Searching for the Past

[Shakrin]

"That intense stare isn't going to tell you anything more than what I look like."

She hadn't stopped looking at him since she started. It was slightly uncomfortable, though he suspected she was watching him so intently because she didn't know him and she was wary of what he might do to her. Truthfully he could do anything he wanted to her and she wouldn't be able to resist given the state she was in. She should be relaxed and calm because he hadn't done anything. That meant he wouldn't, because there would have been no point in waiting. He wasn't what ailed the galaxy. He hoped to be the cure.

The tunic she wore was slipping down from where it had been sliced. He reached up with one hand and pulled it back into place so it wouldn't reveal anything. Not knowing her didn't mean it was alright to see her unclothed. He tilted his head to the side a bit as she continued to watch him.

"Why were you wandering around Felucia?"

@[member="Soah Jai"]

 

[Slot 20]

Soah tensed slightly as Shakrin reached over her to adjust her clothing. She DID NOT like being handled by people. Unfortunately, she could do nothing about that right now. She swallowed, attempting to clear her throat when he asked her what she was doing here. "Does....It....Matter......Anymore? I can't......Do it now....." She said slowly. Her target was probably long off-planet by now. She was so close. So close! The thought of losing this job made her clench her teeth and fists. Though that only made the burning worse, she didn't care. She had been reckless, lazy, and slow, and lost one of the biggest targets she had ever had, with no chance of finding him again.
@[member="Shakrin"]

 

[Shakrin]

"Everything matters in the grand scheme of things. Where you put your foot when you walk can change the course of history."

It seemed outrageous, but it was true. She puts her foot into the mouth of a sarlaac and there's no more Soah. No more Soah might mean someone important never gets born. Simple as that. She was angry, and he could feel it wafting off of her. He wasn't good enough to tell if it was anger at him or anger at the situation. Either way, she wasn't struggling to get away, which made him relax a little. He didn't want his hard work going to waste and she didn't seem intent on ruining it for the moment. Hopefully that didn't change.

"I'm going to guess, by the way you handled that big gun of yours, that you're some kind of Bounty Hunter. Probably tracking someone that was trying to hide here. Wasn't me, was it? Would explain the strange message I got."

@[member="Soah Jai"]

 

[Slot 20]

Soah shook her head. "No........Some......Crafty.....Umbaran.......Been.......Chasing him.......For weeks........was so close......" She said the last part through her teeth. It just wasn't her day. One of her biggest targets slips from her fingers, she nearly dies from an Acklay, and now she was at the mercy of this Shakrin fellow with no way to escape. Well, whatever he had planned, he had better do it quickly. She wasn't in the mood to wait for the inevitable.
@[member="Shakrin"]

 

[Shakrin]

"Well, at least you're alive to live in the shame of defeat. You can catch him another day."

Thank goodness she wasn't after him. That would just make things even more awkward, as he'd have to excuse himself and allow all of his hard work to go to waste as he left her to rot. But no, he'd saved the poor girl, and now he was stuck with caring for her while she rested up. Gently, he lifted her from his lap and set her against the wall of their makeshift shelter. She'd have to keep her own clothes pinioned if she wanted to preserve her modesty. If she didn't care then she was fine. Either way, his stomach was garbling up a storm. If he didn't eat something soon he'd do the unthinkable. Not really, but he was that hungry.

"I'll fix us some food."

He pulled a small portable cooker from his things and set about cooking something. Anything was better than nothing. Plus it was better than sitting there holding a half naked woman.

@[member="Soah Jai"]

 

[Slot 20]

Soah groaned painfully as Shakrin moved her. She tried to touch her left arm with her right, but just the movement burned. She was literally a useless piece of meat. As Shakrin began preparing food, she studied him still. Why did he save her? She could very well have been hunting him. Plus, she was probably a large burden for him. An adult-sized baby, in a way. If it had been her that had to care for him, she might've left him to the wilderness merely for the sake of mobility on her mission. she pondered this, while still looking at him.
@[member="Shakrin"]

 

[Shakrin]

"If you keep staring at me your eyes will go blind."

It wouldn't happen, but he was really just trying to make a point. The woman needed to speak instead of sitting around and being all broody about him saving her. That and her fear was just a tad bit annoying.

"If I wanted to do anything to you I'd have already done it. Quit your worrying. The fear is annoying."

Food was almost ready. He grabbed his tray from his pack and slopped the stuff, mostly dried nerf meat with some sort of bean and vegetables, onto it before holding it out to her with a utensil to eat it with. She could have the tray and he would eat straight from the pot. If she was smart she'd figure out how to eat with only one good arm. It was both a test of her wits and him making a small peace offering in effort to try and put her at ease. He couldn't keep going with the way things were. It would drive him nuts.

@[member="Soah Jai"]

 

[Slot 20]

Soah smirked a little. She didn't fear him. She just didn't trust him. It was hard for her to trust anyone, really. She looked down at the tray being offered to her. Carefully she reached out her right arm. The burning kicked up a storm on her left side, but she gritted her teeth and took the tray anyway. Setting it on her lap, Soah took the spoon from Shakrin and scooped a small bit into her mouth. It wasn't the tastiest thing in the galaxy, but she'd had worse. Besides, she needed to heal and food would keep her strong. She ate slowly, scoop by scoop, getting used to using her right arm only.
@[member="Shakrin"]

 

[Shakrin]

Out of the corner of his eye he watched her eat. She didn't trust him, and he didn't trust her. At least he knew she wasn't hiding any secret weapons anywhere except maybe her boots. Those would be hard for her to get do either way. The fact that she was trying to preserve her modesty and still function told him she wasn't inclined to try and attack him unless he forced her to do so. He wouldn't. There was no sense in doing something stupid like that after he'd saved her life. Besides, he was curious about her.

"Why do you hunt people?" he asked between mouth fulls of food. Now he focused on @[member="Soah Jai"], waiting for a response as he ate from the pot.

 

[Slot 20]

Soah looked at him before she took another bite. Her eyes were hard and immovable. "Because people hunted me," She replied. Losing your whole squad, along with the love of your life, can change a person in ways that no one else could understand. for the longest time, she hunted for revenge. when she finally got it, she was changed. A change that would leave scars for a lifetime.
@[member="Shakrin"]

 

[Shakrin]

Interesting. She's so hardened. Something bad clearly happened. The question is, what? He watched her as she looked at him. It was like her eyes were telling him that it was a subject most uncomfortable to her. Those were the best subjects for getting people to open up, however. They hurt, and because they hurt people told the truth or lied horribly. If they told the truth, they had made peace with their guilt and just wished to share it. If they lied, they still hadn't accepted that what had transpired had actually happened.

"People hunted you. And what happened when they did?"

@[member="Soah Jai"]

 

[Slot 20]

Soah glared deeply. She wasn't glaring at Shakrin, however. She was glaring at the faces of every person she had ever killed. She glared as they cowered at her feet, begging for mercy right before she ended their worthless existances. Her anger and her pain were so vivid and so deep, they dulled her eyes into two cold unfeeling spheres of glass. "They paid with their lives," she said, her voice hollow and lifeless.
@[member="Shakrin"]

 

[Shakrin]

"Vengeance is a waste of effort. It doesn't dull pain, just creates more."

It wasn't what she wanted to hear, he knew that, but he didn't say it because she wanted to hear it. He said it because he wanted it to be a slap in the face for her. People like her needed to open their eyes to the realities of the galaxy around them. Vengeance did nothing for anyone. It didn't bring back lost loved ones. It didn't change the past. It just ruined what justice was supposed to be. He set the pot down and leaned against the wall of the fungus tree, situated across from where @[member="Soah Jai"] was sitting.

"You need to see past your pettiness and open your eyes to the truth of the galaxy around you."

 

[Slot 20]

Soah let out a single huff of breath, a cold smirk formed on her face. "You think so. And just how many have you killed? How many have you brought to justice for what they have done? How many have you lost in front of your very eyes, knowing that there was nothing you could do to save them? HOW MANY?" Her smirk vanished, and her eyes became as bright as fire. The Jedi preach that vengeance and revenge does nothing but cause needless heartache. They were not always correct, however. For years, Soah couldn't even sleep at night because she knew that the ones who had taken everything away from her were still out there. She hunted them because she couldn't face the pain. When she had finally killed them all, however, she let it wash over her. She accepted that her friends were gone. Her love was gone. But most of all, she accepted that she had brought justice to their murders. That fact had given her a sense of closure. To have someone tell her that she was petty for finding what little wholeness she could maddened her. Not because Shakrin called her petty, but because he did not understand that it had, in fact, helped her.
@[member="Shakrin"]

 

[Shakrin]

"Many."

Despite her rage, which threatened to consume him, he didn't lash out at her. It was overwhelming, but he kept himself bottled up tonight. The rage would simmer and soak, and boil out when he needed the power that it could unleash within him. That time hadn't yet come, though. He didn't need the rage, he needed calm.

"First rule of life is that there is death. Killing those who harmed you did nothing in the grand scheme of things. More will just take their place. You no doubt think you struck a blow for justice, and you wouldn't be wrong in that, but that blow is inconsequential to anyone but yourself. Believe me, when I was younger I felt the same as you until someone taught me the truth."

He stood up in that little space and walked to the opening to peer out. Keeping a watch wasn't a bad idea, after all.

"If you want to make a real difference, truly accomplish something to honor those you've lost, you need to be above seeking vengeance as a means for justice, and instead focus on seeking justice as a means for vengeance. Topple the orders of the galaxy, achieve a new state of affairs for the galaxy, and you can right all wrongs, not just one."

@[member="Soah Jai"]

 

[Slot 20]

Soah listened to Shakrin. She knew that people died. She caused a small bit of that death almost all the time. But there was one thing she would never do. She would never kill a child. She wouldn't kill a teenager, or a family, or anything like that. Something that could break apart so easily.... Her anger was because she had lost her family that day. They were all just teenagers. Just like her. And they all died before their time. She was agonized to see them all, bleeding and lifeless on the ground around her. But more than anything, she was angry. She was angry that her friends had their lives stolen from them, and that the thieves had gotten away unharmed. She became determined to avenge the lives that were taken. Shakrin spoke the truth, but he was wrong when he said that her "justice" did nothing. Yes, she knew that there was still more than enough evil still left in the galaxy. But from killing the killers, she had been granted a fair amount of peace. Peace that her friends had been avenged, and peace that she had lessened the murderous population of the galaxy. Soah knew that there was so much more to be done. Right then, however, she couldn't really do anything about that. She looked at her feet and said nothing to Shakrin.
@[member="Shakrin"]

 

[Shakrin]

He turned a glance towards her. The silence that had overtaken her told him that she knew what he said was the truth. Perhaps not the whole truth as she saw and knew it, but the truth nonetheless. He was in tune with emotions, but he couldn't just up and read people's minds. That was something he was thankful for. Mind reading would probably drive him to insanity. Shaking his head, he turned to face her and walked over to sit down in front of her. She was staring at the ground, but she could still hear him.

"You want to do more, don't you? This running around and chasing people is just a game. You do it because you have nothing else to do and you think it helps. What if that game was part of something greater. Would you want to change the galaxy for the better, even knowing history may hate you for it?"

@[member="Soah Jai"]

 

[Slot 20]

Something suddenly dawned on Soah's mind as Shakrin spoke further. He was attempting to recruit her into something! Of course he was! Toying with her feelings, convincing her that what she was doing wasn't really making a difference, asking her if she wanted to truly help the galaxy. Typical manipulative salesman talk. How COULD you be so stupid?? She said to herself. She'd been through this kind of annoyance countless times before. Usually she'd merely give them a "back off" glare and leave. She couldn't really do that now, of course. Sith-spit, why did this always have to happen to HER??
@[member="Shakrin"]