Private In the Wake of Winter

[Makko Vyres]

MAKKO

Corazona von Ascania

The room was quiet save for the soft rhythm of monitors and the muted rustle of the Naboo breeze through open shutters. Sunlight filtered across the floor warm and golden. The breeze carried pleasant summery scents. He had tried to make it less like the sterile medical tang he hated waking up to. The weather was far removed from the cold, merciless snowfields of Arkania.

Makko sat slouched in the chair at her bedside, exhaustion set into his features. His eyes were fixed on her. He was unwilling to leave. If he dared to look away for even a second would the galaxy decide to steal her from him again?

His hand rested over hers, thumb brushing across her knuckles in a steady rhythm, grounding himself in the fragile proof that she was still here.

She was finally free to wake up. Cora had been placed into a heavy machine at first. Then into a bacta tank, but machines had still done the breathing for her. Makko had made something of a fuss about getting a screen placed in front of her bacta tank; she wouldn't have wanted to be seen like that.

When the medics had removed the last of the tubes - freeing her to breathe unassisted - he’d nearly wept. Now, as her chest rose and fell on its own, he held onto that sight like it was the only thing keeping him tethered. They had given her some drugs to slowly wake her. Now he just had to wait.

A faint movement pulled him forward. Her eyelids fluttered, lashes trembling against pale skin, and a small sound escaped her lips. Makko’s heart lurched.

“Cora,” he whispered. His voice was raw. “I’m here.”

Her eyes opened slowly. They were glassy with confusion, as though she were surfacing from a dream. He stretched down their bond and felt her emotions surface. She was alive and awake, not just an empty shell. He had been terrified that her body would heal but there would be little left of Cora inside it, so horrific had been her ordeal.

When their gazes met, the relief that surged through Makko nearly undid him. His chest tightened, a rush of warmth and grief colliding in his throat.

For the first time since the snow Makko let himself breathe.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora lingered the twilight space between sleep and awakening.

The bitter chill of the Arkanian mountainside had lingered on in unconsciousness. As her eyes fluttered open, they caught the warm golden hues of light spilling down the open window and across the tiled floor.

Blurry and uncertain, her groggy attention drew toward Makko, trying to make sense of the unfocused colors and lines. She didn't notice his hand atop her own because it had always been there. He had always been there, even when her mind had gone quiet. An intrinsic part of her, an extension of her own soul.

The scent of late summer and antiseptic lingered in the air. Cora drew it into her lungs with one slow, lethargic inhale.

Her neck lurched forward as she coughed. A dry, hacking sound that ignited irritated tissue. Being intubated had left her throat sore and dry.

On reflex, she reached for his hand, only to find that he already had her.

Cora had been silent for a long while. She felt little. Almost nothing, save for the occasional flicker between them that could've been simple background noise. Now, she was open to the swell of emotion that rolled down their bond.

Visually, she couldn't yet make out Makko's features. Cora didn't need to look at her husband to be able to see him.

"You never left," she rasped. Another breath, this one slightly deeper, exhaled with a slight wheeze.

"How…far gone was I…?"

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

MAKKO

Makko's grip tightened instinctively around her hand as she coughed. He reached for the glass of water at her bedside but when she spoke he froze. He felt a weight of fall away from his shoulders at the sound of her voice.

He gave a small sharp exhale that sounded like a laugh, though there was no humor in it.

"Only when I had to," he admitted. "You've been out of it for a while."

Her next question carved through him. How far gone?

His throat worked as he tried to swallow the lump rising there. He should have been prepared for this. Seeing her awake and hearing her voice again made him want to shield her from the weight of it all.

"Pretty far gkne," he admitted softly, voice trembling around the words.

He let his free hand drift to her cheek brushing hair from her skin. It was a familiar gesture and he needed the touch to anchor himself.

"Your lung collapsed. They had to put you on machines just to keep you breathing. You had heart surgery. Your body didn't want to heal up I... The doctors looked confused. "

He drew in a shaky breath. He forced himself to meet her gaze as she blinked against the light. If the doctors didn't understand it all, what chance did he have?

"Don't breathe too fast. I didn't understand everything but one lung still ain't working that well."

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora closed her eyes as Makko stroked her cheek. Even gentle, familiar contact ignited nerves that were both overstimulated and touch-starved at once.

Heart surgery. Lung damage. The doctors were confused…

In that dark space behind her eyelids, anchored in the loving hold of her husband, Cora tried to recall what had happened. Memories came in disorganized snippets, then the bitter cold as she was left on a snowy mountainside, lips blue, pulse barely a quivering thread.

Smoke curled and shifted around her until it reformed, solid, as a hand in her chest.

Cora's eyes snapped open and she sucked in a sharp, ragged breath. Makko was quick to steady her and offer her water, from which she sipped gratefully.

"I'm sorry," she murmured once her breathing had evened out. "Must have…scared you something bad."

Slowly, carefully, she threaded her fingers with his own. Makko's features came into sharper focus now, and he looked so tired. Tired and relieved and grieving. She couldn't help but try to smile, the corners of her lips lifting stiffly from disuse.

"Will I live?"

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

MAKKO

Makko steadied the cup in her hands until he was certain she could hold it herself, then set it aside when she was done.

Her apology twisted something deep in him. He let out a slow, unsteady breath.

“You scared me pretty bad,” he admitted, his voice low but unflinching.

He leaned in to press a kiss to her temple, lingering there for a moment before pulling back enough to meet her gaze.

“Will you live?"

He felt a sudden pulse of shame for being so stupid.

"Of course! Of course you will," he said adamantly. "Probably should have started with that. Yeah. But no marathons for a little while."

His thumb brushed along her knuckles as he softened, a crooked smile tugging at his tired face.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

When his lips brushed against her temple, Cora exhaled, low and slow, through her nose. The monitor that tracked her heart rate reflected the effect Makko had on his wife.

"Must be a real pain to be married to me, huh?"

Idly, the fingers of her free hand lifted to graze the skin that he'd kissed. Then, they traced down her own cheek. Having spent weeks between a bacta tank, sterile air, and the host of drugs that had been pushed into her system, she was surprised to find that her skin felt…soft.

Then, she clocked a familiar shape sitting on the side table - a bottle of her favorite moisturizer. Makko knew how she'd fret over her skin.

That thought had warmth blooming in her chest anew. Their relationship had been comprised of grand gestures and dramatics, but the little things had just as much impact.

"Come here," she murmured. Cora tucked her fingers beneath his chin and guided him toward her until she could press a kiss to his jaw. Her lips puckered at the stubble beneath them.

"You need to shave," she murmured. "Where are we, anyway?"

The lighting was too natural, the air too herbaceous for them to be on a medical frigate.

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

MAKKO

Makko offered an apologetic smile. He wasn't doing the basics very well. He hadn't told her that she wasn't dying. He hadn't told her where they were.

"I need a shower as well as a shave."

That. There was also that.

"We're on Naboo. My choice. We ended up here via an Alliance medical ship once you were stable. Ukatis didn't have the facilities."

It was safe and out of the way of the war front. There were friends here and people with influence and power.

"We've not been married that long and enough has happened," Makko reflected.

"I've told those that matter that you're my focus right now. I'm staying with you."

They had chosen the Jedi life, but there had to be times when they put one another and their marriage first.

"So I'm not going anywhere right now and I won't be gone for long when I go shower. And I can fetch anything you want? And I should probably tell the staff you're awake."

He reached up to wipe a single tear from his eye.

"I'm sorry," he said, his thoughts had scattered to the winds.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

"Naboo…" she echoed in a low murmur. Her eyes drifted toward the ceiling as she tried to organize fuzzy thoughts as they came. Makko had taken her out of Alliance space.

So we lost, then.

It wasn't a surprise, but it didn't exactly speak of a comeback for the Alliance. New powers were rising in the galaxy, taking shape in ways that were both predictable and erratic.

But they'd survived. They were together. The galaxy had tried to rip them apart before, and it felt as though they'd just ducked under another deathblow.

"Oh," she said to his apology. Cora frowned, cupping Makko’s cheek in her palm. This time, she ignored the scratch of stubble in favor of wiping her thumb beneath his teary eye.

"Don't…don't apologize. Please. If anything, I'm the one who keeps causing trouble for us." Her voice fell to a trembling whisper, and she swallowed once around the dry lump in her throat.

"There were so many times when you could've walked away from me. From us. You had good reason to. These past few weeks must have been so hard for you…"

Cora tilted her head back against the pillow, sliding her hand to brush a dark curl away from his eyes before it could become damp. "The galaxy and the Jedi may call me selfish but…I want you here, Makko. With me as I recover, not on some far-flung battlefield away from me."

A slow, deep inhale helped to stifle prickling tears, but it did little to chase away the swell of emotion that rose in her chest like breath. The smile she gave him was just as tired, but less tight this time.

"I suppose I can go without you for a few minutes. Leave your datapad?"

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

MAKKO

Makko felt shame flicker across his chest as Cora’s guilt settled in the room. She had nearly died and was quick to blame herself. He leaned forwards and couldn't feel anything other than overwhelming relief to have her awake.

“Please,” he murmured, voice thick with sincerity, “You need to just rest and recover. You don't need to worry about me.” He let his thumb brush the back of her hand, soft and steady, the familiarity of the gesture soothing them both.

He swallowed again, more grounded now.

"Been through some rough times together," he admitted. Those words barely scratched the surface. He could never blame her for Horace. Ukatis had shaped her, made her feel that was duty. What followed had left him angry and confused, but they had found their way together.

He met her eyes, intent and unflinching.

“What matters is that you're awake," he said, before taking a more gentle tone. "You won't be doing anything strenuous for a good while so I need to stick around." He offered a wink. He immediately hoped he wouldn't make her laugh. That would probably hurt.

"But... I don't give a shit how selfish anyone thinks we are. I'll be here."

His hand gently squeezed hers. He gave a crooked, tired smile. The kind reserved for those small vital reminders of life’s sweetness.

“I'll be selfish too, but you listen to doctors and don't do anything stubborn. Don't speak for a little bit either. Rest. Tell me what happened later."

Makko stayed for a little while. It would be important to know what happened, but it could wait. Eventually he left her with the data pad and went to find sonic showers. He bought a cheap hygiene kit from a vending machine and had a shave and brushed his teeth.

He returned a little later. The doctors had arrived and run some tests and changed her medication. Makko wore a fresh tunic. He settled down into the chair beside beside her bed.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora's eyes lingered after Makko as he departed. The threads of warmth that comprised their bond kept the pair tethered, even when out of sight.

Across stars, if it had to.

Upon his return, she'd just scrolled to the end of an interesting piece of literature - Naboo court gossip courtesy of The Swan of Solleu, doubtlessly a pseudonym for the true author ( Loria Sorelle ).

"Have you seen this?" Cora asked, turning the screen toward Makko. "They talked about Lossa. And that dreadfully arrogant princeling Fabian and I met."

Her nose wrinkled, a mix of displeasure at the focus on her friend's private affairs, and barely concealed delight at the anonymous barb levied at Aurelian.

She'd be fielding reports from Arkania and Ilum soon enough. Nothing temporarily lifted a burden from your shoulders like reading about other people's problems.

This too, would have to dwindle to an end. Makko had asked her what had happened, and she didn't want to shy away from giving him an explanation, but her recollections were slow to filter in and organize themselves.

"Do you remember that man I told you about on Coruscant?" She frowned, reaching for his hand again. The warmth beneath her fingertips couldn't be simulated by a dream. He was real.

"The one who unsealed the nexus, and sort of…reminded me of myself, in a way?"

They'd spoken about this before, at his hospital bedside on Ilum. How Voldran had opened his soul to her during their clash, and she saw a man shaped by violence and beholden to the whim of his cruel mother.

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

MAKKO

"Have you seen this?" Cora asked, turning the screen toward Makko. "They talked about Lossa. And that dreadfully arrogant princeling Fabian and I met."

"Nope. Not like I'd find more court gossip interesting."

When he took the tablet back he skimmed the words. He didn't make an attempt to hide the act of bookmarking the author.

This was her fault for getting into various period dramas. It was hard to think of Lossa as a noble herself, navigating such drama. Then again, he reflected, he'd ended up in the thick of it too.

"The one who unsealed the nexus, and sort of…reminded me of myself, in a way?"

"Did he do this to you?"

There was a sharp edge to his voice, it could have cut glass. It was a tone she rarely heard. He looked like a man that would leave her side and tear up half the galaxy just to find who had hurt her like this.

His expression softened almost immediately. They both knew the limitations of violence and revenge.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora fell quiet as she squeezed Makko's hand. In a way, that was her answer. She waited for the harsh echo of his tone to fade between them, letting silence soften their bond.

Her fingers laced with his own.

"It was my idea. I tried to unseal the runes that bound him to the dark side, and he let me.

"He was suffering, Makko. Terrible things had been forced onto him and I…."

Her explanation halted in one sharp breath. Makko knew, better than anyone else, what had befallen her at the hands of her own family.

"I thought I…I thought I could…help him."

What did she have to show for it other than a broken body and another loss in the core? Weeks of pain and uncertainty, teetering on a devastating loss for the man she loved?

Either she'd been stupid enough to be tricked, or foolish enough to believe that she was capable of removing something far greater than herself.

Cora bit the inside of her cheek as a watery sheen crept over her eyes. "I…I’m sorry. I was careless."

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

MAKKO

Silence remained for a few seconds. Makko felt the air shift as Cora's words settled between them. He tightened his grip gently as she admitted her role, searching for the right words in the silence.

He broke the silence by lifting her hand to his lips and kissing the back of her hand. He had been quick to jump to protective anger.

"Of course you did," he said quietly.

He let those words sink in.

She cared about people. He had always been an empath in the Force, but she had been genuinely empathetic. It had taken time for her cold exterior to warm up. Now she cared fiercely for those in need.

"It didn't work. I'm still proud of you for trying."

He had thought for a moment that he would be angry at her. She had nearly thrown away her life for a man who didn't deserve it. Makko realised that the bitterness he carried was in the past. Where it belonged.

"There is still the touch of the dark side of the Force," he said. "I can feel it. Poison or magic. Hopefully it fades. I'll be here."

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora let out a slow breath, punctuated by a choked sob.

How had she come to deserve such gentle understanding? Such a delicate, affectionate touch?

"You have the-" she paused to breathe in deep in, then out. Her chest rose and fell as her words steadied themselves around a tight throat. "Patience of a saint," she finished.

Proud of her. She'd nearly gotten herself killed, given him sleepless nights and endless worry and Makko still found the space to feel proud of her intentions.

"I'll try not to scare you anymore," came her whispered murmur. This time, it was Cora's thumb that would brush over the back of her husband’s hand in small, soothing circles. "But I don't think that we can go back to the core anytime soon."

Cora brought her free hand to her chest, draped across the packed gauze and tape. A memory flashed across her mind's eye, sharp and sudden - the moment Voldran's hand had embedded itself into her chest.

It lasted for only a fraction of a second, but struck like lightning.

Cora squeezed her eyes shut as a shudder trawled first up, then back down her spine. She swallowed thickly.

"What if it doesn't fade?" she dared to whisper.

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

MAKKO

Makko’s lips curved into something that wasn’t quite a smile.

Patience of a saint, he huffed softly and shook his head.

“I’m no saint,” he said quietly, voice edged with something rougher than tenderness.

“I've sent a lot of time being angry."

His jaw flexed, the memory still sharp “I've hated how much time we've each spent hurting and I hated waiting to have you back."

His focus turned to her thumb as it drew small circles on his hand. His eyes softened. Exhaustion carved lines deep but his gaze was steady.

He grinned suddenly and looked to the window.

“We've always been different, but the truth is, I think I've always been as stubborn as you. Just hide it better is all. Even in the middle of all that anger, all that hurt, I never stopped loving you. Not once.”

She was giving a compliment, not trying to start a long discussion. He was tired. He shifted in his seat. He frowned in concern.

"As for this - ” his hand ghosted near her chest, careful not to touch the wound “ - what if it doesn’t fade? I don't know."

"Wish I knew."

She had convinced him to read books, but he tended to stick to the dramatic kind. He didn't spend time pouring over old holocrons.

"We'll work it out. We’ll live with it. Together. You don’t need to carry the weight of scars alone. That's your stubbornness.”

"Besides… good excuse for another Tattoo.”

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

His hand almost touched her, and Cora swore that she could feel the warmth of Makko's fingertips through her dressing.

He spoke without hesitation, and without doubt. Had it even crossed his mind during this entire ordeal to walk away?

"Absolutely not," she tsked, waving his hand away. Cora liked his ink, but didn't feel particularly the same way about it on her own body.

She laughed, and then she wheezed. As she sank back into the pillows, Cora reflected on the very real possibility that she might not recover fully. But, she was here.

And so was he.

It took a few moments for her breathing to steady. When it became less labored, she squeezed his hand.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Makko. I mean that. I think…"

When her voice trailed, it wasn't due to strain. Cora's brow furrowed, thoughts drifting into a territory that always seemed distant, but inevitable. They'd spoken of it as an eventuality, but never as something imminent.

Perhaps it wasn't the right time. Not with the Empire, the Sith, and the Black Sun all threatening the galaxy. Not with her injured as she was, but maybe this was something of a silver lining

"Makko," she began. There was a soft pause, during which she sought his eyes. "I want to start a family."

Makko Vyres

 

[Makko Vyres]

MAKKO

That he was the best thing to happen to her struck him. He smiled at her. His smile was touched with a genuine, soft embarrassment. He started to think of a deflecting comment. Something that would make her laugh. That, of course, would have hurt her. He wasn't always clever enough to think before he spoke.

"Makko," she began. There was a soft pause, during which she sought his eyes. "I want to start a family."

Makko blinked. The words crashing into him with a force no lightsaber could match. A family. Of all the things he'd prepared himself to hear this wasn't one of them.

For a heartbeat. he only stared at her. His lips parted soundlessly, as if his mind needed time to catch up to what his heart had already seized upon.

"You…" His voice came out rough, half-broken, and he laughed under his breath, shaking his head. "You're not gonna let this get in the way of what you want are you?"

The idea lit something deep inside him, equal parts joy and terror. It didn't surprise him; the timing of it did. They both knew they wanted children. For all the hangups they'd inhereted from awful parents, the adored children.

"We'll be great at this won't we," he said. A slow, warm kind of joy spread across his face. He allowed it to turn into raw excitement.

"Together."

He took her hands into his and squeezed them both. He was suddenly feeling everything at once. His mind reeling. All the colours of all the feelings swirling together.

"When you're better," he said. Slowly nodding as his tried to catch up with his own thoughts. She'd nearly died in his arms. Her body wouldn't be able to take more strain.

"And not eight!" he laughed as the fist tear formed in his eye.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora had held her breath. It trembled in her throat, agitated by the particular blend of emotions that came with voicing something life-changing. It had never seemed like the right time, but after what they'd just been through, would the right time ever present itself?

Makko's reaction would guide her own. When he laughed, her smile spread so wide that her cheeks began to ache.

"Of course not," she tried to joke. It came out as a hoarse whisper instead, tempered by her grin. "And we will."

There would be time to panic over whether or not they'd be good parents later. For now, Cora's mind was stuck on abstract parade of little faces that swam through her head. She couldn't wait for the chubby limbs and high-pitched giggles.

"No, no certainly not eight," she mused while squeezing his hands back. "Maybe two or three."

Makko Vyres