Finding solace on Sulon [PM for Invite unless tagged]

[Gabriel Sionoma]

Sullust

Early Morning

Tell me to sleep and reluctantly...I will. He smiled as he shook his head, thinking back to that night. Maybe, for that instance, she had resisted but in his own way, he felt asleep now. Once abruptly collided in the vast oceans of space, he felt adrift and without purpose. Sure, there was the Galactic Alliance and there was Destin and Armaud and Avalore and Meeristali. There were things to keep his attention but it felt like quick sand, the slow struggle as he sunk deeper and deeper. The movement only causing more distress, fingers grasping at straws to keep from drowning.

Sullust was loud, the explosions of molten lava and geothermal venting, it was overwhelming. For the mindful and the open, it was tough to get a moments thought or peace. The Alliance had taken to this skewed version of protection, once provided by a captain in this very academy, only to be molested with threats of harm and the wayward bolt in slave pit. Offset by the kind acts of others. But as he asked Jacen to speak on his behalf, to allow him movement away from this place, he felt the burden lighten just a bit. He wasn't happy here. There was no air to breath, the cage and iron bars were suffocating, and he felt the ache of closeness without ever knowing its acceptance. He had children now and as important as it was to protect and serve, it was important to have a reason for it. Otherwise, he truly was adrift.

Thumbing the prisoner collar in his hand, he stroked the leather strap and felt the phantom sensation of its presence on his flesh. He had been in contact with local authorities on Sulon, nearby moon overhanging the horizon in a clear Sullust night sky. Disputes over land, disputes over water rights, disputes over who should tell who what to do. They needed help and offered a salary, offered property and as much land as could be afforded. A homestead, long taken over by vegetation and wayward invasive vine growth, he could have it for the services requested. A foreclosed property, it came as is. And he looked forward to signing the papers, providing a place for his children to grow up under the care of others. It was for the best, he reassuringly repeated it to himself as he packed his bags. Repetition would make it true.

"Are you ready?"
He snapped out of it, blinking steadily. The shuttle pilot nodded and Gabriel smiled gratefully. "I need a few more minutes."
"Of course. Take your time, we'll leave when you're ready."
"Thank you..." He whispered as he looked towards the ground, fixed to the bench as the sounds of the shuttle thrusters kicked off.

He mourned feeling the need to leave. But some things weren't meant to live underground, without the sun. And just so, some things needed the rain. He wasn't sure what he needed but maybe, in the open fields of Sulon, he would find it.

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"] | [member="Chevu Visz"]

 

[Chevu Visz]

It was no surprise to Chevu when she heard that Gabriel was leaving Sullust. The volcanic planet had always been a problematic place for him. Most of his time on Sullust had been spent as a prisoner, and it hardly held any good memories for him beyond the confining walls of his cell or under constant watch.

Gabe wasn’t simply moving for himself. The more the Alliance fought the Sith, the more their key members became targets for retaliation, and it was dangerous for the green-skinned Destin and pale-skinned Armaud to stay at the biodome. The moon of Sulon was a much better choice for the twins. Not only would the children be safer from attack, but they’d also be raised by Avalore and Meeristali, a couple who could care for them in a way that the children's own parents couldn’t. Chevu admired Gabriel’s prescience in making that decision. Decisions were fugitive things to the twenty-one year-old Mirialan Knight.

How foreign it was to able to be so certain. The only certainty that Chevu held was her belief in restoring the balance of the Force. Her body and mind were two parts of one instrument, finely tuned to fight dark siders. At the end of a hard-fought battle, she often wondered if she had anything left to give anyone.

She strode with a purposeful gait, boots clicking on the hangar floor, anxious to see Gabriel off before he left. The moon was only a shuttle ride away, but for some reason it felt like in a few minutes he and the children would be light years away. That feeling intensified when she heard the shuttle’s thrusters.

Chevu jogged up to him and put her hand on his shoulder. There was an awkward pause of silence. Come, on Chevu. Words, damnit.

“I needed to see you before you left."

[member="The Revenant"]

 

[Gabriel Sionoma]

Would you join the Galactic Alliance? You’d have to come to Sullust of course, but you would fit right in with us. He stared emphatically at his thumb, the entrance of the woman missed in all her entirety. He was trapped his own thoughts, rolling over them, remembering the good for the bad. And her expression over fire light, it made him smile. One that couldn't be wiped clean, even as she touched his shoulder and spoke of him leaving. But even as a smile might stay, it invariably converts to a half way smirk as he patted the empty bench spot next to him. For her to sit, the lingering proximity might sooth his decision.

"I was thinking about that night on Taris, of you..." He squinted his eyes at the shuttle, feeling the edges of his teeth as his tongue went on idle, amid thought. "You said I would fit in here. Of course, who knows if that was really me you were talking to..." He knew it was but there were those who forever look upon him for the suspicion his face provided. It was a gun with endless ammunition. And he felt the paltry presence of a certain childishness, a pariah intent on proving others wrong."I don't know if I could agree with that sentiment, I'm not sure I ever belonged here." He turned towards her, smirk evident. "But I appreciated the time it took me to sort that out."

He inhaled loudly and shook his head. He wanted to ask something of her, beg of her, but he was caught between the aspects of selflessness and the desire for his own well being. And maybe that was the problem, he felt tethered to her. He was an old spirit, a young body marred in the illusion of age, but in his own way, he was younger than her. From an early age, he had never known life truly for the dependence that most take for granted. Picking up where he left off, it didn't surprise him that his own tormented mind would latch on to the one being that freed him. "Don't see me off." He jutted out the jaw, the beard moved with it, as he inspected her from a lowered expression. "Come with me. Come with our children. You don't have to raise them, we are meant for the fight. But they should know you."

He mourned her decision before even having the opportunity to reject him again, expecting her to remain in this place. But he had to try, he felt fiercely for a purpose that extended beyond righting the wrong of the One Sith. He believed in the drive a father has towards the protection of his children. He believed in the strength of a mother, defending her children from the wolves at the gate. And without that, he felt as a boat with no bearing and no rudder. Aimless.

Did he need to tell her again, that he loved her? Or were his actions enough to speak of his feelings. He thought he might choke on the words if he tried. Instead, he tongued his cheek and inhaled again, gaining a bit of confidence in pragmatism. Lifting his eyes, honey brown meeting black, he placed the collar in her lap. "They should know both of us." A shuttle away and for some reason, it felt like finality.

[member="Chevu Visz"]​

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="The Revenant"]
[member="Chevu Visz"]

“Oooh nope,” Jacen said to himself under his breath as he saw the pair on the bench. Having signed off the reduction in security on Gabriel himself, he had decided to come and catch up with the man before he headed off for the moon. After all, he was heading off to deploy with the Hounds deep into Sith territory for a few weeks so had a few vital details to pass on. However, given all he had heard about the couple and the twins recently he sure as hell wasn’t going to interrupt this conversation.

Shifting direction in a single step he walked off at a tangent. Suppose I can hang around nearby for a few minutes before it gets awkward, he decided. It occurred to him that he had been putting off a conversation with Chevu. Since her return from that first meeting with the Wrath, he had tried to offer some guidance to the wayward Knight, convinced that she still needed some stable influence. Coren wasn’t the most balanced individual in Jacen’s opinion.

But then who am I to offer advice? How long did it take me each time to admit I had a mental problem? The anxieties still came to him from time to time. Deep breath in, slow breath out. Follow the techniques Adele showed you.

He found a quiet knoll on which to sit cross-legged. He felt a warm blanket of calm descend as he dropped into a meditative state. You can offer advice because she’s about to follow in your footsteps, he told himself.

 

[Chevu Visz]

At the mention of Taris, dark brows knitted together. Chevu wished that she could go back to that night on Taris, when things seemed much simpler. A small part of her was sent there every time she looked in Gabriel’s brown eyes or the bronze skin of his collarbone. No, she couldn’t go down that trail of thoughts. She had Destin and Armaud, and they deserved the life that they’d earned, whether or not she was in it. She knew Gabriel was right though. They should know her. She just...couldn’t go.

“Gabriel,” she started, pressing her lips together tightly with a shake of her head. “I can’t come with you. My duties are here at the temple. Sulon is too far removed for someone who wants to earn back her rank of Marshal.” She owed it to the late Master Oomomo to wear that rank when the Sullustan couldn’t, finally taken by his illness. It wasn’t for anyone else to understand, but this was her silent vow to her former Master.

“I meant what I said about you belonging with the Galactic Alliance. I don’t believe that we would be as strong without you.”

She cared for him deeply. She cared for Coren Starchaser, too. And she had no idea what to do about either of them. The two men were like oil and water. They needed to be kept apart or bad things would happen. There were so many things she wanted to say, but so many things she couldn’t tell him. She looked down at her green skinned hands, knowing that they held much more than Gabriel’s collar. Lifting her head, she blinked away tears in her almond eyes.

“I’ll come visit them as often as I can. I promise."

[member="The Revenant"] [member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

 

[Gabriel Sionoma]

He expected that answer, even anticipated it. But to hear the words pour out from her, absent any chance, it gave the knife a particular edge. He wanted to be angry with her, to grab her by the shoulders and tell her all the reasons that cutting towards the moon and living with her children and with him was the right way. He felt pettiness rear its head again, the thought of her turning to find him no longer here or there, just simply gone from the universe. Would that teach her that maybe he was worth saving, worth being with, that he was more than just the father of her children? But the thought left him as soon as it wished to linger, tensing of a jaw as he exhaled and met the teary eyed gaze staring back at him.

She made promises of coming to visit. Days of rain given to brief moments where the clouds broke for the sun. The beauty of those moments would be endeared to him, but it wouldn't take away the ache of the deluge. He wanted to be selfish, to seek out something for himself, but he found movement halted for the stone wall before him, a way he could no longer tread. Those ways long thrown away with the brother, left at Selvaris. This was a path of redemption, it wasn't meant to be easy. But right now, it felt particularly hard. He wanted her but he wanted her of her own volition. Unwilling to accept something forced, a marionette of her true form dancing to the desires of others. He wanted her to want him back.

His right hand lifted to her cheek, thumb moving against the Mirialan tattoo, as he forced a smile. "I knew the answer before I asked...And I still love you." Leaning forward, he placed a kiss against her lips before pulling away and standing from the bench. Spotting Jacen, he scratched his beard and inhaled again, suddenly in a hurry. "But I had to ask." He didn't have it in him to say goodbye, the wound choking the words in their moment of uttering. He walked away from Chevu to find the Jedi Master meditating.

He didn't have much composure left and as the ship cut on, he interrupted the meditation. "I hope everything is still fine for me to leave." He looked towards the pilot, who returned a nod, and gave another look towards the man. "You'll have to forgive my impatience. Was there anything you needed before I leave?"

He wanted to get off Sullust more than ever. And he grieved for that feeling, but he was no Jedi. Maybe some day he could be something more, more than the bruised creature stalking the halls of an academy. A father, that might be his start.

[member="Chevu Visz"] | [member="Jacen Voidstalker"]​

​

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="The Revenant"]

Jacen slowly got to his feet, twisting his head to one side to stretch out a muscle that had tightened up. "Only a couple of bits," Jacen replied, keeping his expression fairly neutral. "I'm being deployed for a few weeks now I'm reasonably back in once piece. So if you need to head out of the system just get in touch with Master Rhen directly to let him know where you're going.

"Secondly, just wanted to say I appreciated your help whilst you've been here," he added, offering his hand. "Perhaps when I'm back off this deployment I'll come past and see if there are any more jobs need doing around the homestead?" he asked. Jacen decided to keep this relatively brief, clearly the talk with Chevu had been raw. Perhaps he wouldn't intercept her straight away, but talk to her later.

 

[Gabriel Sionoma]

"I don't imagine I'll be going far, but I will keep that in mind." A nod followed the confirmation. Putting his hand out, Gabriel smiled and shook. "Jacen...You were a friend when I needed one. Let me know if you need anymore help around here. I'm just a shuttle away." He paused and pursed his lips, in thought. "You're welcome at the Homestead whenever you feel like coming around. I'm sure I could use your help."

He exhaled and stepped through the open doors of the shuttle, not truly concerned about Jacen and his deployment. The man could handle himself, he saw that enough to know he was capable and not reckless. Sitting down on the bench, he glanced out of the open door towards Chevu before hitting the switch, the door closing.

"Heading out?"

Gabriel gestured with a wave of his hand. With the thrusters kicking on, he held his forehead in his hands and scratched his hair line, rubbing his temples. As his eyes closed, the ship exited the academy towards Sulon.

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"] | [member="Chevu Visz"]​

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="The Revenant"]
[member="Chevu Visz"]

The early morning sun glinted off the moisture in her eyes. Instead of trying to hold a conversation at that moment - with Gabriel's shuttle still receding into the sky - he decided to politely ask Chevu to meet him later that afternoon. There was a tea garden on one side of the floating biome that was quite popular with members of the New Jedi Order. Most would be in physical training, sparring or in study at the hour chosen, so there would be plenty of quiet areas for a private conversation.

That afternoon he spotted the green-skinned knight approaching and offered her a casual wave. There was already a fresh pot on the table, but a serving droid would pass by soon in case she had a different preference. "I thought we could talk about your future in the Order," he said with a friendly smile. It was half-true, he thought to himself. It had been a long time since he'd apologised to the young mirialan for the kangaroo court she'd been put through. When he thought back to that day it was still difficult not to feel angry at what Coren had dragged her through. Several times he'd imparted some advice to her when the opportunity arose. From their diplomatic mess with the Rose, to the notion of keeping muslin cloths in every corner of her home for when the twins were born. Somehow being able to offer some insight, as someone who had so many mistakes behind him, helped him focus on falling into the role he found himself in as part of the Alliance. Easier to help another work through their mistakes than deal with your own. Objectivity brought a certain level of clarity as well, it seemed.

But this time...this time he couldn't talk her through at arms length. This time he had to make her realise the potential consequences of her actions, pick open the scab and let her see the pain. Jacen was no preacher, he was in no way close enough to dare tell Chevu what decision to make. Yet it would be remiss of him to let her follow this path blind. It would be easier of course to frame his advice in generic terms, just make a few remarks and see if it caused her to think it through herself.

Jacen's smile froze on his face. His eyes drifted to focus on the horizon. No, that's probably a ludicrous notion. He turned back to Chevu and waited for her to take a seat. One must be careful when one looks upon the dark side, for the dark side looks back, the quiet words drifted through his mind.

 

[Chevu Visz]

Chevu savored the kiss with Gabriel, unsure when another one would happen. He told her that he loved her, and she opened her mouth, but closed it. She loved Gabriel, but telling him only seemed cruel if she wasn't going to back it up with action. If she loved him, why wasn't she joining him on Sulon. The answer would beg revealing her feelings for Coren Starchaser, and she wasn't sure that was news that would mesh well with his current state of mind. Or maybe she didn't want to be challenged on that complicated relationship. Selfish, selfish girl. Why is everything about you?

Awkwardly standing in the hangar, Chevu watched Gabriel cross to Master Voidstalker for a few words. He shook Jacen's hand and with one more painful look in her direction, Gabe entered his shuttle. With a twisting in her stomach, she watched the transport float out of the hangar. Then he was gone.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that afternoon, Chevu met Master Voidstalker for tea, a hangdog look on her green face. She took a seat, her fingers twitching nervously in her lap. It felt as if she were about to get a fatherly scolding.

"Thank you for inviting me, Master Voidstalker," she said politely, almond eyes unsure as she reached for the teapot.

"My future in the Order, Master?" the young Mirialan asked hopefully, her heartbeat quickening. Was she getting her Marshal rank back? She hoped so. Once upon a time, Chevu felt undeserving of that rank, originally given to her in lieu of her absent master. But now? She'd lead soldiers and Force users into battle on several fronts, and fought the Sith on their home turf. She would wear it with a new found confidence. Pettily, she couldn't wait to throw it in Coren's face, either.

[member="The Revenant"] [member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Chevu Visz"]

“Indeed,” Jacen replied with a smile. He paused for a moment as he put aside thoughts on the healer’s well aimed proverbs. The investigator could pick up that thread again later. “Part of being a Marshall is being trusted with sensitive information. The Marshalls have a great deal of oversight of our military operations. The title was taken back because you royally fethed up in a manner that demonstrated that it would be a risk to have you part of that decision making process,” he explained. There was no accusation in his tone, he explained it as casually as one would the activities required to brew a cup of tea.

“Now I don’t know whether it was this, or that ridiculous public meeting that Coren decided to call, but since then you’ve thrown yourself back into the fray – quite admirably,” he said, with a slight turn and drop of the head to show respect. “And on top of that we now have Gabe on side, rather than you in the Wrath’s hands.” Jacen didn’t bring up the fact that only by following her, when she headed off without letting anyone know her destination, was that still the case.

The cup of tea was placed to one side, his elbows came onto the table and he leant forwards, placing his chin in his hands. This time as he spoke, his voice dropped both in tone and volume. “When I was a boy I was ejected from the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. Thrown right out for not having the requisite discipline. I was a stupid, rash, prideful youth. Ended up hurting another padawan very badly. Completely removed from the Order. Did you know this?” he asked.

 

[Chevu Visz]

“Part of being a Marshall is being trusted with sensitive information…”

Jacen’s words thrummed through her brain. Her stomach sank accompanied by a deep red blush that crept up her face. Chevu was still crestfallen by the incidents that left her deranked, and was desperate to clean the slate of it. The Mirialan shook her head vehemently in agreement, her expression dead serious.

“I understand completely, Master Voidstalker. My indiscretion won’t happen again. You have my word.”

Other than her rogue trip to Onderon, where she got outnumbered by three Sith, including the Wrath himself, Chevu’s record had been flawless. She’d fought Sith on Coruscant. She’d found a valuable Holocron on Alaris Prime. Her student seemed to be progressing nicely. Chevu’s leg bounced anxiously as she sipped her tea. Surely, she was close to getting her rank back? Master Rhen said he thought it was only a matter of time.

Jacen began to talk to her of his youth, and as he leaned forward, she mirrored him. He told her of a time when he hurt a padawan and was removed from the Order. She shook her head, eyes widening in surprise.

“I-I didn’t know that. What did you do that was so bad?”

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Chevu Visz"]
His mouth froze on the next syllable. Stupid. He should have known she’d ask that, but it had been beside the point of his lesson. His mouth snapped closed and he sat back, placing his hands on his lap. His expression shifted a few times as he worked out how to phrase that mistake.

“I was not a very good Padawan,” he started. “Arrogant and foolhardy. Trying to show off, I gravely injured one of my peers. Doesn’t really draw a direct analogy to your situation,” he said, leaning forwards across the table again. The implication was there: what comes after does.

“I suffered from depression for a time after that.” He almost stumbled over those words, but kept going. It was his eyes that gave away the pain of saying that out loud, when the rest of him held that composed visage so well. “My uncle was a military man and I became an officer. Threw myself into it, but from that point on every failure seemed to hit harder. Every time it was a battle just to pick myself up off the floor. It was easier to be deployed, always busy, always moving, sometimes fighting. Being back at home or training was the hard part. When I had time to think…” he said. It was as far as he could go for a moment, his hands slid out of sight so she couldn’t see him wrangling them together.

Jacen sighed. “Don’t think I’m trying to be condescending. Please just hear this through,” he requested. This time his voice was hushed. He swallowed hard before continuing. “My wife quietly left me for another man with a stable job. That...that was difficult, but it wasn’t the worst. The Sith Empire was wiped away. We kept winning. Then the One Sith struck. I was there, fighting for my own home. To no avail. They kept saying it was a ‘tactical withdrawal’. That we'd reassemble the fleet and dig out the upstarts. Well, you know how well that went.

“I lost contact with my ex-wife and son not long after. Yet there was no blackout, I could speak to the rest of my family freely. They said they had no idea where they were. Young boy, maybe inherited my force sensitivity. I feared the worst,” he said, abbreviating the past to the most basic facts. It was the expressions that tried to force their way through the mask that coloured in the story. The strain showed most in his bloodshot eyes.

He took a deep, forced breath in. “Sent someone to find them. Hired a local.” There was another brief pause as he squeezed his lips together, before jutting out his jaw and continuing, his gaze never leaving hers. “Turns out my mother was visiting them every weekend. She was in on the whole thing. They took that occupation of coruscant as an opportunity to stop seeing me altogether,” he said with a grimace. He let out a hoarse laugh. Then his eyes went to the floor and he shook his head in exasperation.

“I always knew she liked the boy more than me, yet I struggled to come to terms with that betrayal. Was I so neglectful? Did I deserve to be treated that way?” More animated than he had been before, his finger tapped out an angry rhythm on the table to punctuate his words. The questions were rhetorical. He looked up again, realising he'd lost himself in the past and strayed from the message.

“We all have to sacrifice to win this war Chevu. It's a choice we all have to make. Nothing is demanded of you, it's up to you how much you're willing to give away. But you need to know what you might be giving up.

“I don't know a thing about my own flesh and blood. I wouldn't even recognise my son now. I don't know how he's doing in school, what his favourite food is. Won't ever hold him again. I think I've managed to come to terms with all my mistakes but for a long time that regret has been eating away at me,” he said. He snorted and there was a sad smile on his face. He slowly nodded as if making a decision.

“The Marshal position is yours Chevu - if you want it. I only ask you think on it til the morning before you let me know,” he said. This time his timbre was controlled, his expression returned to neutrality. The chair slid out from the table and he stood up. “Enjoy the tea. Don't ever regret your decisions. Just look to the future and steer towards where you want to be.”

 

[Chevu Visz]

Chevu listened quietly, only interjecting with an occasional “uh huh” or a polite head nod. She had a feeling that Master Voidstalker’s words would rend her heart into little shreds, and she was right. She had no idea that his family situation was, well...that. The Mirialan almost reached out a green-skinned hand to lay on his arm, but stopped herself, unsure if they were familiar enough for a comforting gesture.

She was getting her Marshal position back, but it was a cold comfort. She thought she deserved it back, but now she wasn’t so sure. Abandoning her flesh and blood children. That hardly seemed the Jedi way. Everyone had their spectres, and Chevu knew that Destin and Armaud would be hers. She watched the back of the Jedi Master, as he exited the cafe. Sulon loomed in her thoughts, just as it did over Sullust. She would pay Gabe and their children a visit as soon as they got settled. If he would have her. Hell, she might even hold the babies this time.

In the morning, Chevu sought out Master Voidstalker again, his stories still weighing heavy on her mind. She found him at the Sullust Jedi Temple garden. Although the Mirialan no longer wore Jedi robes, she still greeted Jacen with a more traditional bow.

“I will accept the Jedi Marshall position.” she told him. She might not wear the rank proudly yet, but whether deserving or not, she still felt it was her duty to make sure that the light side prevailed over the galaxy. Her deep brown eyes brimmed with earnest determination.

“I won’t let you down this time.”

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Chevu Visz"]

Jacen sighed and then slowly nodded his head. "I half wish we weren't so desperate, then I could have said 'no' and made you take some leave. But it is what it is. Marshal Visz it is again," he said. Looking to the floor he snorted before smiling. "I meant what I said, everyone is grateful for you putting yourself on the line for the Alliance. Just try and take some time for yourself. Don't be a stranger to your own family. If you end up broken, you're no good to anyone, trust me. Talk to me if you ever need, okay? And if you need to talk to someone outside of this all, the GADF has people for pastoral care. Trust me when I say that sometimes its good just to talk things through with a neutral party.

"Back to the pointy end then I guess!" he said. They were sending more forces to the Mid Rim in short order to try and deal with the civilian mess left by the One Sith splitting the Republic in two. His appraised Chevu's expression carefully, kept his mind open for any errant emotions she let slip through. Perhaps he shouldn't have done this. He knew a lot of women still suffered in silence from post natal depression. There were people who couldn't even bring themselves to look at there own children in the weeks following the birth. Feth it, maybe he wasn't as good a person as he hoped he was. Back to the front, where he didn't have to worry about such matters.