Approved Tech Rage's Tome

[Darth Rage]

[SIZE=11pt]OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION[/SIZE]

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  [SIZE=11pt]Intent: An alchemical book for Rage[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Image Source: None[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Canon Link: N/A[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Primary Source: Here[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=11pt]PRODUCTION INFORMATION[/SIZE]

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  [SIZE=11pt]Manufacturer: [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Rage[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Affiliation: Rage[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Model: Book[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Modularity: Unique[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Material: Paper and flesh[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=11pt]SPECIAL FEATURES[/SIZE]

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  [SIZE=11pt]Can grant control of most darkside alchemical creatures[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Can grant control and summon hellspawn[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Can control undead[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=11pt]Strengths:[/SIZE]

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  [SIZE=11pt]Can control hellspawn with ample sacrifice and rehearsed verse (Star weirds, Demons, Etc.) ~So long as is not player or notable NPC~[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Can control the Undead with ample sacrifice and rehearsed verse (Zombies, Vampires, Etc.) ~So long as is not player or notable NPC~[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Can summon many types of hellspawn with ample sacrifice and rehearsed verse[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Can create alchemical beast with ample sacrifice and rehearsed verse[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Can control Darkside alchemical creatures with ample sacrifice and rehearsed verse ~So long as is not player or notable NPC~[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=11pt]Weaknesses:[/SIZE]

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  [SIZE=11pt]Slowly drives user mad[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Requires the blood of a sacrifice[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]If book is dropped and touches ground user will lose control ~Whatever is summoned is likely to turn on the user~[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]Requires considerable Darkside corruption to use and is easily detectable[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]The larger the Hellspawn or alchemical beast summoned the larger the blood sacrifice must be[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]The book can be sent back to where it came with extended exposure to Sith lightning[/SIZE]
  
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  [SIZE=11pt]For most creature[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]s already created a simple sentence and a drop of blood is needed, for creatures summoned, reciting a paragraph to a page in addition to the blood is needed[/SIZE]
  
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  If the artifact or creature is affected by an Ysalamiri's Force Bubble the book's powers won't function, Void Stones and other Force nullifying fields can reduce or negate the Book's powers.
  
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  While uncontrolled creatures can be rudimentary tasks to control, larger and more powerful creatures or those under the influence of other Force Users can be much more difficult, sometimes possessing strong enough wills to resist or disregard his attempts to control them.
  

[SIZE=11pt]DESCRIPTION[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]On the cover of this tome lies the face of Audroti’s first kill. He peeled the flesh from the man's head and had the hide turned into the cover. It was a disgusting act even for a Sith, but Rage had to give into the atrocity completely. He had to relish, savor, the mad act of carving his enemy apart. Only then would the darkside even begin to open itself to him in the manner he desired. Holy paper blessed by the Emperor Valkorian, said to come from his very essence was acquired. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]The pages were inscribed with ancient Sith runes in the blood of a hundred different Jedi. But still, it would not work as hoped. It was only until Rage had his acolytes asked palpatine’s holocron that the cursed things secrets began to unfurl themselves. Palpatine knew the secrets of alchemical knowledge, eldritch in sense and powerful beyond imagination. Through his holocron Rage found a way to power said book. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]A planetary sacrifice. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]A ritual by Rage’s acolytes was started on Alderaan. They carved an ancient rune known only by palpatine in the planets very core. It drove them mad, but they achieved their purpose. Rage fore saw that Tarkin would destroy Alderaan. Things went as he had predicted and the cursed planet met an end. The book gave a sickening cry as it absorbed the power of over a billion souls. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]The runes within the pages glowed a new hue of red and the summons began. Rage held book to hands and soon divined it’s purpose. But as Rage’s strong connection to the force bound him to his crystal throne it too bound him to the book. He became it’s avatar and it became his novel, slowly driving him to the brink of madness.[/SIZE]

 

[Laira Darkhold]

<p>Under Review.</p>

 

[Laira Darkhold]

[member="Darth Rage"]

Hi there, I'll be reviewing this submission. First off, I enjoy the concept, but we may have to tweak a few things here and there.

Manufacturer: Rage

Could you hyperlink your Character Bio in this field

Can control hellspawn (Star weirds, Demons, Etc.) ~So long as is not player or notable NPC~
Can control the Undead (Zombies, Vampires, Etc.) ~So long as is not player or notable NPC~
Can summon many types of hellspawn
Can create alchemical beast
Can control Darkside alchemical creatures ~So long as is not player or notable NPC~

So here, I think we could use a toning down of the language and perhaps some limitations into how much he could theoretically control.
Some Ideas would be "Can increase the likelihood of controlling" the various creatures, while limitations might be "he may only be able to assert control over a single creature depending on its size and power".

This could also make a note about only providing him an edge in wrestling control from other Sith as well, just to give an opening for other writers to keep control of their Beast Companions.

It was only until Rage had his acolytes take the cursed thing to Palpatine himself that the book’s secrets began to unfurl themselves. Palpatine knew the secrets of alchemical knowledge, eldritch in sense and powerful beyond imagination. He found a way to bring forth the energy needed to power such a book.

A planetary sacrifice.

A ritual by palpatine’s inquisitors was started on Alderaan. They carved an ancient rune known only by palpatine in the planets very core. It drove them mad, but they achieved their purpose. Palpatine knew that the traitors lie on Alderaan and fore saw that Tarkin would destroy it. Things went as he had predicted and the cursed planet met an end. The book gave a sickening cry as it absorbed the power of over a billion souls.

The runes within the pages glowed a new hue of red and the summons began. Palpatine betrayed Rage’s acolytes and all met their ends save one. He narrowly escaped with book and life. He fled back to Rage’s temple on Dxun where the dark side would mask his own and the books signature, so that he might hide from the Emperor.

Even so the acolyte feared not even Darth Rage would be enough to save them should the Emperor truly wish to have the book... Rage held book to hands and soon divined it’s purpose. But as Rage’s strong connection to the force bound him to his crystal throne it too bound him to the book. He became it’s avatar and it became his novel, slowly driving him to the brink of madness.

So this causes some issues.

While Canon Artifacts are allowed as replicas, I don't believe heavy alteration of Canon events is a good idea. If you wouldn't mind rewriting some of the description so that perhaps the book's creation was a bit more vague or not as directly connected to Canon events.

Perhaps something along the lines of Rage using the Graveyard's aura of death and sorrow to assist in unlocking its secrets, rather than Palpatine and Rage teaming up to blow up alderaan.

Let me know what you think.

 

[Darth Rage]

I've edited the background story, and added the hyperlink, and placed more limitations on the summons. Tbh I had merely copy and pasted another approved sub and changed the backstory

[member="Laira Darkhold"]

 

[Laira Darkhold]

[member="Darth Rage"]

You should include it as a Primary Source then. As a rule of thumb, if you look to a submission for inspiration or take heavily form its concept, you should link it as a Primary Source to give that Writer credit for their work.

As for the other issues I addressed, the language of the aspect of Control could still be toned down to give other writers attempting to direct beasts or with beast companions a more clear opening.

As a final note, being a Force Artifact, the mention of Ysalamiri and Void Stones as a weakness would be beneficially.

 

[Darth Rage]

Sorry, I added a weakness that might do what you are asking, but I am unsure exactly what you mean

[member="Laira Darkhold"]

 

[Laira Darkhold]

[member="Darth Rage"]

I'm mostly looking for something that differentiates it from the previous submission and helps soothe some of the strong verbiage it uses out some.

Weaknesses:

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  If the artifact or creature is affected by an Ysalamiri's Force Bubble the book's powers won't function, Void Stones and other Force nullifying fields can reduce or negate the Book's powers.
  
• 
  While uncontrolled creatures can be rudimentary tasks to control, larger and more powerful creatures or those under the influence of other Force Users can be much more difficult, sometimes possessing strong enough wills to resist or disregard his attempts to control them.
  

Something like these is what I'm looking for. I Believe it would help a lot with the wording and understanding of this submission. You don't have to use this, but something along these lines provides openings for other writers.

Given how closely this submission resembles its predecessor, you may want to reach out to the Writer of the Necronomicon for permission or edit this submission to further separate it from the Necronomicon.

 

[Darth Rage]

I added your weaknesses, thank you for clarifying. I appreciate your help! As for the player, it appears he hasn't been on in some time...

[member="Laira Darkhold"]

 

[Laira Darkhold]

Approved.