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[Bernard]

I've been thinking about making one of these for a while now, but always felt I hadn't quite put out a sufficient amount of content to let people get a good gauge on what I'm doing. Now, a good few dozen posts later, I'm still not entirely sure what metric I would use to determine just when I'm "ready" to merit being critiqued by my fellow writers here in this community, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and set one up, metrics be damned. The way I figure it, the more often you check in on how things are going, the better you can course-correct before things go south. So here I am, open to all kinds of critique and feedback.

Let me know what you like or hate about my writing, my ideas, and/or my characters (especially my main hombre Bernard). Anything that grates against your resolve whenever you work through those lengthy indulgences of mine each time you're tagged. Any snippets of text or ideas you enjoyed enough that you want to see more of or want me to expand upon. Also, things I might not even have considered (always ideal to expand one's horizon).

Hit me with your thoughts and be as open and candid as you feel you have to be. I'm here to, as they say, 'get good' and the only way to do that is to start getting some pointers on what I can do better!

 

[Jacen Nimdok]

I like that you always angry react in-character. I find it amusing, especially since I always know it's you when I see the annoyed red face at the bottom of someone's post.

Other than that, Bernard sticks out to me because he's a grumpy white knight. You have conveyed that very well. I also remember some thread (my brain is fried today, I apologize in advance) where he fought... Lanik Dawnstar I think? It was somebody with Henry Cavill as their avatar. I liked that Bernard came across as an immovable nerf herder and a stick in the mud while still maintaining the honorable Jedi mentality, even though he was fighting another Jedi.

You could describe him as the anti-Galahad - Galahad of course was a knight who was known for being perfect and pure of heart, the only guy worthy of claiming the Holy Grail, and consequently he has a reputation for being a boring, uninteresting Gary Stu. Or maybe Bernard is Galahad taken to his logical, realistic conclusion, where an obsession with spiritual and bodily purity becomes an evil in and of itself due to his pride getting in the way of him truly being a good person, let alone a capable Jedi Knight. The obvious arc for him then would be to learn how to overcome his pride and loosen up a little - a tricky thing to pull off in real life, let alone in fiction, because you don't want the grumpy guy to completely change and suddenly become laid-back. You do want him to mellow a little and mature. At least, that's what I want, and I usually want what everyone else wants.

I also really dig the medieval aesthetic you're going for.

Bernard of Arca