Pirate Prince
Since there is (was? I think it’s already over) a fad going around where people beg for feedback, I figured I’d go ahead and jump on the (swiftly departing) bandwagon while I still can. Except I’m putting a twist on mine—in exchange for giving me feedback, you get my advice for free!... wait....
But really, this is just a collection of musings based on what I’ve observed while reading the work of other writers here on Chaos. I don’t profess to be an expert in writing (to be honest, no one is, because language is constantly changing) but I do have over a decade’s worth of experience as an enthusiastic hobbyist when it comes to creative writing, so I guess you could say I know a little somethin' about it.
I realize a lot of you probably aren’t all that interested in bettering your craft. For some, RPing is just a way of living out your own personal power fantasy. There’s no shame in admitting it; most people are average, life grinds us down, and it’s good that you’ve found an outlet that’s as creative as this. Just be glad you aren’t a degenerate like the people on R-rated RP sites. But for those of you who are trying to better yourselves as writers, like me, I offer this as a gift back to the community that has helped keep me sane throughout this long winter and mad spring.
As far as my own feedback is concerned, I'm looking for your opinion on any and all of my characters: Alyosha, Val, Nimdok, Inanna, Starlin, even Heliobas and Anesha (though I've barely done anything with her yet). Be as harsh or as soft as you want to, I just want to know how y'all perceive them as characters, what I'm doing wrong, and what I can do to improve.
And as much as I find it funny when people misspell Nimdok’s name (Nimdock is the most common one, but I’ve also seen Nimdcok, Nimok, and even Nimrod.) there’s really no excuse for it. It’s literally written right there in front of you. You can copy and paste it if you have to.
Here’s the thing, though. There’s a very common bad habit here that I like to call the “three-dimensional conversation”. Basically, in each post your character will respond to (on average) three different topics within the same conversation. It isn’t a huge deal within the context of the medium, but it is a bit of a peeve of mine because that’s not how conversations work in real life. It’s the primary reason why I don’t read other people’s threads for pleasure; it destroys most of the tension, for one, but it’s also very stilted when you’re reading post to post. The characters don’t bounce off each other so much as they talk over each other. It doesn’t flow naturally. Does that make sense?
It’s also pretty obvious that you’re using this 3D thing in order to pad out your posts and make them seem longer than they actually are and/or because you’re anxious about keeping the conversation interesting. It doesn’t work as well as you think.
An easy alternative to this is to make your character more talkative instead. I conceived
Jacen Nimdok
as a verbose former professor both because I liked the idea of a character who is very knowledgeable and loves the sound of his own voice, and because I wanted to get around this problem. I still fall into the 3D habit with him, but usually only because the person(s) I’m interacting with are doing it and I have to keep up. I still don’t like it and I have a feeling most people do it without thinking about how bizarre it would look if you were to line up each line of dialogue in a sequence. Just imagine putting your dialogue in transcript form and you'll see what I mean.
I realize none of those are the power fantasies of most people, but if you want people to be interested in your writing (and if you want to have more fun than you’ve ever had in your whole life) then you have to think outside the box. Go outside your comfort zone. If it doesn’t work out (most of the characters created on here wind up being failures anyway), that’s okay. At least you tried to do something new and venture out a little.
But you’ve also got to be careful with this stuff...
I’ve even seen a few cases of people fetishizing their character’s “uniqueness”. You do that, as far as I’m concerned you’re just looking for attention. It’s like tacking on a mental illness or weird phobia to your character’s weaknesses purely because you need something to spice things up or want to create artificial drama.
Now, I do have a character (Val Drutin ) who is deeply affected by his insanity. It affects all his interactions with others. But I brought him into this world alongside his brother Alyosha Drutin —they were conceived together and their traits inform each others’ so that I have something to play off of. Val isn’t just a crazy and impulsive person you might have a weird encounter with on the streets of Coruscant late at night; he’s also someone’s brother, someone’s son, someone’s friend. He can be goofy and wacky and weird, but at his core he is meant to be taken seriously and to still be relatable to the ordinary person.
I’m not coming at this from the “violent video games are bad because they let you kill innocents” angle. I’m coming at this from the “real people are not disposable, so don’t write them that way” angle. Whether you’re massacring innocents or simply getting into a barroom brawl, let there be consequences. Under normal real-life circumstances, the police will show up at the very least. Long-term consequences like facing charges of war crimes, being pursued by bounty hunters, or even getting chased down by a furious jilted lover (or an obsessive stalker) your promiscuous character dumped last week are all great potential story prompts.
And here’s another thing: you notice how most NPCs are written to be very simplistic, or even stupid and undignified? I mean, I get it—they’re extras. They exist to fulfill a specific role and then make their exit from the stage. They may not even have lines, so why bother giving them any depth? But if you can, try to make them seem more real. Even a hint of depth or a vague implication of a larger backstory will go a long way. There’s more work involved, but it can’t hurt.
But really, this is just a collection of musings based on what I’ve observed while reading the work of other writers here on Chaos. I don’t profess to be an expert in writing (to be honest, no one is, because language is constantly changing) but I do have over a decade’s worth of experience as an enthusiastic hobbyist when it comes to creative writing, so I guess you could say I know a little somethin' about it.
I realize a lot of you probably aren’t all that interested in bettering your craft. For some, RPing is just a way of living out your own personal power fantasy. There’s no shame in admitting it; most people are average, life grinds us down, and it’s good that you’ve found an outlet that’s as creative as this. Just be glad you aren’t a degenerate like the people on R-rated RP sites. But for those of you who are trying to better yourselves as writers, like me, I offer this as a gift back to the community that has helped keep me sane throughout this long winter and mad spring.
As far as my own feedback is concerned, I'm looking for your opinion on any and all of my characters: Alyosha, Val, Nimdok, Inanna, Starlin, even Heliobas and Anesha (though I've barely done anything with her yet). Be as harsh or as soft as you want to, I just want to know how y'all perceive them as characters, what I'm doing wrong, and what I can do to improve.
- The Basics - What Did You Say?
And as much as I find it funny when people misspell Nimdok’s name (Nimdock is the most common one, but I’ve also seen Nimdcok, Nimok, and even Nimrod.) there’s really no excuse for it. It’s literally written right there in front of you. You can copy and paste it if you have to.
2. Dialogue - There’s a Reason It’s In Color
Despite the title of this section, this is not me complaining about people not coloring their dialogue. I do have a problem with certain people using a color that clashes with the background and hurts my eyes to read, but that’s not my primary concern here. Coloring dialogue is a tradition across RP sites because it is the most important part of your post. Communication between two entities is the basic building block of a scene.Here’s the thing, though. There’s a very common bad habit here that I like to call the “three-dimensional conversation”. Basically, in each post your character will respond to (on average) three different topics within the same conversation. It isn’t a huge deal within the context of the medium, but it is a bit of a peeve of mine because that’s not how conversations work in real life. It’s the primary reason why I don’t read other people’s threads for pleasure; it destroys most of the tension, for one, but it’s also very stilted when you’re reading post to post. The characters don’t bounce off each other so much as they talk over each other. It doesn’t flow naturally. Does that make sense?
It’s also pretty obvious that you’re using this 3D thing in order to pad out your posts and make them seem longer than they actually are and/or because you’re anxious about keeping the conversation interesting. It doesn’t work as well as you think.
An easy alternative to this is to make your character more talkative instead. I conceived
Jacen Nimdok
as a verbose former professor both because I liked the idea of a character who is very knowledgeable and loves the sound of his own voice, and because I wanted to get around this problem. I still fall into the 3D habit with him, but usually only because the person(s) I’m interacting with are doing it and I have to keep up. I still don’t like it and I have a feeling most people do it without thinking about how bizarre it would look if you were to line up each line of dialogue in a sequence. Just imagine putting your dialogue in transcript form and you'll see what I mean.3. Characters - Are There Really That Many Space Wizards In the Galaxy?
I know that if you aren’t playing as a Force User, you are essentially SOL when it comes to combat, but please. Please, please, please, do something different. The Star Wars galaxy is huge and varied. Don’t just be another Jedi, guardian of peace and justice, or another Sith, evil overlord supreme. Be a schizophrenic dancer. Be a nutty professor. Be a shapeshifting prostitute. Be a scientist who bioengineers monsters. Be a flamboyant assassin droid. Be a weird disgusting alien gangster. Be a talking plant with ambitions beyond their roots. Be a buxom knife-wielding princess with a glitter fetish.I realize none of those are the power fantasies of most people, but if you want people to be interested in your writing (and if you want to have more fun than you’ve ever had in your whole life) then you have to think outside the box. Go outside your comfort zone. If it doesn’t work out (most of the characters created on here wind up being failures anyway), that’s okay. At least you tried to do something new and venture out a little.
But you’ve also got to be careful with this stuff...
4. Characters Part 2 - Being a Freak Doesn’t Make You Interesting
Don’t make a weird character just for the sake of being weird. I’m not saying you have to explain why they’re weird, but I am saying that it can’t be the whole pitch of who your character is. What this really boils down to is that your character’s whole being can’t be totally dependent on one character trait, like “stubborn” or “nervous”. Real people have more going on upstairs than that, and so should your characters.I’ve even seen a few cases of people fetishizing their character’s “uniqueness”. You do that, as far as I’m concerned you’re just looking for attention. It’s like tacking on a mental illness or weird phobia to your character’s weaknesses purely because you need something to spice things up or want to create artificial drama.
Now, I do have a character (Val Drutin ) who is deeply affected by his insanity. It affects all his interactions with others. But I brought him into this world alongside his brother Alyosha Drutin —they were conceived together and their traits inform each others’ so that I have something to play off of. Val isn’t just a crazy and impulsive person you might have a weird encounter with on the streets of Coruscant late at night; he’s also someone’s brother, someone’s son, someone’s friend. He can be goofy and wacky and weird, but at his core he is meant to be taken seriously and to still be relatable to the ordinary person.
5. NPCs - This Isn’t a Video Game
Here’s a problem that goes to the root of my eternal beef with the concept of RP itself: for most people it’s all just a means of living out their fantasies. This mentality ultimately doesn’t make for very good writing, primarily because it promotes the use of “disposable” characters (NPCs) that exist purely as a means of fulfilling your fantasy.I’m not coming at this from the “violent video games are bad because they let you kill innocents” angle. I’m coming at this from the “real people are not disposable, so don’t write them that way” angle. Whether you’re massacring innocents or simply getting into a barroom brawl, let there be consequences. Under normal real-life circumstances, the police will show up at the very least. Long-term consequences like facing charges of war crimes, being pursued by bounty hunters, or even getting chased down by a furious jilted lover (or an obsessive stalker) your promiscuous character dumped last week are all great potential story prompts.
And here’s another thing: you notice how most NPCs are written to be very simplistic, or even stupid and undignified? I mean, I get it—they’re extras. They exist to fulfill a specific role and then make their exit from the stage. They may not even have lines, so why bother giving them any depth? But if you can, try to make them seem more real. Even a hint of depth or a vague implication of a larger backstory will go a long way. There’s more work involved, but it can’t hurt.
6. Scene - You Have to Set These Things Up
This is a big issue I see in Open Public threads. If you don’t establish where your character is, what they’re doing, and why they’re there, other players don’t have an outlet to enter the scenario. You have to set the scene first, and the more detailed it is the… well, actually, you probably shouldn’t make it too detailed. It depends on your problem: if you’ve got a lazy, forgetful, or minimalist streak, then you want to be more detailed. If you have a tendency to filibuster and give too much information, or your opening post is ten pages long, then you really want to take the paring knife to it and cut out some generous portions of your epic. Even if it sounds cool, if it doesn't add anything to the story, get rid of it.
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