed. Even Ti's earlier accusation suddenly sounded different in retrospect. Stop poking my brain. Ian hadn't been doing anything of the sort, but perhaps that had never really been about what Ian was doing.

"She thought I was trying to get into her mind." There was no offense in the realization. If anything, Ian understood it considerably better now than she had at the time. Her thoughts inevitably returned to the Zabrak. His recognition of Ti'sonta, the unfinished Darth Ke..., the name Kelis, and Ti's insistence that he think for himself had already left questions Ian hadn't considered important enough to press while they were fighting for their lives. SH1-FU's explanation didn't answer those questions, but it did place them beside one another in a way that made coincidence increasingly difficult to assume.

Still, Ian resisted filling the spaces herself. Ti'sonta had been enslaved by a Sith Lord. She feared Force users and believed vigilance had kept her alive since escaping. Those were facts Ian actually possessed. The rest belonged to Ti'sonta until she chose otherwise.

"That explains more than I think she realizes." Ian leaned back slightly, considering what SH1-FU had told her. "And after what I just told you about meditation, I'd be something of a hypocrite if I said she ought to know better simply because her fear isn't entirely rational anymore." Knowing that a danger wasn't present and convincing the part of oneself trained to expect it were plainly very different things.

Her expression grew more concerned. "I won't enter her mind without her permission. I wouldn't have before this conversation either." That boundary required no consideration at all. What troubled her was the practical consequence of Ti'sonta's fear. "But if she intends to stay awake all the way to Naboo because I'm aboard, then my presence is actively making this worse."

Ian glanced briefly toward the hyperspace tunnel before returning her attention to the ancient droid. "You said she believes that fear keeps her alive. I don't expect either of us to talk her out of something she's depended upon for years during one hyperspace journey." A slight pause followed. "So what does she normally do instead of sleeping when there's a Force user nearby?"

Ti'sonta

 

[Ti'sonta]

SH1-FU nodded slowly as his friend realised the position Ti'sonta faced. "Please, do not worry on her account. While I do worry for her and hope she will one day learn to "let down her guard" as it were, she is not at that stage yet." He paused a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing. "To be honest, I think it is good for her to have you around. When she accepts that Jedi are not the threat she thinks they are, I believe that you are the best person to be around when it happens."

"Ironically enough, she meditates." SH1-FU explained, drawing a parallel to their previous topic. "She is not able to achieve a deep enough state of meditation as you or I, but she does well enough to alleviate the effects of sleep deprivation somewhat. A solid ten hours should be enough to bring her to a functional - if slightly erratic - state."

The ancient droid performed a final check on the autopilot before drawing himself back up to standing. "That being said, f you have any questions for Ti'sonta when she wakes up, I must ask that you take what she says at face value for the time being. I suspect she would still be rather skittish about the situation, and will likely fall back into her more furtive habits if pressed too firmly. Please do not take offense, as it is just her nature. I hope you understand."

"But I think we have talked enough about such things." SH1-FU remarked, his tone changing to a more brighter timbre. "Is there anything you would like to do while we pass the time? It is still a few days journey to Naboo, and I'm sure we can find something to talk about."

 

[Iandre Athlea]

The irony of Ti'sonta choosing meditation didn't escape Iandre. A quiet laugh escaped before she shook her head. "Of course she does." One of them was afraid to sleep in the presence of Force users and used meditation to avoid it, while the other could sleep perfectly well aboard a ship but had spent years avoiding meditation. "Between the two of us, we may almost manage one reasonably well-adjusted traveler."

The humor faded as she considered what SH1-FU had actually told her. Ten hours of meditation could compensate somewhat, but functional and slightly erratic wasn't the same thing as rested. More importantly, the droid clearly wasn't asking Ian to solve Ti'sonta. He was asking her to give the Twi'lek enough room to decide for herself that Ian was safe. That she could do. "I understand." She wouldn't interrogate Ti'sonta about the acolyte, the unfinished name, or any of the other pieces that had begun fitting together in uncomfortable ways. "If she tells me something, I'll accept that it's what she's willing to tell me. I won't use the Force to look for what she leaves out, and I won't corner her into explaining herself."

One question remained, though. "Does she know you're telling me this much?" Ian suspected she knew the answer, but there was an important difference between SH1-FU offering context with Ti'sonta's blessing and deciding his friend's well-being justified doing so without it. Her gaze rested thoughtfully on the ancient droid. "And if she doesn't, is there anything you've told me that you would rather I not let her know I know?" It was better to establish that boundary now than accidentally betray his confidence later.

Afterward, Ian was content to let the subject rest. A few days aboard the Dolly Dagger hardly required every hour to become an exercise in unraveling its captain. SH1-FU proved interesting company in his own right, and an ancient Jedi training droid presented opportunities Ian wasn't inclined to waste. Their conversation wandered through changes in the Jedi across the centuries, techniques he'd once taught, and inevitably the strange experience of discovering how much of Ian's own education had become history while she'd been absent.

The following day settled into a quieter rhythm. Ian ate, read, helped where she could reasonably assist aboard the ship, and otherwise resisted her old habit of inventing work merely because empty hours made her restless. She checked on Ti'sonta only as much as courtesy warranted and made no attempt to reach for her through the Force. Knowing why the Twi'lek was wary made respecting the distance considerably easier.

Hyperspace continued flowing beyond the cockpit, Naboo still days ahead. For once, Ian let the journey simply be a journey rather than something she needed to fill every moment with.

Ti'sonta