Feedback Hit 500, So Figure Feedback Time

[Aris Noble]

I am huge on feedback. When it comes to writing, I only see things the way I happen to see them. It's hard to see angles of how I write that others might simply because it doesn't occur to me. That's why I make these kinds of threads, get new perspective and generally improve my writing further. So with that blurb out of the way, time to zone it in. Aris is my newest character and my attempt to continue the storyline Valery Noble and I have made with the Noble family by writing a new generation. It's one of my favorite parts of a story, where well developed characters influence and help move along the story of a new, rising to their own one.

Little facts:

• He is a clone. Kahlil had him made while he was still a Sith as a backup plan to escape the brand his father had made, and was left in stasis when Kahlil fled. Upon returning to the lab to shut it down, Kahlil found Aris awake and alive. He was made to be an empty shell without thoughts or personality. So he's my take on the classic
  
  
  
  
  
• He's obsessed with facts and solid logic, because before Kahlil found him he was raised by the droid set to keep the program running. Forming emotional bonds is difficult for him as emotion tends to not be factual.
  
  
• His connection to the Force is weird! I'm still refining how it works and what it means because the Force is weird anyway, but the general idea is he can't use the Force to do any cool things like making shinny lights or move things with his mind. In return, super human things. Super strength, mind processing stuff, hearing/sight/senses you get the idea. IE what if someone can't feel the Force, but was blessed by it anyway?
  

So that's the context that could be missing. Now hit me. Or just feed my ego I like that too.

 

[Zaiya Ceti]

I've only rp'd with Aris Noble a little bit, but in that bit, I really do enjoy him as a neat teen character trying to figure out his way in the 'verse. Based on the key points you've stated above, you do a great job conveying Aris's distanced, observational, logical aspects. It makes me think of a lite teen version of Spock.

He is clearly still navigating the complexities of emotions and social interactions and understanding typical social cues from his companions. This blend of logical reasoning with the challenge of understanding human emotions and connections adds depth to Aris's character and creates an intriguing dynamic when interacting with others. You convey well that he cares for his family and friends, wants to protect them, and does his best to try and help in his own way - it just ends up coming out sometimes a little distant and, at times, without the social cues and understanding that others may expect, which can cause neat IC misunderstandings like what happened with Braze.

Then again, he's also a young kid figuring his own stuff out while trying to leverage the strength of his abilities and where that places him. Life will be awkward and there will be plenty of embarrassing situations and misunderstandings as he comes to his own.

Forgive me if you are already doing the following in my following recommendations, but I've only interacted with him for about a month. As far as writing style goes, I guess one thing I can recommend is that as he begins to understand more about emotions and social interactions, you can gradually incorporate more descriptive language to reflect his growing awareness of his feelings and the why behind them. That way, it will make him seem less Spock as that neat character development grows with whatever is tossed his way.

This could involve highlighting subtle changes in his demeanor, such as his expressions, gestures, and internal reflections where he grapples with newfound emotions or experiences. Balancing his logical nature with these emerging emotional insights will add depth to his character and make his journey of self-discovery even more compelling for readers. That way, it shows that his personality is fleshing out and rounding out with each new experience that he has that builds upon the foundation of his understanding.

Maybe as time goes on, he starts doing things on his own because he wants to, like any other growing teenager. Like, will Aris have a rebellious stage? I know he's doing his best to train to make sure he doesn't harm anyone, but would he get moody? Start seeking more independence outside the identity of a Noble? What expectations may come out of being Kahlil's clone, either real or perceived? How would he deal with stress? Does he ever feel stressed? -- and if so, how does that behavior display itself for a more reserved character like Aris, who truly doesn't want to hurt anyone but is very capable of doing so with his super strength? Writing that in the narrative would help assist in conveying for the reader to get a cool mental picture of it.

I know he's a bookworm and loves to study and train, but what other hobbies might he find interesting for fun? I love that he's doing his salvage build for his speeder, and that's a start. It shows he's interested in things outside the expectations of being a Jedi, training, and learning as diligently as possible. But what else is out there that might draw his interest? Who knows, he might really be into the Great Bothan Bake Off holo series or get into ground speeder racing for adrenaline kicks that allow him to grow a neat skill outside of the Force.

Ultimately, really interested to see where you take Aris's character arc and am glad I am able to bounce off Zaiya with him and the rest of the brat pack. It has been very helpful for me to flesh out Zaiya, and I am very grateful!