Cast Me Gently Into Morning

[Celeste Rigel]

Cast me gently into morning... ​

... for the night has been unkind​

​

​

“Celeste – I'm being deployed to Umbara. No time to stop home, I'll see you and Atti when I get back. Love you both.” ​

Teary eyes watched as the holo-message went dark again. And Celeste pressed play again. Just one more time, she told herself. Asher Rigel's face was illuminated in blue light, and the message played back just like it had the many times before.

Hours earlier...

Celeste had been preparing dinner, the place settings on the table set for three. She stirred the pot of soup on the stove, hand trembling, but she wasn't sure why. She'd felt strange all day, from morning until evening, followed by a strange sense of anxiety. Something was deeply wrong, she felt it.

Of course, news of the attack on Umbara had spread throughout the temple. However, the details were few, as information had only just begun to filter through the channels. As far as she knew, the battle was still raging. Yes, perhaps that was it... an attack so close to home was reason to worry. Though, the Order's forces were swift to react and protect their space. There was little chance of the fight overflowing to Kashyyyk.

Still, the feeling lingered.

With Atticus seated and food dished up, Celeste had just taken a seat herself when there came a knock on the door. “Be right back,” She said, ruffling Atticus' hair. Rising from her seat, she answered the door to find two Antarian Rangers, both wearing uniforms and somber faces.

“Mrs. Rigel?” One inquired.

“Yes, that's me.” Celeste answered, a instinctively clutching the front of her robes.

“We are very sorry to inform you that your husband has been killed in action.” They both bowed their heads slightly. “He served the Rangers bravely, Ma'am. We offer our deepest condolences. If there is anything we can do...”

“No,” Celeste said, numb. “That can't be, he is stationed here – on Kashyyyk. How...”

The two went on to explain that Asher's unit had been deployed to Umbara. Little did she know, there was a message from her husband beeping – that spoke the same words. But, their explanation and words of condolences simply became background noise, she stood in stunned silence. Nevertheless, she tried to nod to acknowledge them, and instinctively reached out when they offered her something.

They handed her a stack of paperwork... including a packet about grief.

 

[Celeste Rigel]

The next day or two had passed, with Celeste slowly coming to grips with the fact that her husband was gone. Even young Atticus was beginning to understand that Daddy wasn't coming home, quite a heartbreaking realization. With her duties passed to the other members of the Silver Circle, and Atticus pulled from his classes – the two were free to grieve together.

“Atticus,” Celeste called, stepping into her son's doorway. “Did you pack some toys to bring to Grandma and Grandpa's house?”

She smiled as Atticus held up his backpack, stuffed to the brim. Such smiles had been rare, but her son's innocence was endearing to no end. Gathering up her own things, Celeste led her son out of their quarters and towards the landing pad. They would be making a trip home to visit with Asher's mother and father, in fact, they would be staying there through the memorial service.

The transport ship took them up and away from Kashyyyk.

The healer had a heavy heart and a lump in her throat, but she left their home behind without a tear. For, she knew that many tears would be shed again – in the coming hours, and the coming days. Celeste had avoided the thought of her husband's funeral, for the idea of putting him to rest was too much to bear. There were words left unsaid, so many things she ought to have told him.

And yet, goodbye was the last thing she ever imagined saying.

For all the sadness and longing, there was a soft, tender spot of guilt, too. Celeste knew why, but in her mourning, she'd let the grief consume nearly everything. After all, she'd given her heart to Asher long ago – why not let him take it to the grave? No, even in this sorry state, she knew that she couldn't... for a portion of her heart belonged to [member="Coren Starchaser"] himself. Whether or not anything came of it, Celeste couldn't deny the fact. She'd tried many times, the years had fooled her, making her think that the flame had been long extinguished. When, in fact, it had still been smoldering.

This storm of emotions was bound to last, and Celeste hoped that she could weather it well.

 

[Celeste Rigel]

Their trip had been uneventful, which was good. Atticus had quickly fallen asleep to the steady hum of the engines, and Celeste had been left to her thoughts. Her brown eyes stared out the viewport, looking but not really taking anything in. She let her gaze become glassy as she anticipated arriving at the home of her late husband's parents. Fortunately, she was on very good terms with her in-laws, she actually counted herself quite lucky to have such a supportive family.

Reflected in the window, with the darkness as a backdrop, for a moment she swore that she could see Asher's smiling face there. But, upon blinking, it was gone – just like he was.

When their ship touched down, Celeste and Atticus were met by Asher's family and received with warmth. Inside the Rigel family home, they spent the next hours catching up, reminiscing, and grieving. Despite the sadness and the heavy hearts, there was a comfort to be found here.

“Dear,” Cora Rigel, Asher's mother, placed a hand on her shoulder. “You really ought to eat something.”

Celeste looked up for a moment, surprised by her mother in law's affectionate display. The woman had lost a son, but she was here – looking after the rest of them. Perhaps this was why the two had always gotten along, they were quite alike. Turning a glance down towards the table, she saw a cup of steaming tea and a slice of apple pie waiting. Cora urged her once more with just a look.

With a smile that seemed to tremble, Celeste picked up her fork and took a tiny bite. The crust was baked to perfection, and the apple filling just sweet enough to lift the spirits. But, that brightness did very little today, for it tasted like ash in her mouth. Offering a polite smile, she did her best to eat just enough to satisfy her mother-in-law.

When the hours became late, Celeste had put Atticus to bed. The two of them would share Asher's childhood room. She'd spent some time pointing out some of Asher's favorite toys to Atticus but it was quite a lot to bear. For his sake, she didn't want to crumble before his young eyes. Celeste did not want her son to remember her this way, red eyes, pale skin, and sad tones. Instead, she wanted him to remember the happy times, the times he had with his father.

Time was precious. It was finite, it was fleeting, and it was often taken away too soon.

 

[Celeste Rigel]

"The soldier, above all other people, prays for peace, for he must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war."​

​

The late-afternoon service was the last chance to pay respects to Asher Rigel. Friends, family, and fellow members of the Antarian Rangers had gathered to say farewell. Celeste watched it all unfold with blurry eyes. She glanced to the side, where her mother and father attempted to keep Atticus somewhat entertained, despite the nature of the day and the solemn graveyard setting.

This was not a place for someone so young, not at all.

However, it was very important to Celeste that her son remember his father – and that he had given his life protecting others. She wanted very much for Atticus to hold these memories dear, but she did not wish to burden him with grief. As young as he was, she knew that these scenes of sadness would eventually fade. But, not completely.

Standing at the foot of the casket, which was closed and draped with the flag of the Antarian Rangers, Celeste remained to thank their guests for coming. She was met with sadness, solemn nods, and a small amount of pity.

So, so sad for her. And what of their young son?

Yes, this was the day that every wife feared and dreaded. Celeste numbly continued to shake hands and give halfhearted embraces until the line of people had gone. And now, standing alone by her husband's side once last time, she hung her head low.

Her slender hand gently came to rest atop the lid, it was cold to the touch. Celeste's heart ached to send her husband to his grave alone, to sleep so far from his family... but it was his duty, it was his final wish.

“I...” Celeste whispered, “I don't quite know what to say. We were careful to plan for this day, but I never thought it would arrive... not so soon at least.” Her eyes softened. “I will take good care of Atticus, I'll raise him with your memory.” Voice broken, she continued. “And... no matter what the future brings, I will always have a special place for you. You were a good husband, and an even better father.”

There was more she wanted to say, but her lips remained closed. Deep down, she knew that Asher would want her to be happy. He would want her to find love again and to keep living – he'd said so on many occasions. But, it was easier said than done.

“Goodbye.”