But It Refused

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His duty was no longer his own. He'd given it away to those more capable. He was a stepping stone in galactic history: a usurper, traitor, zealot, ungrateful son. His legacy was the ruined temple. It stared down at him like a specter, unable to influence the corporeal realm, but entirely capable of judging those who remained. The souls that perished in the bloodbath that turned Ession into the world it was today probably judged him, too. It was all he could do to avoid marching up those great steps and joining them. That release called to him every day now. A lingering sentiment in the back of his mind. He had a way out; a way to atone for his sins. He'd been too much of a coward to make that choice in the past. The errant Jedi Master had tried many times to throw himself over the brink, but to no avail.

His mother had stopped him from doing such.

Then she died.

A new power in the galaxy rose as she fell. The Galactic Alliance. Something Cyril could fight for. It was not a purpose. It was not a home. He was far gone from that which he once was. The Republic was no longer his home. Naboo was a host of bad memories; his sisters' mutual hate for him only perpetuating the disdain of his mother's home. The only refuge Cyril Grayson, once Graxin Rade, could find now was in Ession. It was here he'd called the Jedi Lords to unite. It was here they had died due to his inaction. Their souls weighed him down. The thought of continuing was overwhelming.

Still, he called himself a Jedi, and his life had been service since birth. First to the Graug overlords. Then the Empire. Then the Jedi, the Republic, his family and so forth. Now the galaxy would need his blade more than ever, though it would never welcome him. He had no home, save for this hallowed temple. When the One Sith finally fell, and if he did not break during the battles that followed, this temple would be his grave.

Shaking his head, Cyril made his way down the road leading to his apartment. Many on Ession still knew him as a protector, though in his heart he knew he'd fallen short in his duties. Still, some came to him seeking assistance. His door was always open, and he often found himself advising the planet's leading council on governmental matters. Now? He needed to rest. The dark thoughts had hung over him like a thick fog today. If he dwelt on them, they would take him, and once he made that final choice, there could be no returning.

There was no information on what happened to souls who took their own lives in the old libraries. It was an interesting prospect; one he'd come to research as of late. Fortunately this Galactic Alliance would provide him a way to atone for his perceived sins on the battlefield. Felicity would not think him a coward if that was how he chose to end his life.

The door to his apartment remained unlocked. He busied himself with the news: weather forecasts mostly. If one were to find need of him, then they could find him here with relative ease.

[member="Janina Jaxx"]

 

[Cortana Jade]

She was extremely tired and restless, coming nearly halfway across the galaxy to chase some dream that may or may not benefit her. Ession was completely different from Tatooine, it was much faster and pace and in most cases she struggled to keep up. Her first encounter was with the poor, they seemed prominent and her being the kind soul gave to one who was beater and taken advantage of much later. She saw all of this happen, she was restless because she had her son attached to her back, and with this world being foreign her worrying increased and she feared for his safety the most. She was alone...and searching by herself.

Her hair was unkempt, and she had slight smudges on her cheeks, her grey tank was dingy at most, and her fitted black pants were rough. She left so much behind when she departed, she was now living off what she could when she could and despite her pride she did it...it was the only way.

She found herself walking down one of many of the roads, exhausted. However what kept her up, was this shimmering feeling inside that increased in vibrations with every step she took in a certain direction. She had butterflies in her stomach at most, but it was because she was excited or nervous...she was following the will of the Force. While she walked she was looking behind her and unknowingly was on a path to collide with a man she was looking for the entire time, though unbeknownst of her.

Before she could turn her head, her body ran into his manly frame and she stopped in her tracks.

"I am so sorry, please forgive..." he didn't seem to notice her much. He was in his own thought as it seemed and she took a few steps before the glimpse of his face she did get flashed in her face, and the feeling she had this entire trip at reached its maximum point of intensity. She turned around but he was far ahead, she worked up some energy to jog at a pace that was suitable for the situation as she was still maneuvering around people.

"Hey! Please wait...please!"

She saw him go into a door from a distance, she sprinted as best as she could to catch up, and she barged in right behind him but there was no one there. She was expecting some sort of bar...but it was dark and she wasn't sure where he could have gone in such a short amount if time...

Breathing heavily, "Hello...please."

[member="Cyril Grayson"]

 

[Placeholder 04]

He would not have deafened himself to the force on purpose. It just happened on its own -- a defense mechanism if there ever was one. Cyril was living in his own world now; his mind dominated by private thoughts and concerns rather than those of the corporeal. When a woman with a young infant strapped to her back collided with him, he hadn't paid it much mind. Now someone was knocking on his door: asking for his attentions. He stared through the murk of his own mind at the entrance, and with a heavy sigh, crossed the threshold.

When the door slid open Janina would be greeted with the face of a man who'd stopped caring. His beard was starting to come in once again, and there was a slight slouch to his gait. Tired blue eyes narrowed in confusion as he tried to make out her face. Had they met before? No. "How can I help you?" He grumbled with a bit more animosity than he meant to. That was when he felt the flicker -- the faint shift in the force. This woman had a connection to it. In the past, Cyril would have been excited. Now? He was looking at another possible recruit for the Sith.

They all became Sith. His Padawans, his family, the woman he loved: there was no escape. Why he had not slipped past the brink into that darkness was a mystery. He'd always been one of the more stubborn followers of the code. Perhaps that had something to do with it.

"Eh, why don't you come in," he motioned inside, "The place isn't very clean, but it's better than standing outside." His gaze fell to the woman. Far older than any Padawan he'd ever trained, pretty too. The thing that struck him the most, however, was the small child she carried. If she'd brought her son, then there must be something urgency he needed to take care of. Perhaps the gangs had risen up once again in the eastern sector. That was where the poorer humans lived, and this stranger certainly looked the part.

Then again, he probably did too.

[member="Janina Jaxx"]

 

[Cortana Jade]

Her eyes shut for just a moment so she could convince her body she could relax, but she however remained tensed. When she opened them, she still remained in her same spot, his first question she could find the words to answer. She only stared at him from a distance, with a faint light that hovered above her head. She was nervous, and his presence was intimidating, normally she would have left but...there was nothing for her to go back to, and somehow she felt as if she belonged.

Taking a couple of steps forward, she stopped in her tracks and spoke, "I'm Janina...this jay sound ridiculous but...you've been in my dreams...this feeling I have has led me to you." perhaps that was a little too much.

He seemed to have no motivation, she looked into his eyes when his gaze fell upon her, and there wasn't anything in this moment that could motivate him. He was a fairly attractive man whom seemed like he hid his heart from the world. But these thins she could be wrong about.

"I know your a Jedi...I can feel it, and I know you can feel me too. Please I've given up everything to live a new life..." she let out a sigh, she knew what she wanted to say, but part of her still failed to believe she was on this path now.

"I've given up everything to be here, to find you. There's a reason for this...I want to become a Jedi."

[member="Cyril Grayson"]

 

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He slid the door closed behind her. Janina? Not one he'd heard of. The Jedi Master paused as she spoke of dreams. He'd heard of these things happening -- even had them happen to those around him. His younger sister was plagued with such visions. For him to show up in this woman's dreams was...troubling to say the least. The Force had brought her here, and he'd shut it out. A problem that would need fixing.

"My name is Cyril Grayson. I fancy myself a Jedi Master," he murmured, trying to find his usual good humor, "I haven't taught anyone in years. My last Padawan disappeared in the Nether. I don't -.." He stopped himself, shaking his head. This woman had clearly been through an ordeal to find him. He couldn't just turn her down the moment she arrived.

Rather than respond to her further inquiries, Cyril made his way over to the kitchen. He'd been brewing some caf for himself, but she needed it more. Pouring two cups, he strolled back over to Janina and offered her one. "The Jedi way isn't for the faint of heart. Especially not these days with the war and all. Drink this." He offered a thin smile. "Is the child yours? You should sit down. You seem tired."

[member="Janina Jaxx"]

 

[Cortana Jade]

She nodded with the most gracious smile, hesitant at first, she however reached out and grabbed the cup of tea and she returned his smile. She took a sip, and then felt Jonas squirm in his sleep on her back. When she looked back to make sure things were alright she heard him present her with a question. She looked back at him and their was a brief moment....in that very small time frame her life and family flashed before her eyes.

She smirked, "Yes, this is my son..." then she followed him over towards a seat. She placed her cup down and unstrapped Jonas so that he could be held as he slept. She wrapped him up in her embrace, and there was love there.

She lowered her head when she heard what he said, this was partially due to her having low confidence and being extremely timid. Was she ready for this life, given there was a war how would she be around to protect her son..in the back of those thoughts however was light, and it stood out the most. Would she just live a sorry life, where she couldn't provide for her child, or herself? Would she wait till the war engulfed everything including her...both oaths were...dangerous...but something inside her desperately wanted to make a difference.

"I won't sit here and pretend that doesn't scare me...but I need to be able to provide security, for myself and my family. There's a higher calling...will you train me?" she asked, this time taking and holding his gaze, her deep blue eyes pretending to be an optical illusion that drags you in, though in the most positive way.

[member="Cyril Grayson"]

 

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There was a time when Cyril had almost become a parent. It was during the earlier days of the war, when the idea of infighting rebellion in Sith space was still plausible. At the time, he'd become close to an Imperial sniper who had some misgivings about the Sith. They'd both promised to overthrow the Sith overlords in favor of an Imperial council. They'd even gained the favor of one of the One Sith's greatest fleet admirals -- until it all fell to dust. Once the rebellion began, a Sith Lord had dropped out of hyperspace with a fleet at his back, and glassed half the planet. The rebellion died alongside millions, and the Republic never again dared to use such tactics.

The sniper and Cyril were married shortly thereafter. Unfortunately, her ties to the Sith were too great, and eventually she left him for her former station. He heard she was a Captain stationed somewhere in the inner rim. He'd also heard the child she carried was terminated so as not to interfere with her career. Imperials were cruel.

So he had sympathy for this woman. In a way, he felt he understood her plight, although the question was rather blunt. Normally he would keep someone around for weeks at a time to make sure they were capable of following the code. This case, however, was special. Perhaps it was Cyril's soft spot for children. Perhaps he simply understood the aching need to fulfill one's perceived duties.

Not that it matters now.

"Have you heard of the Galactic Alliance?" He asked, rather than answered, "I'm going to be offering them assistance, seeing what they're about. In between trips I'll return here. During that time, I can train you, yes, and once you've progressed, we can figure out what needs to be done." He paused, shaking his head. "You must know, before you commit to this, I am not held in great regard among my brethren. I am seen as a traitor, a zealot, and I will not deny that I am these things. What I have done has always been with good reason, but the reputation will never leave me. There are other more traditional Jedi that could teach you on Sullust, or Ossus."

And they're all arrogant children. Not one is older then twenty-five. Too young to be guiding dozens of others.

"That is all I have to say."

[member="Janina Jaxx"]

 

[Cortana Jade]

The Galactic Alliance? She'd never heard of the group or movement, and in fact it made her more curious but she was sure she'll hear more of it from Cyril from time to time. She neglected those thoughts for the time being and turned her attention back to him. Her heart nearly burst with emotions, when he said he would train her. Her initial glimpse of him had her thinking that the years had changed him into a more unkind person. Her eyes grew in moisture, but she didn't shed a tear. All she could do was smile.

"Well I certainly don't think of you as any of those things, you've saved our lives. I was starting to worry that I would never find you. Thank you."

When she looked at him, she wondered his history...surely it seemed, in her opinion, that he thought he'd fallen from grace. He was mistaken because of the decision her just made, was probably one of the most noblest.

"I would prefer you to train me, I was led to you...I don't think anyone else could fill this role."

[member="Cyril Grayson"]

 

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Cyril breathed a heavy sigh. He was pleased to hear Janina did not hold a sour opinion of him, at the least. The problem was that she very well might in time. Word of his misdeeds spread like wildfire among the Order. It was how it had always been. The temple had started to feel more like a highschool than a monestary. Still, he'd agreed to train this woman. She and her young child were now under his protection, as he saw it. Eventually she would have to protect herself, too, and though unfortunate, likely her child as well. There was no better time to start teaching her the ways than now.

"The force is all around us. It binds, us in a way. Some view it as a tool, others as a savior. It is neither of these things," he began, smiling down at the infant as he spoke, "It's sentient. A being that works with us, as we work with it. It influences us as we influence it. Some use it to their own advantage. Others use it to serve. Jedi are the latter, Sith the former."

He turned his gaze up to meet Janina's; hoping to find some form of understanding in her features. "A Jedi has to control herself. We cannot restrict ourselves from being people -- that's the path of the old order, and we can clearly see what happened to them. No, we have to know how to control ourselves, our emotions, to make the right choice rather than the one that pleases us. For our families, our friends, strangers, the entire galaxy, being a Jedi is service. So much so, that you might not see your son as much as you'd wish."

He paused.

"What's the boy's name?"

[member="Janina Jaxx"]

 

[Cortana Jade]

She noted his sigh, and her eyes began to blink and she looked down and off to the side. She thought maybe she said something he wasn't entirely pleased with. She in turn, sighed and felt she probably shouldn't comment on it. He went on to explain a few things to her, to clarify...what she took from it was that they were all connected, due to the force...and that there were people out there, group that sought to manipulate it in different ways. That much she could take in from what he was trying to say.

She bit her bottom lip, and a wrinkle formed on her forehead. It was clear she was engaged in what he was saying. She was focused on trying to decipher it all. Surely he would notice that, hopefully he was looking for that.

Truly, the Jedi were in service, to the galaxy as a whole. He explained that, and she had no choice but to understand. She was aware that she was following a higher path, but to be separated from her son when she never has before would be a much harder challenge she was sure. But if she had to do what she needed to ensure that his life was smooth from this point on she would do it, she owed him security.

She smirked when Cyril asked his name. She looked down at the infant and was ecstatic to say his name.

"His name is Jonas..." she chuckled, and looked back up "I understand...I'm willing." hopefully he could believe that because there was 50/50 going into that answer. She was in fact willing...but part of her struggled. But she was definitely certain she would try.

[member="Cyril Grayson"]

 

[Placeholder 04]

Cyril understood hesitation. He'd never been the most eager padawan in his younger days; always questioning his teachers, trying to find other ways to accomplish simple tasks. It was simply in his nature to do such. Janina's less-than-eager attitude made sense. She had a young infant to care for, and Cyril surmised the father was no longer around given the nature of her words. Her attentions would be split, and that was okay. He could abide by that much.

"Hello Jonas," he smiled reaching out to touch the infant's hand, "I'm glad that you do. It's the most basic of teachings, and the core of what we are. A Jedi's life is service to the people; something we can never afford to forget." He drew his hand away from the child, and affixed the baby's mother with an amused look.

"We'll teach you how to get in touch with the force before I put a lightsaber in your hands. You can sense things, I know that much, but can you influence them?" He lofted a brow, "Telekinesis is the backbone of a force sensitive's armory. It's the core of just about everything else we can do." To make that point, he held out a hand. One of the chairs lifted a full meter off the ground, seemingly with little effort from Cyril. "You have to focus on that sense. You can pick up other things, right? Focus on them, try to influence them. The easiest way to do it is to imagine your target moving in your mind. Usually, it will."

[member="Janina Jaxx"]

 

[Cortana Jade]

She looked down at her son when Cyril reached out to touch him, she was amazed, he didn't cry. She looked up at Cyril with a look as if she was his fan. There was a smirk left on her face, and he probably didn't notice but she stared at him this entire time. Jonas...was unique...everyone they'd met up to this point weren't good people at all, and it was as if Jonas knew before. Unbeknownst to her, he did, his latent force sensitivity was there and it manifested in ways that could easily go unnoticed.

"He's never interacted with someone, and never not cried. He allowed you to get close to him...or were you using one of your mind tricks? Either way congratulations." she said jokingly, she hoped maybe he wouldn't scold her for letting lose around him for this moment.

Influence things? While she listened, in the corner of her eyes she saw an object lift from the ground. Startled, she turned her head and saw the chair lift from ground and hover in place. She turned back to Cyril with a confused look, he was causing this to happen?

"You want me...to try that? That!?" she was looking for confirmation, "I'm not so sure, I'll be able to..."

[member="Cyril Grayson"]

 

[Placeholder 04]

The Force was about faith. Faith in oneself, faith in what was to come, faith in one's friends. Without faith, there was little that could be accomplished. Janina would have to learn to understand this, and Cyril had no issue teaching her. As for the child, well, he was a bit surprised by the reaction of the infant's mother. Perhaps it was because he was a Jedi? Cyril could surely sense the baby's latent force sensitivity -- that much was obvious. Did Janina know of the baby's connection? Judging from her reactions, likely not.

Cyril would not be the one to spoil that little surprise. Not yet.

"I've always liked kids," he smiled, "I took care of my brother and sister when they were both very small. Such a long time ago." He sighed. Where were they now? He knew Anastasia had run off and married some drug-totting smuggler. Disgusting. Bane? He was...Cyril had no idea where he was. That worried him, but if anyone was fit to survive on the fringes of the galaxy, it was his little brother.

"Yes, I want you to try that. Telekinesis is the center of every talent you will learn with the force. Influencing the force requires a lack of doubt. You need to have faith that you can do it. Anything less than absolute certainty will not be enough." He reached over to settle a firm hand on the woman's shoulder "Can you do that?"

[member="Janina Jaxx"]

 

[Cortana Jade]

"Ahh so you have some experience with little ones huh?" she said nodding, and smiling at what he shared about his family. She always wondered how it felt to have siblings, to have a real family. She thought maybe it was easier, but those were thoughts better saved for another time or not one at all. Now, she had a family, her son.

She looked over towards the chair again, before she could even think about it he laid a hand on her shoulder. His grasp was firm and comforting and she felt encouraged, like he was there to help; he did promise however. She looked up at him, and nodded. Then she took a deep breath, it all sounded great becoming a jedi and all, but she still couldn't believe she was about to attempt to use the Force.

She cleared her throat. Gently laid Jonas in her lap, she slowly brought up both of her hands and aimed them towards the object. She closed her eyes, and as a few seconds went by the appearance of effort could be seen on her face. She was trying, muscles in her face twitching. She hoped this thing would move...

In her head she thought to herself, "C'moon, c'mon...do it!"

[member="Cyril Grayson"]

 

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She was trying, he would give her that much. If the thing moved, then Cyril hadn't noticed it. That did not mean that Janina had failed -- she only needed to strengthen her connection to the force' something that could only be done with time and dedication. Still, a bit of encouragement did not hurt. Cyril sat back in his chair, and subtly shifted his fingers. The object lifted a full inch into the air, and fell once more. Hopefully she had not noticed his intrusion upon her test.

"That's a start." He mused, sounding quite pleased. The Jedi Master pushed up to his feet, and turned his attentions down toward the young mother. The baby would be difficult to deal with, but not impossible. Cyril knew how to take care of small children -- should Janina need to head off on her own to find her destiny, and she surely would at some point, he could watch over the infant.

"Now, why don't we rest for the evening? I'll be going to Sullust tomorrow. While I'm gone, I want you to read up on some of the manuscripts I have on my datapad. It's not much -- the Jedi Code, bits on the origin of the force, things all Jedi should know. When I return, you and little Jonas may come with me, if you wish."

[member="Janina Jaxx"]

 

[Cortana Jade]

She had inhibited herself, she could have done as he asked, but she didn't trust herself just yet to walk that path. When she attempted she was taking even more steps to convince herself. However, this was on her subconscious and she didn't realize that she was holding herself back just yet. However she heard some rattling, it was subtle and when she opened her eyes she saw the chair falling back to the ground. Her eyes widened with surprise...and she turned to Cyril though not with the happiest of expression. She was looking for approval maybe?

When he sounded pleased, she started to form a smile. Maybe she was doing just alright at the time. More of it would come later with practice and she started to trust in Cyril that he could protect and nurture her, and her son. At least until she could step up herself.

The movements of her head followed the Jedi Master when he jumped up to his feet and walked towards her. From her seat she looked upward at him. She nodded, rest sounded just right, it had been what felt like ages since she was comfortable enough to go to sleep.

She could understand studying up on some of his readings, she was actually quite anxious. She subtly hoped they could continue with training, but she was sure they all had very long days. "Alright, and do you mean come with you to sullust?"

[member="Cyril Grayson"]

 

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Cyril offered a thin smile.

"If you wish. Either way, I can't stand idle while the war continues. In due time you'll help too, I'm sure." He mumbled, taking a short look at the infant. There was something odd about the child -- unlike that of any other force sensitive children he'd come across. He would inquire about that at a later time. Now, he needed to rest, and contact the Alliance. He had a bit of purpose now. He intended to put it to good use.

[member="Janina Jaxx"]