Faith
[Continuation of A Deadly Farewell]
Her room was dark as Nylea mustered every bit of strength she had to remain on her knees instead of completely collapsing to the floor. The lights were off and the closed door let nothing through, and the sunlight that would have shone through the windows was blocked by the dark clouds that had formed. Heavy rain fell, accompanied by thunder and lightning, the wind blew heavily. It was no doubt the Force weeping over what had transpired not even an hour ago, and Nylea wept along. Her eyes were closed as tearstreams went down from her eyes to her chin, where the tears collected until they were heavy enough to fall onto her upper legs. Her breathing was irregular and absorbed barely enough oxygen to keep herself concious, but all those things were like a blur. An insignificant speck in the canvas of her mind, the rest filled in by what was going on inside her head.Is doing the right thing even possible?
She had lost it all before. It had been her fault, she always told herself. She had let fear take control and had turned her into a slave of the Dark Side, but that time she had a savior. Slowly she was able to rebuild her life, culminating in joining the Order of the Sacred Lotus. Finally she had a home again, a goal to work towards, the ability to do good. Now, that was all slipping through her fingers again. Hazel, the woman she looked up to, had... the echani had no words to describe it. It hurt like no other pain had ever felt, and one that was likely never going away. Meanwhile her closest friend was fighting for her life, and she herself was powerless to do anything but be a broken heap hiding from the outside world.
It was her fault. Again.
Haunting questions started filling her thoughts as Nylea forced herself up to her feet, breathing heavily as she did. With her sleeve she looked to wipe away the tearstreams from her face, but it didn't help much. Not that it mattered much to her. Stumbling over to the small kitchenette she opened one of the cupboards with a shaking hand, gripping a glass and taking it out. Her shaky hold was not nearly strong enough however, causing the glass to fall out of her hand and come crashing down to the floor. When it made impact, it shattered into pieces, causing another wave of tears and despair to break through her system. Leaning her hands on the counter teardrops fell inbetween them as she felt her legs slowly give out again.
Did I deserve this?
The silver-haired woman lifted one hand and moved it towards the faucet, looking to turn it on. Her knees buckled as she did, causing her to quickly slam it back down in a panic-filled attempt to stay standing. It was to no avail and she collapsed, falling into the glass shards on the floor. Small cuts formed across her lower legs, right arm, and her back as they made contact with the glass, small drops of blood mixing with the shards. Using her hands to push herself back up they were cut open too, but she was numb to it all. Stumbling once more, still bleeding a little, she make her way over to her bed in which she fell into. Leaning her head against her pillow and covering herself with her blanket, she closed her eyes, trying to shut out everything. She wanted nothing more than sleep.