Sins Are Not Easily Forgotten

[Vora Kaar]

"Tell me about your time as a Jedi grandpa!"
"Oh I don't kn-"
"Come on! Please grampa!"

The tilt of an old man's head with a smile was always a good sign. One that showed I had gotten through his tough exterior to listen to the stories of my grandpa and his time spent as a Jedi. Defending the weak. protecting the innocent, and capturing the bad guys. He shook his head with that same smile. Instantly I was bouncing up and down in my bed. The pajamas I wore revealing themselves out from underneath the blanket I was supposed to be sleeping under almost an hour ago.

"Alright, but just for a little bit. You should be asleep."

I was silent as the chuckle from the man I so dearly loved turned into a sigh. Looking around my room, he picked up a toy lightsaber and found a shield form some hero from a holovideo. The star within bright circles made me giggle a little as the older gentleman leaned forward in his seat. Starting with his story.

"You could see smoke and fires as far as the horizon. Blaster fire ringing off in the distance, and the booms of artillery echoing every so often. The yells and screams of men rang out the distance of the opening. Jedi, Sith, Troopers, and droids all fighting for a foothold over the ground you stood upon."
"Ohhhh-Ohhhhh-Ohhhh! Is this the one about the-"
"Should I tell the story or you?"

I smiled sheepishly as my interruption of the story brought forth the grandpa that looked down on me, but in a good way. His smile poked out of his face as he started to chuckle at me and my anticipation for this story. Shaking my head, I stayed silent.

"Okay, where was I? Oh, that's right. Across the field. I see a man. Standing defiant against the rest. Brandishing his twin red lightsabers. Spinning them round himself like a dance of death. Letting his weapons kill the men who stood beside me without any moral compass. Suddenl-"
"He's gonna attack you isn't he!"
"Haha. Yes he is Jayce. Now quiet if you want me to finish the story."
"Oh.. I'm sorry. Go ahead."
"The Sith charged me. Swinging his lightsabers at me. Raising my shield-"

The older man began to act out what he had done. Raising the shield, swinging the sword, and even standing up as though he really were in battle. Me following suit. Wielding invisible weapons stood on my bed beside my grandfather as he continued.

"I blocked his lightsaber, pushing it away from me harmlessly, and swinging my sword at him with such speed! Trading blows left and right. Never beating one or the other. We tired ourselves out swinging our weapons for so long! However, this sith was cunning and ruthless. After I had gotten a shield bash on him, he reached out with his hand and let lose and stream of lightning from his fingers!"

I dropped my imaginary weapons and smiled like the devil himself as I acted to be the sith. Zapping him with lightning. He produced his shield to defend himself and took steps backwards to the wall. Leaning against it as he continued even with my adolescent noises as though I could actually make lightning come out of my fingers.

"I was stuck back! landing on the ground. Dazed and hit. However, I was still alive! Getting up as fast as I can, he is closing the distance when I defend myself again from his blows. However, I use the force now. Tripping the man up, and using my shield to bash him once more! My sword smacking the lightsabers out of his hands, and i stand over the top of him. Brandishing the point to the man's neck."

As he bashed the air between us, I felt onto my bed with a plop. laying on it, and acting scared as though I were cowering from my grandfather as a Jedi. He taking the toy lightsaber and holding it close to my chest and neck area.

"And I yell over the battle cries, and the booming and the fires. 'Submit defeat, and I will not end your life.' The sith, taken aback at my offer of life, attempts to attack me once more. Trying to surprise me."
"Hyah!"

Pushing aside the lightsaber with my hand, I reach out with my extended hand. Acting to push him with the force. His shield came up once more to defend himself.

"Defending myself from the attack, I then shove the sword back to the sith. And tell him again, 'Submit!' to which the sith raises his hands and nods his head. Reaching down, I cuff the man, and take him off the field. Once more defending my comrades. Going on into the battle again. Winning the battle over the Sith."
"Yes! Grandpa always wins!"
"Haha. Of course Jayce. Now, story time is up. Time for bed."
"Awww. Another!"
"No. Your father will attack me like the sith if I let you stay up any longer."

Chuckling he swings the lightsaber at me playfully as though he was my father beating him. Putting the weapons down, he started to tuck me into bed and kiss me on the forehead. Saying the words that I always loved to hear from him.

"May the force be with you, my little Jedi."

Kissing my forehead, I then leaned up and kissed his forehead.

Only for the dream to break apart.

I could hear the fires roaring behind me. The house crashing in on itself with a loud boom. I could hear crying. Screaming. It wasn't until I could feel my grandfather's hand on my face that it stopped. I had been screaming and crying. looking down into my arms, was my grandfather. Saber wounds on his body, missing his left arm, and his face bloody and broken. Tears pained his face as well as mine as I was holding my dying family. Shaking I could hear him speaking through the blood in his mouth. Spitting it out onto me, staining my burnt clothes.

"M-may the... Force be... with you, my... little.... Je-"

I could feel him slipping from me. His hand falling to his side limply as he could barely finish the word jedi. Me screaming into his face.

"NO! NONONONONOnonoNONONONO! NO! Please don't go. Don't die! Please don't leave me! Pa! Pa! NO!"

He was gone. I refused to believe that though. I kept shaking him. Slapping his face harder and harder. Getting more blood on my hands and face as I was screaming literally in his face. I screamed what seemed forever. Completely losing my voice. Left with moans of sadness and pure pain. Shaking as I hugged the corpse of the man I loved.

I was broken. Shattered.

I am now alone....

 

[Vora Kaar]

My vision was assaulted by light. Bright light as I rubbed the morning from my eyes. The cold hard ground reminding me of last night. I simply laid on the ground as the throbbing over the entirety of my body was clear. I felt dirty with mud and blood caked onto me. Turning over to my stomach with a groan, I just laid there in the dirt. The absence of the crackling flames made everything else louder. The chirping of birds, the settling of burnt remains of the house. I breathed in and out. Then pushed myself up. Pain shot through my body. It was barely tolerable to get on my hands and knees.

Looking up, I saw the wreckage of my home. The home I grew up in. I was born in this house. The time I spent with my family, being trained to use the force at a tender young age of 6. Standing up, I walked over to the dead body of my grandfather. Kneeling down, I picked him up. His weight hurting me so much I fell to my knees and onto my face. Grunting, I picked him up again. Walking his body to rest under a tree. I stood over his body. I felt the pain and rage build up in my heart. I could feel it darkening my entire soul. With a flash of speed, I punched the tree. Hitting it over and over. Letting my hand break it's bones and my skin tear itself from my hand. I kept punching until I couldn't feel the pain in my hand.

I began to cry again. Falling to my knees over my dead grandfather, hearing the last words he spoke to me echo in my ears over and over.

"May the force be with you, my little Jedi."

I don't know how long later it was, likely noon as the sun was high in the sky. I moved out from under the shade of the tree. Looking through our shed for the spade. And I slowly over the span of a few hours began to dig a grave for my grandfather. Pain assisted me. My soul dead along with my grandfather.

Eventually finishing the dig, I picked up my grandfathers body, and gently lowered him into his grave. Looking to my fingers, I wore a ring that he had made for me. One that was hand crafted from a simple nut. Taking it off of my finger, I place it in his hand. Closing it over his chest. I grabbed a tarp and tucked him in. Almost like he used to do to me. Folding it under his body and gently placing it over his face. I couldn't cry anymore. I was out of tears as I got back up and began to move the dirt back over his body.

My life that I once knew, the one I loved living with my grandfather is now gone. My life died with him. And so I bury him.

The sun was setting once I was done. The pain slowed me down, and I was not used to digging a grave for a full grown man. Even more so I just wanted to lay down and die. To let nature take its course. After I was done, I took some simple branches and tied them together to make a cross. Planting them into the dirt at the head of the grave. Having my own funeral, I just knelt down to the pile and petted the dirt. Not saying a word as I stayed there.

Getting up, I walked over to the house. One of the walls was completely gone. Entry wasn't that hard. My steps breaking some remains of the house. The cracking and breaking caused an upheaval of dust and decay to fly into the air. I moved through the house as though the items that once been there were still standing. Kitchen table. Counters. Walls, furniture. I walked down where the hall would be. Going into the house to where my room was. Looking through the, somehow still standing, doorway. I walked in to see where left over toys that I had were all burned and melted into a pile where my closet would have been.

I walked through my wall into my grandfather's room. One that I remember running to when I had a nightmare. No. Unlike other children, I ran to my grandfather not my parents. His bed was gone, but the frame still stood. Leaning down, I rubbed my hand over the bed post. it started to crackle and broke apart from the simplest touch. I took a step back and stepped into the center of the bed. Turning around as I looked over all the carnage.

I was walking away when my foot caught on something. Tripping, I fell into the ashes. A plume of ash rose up and fell back slowly as I got up. Going to whatever caught my foot. Unable to find it right away, I stood up. Lowering my palm open, A blast of air pushed away all the ashes and dust that was covering the floor. It was underneath the many layers was a half burned carpet and a wooden floorboard that had been broken in. Leaning down, I reached into my pocket for my pocket knife. Cutting at the carpet away, and then tossing it haphazardly as I yanked up the board as hard as I could. Yanking it up with enough force to hear multiple snapping of boards. Underneath was some kind of safe.

I ran from where I was, and out of the house. Racing to the shed once more to grab a hammer. I raced once more into the room. Jumping over broken walls and into the room. hitting the wood and breaking it out of the way. Reaching down, I found the safe and looked at the panel. It was a good size, and looked fairly deep. However, the panel was in the shape of a hand. Looking at my own right hand, I reached down, and placed it on the scanner. With a beep, it unlocked.

Taking a step back, I moved forth to open it.

 

[Vora Kaar]

I recoiled back away from the safe. I couldn't open it. If I opened it, I knew that I was going to be giving up on this dream. This hellish nightmare of my family gone. Opening that safe would be the final door of accepting that my grandfather is gone. I knelt over the opening. Holding my head in my hands as I began to cry once more. No tears came, but I cried anyways. Yelling out in pain, I could hear my voice echo in a high pitch as I had lost it. My throat hurt more than ever as I slammed my hands and head onto the ground. Ash being peppered onto my forehead and ground into my skin.

I reached over with an open hand and yanked the walls apart. Letting them fly everywhere. The dust rise again in my anger over his death.

In the fit of rage, I could feel myself fading. My vision go black as I wanted to accept death. Eventually, I fell into a slumber.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I lay in the ash. Covered in it. The sun was long gone. Not even the moon dared to show its face in the darkness of night. I woke up in pain once more. However, there was light. Off to the side of the house, a camp fire. Crackling. A shadow prevented me from seeing the flames, or feel the heat. Trying to stand up, I fell onto my side with a plop. The being who sat there didn't turn around. Just simply spoke.

"Join me son."

The voice felt familiar, but he was garbed in robes. As I got up and moved closer to him, I could see the robes were white and brown. Clean, with no blemish or imperfection upon them. Extending his hand, his voice calming, but also warming motioned me to take a seat by the fire.

"Take a seat. Speak to me."

Taking a seat on a log, I looked at the man. His face was quite young. Somewhere within the later twenties maybe thirties. He removed his hood to have long gold locks of hair. Tied up in a rather formal and unique pony tail. Reaching forward, he pulled an animal off of a spit. It had been cooking over the fire, and the instant I saw it, my body groaned and growled for food. Any form of sustenance. The man handed it to me. Taking it greedily, I ate it even if it burned my tongue.

"My condolences for the fire. And the loss of your family."
"HoW-"

My voice cracked over the one word. Worn and broken, I cleared my throat as best I could, and tried to speak again.

"How did you know?"
"The grave you dug, and the lack of bodies in the house. Completely burned."
"Oh."

I was silent as I ate the dead animal. My feasting was loud. Eyeballing a second one, the man nodded his head for me to take it. I reached out carefully as though I were a thieving animal stealing food from a table. Eating it slower this time, I started to ask questions between bites.

"So why are you here? Why feed me? No point feeding a dead man."
"You are not dead. There is still a role for you to play. You have a purpose."
"Then what is it?"
"You must discover your purpose. It changes just as the situation that causes it to reveal itself does."
"Stop speaking in riddles. Tell me."
"Would you ask that of your grandfather?"

My mouth agape at the man as he gave me a dead stare. I wanted to hit him. Kill him for even speaking about the man I loved. How dare he. The nerve, the gall he had. I stood up and was about to close the distance when he spoke up with his eyes moving to the fire.

"May the force be with you, my little one."
"What?"

I was completely surprised that he used the same quote as my grandfather. Saying it as though they were his words. He stood up and looked over to me once more.

"He speaks of the force. Yet you still know nothing. Do you not love your grandfather?"
"Don't dare speak of what you do not know!"
"Then why did he never say I love you? Why did he only mention that phrase?"
"Because.... because.... I don't know."
"Yes you do. The stories he spoke of. The tales he spun to you before your bedtime. Those were not of his imagination. They were real. He knew you had the force, and wanted you to become a Jedi. So, why did he say it to you?"

I thought over it. Looking into the fire and sitting back down on the log. He sat down as well. Looking me over. I thought about everything. All that he had done for me. While my father trained me, he always watched. Even pitched in to be my fighting dummy. Afterwords, my father would leave disappointed I didn't improve. My grandfather would always come up beside me. Placing a hand on my shoulder as he said those same words. it must have been hours before I spoke again.

"He knew I had what it took to become better. To be better. He wanted me to follow my dreams of the force. He wanted me to become the Jedi he dreamed of. More so, he was letting me know that he would always be there. That I would always have him with me, even if I wasn't there."
"Now you understand."
"Understand?"
"You are learning. And you will forever have me in your heart."
"You? Why would I have you?"

Standing up, the man looked at me. His face darkening. Growing older and older by the second. His athletic frame becoming frail and the robes being replaced with farmers clothes. In mere second, I watched as the man before me transformed into my grandfather. His face serious, and the crow's eyes looking deeply into me. His form became corporeal. He was a spirit. He was with the force. I looked at him with a face of surprise, that slowly formed into tears and sadness of realizing he was really gone.

"Do not cry. I will always be here for you. I will stand behind you, and in your heart. Take up my arms, and become what you are meant to be."

Nodding my head, I bowed it and knelled before him. His hand touched the back of my head, and then was gone. I could hear the sounds of the wind as it blew him away. Looking up, both he and I spoke together, letting our voices and our dreams become one.

"May the force be with you, my little Jedi."
"May the force be with you, my little Jedi."

Standing up, I then looked to where he had been standing. Now gone, I bowed my head. And prayed to him, or whatever godly being there was to keep my strength. Laying down, and using the log he sat on as a pillow, I fell asleep as soon as i closed my eyes.

 

[Vora Kaar]

Light poured into my senses. The sounds of critters flooded my ears. Getting up, I was sore. Still covered in mud and blood, I looked to my hands as the pink skin was dried blood. Slowly fading from me. Sitting up, I was just trying to wrap my head around what happened last night. My dead grandfathers ghost showed up. Fed me, and then spoke to me. I have no clue how it all happened.

I could hear speeders coming up closer to where I was. Looking up, A few of them got close. Out came paramedics and police. Even a neighbor who thought that our family was long gone. Walking towards them, The neighbor waved her hand. She was a young woman. Mid twenties. Nice looking. As it came to a stop, she rushed over and gave me a hug that could break a nexu's back. She held on for dear life. Petting my hair and pushing it out of my face.

"Hun are you okay? I saw the fire and went to get people, but someone was going on a rampage in the city. Entire blocks destroyed so nobody could come out this way. Are you okay? Let me clean you up. Is there anyone else? Are you hurt?"

She hammered me with question after question. Even taking her hand and licking it to try and wash the blood from my face. The officers and paramedics came over. One asking even more questions and the paramedics running tests to see my blood and save levels and bandage me up. It hurt as they prodded me while the police got a statement from my neighbor. I couldn't remember her name at the moment. It escaped me.

After they had cleaned me with a hose, and gave me replacement clothes, they bandaged me up and told me that I would have to go to the hospital to make sure that my lungs were cleaned out, and that my hand needed to be fixed. The throbbing in my hand was clear. The put it in a splint and carted me away on a stretcher onto the speeder. Leaving the house behind me as I went into town. Leaving my home.

--------------------------------------------------

Its been almost a week now since my grandfather died. Since the fire. The pain. His ghost.

I stood with a bandage around my hand. Holding it still as it was still healing from the broken bones. With the technology of modern meds, and the payment, a lot of kolto was used to heal me. I could get it off in another week or so. We held a real funeral for my family now. Honestly, the real body was just my grandfather. There was a Jedi master out. Here to lay one of his own to rest. He stood behind me with my neighbor Mechell to my side. Holding onto my hand. Everyone wore black.

Three graves. One for my mother, younger brother, and the last for my grandfather. All with real tombstones. Burred underneath the tree in the yard. After the ceremonies, The Jedi spoke to me.

"Jayce? I was a friend of your Grandfather's. He had a note for me that was to be opened after his death. It was his will. Everything that is his is yours. And he told me that I was to train you when you were ready. If you are, message me. My condolences, and may the force be with you."

I nodded his head and shook his hand. Letting the man walk away. Mechell took my hand once more and took me to her speeder. I was staying with her for the time being. After getting to her house, I went to my room. Removed my clothes, and lay down onto my bed. looking up at the ceiling. I already had my funeral. I didn't cry. Not until right now when I was alone. Crying myself to sleep.

 

[Vora Kaar]

Most of the debris from the fire had been removed. A lot had been gone through to try and salvage anything. I came alone. Earlier being told by Mechell that the police found a safe, but couldn't move it as it was cemented into the ground. So if I wanted it, or anything from it, I should go and grab it. Otherwise, it was going to be demolished. I walked over the remains once more. All that stood were a few poles and parts of the walls. Maybe some broken furniture. Walking through the mess, I gathered my thoughts.

Its been almost two months now.

My hand has fully healed. Scars are on me, and within my soul. Moving towards the hallway, and down towards my grandfather's room, I came once more to the safe. Rubbing my hand over the safe. Petting it. Wanting it to not be the bane of my existence. The thoughts of what happened played in my head. My father was tainted. He fell. He is no longer a Jedi. The rage he held for my grandfather. The resentment for how he treated me over him. It tipped over when my grandfather said he had a secret for me. Taking me to his room and was going to lean under the bed. However, My father walked in. Enraged.

Yelling and screaming. Even looking to the door, I could imagine him there. Brandishing his lightsaber. Swinging it out towards me and my grandfather. Learning that he used the force, my grandfather defended me. My mother and brother came to try and stop my father from attacking us. Only they burst into flames. My grandfather throwing me out the window and fighting my father. I had raced inside to find him. laying on the floor. Bloody and broken. Stabbed and his arm removed as I carried him out of the fire that was stared by my family bursting into flames. I watched as my family was slaughtered by my father. He ran away. The carnage caused in town was done by him as well.

He killed so many people. Running on a rampage to make everyone pay for their sins. He was heard screaming about repenting for their lies and sins. Looking down at the safe, I was about to place my hand over it, and stopped. Leaving it hovering. I closed my eyes, and pressed my hand down. Hearing the click, I opened it with the force.

Looking down, there was quite a bit in there. A set of keys for a ship. Some kind of clothing. what looked to be a wooden box that held something else inside. A datapad of information I would likely need for my training, or just a note for me. Looking at the datapad, I opened it. No password. I looked on it. There was a single file with my name right on the home page. Pressing on it, It opened up to a letter.

"Jayce,

It's clear that I am no longer with you if you happen to be reading this. I do not know how I perished, but I wanted you to have these items in the safe. They were near and dear to me at one point in my life. However, when I saw you born, I promised to put them away. I quit from the order to raise you the way I couldn't with my own son. I want you to take this, and cherish them just as I have. I hope that one day you will see your path ahead of you, and create your destiny.

The red scarf here once belonged to your grandmother. She has long passed, and you never saw her. However, it was the one thing I have left of her. I would like you to have it. This datapad has information about the Jedi, places that you should look to be, and places you should avoid if you can. Take care of it.

Lastly, I want you to know that the stories I spoke of were very real. I had put my life on the line as a Jedi to defend many. If you choose that path, then I wish you the best, and bestow you one last gift. It has protected me countless of times over the years, and there is even a file here of what it can do. I give it to you. I know I never said it, but I do love you and your family. You were everything to me. You gave me life where there was none. Now go and live for me. Do what you need to do. Create your destiny, and most of all,

May the force be with you, my little one. Always."

Closing the file and turning it off. I slipped the datapad into my pocket. Reaching down and grabbing the scarf. Looking at the bright red hues. Wrapping it around me, It smelled of flours and a mix of my grandfathers shampoo. Dust was also there, but I didn't care. Wrapping it around my neck and face, I looked down at the box. Dark brown, I leaned in and picked it up. The box heavy. Hearing slight clinking sounds, I started to open it.

Tearing off the straps keeping it closed, and using the force to pull the nails out. I removed the lid to reveal a rather ornate sword, and a shield. White and gold. I picked up the sword. The blue wrapped grip with golden highlights of the hilt and the guard. I drew the sword. Even as I did so, I could feel a flooding of the force within me. I could feel the light side of the force brightening within me. The blade smooth and shone in the sun's light. Looking at my reflection in the blade, I sheathed the weapon. Pulling up the shield, I looked at the details. Two golden arcs across the from. With accents around the kite shield.

There was even a strap to hold the weapons. Taking the belt, I tied the sword around my waist. Almost as though I had done it a hundred times before, I put the sword in its place, and held the shield aloft. Drawing the weapon, the ringing of steel against the sheath leaving, I held it out.

Sheathing it once more, I put the shield on my back, and smiled a little. I knew how my grandfather felt. He wanted me to become what I wanted. he wanted me happy. Sadly, that wasn't going to happen until my father paid for his sins. His crimes. He killed my family. He killed my mother. Why did my father do this?

No. He is not my father. My father died that night. He died the night of the fire. I am hunting this sith down for ending the lives of my family, and others. Turning around, I closed the safe, Put the shield on my back, and walked away from the fire towards the speeder. Getting in, I used my grandfather's datapad to message the Jedi master. Leaving a simple message as I drove towards the city and the starport.

"I'm on my way."