Work In Progress Sanguine crystal

[that one star wars fan]

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

• Intent: The Sanguine Crystal is a rare and powerful lightsaber crystal that is used by members of the Crimson Knights who seek to harness the power of the dark side.
• Image Source: https://www.bing.com/images/create/a-red-and-black-dark-kyber-crystal/654649b432ba4338892d74fc268e9848?id=z1i5Mw0HmFzIq24al3gFew==&view=detailv2&idpp=genimg&idpclose=1&FORM=SYDBIC
• Canon Link: N/A
• Permissions: Closed-Market (Any member of the Crimson Knights can use this item with explicit permission from the faction leader.)
• Primary Source: N/A

PRODUCTION INFORMATION

• Manufacturer: N/A
• Affiliation: The crimson knights
• Market Status: Closed-Market
• Model: Lightsaber Crystal
• Modularity: No
• Production: The scale is Semi-Unique
• SPECIAL FEATURES
  • Darkside of the force. your a little stronger while using the Darkside
  • life steal allows the wielder to heal themselves by draining the life force of their opponents though each attack but it only heals them by a little
  • STRENGTHS
  • dark Sider The crystal has the ability to amplify the user's connection to the dark side of the force, making them more powerful in combat.
  • improved It can enhance the user's life force, providing them with greater strength and endurance.
  • afterimages This crystal has a rare property that enables the wielder to bend the light with the force, creating afterimages of the blade that follow its movements and conceal its true position
  • WEAKNESSES
  • unstable the Sanguine Crystal can be unstable and unpredictable, which can make it difficult to control in combat.
  • darkness The crystal doesn't work until exposed to the Darkside and the Darkside must be used on the crystal every 24 hours
  • Vulnerability to Light Side Energy: The Sanguine Crystal is a crystal that is inherently connected to the dark side of the Force. As a result, it is vulnerable to light side energy and can be weakened or even destroyed by it.
  • Whenever bending light this saber can take some of the life force of the wielder as to sustain itself since using the light can harm the blade without life force to sustain it
  • DESCRIPTION
  • The Sanguine Crystal is a rare and powerful lightsaber crystal that is used by members of the Crimson Knights who seek to harness the power of the dark side. The crystal is characterized by its deep red and black coloration, which is said to represent the blood of the Sith. When used in a lightsaber, the Sanguine Crystal imbues the blade with a dark and malevolent energy that can strike fear into the hearts of even the bravest opponents. Due to its connection to the dark side, the Sanguine Crystal is highly sought after by those who seek to gain power and control through the Force. the crystal was made by the crimson knights awhile back when they mixed properties of the Darkside with a ghost fire crystal its a ghost fire crystal that's been bled and then gone through the process of alchemy being used on it so much that all the lightside has been sucked from it and it has been imbued with the power of force drain to the point where on command it can be imbued with the dark powers from that power trapped in the crystal

 

[Krass Wyms]

T that one star wars fan

HEllo, I shall be judging your submission today... now lets get started.

Canon Link: kyber crystal

Please link the kyber crystal article on the

Manufacturer: N/A

Everything has something or someone that made it. Be it a person or a planet. IN the case of a crystal please link the planet

Affiliationl: the crimson knights

Please provide a link to the crimson knights

Production: Minor

given that the maximum production of lightsabers is semi unique I would recommend just changing it to semi-unique

Blood Absorber: this crystal when put in a lightsaber will burn the flesh but instead of burning the blood it will absorb the blood making the saber stronger

This is going to need some more to expand it. How does plasma energy absorbing blood make it stronger? There is barriers between the crystal and the blade it isn't like it directly comes out of it.

Disorientation: these crystals sometimes when in a saber produce an after image of the saber to disorient foes in combat making it difficult to find where the blade is at times

THis is also going to need more explanation about how it functions to create additional blades.

The Dark crystal: this crystal is better used with the dark side

Kyber crystal generally and in canon is more in tune with the lightside. it actively resists the darkside when bleeding is attempted. What happened to make this go darkside?

All and all there is a lot of ideas here but it needs to be expanded and explained more. I would recommend looking at previous crystals that have been created in the factory for an idea of how to expand and explain unique features.

Please tag me when edits are done. only once is required

 

[that one star wars fan]

Krass Wyms the edits are done if they don't seem right let me know and I'll edit it

 

[Krass Wyms]

T that one star wars fan

Alright now for round 2

DESCRIPTION
This type of crystal grows in the blood of someone who had dark emotions at the time the blood was spilt as long as the blood was spilt on the rich soil of the planet dathomir and was blood of someone with dark emotions at the time it was spilt

Let not beat around, this is barely a sentence and repeats itself explaining nothing. It just meets the minimal and that is by in some cases going into a frank miller style of saying one phrase over and over. It is going to be needing much attention. Preferably used in the way to show what this blade can do. talk about its history, how it came to be, how it was discovered. How it was tested and its potential use was learned. The description is where one can do a whole lot.

Thread 'The crimson knights' https://www.starwarsrp.net/threads/the-crimson-knights.175359/

Affiliationl: the crimson knights

The top should be in the affiliation field

Manufacturer: dathomir soil mixed with the blood of someone with dark emotions

Please link dathomir and for the description when you rewrite it mention how dark emotions fed into it.

Blood Absorber: this crystal when put in a lightsaber will burn the flesh but instead of burning the blood it will absorb the blood making the saber stronger Because this rare type of crystal grows in pools of blood in a certain type of mineral rich soil and since they grow in blood more blood makes the crystal stronger

Alright so it grow in mineral rich soil, blood is spilled over it and is the blod makign the crystal grow or the minerals in the soil? It is a reaction from the blood coming into contact with it like blood poison which could get others sick? You still haven't answered how the blade absorbs and transfers blood through the lens and chamber into the crystal.

Disorientation: these crystals sometimes when in a saber produce an after image of the wielders movements to disorient foes in combat making it difficult to find where the blade is at times the reason is unknown most likely do to the crystals special properties with the force

What special properties in the force does it have this is the first time they are being mentioned and they are super vague. Please expand on and explain the saber. Break it down in your head piece by piece if you have to and effect by effect. If there is something special then it should be in the description and process of creating it.

The Dark crystal: this crystal is better used with the dark side do to the dark emotions of the person who's blood grew one of these crystals

Who made the crystal? THis is important, the history of the crystal, how it functions, who made it.

All and all you did a few things to get along but take your time and as you work on the edits think balance. for every positive effect there should be something detrimental and a weakness. if this thing is going to make opponents bleed then how does the blood get through the sabers casing to the crystal. If it is going to make force illusions, what kind are they? Are they pure mental illusions that only one person can see? Are they illusions like Corren Horn could do which everyone saw? Are they white current illusions? If there are illusions what is their weakness. Even the masters of illusion the Fallenassi had flaws as nothing is perfect.

 

[that one star wars fan]

Krass Wyms done it should be right this time

 

[Krass Wyms]

T that one star wars fan

Alright before we can continue please use something for spell and grammer checks. THe massive runon sentences and word salad makes it difficult to get a coherent idea of what is presented.

Blood Absorber: this crystal when put in a lightsaber will burn the flesh but instead of burning the blood it will absorb the blood making the saber stronger Because this rare type of crystal grows in pools of blood and has a type of saber that's let blood passthrough the crystal do to the saber having a cold heat that burns flesh but doesn't burn blood and when the blood is consumed it will have to go through the saber using force abilities then it goes into the lense which should be made to be able toblet blood pass through and into the chambers as the crystal will attract it like a magnet and the crystal will open up a small hole for a short time until the blood is absorbed

Disorientation: these crystals sometimes when in a saber produce an after image of the wielders movements to disorient foes in combat making it difficult to find where the blade is at times the reason is unknown most likely do to the crystals special properties with the force these illusions can be seen by everyone including the wielder but this illusion doesn't come without a downside while using the illusion you will be less strong so you will have to rely on agility and skill

The Dark crystal: this crystal is better used with the dark side unlike most crystals do to the dark emotions of the person who's blood grew one of these crystals the first to leave blood that had dark emotions and grew a crystal was a sith but an unknown sith his blood was strange and had mutations he had made then the blood sept into the soil of dathomir making the first sanguine crystal

This type of crystal grows in the blood of someone who had dark emotions at the time the blood was spilt as long as the blood was spilt on the rich soil of the planet dathomir and it was blood of someone with dark emotions at the time the blood was spilt. the first who's blood made a crystal was a sith who had mutated himself and was heavily corrupted by the dark side of the force so when his blood Sept into the soil of dathomir it made the soil corrupted and made the first sanguine crystals which were the strongest. after awhile the crystals were found by the crimson knights in a cave with the holocron of that sith also in the cave .

Grammarcheck A free tool to use it.

 

[that one star wars fan]

Krass Wyms I used Grammarly but I don't know if it helped much if Grammarly really did help me please tell me

 

[Krass Wyms]

T that one star wars fan

You still have them all as massive runon sentences. please add some form of punctuation. This is meant to be reaad by others when they encounter it. You want to try and give them something presentable so they can get the idea of the submission.

As to the abilities of the crystal what force abilities are being used to absorb the blood through the lens? In what ways does it make someone stronger?

The strengths of the crystal so outweigh the weaknesses balance is going to be long and drastic. I would recommend choosing one special ability rather then trying to do multiple.

 

[that one star wars fan]

Krass Wyms this should be right now if it doesn't tell me and ill edit this some more I also put all the special abilities in one ability and made one of the abilitys a strength instead

 

[Krass Wyms]

T that one star wars fan

I know Ivory Stroud reached out to help you with this submission. How has that been progressing as my previous judgement request still stands. just combining the abilities to make it one single paragraph but still do multiple effects is not doing as requested.

 

[Ren]

Almost forgot about her

 

[that one star wars fan]

Sorry wrong account

 

[Krass Wyms]

T that one star wars fan

Alright since you have spoken with Ivory Stroud who has offered the help we can continue

Sanguine Saber: When put in a lightsaber handle, it will turn into a dark red saber with a lighter red core and red smoke will come from the saber . The saber will also burn the flesh, but instead of burning the blood, it will absorb the blood, making the saber stronger this rare type of crystal grows in pools of blood and has a type of saber that let blood pass through the crystal do to the saber having a cold heat. sometimes the saber will produce an afterimage of the wielder's movements to disorient foes in combat, making it difficult to find where the blade is . At times, the reason is unknown . Most likely due to the crystal's special properties with the force these illusions can be seen by everyone including the wielder but this illusion doesn't come without a downside while using the illusion you will be less strong so you will have to rely on agility and skill.

I will put this simply.... combining two abilities into a single paragraph because you were told choose one strength is something I would issue a warning and possible ban for trying to skirt the judgement. THankfully John as factory admin is nicer then me. Since the power of these abilities drastically overshadows the weaknesses of the saber this will never pass unless these are properly balanced. I would recommend removing both of them.

The Dark Crystal: This crystal is better used with the dark side, unlike most crystals to the dark emotions of the person whose blood grew one of these crystals . The first to leave blood had dark emotions and grew a crystal was a Sith, but an unknown with his blood was strange and had mutations he had made then the blood sept into the soil of dathomir making the first sanguine crystal

Mirror self: sometimes the saber will produce an afterimage of the wielder's movements to disorient foes in combat, making it difficult to find where the blade is . At times, the reason is unknown . Most likely due to the crystal's special properties with the force these illusions can be seen by everyone including the wielder but this illusion doesn't come without a downside while using the illusion you will be less strong so you will have to rely on agility and skill.

As recommendations are to remove and retool the abilities these should also be removed and changed.

• Slugthrowers and flamethrowers
• The wielder trying to use the light side of the force will cause extreme pain to the user

FOr the number of strengths, degree of power they represent. These weaknesses are a no. You should have ones that go with the strengths as nothing on chaos is foolproof and perfect. There is always a flaw with an ability or technique.

All and all you have had another judge reach out to offer help and we have worked to be understanding and patient. So to allow you to work upon this at your leisure it will be sent back to the pre-factory.

 

[that one star wars fan]

Krass Wyms ok i think this will be good enough maby not but i just wanna check with you

 

[that one star wars fan]

i honestly decided to just do the whole thing over again

 

[Krass Wyms]

T that one star wars fan

Affiliation: Crimson Knights

this will need a link

afterimages it can make afterimages of the blade following the blades movements concealing the true position of the blade

you are going to need something from canon referencing the ability to make after images. Goku fighting with them is one thing but this is star wars

 

[that one star wars fan]

Krass Wyms I think it should be good now just edited it

 

[Krass Wyms]

the Sanguine Crystal imbues the blade with a dark and malevolent energy that can strike fear into the hearts of even the bravest opponents.

mixed properties of the Darkside with a ghost fire crystal

these have no mention in the sub outside of the description and both should be factored in and expanded upon. The afterimages being able to bend light is also a much bigger strength and should have a weakness tied to it that is actionable

 

[that one star wars fan]

Krass Wyms ok this should be good I explained the lore more and I added a weakness tied to bending light