Finding Meaning in past Battles.

[Catherine Soja]

Catherine Soja
Location: Ruusan Memorial temple

As she arrived she looked at the old memorial. Nobody came here much anymore, as she entered the depths of it at it’s core she looked around, the starts on it representing the jedi fallen. Two years of war here lead by lord Jedi Hoth. As she set up her things she lit candles she hoped this place where so much had happened, where the force still rang with the echoes he might hear her. She meditated and in her mind called for Lord Hoth to come back from the sleep he had as one with the force. She could feel the force respond to her reaching out but no answer. A hollow quiet left. Hours passed trying, then a day. By day three she was trying now in desperation and felt nothing. Eventually on the fourth day she sighed feeling hopeless. “I was a fool, thinking a spirit was going to come here for a padawan wasn’t I?” She asked to no one. She stood up sighing. “I guess I..jsut wanted to believe we once were something greater.”

A voice came out then. “It depends on what you consider great child.” She jumped some and looked around. She saw nobody. “Are you so surprised to see the one you spent days calling? I am here.” Before too long the image of Hoth himself came a grizzled veteran of so much carnage. He looked perhaps tired or maybe just wondering why his soul after so long was called by a girl so young. “Why did you seek me out young jedi? Surely you need not the tales of an old man to tell you of you’re duties as a jedi.” He spoke curtly.

She looked and bowed some out of lack of anything else she thought to do. “Master Hoth I…I am Catherine Soja I need help I need to be trained more. The galaxy it’s… It’s in peril again. The sith and plenty of other factions. He raised a hand silencing her.

“And why should I? There are how many masters no doubt back at the academy who could teach you. If that’s all you came for you truly do you’re master a disservice in coming.” He sounded annoyed by the padawan.

“My masters all vanish into no where and the old jedi order is gone. We need to be what we were, already I’ve lost my home my family, masters and entire orders. The republic is shattered and hope seems empty now for so many. “

“The galaxy is always in Peril, I remember when I was around you’re age ready to change the galaxy. I was going to rip the heart of the sith out and save it all! I learned otherwise. I am now tired of trying to play hero padawan Soja. I lost so many people I came to view as my brothers and sisters. Two years on this planet I watched them die against the sith. I watched month after month of struggle for advantages that cost more in blood than I thought an entire war should. I still would say go back to the academy or wherever we now gather. There are excellent teachers there I am sure who will show you what you need. Those of us long passed to join the force are not a work around for them.” With that he began to turn as if to leave. Catherine felt broken some, this was one of the heros she idolized as ideal jedi? A old broken man who was tired of war.

“Is that it? You came after basically ignoring me for four days to say go home! Is there nothing left of the you who believed? IS this all we are now?” He turned looking to her angry now that this youngster dared speak to him in such a tone.

“Before you shout Master Hoth realize we are not the same anymore. The old order fell, unable to defend anything. We became diplomats and philosophers only. We made treaties with the sith instead of fight them. And they made sure we paid for it! Millions dead entire worlds gone because we forgot that there is evil out there that needs to be faced. The jedi as I see them right or wrong I don’t see what I was told of them. I don’t see guardians of peace and justice I see people mired in a political struggle for who will look the least bad when they all are being hacked to pieces! While our Sith foes make plagues we dig a well. One they will poison and use against us.” She nearly cried fighting not to. Hoth first stern and ready to shout his face softened.
“You may not believe anymore but I refuse to let the darkness swallow everyone just because we rolled over!” She spoke.

He smiled some. “Maybe…there is some of that left. You truly want to change everything or die trying then.” He smiled and nodded some. “If you think you can handle how I train you I will but know this padawan I will not spare you feelings or go soft. Because you’re enemy is one I know very well, it will not go soft on you either.”

“That is fine I’m ready!” She said confidently.

“I hope so, because a jedi especially one who will face the people who have gone down the dark path will try to break you. They will tempt you threaten you and they will show the power the darkness within them has granted them. If I think you are not serious enough I will stop right there. I expected those under me who I trained to be committed and serious about their training. I will expect no less from you.” He looked to her with a stern face.

“U-understood, all in or nothing right.” She asked.

“Exactly.” He spoke.

“Then I am all in.” She spoke.

He nodded and took a seat at the alter. “Then first you must clear you’re mind I cannot train a mind who races with thoughts or emotion so easily. It can cloud you’re focus and will make it harder to learn. Sit meditate and clear yourself of all distractions.” As she sat she began to do as told meditating quietly trying to be clam. As she did the old images of home showed up and Hoth quirked a brow. “You’re home as the force saw it. Echo’s of it’s destruction. You must clear it from you. It is a wound the dark side will tempt you with. The past can teach us lessons but if allowed to it can marr our judgment. Make us fall into traps. It’s easy to do you over react to an event out of fear. Fear is the path to the dark side. Through it you’re foe will try to break you. I know it tempted me too. But you must let go of the fear of the remorse for not saving them. If you value what you loved there know they are once more with the force. There nobody can harm them. Focus on what is now not what once was.” With that she slowly pushed the images away and calmed. “Good we will begin soon. When you are fully calm and ready.”

 

[Catherine Soja]

Day 5

As she stood focusing lifting two of the broken down pieces of stone left in the old crumbling monuments she listened to Hoths voice. “In order to face the dark side you’re power with the force must grow. You must be able not just to match in power however but in ability to use it on the fly. Some masters can lift massive ships but it takes forever. You must quickly be able to summon up this power and use it creatively. “ He then was able to send smaller objects toward and she had to try to stop them quickly with the force. As she did she stopped one, then two but the third hit her and everything dropped.

“GAH!” She cried out as it whacked her knee. “That killed my focus!” She spoke rubbing herself.

“And you think a sith will care? You have to maintain focus even amid the threat of pain, not every chance you have will allow you to have ample focusing time for a careful controlled move. You need to be able to call upon the force fully at a moments notice.” He spoke sternly. As he let his shoulder down he sighed. “We are done for today. You must understand Catherine, you have a stronger capacity with the force than you know. But you have let your saber training take over and thus you have no where the power you could. While a light saber can do you well the force must always be a Jedi’s greatest ally in battle. You’re mind and the force will win more battles than the greatest saber mastery can. When in balance mastery of all three can make you a challenge for even the greatest of sith lords. When unbalanced there is a risk of being cut down by a clever acolyte.” Shel ooked to him as he spoke and he kept a strong gaze upon her. “Tomorrow you must face yourself.”

Day 6

As she walked with him to a small forested area he stopped. “Why are we stopping?” he looked to her.

“I am you will go in. No doubt you feel it. The Dark side of the force is strong here. This once was no forest. It was a place where many fell, all to take a path that no longer is used. Go and begin you’re test.” She tried to ask a question but he waved a hand indicating not to. With that she traveled inside. It seemed like several minutes of nothing but as she crossed a small group of thick bushes and came out she suddenly found herself faced with somebody flying past her! As she looked it was? A WARZONE! Jedi and sith all over. Before she could marvel at the landscape of death carnage and fighting a saber flew near her and she ducked taking up hers. A sith warrior smiled darkly as he looked to her.

“Aww a little lost Padawan! Don’t worry I’ll send you over to you’re master soon. IN PIECES!” he swung and she parried and they began to fight. But she was quickly finding it hard to keep up, even enhancing her speed and strength with the force she grunted and backed up trying to keep her footing. She switched forms to ataryu and leaped over him flipping and moving to strike only for him to parry and counter strike forcing her back to the defensive. But as she tried he struck slicing her hand off at the elbow making her scream in pain. As she fell she tried to reach for her saber but he grabbed it activating it. “Not to worry little girl I’ll make it all fast I promise. I’m a merciful man after all.” She looked up and as he raised the sabers she reached out and pushed hard as she could with the force knocking him over. After he dropped the sabers and she grabbed hers with the force and raised it as it lit up. Breathing hard she tried to strike but he pushed back with the force laughing. Using the force she screamed in frustration as she shoved it past his force power into his chest and he shocked looked to her as he slumped down. But she was not safe and pulling it out she caught a glimpse of a larger figure masked and terrifying as it cut jedi down like helpless droids. She raised her weapon and struck as it approached but the sith just batted it aside as she backed up. Things felt like they slowed down then as she pushed all her efforts into speed with the force. She took up her saber and swung it slicing the siths head off as it fell. But as she looked to this she saw not the masked head but instead a skull in a helmet. The figure then rose up saber ablaze and she looked on with shock as it came for her. As it swung it destroyed her saber and then raised it to end her coming down before suddenly….It was all gone. She was in the forest and nothing else was there but an old slowly vanishing path. Her arm was fine, saber intact on the ground. When she came out with her saber and looking shocked Hoth looked to her.

“Was that what you saw?” She asked.
“No that is what is happening in you. You’re conflict is still there but you are wining. To finally end it however you must make a choice on what you will do after you’re training here. If you travel down the path of facing evil you must steel you’re self and face that conflict head long. You took the first step with that today.”

 

[Catherine Soja]

Day 12

As she had been practicing her various saber forms not just alone but in mixtures Lord Hoth came and sat down. “The days are growing shorter for us Catherine. Soon enough I must return for a time.” She stopped and putting her saber away moved to sit beside him. She looked to him she looked tired some but not burnt out.

“You never said if I passed the test in the forest.” She said as if asking. He looked to her breathing out.

“No you did not. Winning the battle is one thing but the conflict is of a scope I worry you havint understood. I see it in you’re saber skills. They improve but you still have much fear in you. Fear to fail somebody again. As every padawan is ever told fear is the path to the dark side. It has haunted us Jedi for so long. We fell to our fear and it made our greatest foes.” With that he summoned up the forces memories of one of those. But she didn’t hear roars or towering bellows. Only a content breathing. Labored, mechanically helped.

“Who?” She asked.

“Known to history as Lord Vader. Those breaths were the last thing heard by countless jedi and in them was man taken by his fear. A fear I sense in you.” As the memory faded she looked to him. “Soja remember, the dark side will tempt you all you’re life until you prove to it there is nothing to temp. It is our fear that has killed us so often. Fear not jut of loss but to act. Fear that in our action we become something and instead we stand by as whole worlds die. The mandalorians, the sith, every new foe who comes to take us and each time our worst foe was us trying to hold onto the ways of none interference. If you truly learned different from history and from me. Do not let us become that again. Let me rejoin the force knowing somebody still stands to defend against the darkness. Do not let you’re families lives have been sacrificed in vain by letting that fear consume you. Remember so long as you stand as a defender of the light their memory still lives. In a few days I give you my last test. Prepare yourself Catherine. And remember you are never alone. Even amid a army of sith so long as the force is you’re ally you have me and a thousand other great jedi behind you.

Day 15

As she was summoned to a area of the temple monument deep under it she looked around. Inside she saw a small stone she’d never seen it before. Not sensed it despite it now radiating with the force. “W-What is it?” She asked, he merely looked to it and spoke in his usual gruff tone. “it is a point in time the force remembers but it remembers it as something that could be or could have been. Today you finish you’re battle with yourself. And today only one of you will leave this chamber.” He spoke with a tone that said it was simply fact. Before she could ask anything more a flash of light came and she saw a dark robed and armored figure before her. She recognized them as they smiled. It…was…her? She carried a twisted looking saber it’s red blade hummed to life but the handle was covered in spikes and barbs. As she took her own blue saber up she watched as the figure came and swung at her. She blocked then struck back to only be countered.

“You can’t be me! “ She growled.

“Why not? I am what you are to be! We will save this galaxy. Finally no more suffering for others we will take on that burden. Finally the folly of our past redeemed!” As the two began to fight each changing saber forms to try and find a hole in the other they continued to match move for move. Moving up the steps Catherine tried a counter strike aimed for the head followed by a swift twist of her wrist to aim for the legs but both were batted aside before a strike came down and she was forced to duck. “Give in to the fear Catherine! It will drive you! You saw how lady Venefica and they all were. STRONGER POWERFUL! They could save our world and protect it for all time. They would even teach us their secrets! To them we are their sister, the rose on your back says such.”

“No, I saw what they became. Whatever goals they had are gone! Their pawns to the dark side! It dangles promises for them to follow a twisting unending path until they are nothing of themselves! What did you sacrifice for what you are now? “She demanded as they continued the duel but Catherine was losing as the dark version of her pressed her advantage. “Did you…GRUAAHHH! Give up helping others!? Give up on restoring things!?” She grunted and fought trying to match the sheer power of this version of herself but was beginning to wane. Not out of tiring but simply the skill this one had was amazing. Soon she took a saber strike to her leg then her back and finally it was before her face as she kneeled in pain.

“it is useless to resist! Do not let us be destroyed as the Jedi order did. All you have to do is to give in to you’re hate and the nightmare ends! All of it! We can finally be happy!” The figure smiled and removed her hood. This version of herself was pale and had the look of somebody who had stopped being herself long ago. She was older by far too.
“N-No, fear is the path to the dark side as is hate. You are not happy just content! Y-you have not saved any of them and all you do now is bring terror! You have become those who were too weak to defend them back then.” This brought an angry look and glare.

“SILANCE! I am finally powerful enough to destroy any sith! ANY NEW FORCE ENTITIY! I will KILL THEM ALL!” The dark specter shouted. Her voice distorted in anger.

“No you will be destroyed as they were. You’re just another angry sith! You don’t deserve that saber.” She reached but and pulled it away caught off guard it was sent away. The angry version of herself raised her hands and threw a massive lighting barrage at her.

“DIE! I WILL NOT LET THEM TAKE THEM AWAY AGAIN!” But Catherine having trained with Hoth now simply raised her hands and began to stand taking the pain. She began to use the force to shut it out. “W-WHAT? H-HOW!?” it cried out.

“I-I am a jedi, my ally is the force and a POWERFUL ally it is. You’re ally is fear and rage.. AAHhhhggg and the threat of pain. But They are all temporary! Or did you forget our oath! Our code we swore too. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the FORCE!” As she stood and walked toward the lighting torrent the dark vision before her began to fade her saber turning to nothing.

“You are weak! Another pathetic jedi pawn! I will crush you and I will save them all!” it cried in a panic. But it’s lighting began to mean little as Catherine stood amid it and began to let the force numb even the greatest pain.
“I am a Jedi for thousands of generations we have been the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy! The point isint to wipe evil out it’s to face it where you find it! You gave into it and now propagate it! What was it even one of our own foes once called us? An army of light to defeat the brotherhood of darkness. That army is inside every jedi who refuses to fall to fear! You have failed! That army is here can you not see it!?” Behind her the dark figure saw thousands? No millions! Of Jedi spirits for a brief moment all who had stood defiantly against the darkness. “you cannot kill this army! Because it is one with the force! Be gone now you no longer exist! Because I refuse to become what I see an angry old woman who no longer remembers herself!” The lighting began to break down and the entity fearfully desperately tried to continue it’s assault.
“N-no! STOP! THERE IS FEAR IN YOU!”
“Fear yes but I chose not to let that fear rule my life! That’s is the difference between us! You let is control you. I refuse!” As she spoke the image began to decay and fade off wailing as it’s very existence was undone. When finally it was over she kneeled down tired. She heard clapping. Looking up she saw Hoth.
“You did it, you finally realized what some masters never learn. I am proud of you Catherine. And now I have taught you what I can. Before you go I’ll be sure you are rested and are safe. After that however I return to the force. “ he smiled a smile of a man who had so long ago given up ever showing such happiness again.
“Master Hoth I.” She tried to speak but he simply raised a hand.

“No need Catherine. You finally learned to accept you’re past without letting it destroy you. I believe soon you will not be a padawan any longer Catherine. I am glad too, it means some young padawan is going to get a good teacher. Somebody who cares and is willing to show why the jedi were held in such high regard. And you are right, so long as you and others fight for good and to defend others. The army of light will never die. The army was not the jedi who marched to war. It is those who refuse to let darkness go unchallenged in the universe. So Catherine I am proud to call you a member of the army of light. It means maybe I did get to change the galaxy. I got to inspire others to take action, I can think of no other greater way to change things than to change the minds of others.” She smiled another day later she’d return to the Silver Jedi temple with a new sense of purpose and for once a sense of peace. She was stronger in all aspects of her abilities but above all this she now accepted the fear for what it was, just another emotion that comes with life. But now it held no power over her. The sleeps she had right after training with Lord Hoth were the greatest she’d ever had.