Fatherhood (Kobe)

[Alan]

[member="Kobe Seren"].


The name burned into Tracyn's mind, permanently. Rightly so. He hadn't been a good father. He hadn't been a good person. He hadn't been a good role model to his son. To his last living flesh and blood. To Asha's labor of love. While he burned the galaxy trying to find @Kaine Zambrano, he had left his son behind in the hands of [member="Joshua DragonsFlame"]. While Joshua was no bad model, he was not his father, and it was not his burden to raise the boy. It was Tracyn's. Tracyn had to face the music, right his wrongs. His eyes cast upwards at the temple steps. And he took flight with his legs, one step at at time.


The steps were made of stone, but they felt much harder than usual. His legs grew heavy as his heart sagged downwards into his chest, before he finally made it to the top of the stairs. His gray eyes danced over the courtyard, and the Jedi buzzing about. Some were concerned with training and studies. Others paid attention to Tracyn. They knew of him, and what he had done. Some praised him for his return, others scolded him for his sins and actions. Rightfully so. One of his wrongdoings, was waiting for him. The young boy was still in the early stages of his Jedi training.


It was only by a now deceased Jedi that Tracyn had returned to the Jedi in the first place, from the ranks of the Mandalorian Super Commandos. back into the Jedi order. He wondered what his son would do with his life, and if his son would do anything at all. Tracyn did not hope or want for the boy at the moment- he needed to see him. So, he made his way in, while whispers and words were cast around him as he moved, moved closer to Kobe. Moved closer to righting his wrong, undoing his sin.

 

[Lief]

Kobe had left the meditation chambers some time before, due to the fact he was encouraged to meditate at least three times a day if not more. Rather than join all the other children in their daily activities, he had instead chosen to settle down right outside of the room with his back against a pillar, paper on the ground before him and crayons scattered at his side. As ever, Kobe Seren had taken to filling his time with mindless scribblings. The drawing of Asha had been hidden away from everyone else's sights under his pillow in his dormitory, his other drawings scattered here and there in his room.

Sat there, in the Temple's Atrium, Kobe did not pay any mind to the Jedi who were going to and from their duties. He knew when his next lesson was, it wasn't in his nature to be late for them, and so he took his time. At some point, one of the Instructors had settled a flask of milk down at his side and occasionally the child would take a sip.

When some of the Jedi started whispering, however, Kobe felt his attention drawn away from his pictures. He felt a slight tug in the Force, something he had garnered a connection to much faster than his counterparts, which bade him to stare towards the entrance way. His eyes latched upon a man for a few moments, before he dropped his gaze and once again resumed his scribbling with a soft sigh. The man was heading his way, yet Kobe wasn't in the mood for company.

 

[Alan]

Milk and crayons. He resembled more of a child. The thought made Tracyn smile slightly, as he crouched next to his son. He ran a hand over his hair, thinned and cut. If Kobe could remember, he may have remembered Tracyn's long hair. Tracyn blinked, watching his son for a moment, before crouching beside him. [member="Kobe Seren"] was a blend of Asha and himself, a mixture of his facial features and Asha's. He reminded him physically of himself at that age. Tracyn ran his tattooed hands against each other for a moment, before turning to face his son, and he quietly picked up a crayon and a loose piece of paper.


"I never had an affinity for drawing."


Tracyn's fingers turned the crayon, placing it on it's side. He began to draw.


"They said I had talent for it. But in reality- I just draw what I see. Or want to see."

Eyes flickered to the papers beneath, the drawings he had done. Tracyn turned the crayon again, scratching deeper into the paper, wax falling and coming down. He leaned back, after a brief moment of silence, finishing.

"Do you like it?"


He turned the paper towards him. It was a simple picture of a Mandalorian helmet, a visage that Tracyn was all too familiar with understanding of.


"Hello Kobe."


Tracyn had to start somewhere.

 

[Lief]

The man had stopped right in front of him, causing Kobe to lower his head more so as he began to scribble yet again, trying to avoid having to interact with him. A tiny grumble left the boy for a moment, before he felt the man settle down before him and begin to draw alongside him. The man was speaking but it was needless talk, like he was filling in the blanks or figuring out where to begin.

Out of curiosity, Kobe lifted his gaze to glance upon the helmet. He'd seen them during his studies, and wondered why the man would be wanting to see a Mandalorian Helmet for? Something in his mind threw out the fact that they referred to it as a bucket, which in turn made him giggle some. Reaching up both hands, the boy clutched over his mouth. Where had that come from? Kobe hadn't smiled let alone laughed in some time.

Suddenly serious once again, he turned his gaze towards the man and narrowed his eyes some. He knew his name. Why did he---

Kobe looked at the man, properly looked at him; his eyes, his facial features, everything. And he recognised who it was, remembered faint flashes of memories. The little boy's eyes widened, before they brimmed up with tears, yet he did not cry. He was strong enough to refrain from doing so.

[member="Tracyn"]

 

[Alan]

He did not know what to do.


Typically, Tracyn had a plan. Had some sort of course of action in his mind that he undertook when being confronted with a problem, but now, he had little to say or do. So, he sat in silence, watching his son relive painful memories, unable to come up with a way to ease the pain. Tracyn ran his fingers over the edges of the paper, folding the picture he drew, bowing his head.

"Apologies, Kobe. I have not been a good man, or father to you."

The boy was hurting. Badly. And Tracyn had no idea how to help him.

"I know you want to cry. I don't know how you feel. I won't pretend to."

He rubbed his face, leaning against the wall.

"Your silence betrays your mind, I hear. I know you have much to say. Maybe not to everyone you've met, but I know you have much to say."


[member="Kobe Seren"]

 

[Lief]

The boy blinked some before hastily lifting a hand up to wipe away the tears before they could fall. Stubbornly he closed his mouth tightly shut and stared back down at the picture his Father had drawn on the paper. His other hand moved down and traced along the helmet as Tracyn began to close it in half. He sat there for a moment, unchanging, keeping his hand on the drawing.

Wanting nothing more than for this visitation to end, Kobe began to move to his feet, slipping his hand from Tracyn's piece of paper to fumble and pick up the remaining sheets and crayons. The man looked guilty, and Kobe couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't been with his mom, why he hadn't stopped everything from happening as it had, and why he had only now come back to the Temple.

Lifting his gaze, Kobe held his Father's almost steely in the way no child ought to. Accusations flooded his sight, wound into the tiny boy's tightly clenched jaw and shaking hands.

As much as he wanted to, Kobe did not leave. Instead he fought off the urge and simply stood there. He wanted to speak then, but he did not know how to; something in his centre felt off-balanced, and he knew that running would not help to ease it.

[member="Tracyn"]

 

[Alan]

The simple fact that [member="Kobe Seren"] said nothing, and did much, cut like many knives into Tracyn's heart. He pursed his lips and cursed his own foolish deeds inwardly as he watched his son replicate his artwork. The gaze that his son bore into him was not right. It was not becoming of a child. It was something that a man of many years advance his age would bear, something that the child should not have had set into his eyes. He tapped his foot on the ground, before speaking softly again. His tone was hardly above a whisper- an intimacy of Tracyn's voice that many did not get to hear.


"I have kept watch on you. As best as I could."His gray eyes glanced over his son. How much he reminded him of Asha. How it hurt still."You are not a mute, Kobe. You simply have not found anything to say. But I suspect you have many questions for me. And I have answers."Tracyn cocked his head.


"So ask me. Ask me all the things you wonder."

 

[Lief]

Kobe did not speak.

Instead he felt his frustrations at his Father begin to bubble up and over. He had no right to try and scrutinize the boy or his psyche, he could not just waltz back in and act as though nothing had happened. Asha was dead! And Tracyn didn't care enough to even tell the boy himself; of course Kobe had already been informed, but that had been by some stupid member of the Order who he'd never seen before, who had left just as quickly and sent peons Kobe's way to deal with the aftermath.

Taking one slight step forward, Kobe clenched his fists down at his side and glared up at the man. Then, without any pre-warning, he sent a kick in his Father's direction, aiming for his shin - he wanted to send a point, not do any real damage.

As quickly as it happened Kobe had turned on his heels and began to flee the scene. He didn't care for the ramifications at that point, he just wanted to find a quiet place where he would not be bothered by ghosts from the past. An unsuspecting Uncle, a wayward Father, a haunting Brother and the voice of his absent Mother. Kobe had his demons, and they hung over him in a constant toxifying manner.

[member="Tracyn"]

 

[Alan]

His son hit him. His young, brooding son struck at him. He knew why. He had been a terrible father. He had not earned anything from the boy. In fact, getting hit was warranted. It didn't hurt much- if it all. Tracyn had been terribly wounded before, there was simply not enough in the boy to hurt his father yet. Tracyn stood- alarmingly quick. He thought of giving chase, of simply taking small steps to catch up to the boy. Jedi began to circle around Tracyn, sharing the feeling of pity and shame.

Tracyn watched as his son ran, ran from the plague of sorrows that was his father. Tracyn was absent, distant, and cold in the boy's short time alive. He could have made excuses, but they would all fall through. Tracyn tore apart the galaxy, trying to find Kaine and his son and his wife. It was a fruitless effort- Kobe and Tracyn were the only ones left. Kobe was Asha's legacy, Tracyn was simply a blip on her storied past. He was not a significant player, he was not even that remotely powerful. He was skilled, sure. He was good at what he did. But he was not strong. Not like Asha. Not like Kobe. Not like Cazer. He was different. Only time would tell if he would prove worthy of retaining the mantle of Jedi.

Tracyn would let him go, and find him later. He would not be able to be communicated or conversed with in the state he was in. He was but a child, but one with righteous anger and well-placed loathing of his father. Tracyn bent down, and began to pick up the crayons, and artwork that his son left. He also picked up his milk, frowning.


Tracyn loved milk.


[member="Kobe Seren"]