Rakghoul City (Harrip)

[Doctor Zendu]

Location: Belasco, Home Office and Private Practice of Doctor Robert Zendu

Obsessively straightening his desk for the tenth time that day, Doctor Robert Zendu, galactic Psychiatrist grabbed the patient file from the top of the stack to remind himself who was next slated for a session on his Hover couch. As he recognized the file, he grinned widely, with an edge of pure giddiness in his eyes. This was going to be a very interesting patient indeed. The Doctor quickly went over the basics:

Name: Patient #23
Age: 5000 years
Occupation: None
Species: Part human/part Rakghoul.

The man had come to the Doctor seeking treatment for broken thoughts and a "chaotic" mental state. He had certainly come to the right place! Due to his new patient's species, the Doctor was going to have to treat this patient with kid gloves. Literally. The creature was possibly full to the brim with the live Rakghoul virus. Treating poor #23 wouldn't be an easy task since a bio hazard suit would make it hard for Doctor Zendu to convey empathetic facial expressions, but it was a necessary precaution.

He got the bio hazard suit out of a closet and donned it before opening the door to his waiting room, file in hand, calling out his patient's name.

"Mr. Patient #23?"

[member="Harrip"]

 

[Harrip]

Harrip turned at his name being called. His mind had been deep in thought and the sudden outside source of interruption had startled him. He stood saying, "Yes? I am here." He left his two cloaks back on his seat but kept hold of his necklace with a single Durindfire crystal attached to it. He had bought it awhile ago and had made it into something of a thought jewel in his mind. While it did nothing in actuality by itself, Harrip had found that his mind thought clearer with the necklace on.

He smiled, or at least the closest approximation to a smiler that a Rakghoul could accomplish. The bio-hazard suit the man was wearing was amusing, he understood that for safety measures it was important. That, however, did not stop Harrip from thinking that it was highly amusing to see. Harrip planned to explain that the doctor was safe so long as Harrip did not bite or scratch him. Harrip hoped that that would not happen, but it was always better to be safe than sorry.

[member="Doctor Zendu"]

 

[Doctor Zendu]

The Doctor, noticing how odd it was that his receptionist seemed to have gone on a longer lunch break than usual, appraised his patient, standing a few feet away in his bio hazard suit. His voice was slightly muffled through the face shield. "If you have any weapons, you'll have to leave them out here in one of the lockers. But otherwise, welcome to my office." He gave his patient a toothy grin and lead him inside.

Doctor Zendu's office was a sleek, naturally lit modern space decorated with angular furniture. At the end of the office sat his desk, a white chair and an inviting-looking Hover sofa for patients who wanted to recline.

He smiled as he withdrew a little black notebook from his pants pocket. "Please, sit anywhere you like. Most of my patients prefer the Hover sofa. Once you're comfortable we can dive right into it. and you can tell me exactly what's bothering you."

[member="Harrip"]

 

[Harrip]

"Alright." He replied when he was told to leave the weapons in a locker. Of course the weapons he had were of a very different sort to the ones that this man would have thought. Harrip was the weapon. His teeth, his claws, his somewhat deteriorating mind. He could not simply pull them off and leave them behind in a locker... If only he could.... He would have left all his body in some locker in some past world. But that was not possible. He was sealed in this temple as people had called it, but it hardly felt that way. It was a prison to him, a burning prison that would forever encase his mind.

As he stepped into the office, he felt his body tense slightly before relaxing. His experience had always been to avoid tight rooms. Obviously a Rakghoul in tight areas tended to be a little more dangerous and tight spaces were aggravating. For Harrip, a tight space was one that was not an open field. That was what he was used to, large open spaces. Even in the confined areas of dense jungle were more comfortable to him. But he he knew this was a safe place. He had been careful to whom he would show himself. He chose this doctor because he seemed to have had a good track record. He hoped it would hold under a Rakghoul in the office. While it might not be quite as annoying and troublesome as a Kowakian Monkey-Lizard, it would be far more dangerous.

He slowly pulled himself onto the hoverchair. For a few moments he fidgeted and then fell still. Then again he fidgeted, only to stay still again. It took him a little to get used to lying down. The last time he had done that had been during a very good sleep, but that had been weeks ago. His sleep now was broken and he often slept sitting or standing because he was always moving from planet to planet. He thought he found a comfortable position and let his taught muscles relax. He turned his head toward the doctor asking, "So how would you like to start this? Should I start speaking, or wait for you to ask questions?"

[member="Doctor Zendu"]

 

[Doctor Zendu]

The Doctor followed the creature in and took a seat opposite the Hover sofa, his bio hazard suit squeaking as he crossed the room. Hunched over in the chair, he pulled a pen out of his pocket and with little black book in hand, started to take a few notes. Then he looked up at his very interesting new patient.

Doctor Zendu flashed the half-Rakghoul a warm smile. "Oh by all means, you can start talking. You can start by telling me what brought you here today."

[member="Harrip"]

 

[Harrip]

"What brought me here today? Well I think, I think that I just felt the need to confide wholly in someone. I think I found that my inability to speak or work with most people was finally wearing me down and that I needed to talk to someone who wouldn't judge me based on appearances. Ya' know, appearances are the problems with Rakghouls. Everybody's scared simply because I appear to be one of those infected monsters. It hurts, but I can understand. I definitely know the feeling of fear at seeing a Rakghoul, or at least I did know...." Harrip fell silent for a moment. He realized that he had possibly gotten a bit ahead of himself there. "Sorry... Off-subject there." He tried to calm himself, he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. He was surprised that the man couldn't hear it, it sounded like a turbolaser cannon firing on a building, and he had known that sound. Taris had been bombarded very similarly with turbolaser cannons, the day it had been ground to dust. He had been there when lasers fell from the sky and what he later learned was Darth Malak's fleet turned the planet to a wasteland. That was a scenario he did not wish to relive.

He tried to shake himself out of the memory, the smells and screams and crashing attempted to bind him in the past. It hurt much. He had to try and remove himself. So he held his breath, letting his heartbeat slow. Then he began breathing, letting himself take in the air and feeling the room return to his senses. The Doctor returned to his vision and the surrounding fell back to the normal.

[member="Doctor Zendu"]

 

[Doctor Zendu]

Doctor Zendu could see that the creature was becoming more and more distressed. Perhaps he would have to administer a sedative. He furrowed his brow and peered sympathetically at the Rakghoul through his safety shield.

"This might sound, well, funny, but have you thought about seeking out others who share the same 'monstrous', your word, not mine, qualities? Not Rakghouls, of course, because they're barely sentient. However, there are many aliens who have large fangs and claws, and may not judge you so harshly by your appearance?"

He scribbled down a few more notes in his little black book, and tilted his head at #23. "May I ask how you came to be the way you are?"

[member="Harrip"]

 

[Harrip]

Harrip thought for a moment, maybe that was it. Of course his travels had brought him across such beings before. He had met many strange creatures that had been experiments at one time or another. He had found them to be the more understanding.

Then hearing Zendu's question brought back that memory. "A Sith... A Sith made me this. Before I had been a slave, a slave to the Sith. I had been part of the construction effort to build a monument to him. It was on a Sith world, not Korriban. My master had been lord there. He had me transported to Taris for the specific purpose of being bitten... I had not been aware of his intentions at the time.... Until that point I had believed myself to be his favorite slave, but it appears otherwise... Once bitten I was rushed back to the planet and my master used me for experimentation. He halted the transformation partway through in the final stages. It hurt. I don't remember much of the experiments themselves, just the overall feeling of darkness and pain. There was much hate in that place. Eventually he released me back into Taris, I don't know why. So I lived on that planet for many, many years. Only within the last century was I taken off that rock. Sometimes I feel like I am being called back there, but whenever I have made return trips, there has been nothing."

He did not tell the complete truth, not yet. He remembered some of the experiments. Only a small few, and they had been horrifying. Mostly because the experiments were often followed by trials. Those he could remember more vividly than anything else at the time. His mind had been clouded with the Rakghoul brain that he had not yet learned to control. There had been many people he had been tested upon, he would kill them...most brutally.... He was sure he had killed many people he had come to know. But being kept secret and then being sent back to Taris stopped Harrip from ever finding out.

[member="Doctor Zendu"]

 

[Doctor Zendu]

The Doctor starred at Harrip through his biohazard suit with a slack jaw. Most of the time, the Doctor felt more than competent to treat any patient who came through his office, but this creature wasn't like anything he'd ever encountered. The normal course of treatment wouldn't work on a patient like this. Harrip might respond to more experimental treatments, but he couldn't make the creature feel like it was back in a Sith stronghold.

The half-Rakghoul had been treated like a lab rat all of its long life. Doctor Zendu in good conscience couldn't make him his lab rat, too. He decided to continue with talk therapy for now.

He scribbled down a few notes in his black book. "Do you remember the details of any of these experiments?" The Doctor asked curiously. Some patients needed the catharsis of talking about their pain. Some didn't of course, but Doctor Zendu wouldn't know for sure unless he asked.

[member="Harrip"]

 

[Harrip]

"Details...." Harrip's beady eyes clouded over. He was trying to remember specific details. "Pain was constant I know that.... He always seemed so eager...The same table was used most of the time, but there were always different markings on it." He tried to remember, but the strange notations had been utterly unknown to Harrip and so he could not recall any of their meanings nor shapes. "There....There was, was so much Hate there. In his presence. It practically burned you into nothing. His eyes.... they, they seemed to look into your very being. They looked and saw.....then, then the eyes would pin your mind down and break it until you could not resist but obey him. His will would turn yours into.... into.... into ash. You would stand or fall before him with nothing to hide....." He could almost feel those same eyes burning through the shrouds of his mind right now. Their will acting as a worm some times, burrowing in and grabbing the deepest secret you had and dragging it into the light. Or they would simply blow aside everything and leave nothing but a shaken husk. He has seen that happen to some slaves, they would leave his presence mindless, no more than beasts.

He closed his eyes, tears forming at the edge. He pictured the same memory he had had many times over. He was laid on the table, nothing holding him there but his master's will. The master stood at the head of the table and looked directly into Harrip's eyes, daring Harrip to move. Of course, Harrip could not do anything but let his head sag. His mind was spent from even looking at his master. He had a moments look around, along the left side of the room. He saw walls with carvings on them and statues of strange design. Then he noticed one odd factor, one odd item out of place. There was a figure, cloaked and watching intently. Harrip could feel the gaze of his master as it swung over him and looked toward the figure. "There was a man... The apprentice.... that was his name.....There was more fear in him than hate...." Harrip could practically taste the fear rolling off of the man, but in that fear came power, much power. "He was rarely there to the master working on me. I was his secret....his secret experiment...."

Then his mind returned to the master, as he the master's gaze would return to Harrip. His gaze would burn Harrip's mind until there was no resistance, then the words would begin. Words of power and Hate. Words that turn Harrip's mind and soul inside out. He could feel power course through him, but then also he could be weakened to near death. But always the master's eyes were upon him. And always they burned like the sun, burning holes through Harrip's thoughts. "I remember, the metal.... Metal fused to bone.... Flesh sown into metal...." The small metal 'shoulder pads' had been fused to Harrip's bones, allowing them to never truly be removed. They also gave him much pain when a lightsaber cut them, the energy and heat transferring directly into his bones. "The saber would be used to.... to teach lessons. Burning, melting....Reforging...." Harrip could tell his mind was wandering. It hardly could stay focused. With those eyes upon him how could he? They were the eyes of a being of more power than Harrip could ever hope to understand.

He physically shook himself out of the memories, his claws leaving bloodless cuts in his arms as he gripped them so tightly. He let his mind slowly return to what he could remember, trying to keep it focused. He remembered after the tests...The trials..."The master almost always had me tested after each experiment.....He forced me to fight other humans and slaves....Mostly slaves..... There....There, there was a young woman.....I killed her.... Ripped her to shreds..... Never asked her......her name..... She was beautiful....." Tears openly rolled down his cheeks, crying through closed eyes. He couldn't remember much of the woman. He remembered holding her as she slowly bled to death in his arms. He knew that that had been his fault. "Didn't try to do anything.....just watched and held her in....such beautiful eyes...." He remembered her eyes. While filled with fear there was pity in them. As if she could tell that the beast that had killed her was more than a monster. He never learned anything about the woman, his master had been sure of that. He could only recall her robes, brown with traces of blue. Like her eyes. A blue that entered the soul and calmed it.... He remembered that, the blue was always there when he needed it most.

He opened his eyes, seeing only a little through the tears, he turned to the doctor. He asked, "Why did I kill her?" He felt lost...

[member="Doctor Zendu"]

 

[Doctor Zendu]

The Doctor was visibly disturbed by the creature's story. The man's tragic tale trumped anything he'd ever heard in his office before this session. Doctor Zendu felt an unfamiliar flicker of self-doubt, a rare emotion for the usually confident doctor. Was he the right kind of doctor to treat this fascinating patient? He spoke up with a shaky voice.

"Number 23, first of all no one should have had to endure what you suffered. I think it's important to remember that you were manipulated by the Sith. And to remember what happened to you isn't a flaw in your personality or character. It's something that happened to you, not who you are."

"I think you can, with the right treatment of course, start down the road to recovering from this tragedy, but I'm afraid that talk therapy may not be the right course of action." He paused, unsure of how the creature would react to his next statement.

"Your torture was extreme beyond anything that most people could imagine and the fact that it went on for so many years has, quite frankly, left you damaged beyond recourse. I would like to would recommend a more aggressive form of treatment, and it's not something I would normally suggest. Would you like to hear more about it?"

[member="Harrip"]

 

[Harrip]

"Yes, Yes please. Tell me more." He tried to keep his voice steady, but there was a slight amount of desperation in it. He had lived many centuries with those memories. They always seemed fresh and he could never forget. It was as if his master had sealed those memories within Harrip's mind just to torment him for all his life. Of course Harrip doubted that his master had intended on letting Harrip live past the master's death. Maybe it was a mistake, Harrip didn't know. All he knew was that his master had died and left Harrip to continue on existing, not living.

He was intrigued as always by the possibility of a new treatment. Of course he had tried to go in for treatment many times. He first tried to cure the plague, which had two problems. One was that the Alchemy that had been used on Harrip could have negatively affected him if the plague were removed. And also because the plague was halted mid transformation, it would not be able to be removed like the normal Rakghoul Plague. After the doctors at the time had told him this, Harrip had set out for a cure to the Alchemy. But this too had failed. Apparently, the Alchemy was about the only thing stopping the plague from continuing the transformation, or mutating outright into another monstrosity. Harrip was never fully phased by the failures of the past. He was always hoping for a new treatment that had even the faintest hope of curing him.

His eyes had stopped watering and were looking up at the doctor with hope renewed. A fire was kindled there, a fire that was one of hope and one that would not be doused until it was proven that the hope was futile.

[member="Doctor Zendu"]

 

[Doctor Zendu]

Now that Number 23 was calmer, Doctor Zendu was calmer himself. He leveled his large brown eyes at the half Rakghoul with a serious expression. "Number 23, what I'm going to suggest is a cranial surgery and cybernetic memory implantation. There are doctors out there who can go into to your brain." He made a twisting gesture with a thin finger. "And replace those horrible memories with ones that don't cause you as much distress."

He nodded gravely, his voice still muffled through the face shield. "I believe that it is your only chance at living a semblance of a normal life."

"Unfortunately I am not the kind of doctor who can perform this operation. You'll have to seek a specialist. Just make sure that whoever does it is a reputable doctor, otherwise you could end up even more karked up than you are now, no offense."

[member="Harrip"]

 

[Harrip]

"None taken." Harrip thought for a moment. This might be the answer he was looking for, or it may be exactly the opposite of what he needed. Yes his memories were horrible, yes it would give him much more peace to not have them, but would that truly help? Could it change who he was? He knew that even though his physical, and sometimes mental, conditions made him appear to be a monster, his emotions were anything but that. He had always tried to help those he had met, with varying success. He wondered if maybe removing the memories he had come to live with would remove the identity he lived as. He wondered how effective such a surgery would be on a body that had a plague that would constantly mutate. It may be that the cybernetics would be absorbed into the body and become part of the plague. He truly did not know, and he was fairly certain that most of his fears would not be true.

It may be that the answer to the problem was the operation suggested. Maybe it would cure him of his mental and emotional issues, aside from the Rakghoul mind of course. He thought about what he had spoken earlier. Would those memories be worth forgetting? He had completely forgotten the woman before now. It had been so long since he had last thought of the inner workings of the experimentation that his full memories had been subdued by time and fear. He wondered if it was worth forgetting her.

"Do you have any suggestions as to who to go to?"

[member="Doctor Zendu"]

 

[Doctor Zendu]

"I believe that most of the galaxy's major corporations have cybernetics divisions, but I hear very good things about Mirage Cybernetics. You'll have to hitch a ride to Geonosis, but I believe the results would be worth it." The doctor clapped his notebook shut and stood, his knees creaking. "I'm afraid our hour is up, Number 23. If you choose to have the surgery done, I would very much like to find out if it's helped you."

"We can keep up our therapy sessions regardless of whether or not you elect to get the surgery, but I'm doubtful about the outcome of talk therapy in your case."

Doctor Zendu strode to the door and with a tight-lipped smile, held it open for the creature.

"Until next time, Number 23?"

[member="Harrip"]

 

[Harrip]

"Until next time." He nodded as he passed through the door. As he picked up his cloaks, Harrip smiled, turning his head, and said, "Oh, and no need to call me Twenty-three. Call me....Harrip."

He thought beyond that, "Twenty-three, that was never truly my name...I only believed it was because of him. Now he no longer holds me, not the way he used to. Now I am free, I will keep the name I chose to use. Certainly not the nicest of names, but one that I can have without the negatives of him. The Rakghouls had called me that and that is what I am. So shall my name be Harrip to all. For different reasons, but still the point is that it will be my name. Not a name given to me, but my name."

He stood waved at [member="Doctor Zendu"] with his mind mulling over those thoughts. He would be back, if luck granted....no not luck, the Force. So he moved forward, to someday return. Maybe he would have the surgery, maybe not. He would first start by taking these steps to freedom. He would first come to terms with himself, before deciding whether or not to change his person. He should have done that from the start, but it had taken him time to sort himself out, now Harrip understood.

"I look forward to our next meeting." Those last words left his mouth right before he stepped out of the waiting room. He didn't want to hear what the doctor had to say yet. There was so much to think about. That thinking would have to be done by himself with no outside influence. He could listen to those around him after he had made decisions. Then he could change to fit the suggestions of others, but for now he would not look to others for answers to his problems. But he knew that these problems need not be faced alone; he may look for other beings who had been changed against their will. If he could at least find someone else to talk to, someone with similar life experience, he could ask them what they thought. He doubted it would be easy to find another being with a life similar to his, especially in the lack of people he truly met. But then again, he would have to look again. Look in places he had previously not and hopefully that would find results.