[IC] Peace Of Mind [Solo Thread]

[WolfMortum]

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The Silver Rest,​

Meditation Chamber(s)​

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Kashyyyk was a peaceful World, and the Temple of the Silver Jedi Order was a tranquil place to call home when not being chased about the place by younglings wishing to know all the deepest secrets of the Force. Veiere had felt truly fortunately to be allowed entrance into the Silver Order given how the past five years had played out...

To be a member of the Order, a Jedi Master, means being aware of one's limits and vulnerabilities. Veiere had recently taught a class on the Jedi Code and his attendees had wavered over the subject of emotional restraint and self awareness, typical for most discussions concerning the precepts really. He had been neglecting his own interests however, in favor of putting others first, he simply hadn't had the time. Or perhaps it was more a case of not making the time, until now.

So much had happened, and all in quick succession of events, one after another. The start of it all began with Veiere's depression and feelings of resentment luring him to the Dark-Side of the Force through a lack of personal care and upkeep of training. He took action against the Enclave of Deneba, founded a Dark Jedi Organization which, without his authority, threatened and attacked his home-world when he had turned himself in so that his Wife and at that time, Queen of Commenor, wouldn't look to be aiding and abetting a known criminal. Over time, it was his guilt and his family that led him into Exile, disavowing all that he had done; and some two years later, [member="Coren Starchaser"] would call upon his assistance in reuniting the Jedi...

Commenor had been thrust into war against the Sith Empire on several occasions now, and finally, years after Darth Prazutis had abducted and turned his wife to the Dark Side, becoming his Apprentice, [member="Kay Arenais"] had struck down the Elders. A decade later and despite having helped her to find redemption back then, she now sat behind bars, incarcerated within a facility owned and managed by the private sector.

His Son, [member="Caedyn Arenais"] seemed to hate him. They'd not spoken in nearly a year now since Commenor had been liberated; his Sister on the other hand had asked their Father to train her in the ways of the Force, though [member="Loreena Arenais"] seemed uncertain whether to dedicate herself to the Jedi Order as Veiere wished of her. The House Arenais was today, just like any other average family, with an Estate in the hills of Commenor...-Not that anyone seemed to live there anymore.

So much had happened...-But today, Veiere had reserved one of the meditation chambers for his personal use, that he might spend a couple hours there trying to find some sort of peace, or perhaps merely coming to accept what is. He had found the light once more and today lived to serve the Force like the days of old, yet guilt followed him wherever he went, and visited him in his sleep in ever night. In the public eye, he maintained a professional and compassionate exterior, able to distract himself by focusing on the needs of his peers, both students and instructors alike. Unfortunately, ignoring such things were known to make things a whole lot worse and to do so for too long would have been to forsake himself. Instead, Veiere took a seat upon one of the cushioned seats and prepared to enter into a meditative trance as his Master had taught him to do as a boy.

In order to rise above his guilt and his fears, he would need to revisit them, to acknowledge the past and his mistakes...-To find some way to forgive himself for everything that he had done.

 

[WolfMortum]

The Desecration of Deneba,​

Visions of the Past.​

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To recall upon such a strong memory, emotions which had been buried deep down inside, Veiere Arenais worked himself into a deep trance using the breathing techniques he had been taught, and clearing his mind of all else around him. It wouldn't come as a surprise that Deneba would be the first to reach out to him, he had put all of his heart into re-establishing the Jedi there alongside her apprentice, turned Jedi Knight, [member="Romi Jade"]. She herself had been such a fond presence in his years serving the Order. The Daughter that, at the time, he never had.

The whole ordeal had been pursued upon a farce ambition, Veiere having deceived even his own in the Dark Jedi into sacking the Enclave with him out of some assumption that the Jedi would strike first if they did not. Truthfully, it was out of shame and resentment that he had sought to erase the Jedi from Deneba, as if doing so might somehow erase the past from being. There was no logic behind it, only passion that had driven him into such a dark place of self-loathing. He had held three conclaves in the years prior, hoping to reunite the Jedi before throwing it all away to become the "Devil of Deneba".

[member="Kei Raxis"] and [member="Cassius Droma"] stood opposite him, blocking his way to the entrance of the Enclave. Their lightsabers were all drawn, and behind Veiere were a number of Apprentices that he had promised power through the Dark Side, something every corrupt and selfishly driven force practitioner seemed to desire. It had been easy to gain the numbers, though they were only as committed as Veiere was and when he eventually abandoned the Dark Jedi Order and the temple on Rannon, they fell away and the Order eroded into nothing.

He continued to relive the horrifying moments that would forever change him, rid him of his inner-calm and fill his life with the guilt of knowledge, the experience of cutting down those he had trained as Jedi and mentored over as their former Grandmaster. Veiere listened to this dark alternate version of himself arguing with his two old friends, [member="Atheus"] soon involving himself and standing against Veiere trying to persuade him not to follow through with his intent. On the outside of his meditation, his expression tightened, brows knitting close together as he watched the StormTroopers open fire on all that sought to defend themselves, and then the chaos really broke out and the fighting began.

"Veiere. You don't need to do this. ​

You don't need to slaughter those who once had faith in you!"​

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Kei had pleaded with him, only to be answered with the rhetoric Veiere had heard spoken in a similar manner, from the likes of those who had sacked Commenor...-Looking back on it disgusted him, but at the time he had believed so deeply that he was justified in the attack. Such blind arrogance and lack of consideration towards others, it was not the man he considered himself to be. The version of himself that he was watching would have wound up meeting his blade had Veiere the fortune of battling his demons in such a way.

Against his disgrace, he found pride in those Jedi that had stood to face him and attempt to defend the Enclave. Jedi whom he had trained, and whom had maintained the strength and conviction in the Jedi Path even in the face of their former mentor turning against them. Though Veiere had overcome the Enclave, the Jedi had been the true victors that day. In themselves, at-least, by staying true to their calling and their integrity.

 

[WolfMortum]

Accountability.​

Visions of the Past.​

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Over the next hour and a half, Veiere sat in complete silence, his mind overtaken by the trance and visions of the past. They'd all carried so much tension, so much pain and regret, yet this was meant to be difficult. He'd expected this exercise to be grueling, it had to be in order for his progress to be significant in conquering his past and taking control of the present, accepting that he wasn't the same person who'd brought Deneba crumbling and engulfed in flames...

Veiere's return to the family estate on Commenor had taken [member=Kay Arenais] by surprise, though she'd been expecting and all too apprehensive over their reunion, for naturally the news of Deneba had reached the heart of the Systems Alliance, whose territory of influence had included the formerly Jedi world back then.

In his explaining his actions, the Veiere that lay before his eyes was not the man he claimed to be today. So confident in these atrocious deeds, so determined to blame others and act as though what he had done was a favor for the Galaxy. The loss of the Deneba Enclave wounded him today, for once he had been so proud to reside over it as their humbled Leader; being responsible for that level of devastation and loss of lives, it was exactly why he had argued with [member=Coren Starchaser] in that the Jedi would never truly take him back into their Order. Judging from the present day, his position in the Silver Jedi Order seemed to prove otherwise, yet his guilt still followed him wherever he went.

Though his actions were perceived to be an attack against the Systems Alliance itself, he had never sought to provoke them. He had told Kay to place a bounty on his head before seeking exile, so that the public eye wouldn't accuse her of aiding or supporting a known criminal. The bounty hunter [member=Koda Fett] had taken up the job and after some back and fourth between the two in an exchange of combat, Veiere eventually gave himself up.

From one period to another, the visions kept on coming, flowing along the influence of his conscience that so readily brought these memories flooding back in due to the inner-turmoil and struggle that he had been living under for so long now. He had been imprisoned beneath the Royal Palace, soon to be held accountable in an Official Trial judged by the Queen and government personnel that had known him for so long before he had allowed himself to become so twisted up inside. Of course, the Dark Jedi that he had brought together hadn't realized that Veiere had given himself up to his wife intentionally, and so they intervened and fired upon Chasin City as a warning for what would come if he wasn't released to them. Kay's response was to release him, as they had demanded, yet once he had been returned to Rannon, Veiere turned on them and moved to bring down the Order he had created. A second travesty to his name, though this one, few knew about even today...

 

[WolfMortum]

Into Exile.​

Visions of the Past.​

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Veiere's former Padawan, [member="Romi Jade"], remained one of his best students and subsequently his greatest failings. She had ascended through his training to the rank of Jedi Knight and then later become part of the Jedi Council residing over Deneba with Veiere's encouragement. She too had lost everything the day of the attack, and she had never forgiven him since. Frankly, he knew he didn't deserve her forgiveness yet she was so close to his heart that she could have easily been a bigger Sister to Loreena and [member="Caedyn Arenais"].

Much to his surprise, her Padawan [member=Aten Ramses] managed to track him down on the other side of Commenor where he had remained in hiding and isolation. It hadn't been the most subtle choice yet he wished to be able to look upon his family from afar. Tracking Veiere through the wilderness, he had learned about the older man through Romi herself, and wished to learn how to practice Force Light. It had been, and still was one of Veiere's strongest abilities in the light-side of the Force.

Not far behind him, Romi Jade herself soon interrupted their talks and naturally slandered Veiere with judgement and anger. She had turned away from the Jedi Path thanks to Veiere's actions among other circumstance in her life, and only added to the long list of damage that Veiere had set into motion. It had hurt him deeply to see her so infuriated towards him, and yet he knew that he had deserved it and thus didn't argue nor say a word in his defense. The emotion flowing away from Romi was concerning in itself and yet who was he to judge. All Veiere could do was watch the past replay itself feeling the same sense of hopelessness that he had felt back then...

And yet it occurred to him that this had all been and gone, it was the past and he couldn't change what had been written in his history, yet the future was open to his interpretation, he was the writer of this holo-novel, so to speak. It was exactly that reason that he had asked entrance into the Silver Jedi Order following the Monarchy's dismissal from Commenor. To return to the Jedi, to find peace in the Force and to help educate others in finding it for their own.

Veiere hoped that one day their paths would cross again, his and Romi Jade's. Perhaps then he could share all that he had learned of himself in the time since their last volatile run in together. Perhaps he could help to pull her away from the influence of the Dark-Side, just as he eventually freed himself from it's devastating corruption.

 

[WolfMortum]

Coming to Terms.​

Introspection.​

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There was a battle being waged within himself, the Jedi Master that he claimed to be, and the darker anger-fueled version of himself that he had watched through his visions of the past, a third person recollection of the murder of his friends and former Order. Between these two figures was a torrent of emotion, a maelstrom of hurt, resentment and guilt that needed to be acknowledged and accepted, only so that Veiere could come to terms with himself, his mistakes and every person who had been afflicted by his horrible past.

If these visions had done anything, they'd disgusted Veiere and only strengthened his guilt and remorse for his past. That, however, wasn't such a bad thing in that the man who had done those things back then would have reacted differently wouldn't he? He had tried to justify his actions to Kay of all people who saw right through him and knew that he was deluding himself.

The two figures stood facing one another. One of them wearing Veiere's Jedi Clothing, while the other one wore the Dark Jedi Robes of the lost Order. Standing on the outside of these two, it was almost as though he were being given a choice, only it was his instinct and ideals today that identified the Jedi to be his path in life, to be who he was today and that the other was the lure, the threat of the Dark-Side that was always present in every Force Practitioner's life. Some chose to embrace it, subsequently destroying themselves in their selfish pursuits for power and vindication, while the Jedi had always taught to steer clear.

Moving towards the representation of the Light-Side, Veiere could feel the growing anger come from the right where the manifestation of the Dark-Side felt to be watching him. The environment was the makings of his mind, and apparently this seemed to be the simplest way of conveying the circumstance around his self identity and the choice he had to make. Trained from the young age of five, he had lived his life in service of the Galaxy under the Jedi Order; he had lived one year under the influence of the Dark-Side and it had nearly destroyed or taken everything that he held dear. His family remained in his life, with the exception of his Son but many of his former Jedi had suffered and those that knew him had lost their trust and faith in the man he used to be.

Today...-This exercise. It wasn't about others however. Things like redemption and atonement, were these things that were attained through the perspective and opinions of your peers? Or were they found in the guidance in the Force? He had questioned these things for a long time and yet the only answer he had was that he couldn't be expected to make peace with others when he wasn't at peace within himself. He had resented himself for such a long time now that it had become a natural aspect of his day-to-day. He needed to lose that self-damnation, needed to realize that, in his heart, he wasn't of the same mind as he had been under the influence of the Dark-Side. Yes, he was guilty of those horrible things, and yes he accepted accountability...-But he had turned things around and come back to his senses, come back to the Light and returned to being the Man that had always sought to do right by others.

While none of this meant that he was able to take back his past, Veiere knew who he was today and had learned just how severe the consequences were for allowing oneself to lose sight of the Jedi Path, to lose ones sense of self-restraint and integrity. The corruption of the Dark-Side of the Force was a place that he would never fall into again, Veiere knew the signs and the result was so much worse than one could imagine, being there and suffering that life...-Even coming away from it, the memories and the knowledge of what had happened remained with him. They were however, the only aspects that remained with him and when it came to knowledge, Veiere understood better now than he did back then.

His answer in all of this, to return to the Jedi Path and to dedicate himself to the Light and service of the people once more. Perhaps these mistakes might be used to encourage other students away from making the poor choices that he had made, themselves.

 

[WolfMortum]

Though he had felt his fairly usual self within the background of these visions and memories of the past, Veiere found the inside of his tunic to be drenched with sweat as he opened his eyes, his breathing staggered and his mind suddenly feeling exhausted. The Meditation Chamber remained empty save for his presence, and of that he was thankful, for there'd have no doubt been someone to grow concerned had they noticed the depth of his trance and the result of what he was putting himself through. The best way to describe what he was feeling would be to say that he felt very emotional in the exit of the exercise, and although it mightn't appear that anything had changed about him, he could at-least take confidence in the fact that he had found the strength to acknowledge and stare down his past, no longer running from it but facing up to the facts, all the mistakes and the harm caused by his time of weakness.

Perhaps the only moments in his life where he felt like he belonged, outside of being with his family, was when he was out in the field doing some good for the people, for the Galaxy or delving into the teachings of the Force and encouraging other young prospects to learn and grow from their lessons. Returning to the Jedi, taking membership within the Order of the Silver Jedi, Veiere had never been more certain that he had made the right choice for himself and that his life was once again at a turning point. Though he was growing older, the Silver Jedi were able to offer him another chance at service unto the Force and now, a means to regain peace within himself. Perhaps it'd sound selfish to go so far as to say he no longer yearned for the forgiveness of others, but his priority had returned to service, not worries of remorse or of himself. His guilt wouldn't subside immediately, yet over time and with further meditation exercises such as this one, he felt as though he could make some serious progress in overcoming the shadow that the Dark-Side of the Force had hanging over his family, between both himself and his wife [member="Kay Arenais"].

It wasn't as though he didn't have the time to rework himself either, with Kay in prison and there seeming so very few ways about securing her release, despite how difficult it was...-As a Jedi, Veiere needed to move ahead with a sense of clarity least something else go wrong in his future dealings outside of the walls of the Silver Rest. The Children seemed to be faring well enough, though [member="Loreena Arenais"] remained a concern for she wasn't as attached or dedicated to the Jedi Path as he had hoped, rather, she just wished for his company and so had asked for training from her Father. Still, she also made herself scarce in her piloting jobs alongside her crew, and so Veiere could only assume he didn't have to worry so much about her. [member="Caedyn Arenais"] was a difficult one, he seemed to have lost both the Je'daii and his father, or rather maintained distance from Veiere since he had returned to some semblance of sanity. Veiere didn't see that friction between them to be let go any time soon, yet a father could always try and hope for the best...

For the time being however, he needed rest. He couldn't tell how long he had been seated there, several hours perhaps, but the weakness of his mind having been worn down from such strenuous and traumatic days relived through his meditation had taken it's toll, and now the time for recovery had come.