Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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 How does this piece of writing sound so far?

Joesph Leigh

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J
This is the first excerpt from my work in progress post, and I want to know what you guys think of it



Vardos, CIS Base, Barracks 5B
1200 Hours



The old, peeling plaster walls and scratched durasteel floor of the barracks stood in direct contrast to the well ironed, spotless gray fatigues that each man in the room wore. Sargent Leigh walked down the row of troopers, all standing statue-stiff at attention in front of their bunks, the sheets tucked perfectly and straightened down to every minute detail as to not incur the wrath of the exacting Sargent. But despite the orderly silence of the barracks, you could almost hear the nervous sense that hung in the air that each soldier felt as the Sargent slowly walked down the row, inspecting each one, sizing them up with his quick eyes. And as he swiftly turned his head forward to face the old wall on the opposite side of the room, the sergeant breathed in quietly as he began to speak.
"I am Sargent Leigh, your drill instructor. From this moment forward the only words out of your sorry mouths will be 'Sir, yes Sir'. Have I made myself clear?" The words bounced around the room, just as they echoed in the men's heads, and the silence quickly returned, only to be routed by a sudden shout that went up from all the men in unison:
"Sir yes sir!"
 

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