Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Nardoshians

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Tarishee

https://media.giphy.com/media/FvYrJoGr14YBa/giphy.
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Intent: [For roleplay. For the planet Narbada, the ancestors of narbada.
GENERAL INFORMATION
  • Name: [Nardoshian]
  • Designation: [Sentient]
  • Homeworld: http://starwarsrp.net/topic/110483-narbada/
  • Language: [Native Nardoshian, Basic]
  • Average Lifespan: [0-805 years, or longer depending on health]
  • Estimated Population: [Planetary]
  • Description: [Very kind and caring. Easy to be fooled yet intellectual, and also very agile. Their strength make up for a wookies, but don't underestimate these species, they're quick like a Trandoshan, having blue circular eyes that intimidate the enemy.]
PHYSICAL INFORMATION
  • Breathes: [Type 1 and type 2 atmospheres]
  • Average height of adults: [ 2.5 meters]
  • Average length of adults: [0.7 Meter]
  • Skin color: [Blue, Red, Brown, Green, Purple(Main Color), Blue&Brown, Brown&Red, Purple&Blue]
  • Hair color: [White, Purple, Dark Brown, Red, Pink, Black]
  • Distinctions: [Having a tall colorful body with small noses and all types of hair colors, blue eyes and big hands. The male being dominant as the female takes the lower position both come in handy. They work together as a team and if both are a couple, teamwork failure is never an issue. The man takes care of the kids and goes to work and helps clean up just as the Female would do, the female will also relax and take care of the Males stress and relieve his sores. Having such height in average adults, especially the males. It is a great use for reaching over to taller tree's, having a tall body it'd make since to have long arms along side as well, also being able to give the enemy a knock back and intimidate enemies, it comes in handy when in battle. Having muscle thick and strong as a rock and having such strong layered thin natural armors it'd be impossible to be hunted down by other beasts, though there are flaws. Their few abilities are to become one with the force and interact/use it. Also sharing intellectual power. They can tame animals and calm them down. The females on the other hand are not the dominant, having high morale though plays the role. They cheer up the environment, also used as great healers and stress relievers. Their ability to use force is also a thing too. Fighting styles are not better than the average males though.
  • Races:
  • Agocnords- Set aside and being another race of the planet narbada having relatives known as the Nardoshians. Their skin color is different and can be seen on the bottom of the screen and their body shape is odd.
  • Zeans: Being another race and top feared of the planet as it seems, they are not that smart and have a default color of grey.(I'll make links for these two races later on)An image is seen down below which is the four armed creature.
  • South Nardoshian: Having the same race of a nardoshian they come in different variations and outlooks
  • Zuf: Being one of the rare races of the Nardoshians they are a relative, having open and exposed muscles and blue or purple skin colors.
  • Strengths: [Agile, Strong, Tall, Force Believers/and users, and camouflage/matching colors, vector and cant catch disease, space breathing ability]
  • Weaknesses:
  • SOFT OF HEART: the thought of killing your enemy doesn't sit well with you, sometimes causing you to decline the finishing blow, or miss entirely.
  • GULLIBLE: Easily taken in by others, and prone to being decieved or tricked
CULTURE
  • Diet: [Can take on poisonous foods, foods such as Bouba Berry's black juicy berry's(not poisonous), Cowmo Nuts which are dark blue and brown nuts which are seen rarely, acid of the planet is drinkable to them, waters, and meats. Daromill's, huge cow like animals with spikes from their head to their back]
  • Communication: [Using the force, Telepathic, Signs, or speaking/talking]
  • Technology level: [Moderate, for the Nardoshian Ancestors, new and great resource and materials weren't found just then]
  • Religion/Beliefs: [They don't have a religion]
  • General behavior: [Kind and caring, strict punishment and intellectual morales, taking good care and showing great examples also training their young ones on action/fighting styles and techniques, mating call or romance, praying to the universe, showing good respect and taking care of property and cleaning up the area always. Yes, they hunt. Yes, they build. They don't explore in any way, at the most they are actually planetary, it is rare for exploration. Etc, etc. ]
HISTORICAL INFORMATION
[Native Species of Narbada, being the powerful and strongest ones, the ancestors of Narbada are the start offs, the knowledgeable and intellectual beings of the planet, having many wars and fought against other planets wiping them out and making the others extinct. Learning year by year, for a more peaceful life in their planet, changing and abiding by rules and coming up with new ones, their explicit body structure shows intimidation in a few species that share the planet often scaring them away and or making the Nardoshians fierce.


http://starwarsrp.net/groups/944-forgotten-defeat/
 
[member="Tarishee"]

It is the job of the CJs to review submissions for approval to ensure every submission follows the rules, theme, and setting of the forum without breaking the game.

There's no need to panic.

Ashin will let you know if anything needs edits or clarification.
 

Tarishee

https://media.giphy.com/media/FvYrJoGr14YBa/giphy.
Mahet said:
[member="Tarishee"]

It is the job of the CJs to review submissions for approval to ensure every submission follows the rules, theme, and setting of the forum without breaking the game.

There's no need to panic.

Ashin will let you know if anything needs edits or clarification.
Ok thanks, just making sure i'm on top of everything, lol sorry.
 
Hi there [member="Tarishee"] :) due to some stuff happening in Ashin's real life I'll be taking over the review of your submissions! I'm here to guide you into a creating an interesting species that fits well into SWRP Chaos. So let's get started!

First up, the Links section is for notable role plays which involve them or other submissions which involve the Nardoshians like technology or characters. If there's nothing yet, please put N/A. The Image Source link should be with the Image Credit section.

  • Language: [Native Nardoshian, English]
Please put 'Basic' as the language instead of English as that's the main language in Star Wars. Since there's no England in Star Wars, you can't have English ;)

  • Description: [Very kind and caring. Easy to be fooled yet intellectual, and also very agile. Their strength make up for a wookies. Their body description/image may not match but don't underestimate these species, they're quick like a Trandoshan and carries the strength like a Wookie, having blue circular eyes that intimidate the enemy.]
I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "Their body description/image may not match". Are you saying the image you gave isn't what they look like? You also don't need to mention the Wookiee strength twice.


  • Races: [Ockvolley's-A well known/moderate known species in this planet, however not showing popularity like the Nardoshians. The ockvolley's come in different colors shapes and sizes. Weighing from 300 pounds and about 8-10 feet, having the strength of a wookie. Thought their brain power was not good at all, and were often looked down as useless. ​
  • Jawoline- Weak warriors of the planet Narbada and very sensitive. Though don't misunderstand them, they run twice the times faster than a cheetah. Running at about 120 mph, only weighing 50-105 pounds. Having a height like the Nexu
The Races section isn't about wildlife or other species they live alongside. It's for variations in race like you see in humans: Africans, Europeans, East Asians and so on.

Tag me by pressing the mention button beneath my name once you've made the appropriate changes and we can continue!
 

Tarishee

https://media.giphy.com/media/FvYrJoGr14YBa/giphy.
Samka Derith said:
Hi there [member="Tarishee"] :) due to some stuff happening in Ashin's real life I'll be taking over the review of your submissions! I'm here to guide you into a creating an interesting species that fits well into SWRP Chaos. So let's get started!

First up, the Links section is for notable role plays which involve them or other submissions which involve the Nardoshians like technology or characters. If there's nothing yet, please put N/A. The Image Source link should be with the Image Credit section.

Please put 'Basic' as the language instead of English as that's the main language in Star Wars. Since there's no England in Star Wars, you can't have English ;)

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "Their body description/image may not match". Are you saying the image you gave isn't what they look like? You also don't need to mention the Wookiee strength twice.


The Races section isn't about wildlife or other species they live alongside. It's for variations in race like you see in humans: Africans, Europeans, East Asians and so on.

Tag me by pressing the mention button beneath my name once you've made the appropriate changes and we can continue!
Thanks, i understand, i can fix that flaw. It'll take a few days probably since i'm doing things. THANKS! :D
 

Tarishee

https://media.giphy.com/media/FvYrJoGr14YBa/giphy.
Samka Derith said:
Hi there [member="Tarishee"] :) due to some stuff happening in Ashin's real life I'll be taking over the review of your submissions! I'm here to guide you into a creating an interesting species that fits well into SWRP Chaos. So let's get started!

First up, the Links section is for notable role plays which involve them or other submissions which involve the Nardoshians like technology or characters. If there's nothing yet, please put N/A. The Image Source link should be with the Image Credit section.

Please put 'Basic' as the language instead of English as that's the main language in Star Wars. Since there's no England in Star Wars, you can't have English ;)

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "Their body description/image may not match". Are you saying the image you gave isn't what they look like? You also don't need to mention the Wookiee strength twice.


The Races section isn't about wildlife or other species they live alongside. It's for variations in race like you see in humans: Africans, Europeans, East Asians and so on.

Tag me by pressing the mention button beneath my name once you've made the appropriate changes and we can continue!
I believed it's fixed :D, i hope so.
 
[member="Tarishee"]

Please put N/A next to the Links part of your template


Tarishee said:
Distinctions: The male being dominant as the female takes the lower position both come in handy. They work together as a team and if both are a couple, teamwork failure is never an issue. The man takes care of the kids and goes to work and helps clean up just as the Female would do, the female will also relax and take care of the Males stress and relieve his sores. The religion of this race is none, almost like atheism but a difference, only believing in the force and the universe, the brown cheetah like Nardoshians believe in Planetary gods, for an instance gods such as the god like creature on Atollon in Star Wars Rebels. The orange and light red specimen believe in gods all around, as the purple/blue and dark red Nardoshians believe in simply the universe.
The distinctions section is for physical descriptions. The gender roles would go under the culture section and religion under the religion/beliefs section.


Tarishee said:
Weaknesses: [To harmful chemical exposure, and the deadliness of getting braindead/shot in the head and or stabbed in the head]
Your strengths are good but your weaknesses aren't really a weakness of the species. Most species in the galaxy including humans don't deal well with being shot or stabbed in the head. A weakness could be that their skulls are softer than most species and that makes their heads a real weak point, for example.


Tarishee said:
General behavior: [Kind and caring, strict punishment and intellectual morales, taking good care and showing great examples also training their young ones on action/fighting styles and techniques, mating call or romance (*wink wink*), praying to the universe, showing good respect and taking care of property and cleaning up the area always. Yes, they hunt. Yes, they build. They don't explore commonly. Hybrid/ they commonly do both. Yes, however if chosen by the parent, it's a law to tell the truth to the younglings. Etc, etc. ]
Full sentences would go a long way here. Parts like "Hybrid/ they commonly do both. Yes, however if chosen by the parent" don't make any sense, I'm afraid. If you could clean up both this section and the Historical Information section into full sentences then it would go a long way towards moving this species to approval.

The other images aren't necessary here. They're for other species you should submit separately and should be removed from this submission as this is only about the Nardoshians :)

Almost done now!
 
[member="Tarishee"]



Tarishee said:
Their strength make up for a wookies, but don't underestimate these species,
The wording on this part doesn't make sense. Are you saying they are as strong as a Wookiee?

You still talk about cultural and religious things in the distinctions section. The distinctions section is to describe your species' physical appearance in greater detail and nothing else.

I'll also ask that you remove the *wink wink* from the general behaviour so we keep things professional :p

I did ask before that the Historical Information section be made into full sentences. That has not yet been done.
 

Tarishee

https://media.giphy.com/media/FvYrJoGr14YBa/giphy.
Samka Derith said:
[member="Tarishee"]



The wording on this part doesn't make sense. Are you saying they are as strong as a Wookiee?

You still talk about cultural and religious things in the distinctions section. The distinctions section is to describe your species' physical appearance in greater detail and nothing else.

I'll also ask that you remove the *wink wink* from the general behaviour so we keep things professional :p

I did ask before that the Historical Information section be made into full sentences. That has not yet been done.
Done, btw the wookie thing is "They're strong as a wookie" i tried making it seem professional on that part.
 
[member="Tarishee"]
Okay good work, we're almost there.



Tarishee said:
Their strength make up for a wookies
Then could you turn this into a real sentence?

Your text goes a different colour part way through your post and then back. Please change the blue text back to the automatic colour.
 
This submission is being moved to the Pre-Codex due to inactivity. It will have two weeks for edits or it will be archived.

Please tag me when you are ready to resume judgement.

[member="Tarishee"]
 

Tarishee

https://media.giphy.com/media/FvYrJoGr14YBa/giphy.
Mahet said:
This submission is being moved to the Pre-Codex due to inactivity. It will have two weeks for edits or it will be archived.

Please tag me when you are ready to resume judgement.

[member="Tarishee"]




Sorry had to deal with real life issues
 

Tarishee

https://media.giphy.com/media/FvYrJoGr14YBa/giphy.
Mahet said:
This submission is being moved to the Pre-Codex due to inactivity. It will have two weeks for edits or it will be archived.

Please tag me when you are ready to resume judgement.

[member="Tarishee"]
I'm ready to resume
 
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