Private Broken Wings

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

S O R R O W

Another restless night.

Gwyneira stirred, pushing the thin hospital blankets off of her. She was to be discharged to go home in the morning, the doctors just wanted her here one more night. So soon after being found unconscious in the snow, Gwyn was still struggling to find her will to live. So much confusion, misery, grief, sorrow, and loneliness infested her heart. She carelessly flung on a simple top and shorts, then wandered out of the hospital room. The tracker bracelet on her biological ankle blinked repetitively as she aimlessly wandered the visiting area of the medical ward. She could already sense that eyes were on her from the shadows, making sure she did not do anything dangerous to herself again. Gwyneira sighed, this watch was the in kriffing worst.

She continued to roam, mostly struggling with her internal struggles and with how to move forward. Aside her buir, Kranak Vizsla, her motivations were slim. Her father literally was the only thing keeping her in this Manda forsaken galaxy. She still found no reason to do anything at all, ever. Her dull, permanently swollen eyes were dull and dim. Her face showed exhaustion and thinning way past her young age. Her posture was sloppy, not even trying, as she dragged her bare feet along the cold metal floor. She wandered as she wondered, feeling despair and hopelessness cover her in a heavy blanket.

She was truly lost.

Kaz Krayt

 

[Kaz Krayt]

After the realisation that she technically wasn't single, Kaz pretty much resigned from his mission to win the troubled Gwyneira over, as was ordained in the unspoken laws of the bro. Whether she was in a relationship or not, Eliz was a bro and as such his pursuit was in direct violation. He simply couldn't do that to the poor cyborg, whether he recognised his girl or not. If anything, he had to support his bro through this time and, if needed, help them get back together.

But in this lifestyle of theirs, Gwyn was technically also a bro, and she was in dire straits with everything going south in her life. He did his own research and questioning to get some backstory... safe to say, his heart went out to the girl and her constant struggle. Another part of the bro code, he had to help her in whatever way he could.

Which was why he arrived late in the evening at the hospital with a box of chocolates and a "get well soon" balloon he quickly bought at the entrance by simply hopping over the counter and leaving money along with a note for the sales team when they came back. One could argue that the balloon was a bad idea given the circumstances, but he figured it was a bad enough cliché to at least get a laugh from her. What surprised him, however, was the fact that she wasn't in her bed or room. "Now where...?" He muttered to himself as he looked around.

After a few minutes of searching, he noticed her wandering by herself. She was clearly not in a good state of mind. Kaz quickly adjusted his form-fitted shirt, tugged his cargo trousers up, and made his way over to her. "Hey Gwyn!" He called out, loud enough for her to hear but soft enough to not wake every patient in the wing. "Yo, you okay? You uh..."

Sticking to the bro code was sometimes easier said than done.

"Um... you ain't cold or nothing?" He asked before holding his gifts out. "Heard you took a knock climbing the mountain, figured you could do with some cheering up. I'd suggest digging into the chocolates, they actually release the feel good stuff in your brain." He flashed a warm smile as he studied her battered features. She definitely needed some feel good stuff. "Gotta say, tackling that mountain ain't no easy hike. Karkin' based, not gonna lie." He continued, giving her a gentle nudge.

He looked around for a few seconds, thinking of what else he could do. "I, uh... I can go get you some caf if you want?" He offered her with a hint of concern along his features.

Gwyneira Vizsla

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyn turned in surprise to see Kaz Krayt here. She paused, listening to him, unresponsive to his gentle shoves and playful banter. In most cases, she would have some kind of emotion towards the fact that he saw her in these clothes, or his casual demeanor. Or, more than any of that, that he heard he was hospitalized and even brought her presents to cheer her up. Someone acknowledged her, cared about her well being. It was what she had always wanted. Yet, she could only stare at the chocolates with a look void of any want or need. She was... drained, to the point of emptiness.

"I..." Her voice was hollow, like a vessel.

"... I'm not cold." She actually was a bit chilly in this dark visiting area.

"Not hungry." She had not eaten anything since before that fateful hike.

"Not thirsty..." She usually lived and breathed caffeine. It was a surprise that she was not having withdrawal symptoms.

She felt all these things, but desired them not. She was...

...

...

... too apathetic to care for herself anymore.

 

[Kaz Krayt]

If she wasn't standing up and moving around, Kaz wouldn't have thought that she was alive. No reaction to his gifts or words, and when she finally did speak, her voice was hollow. No emotion or drive behind it. Concern grew within the Zabrak as she spoke, realization dawning on him that this was far more serious than he initially thought. The story about her climbing the mountain as a suicide attempt began to sound a lot more realistic...

"You know what..." He took hold of a hand and pressed the box of chocolates into her palm, making sure she took hold of it. In her other hand he ushered her to hold onto the balloon before he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Let's go see what's at the shop." He muttered with a gentle tone as he led her to the hospital's shop. When they reached it, he sat her down by a nearby table and hopped over the counter once again.

The inventory wasn't amazing, but they did have a caf machine and some pies, more than enough for the situation at hand. With a hum he started to brew a mug for them both and popped the pies into the microwave, soon retuning to the table with their meals. "Get munchin' on that." He spoke gently as he unzipped his rather thin jacket and draped it over her shoulders. At least he didn't have much of a problem with the temperature in the hospital.

He walked around and sat down across from her, quickly digging into the pie as he sat back, his green eyes studying her for a moment. "What's going on? Aside from that little... situation... on the ship, what happened? Something ain't right, and it also ain't right to let a homie struggle like this." He was no expert with emotions, but he would do his best to help her.

Gwyneira Vizsla

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Huh...

With no drive to resist or do her own thing, Gwyn took delicate hold of the gifts and let Kaz usher her into the shop. The smells of caf and yummy food caused her senses to start to... respond to things.

She remembered her mother's lack of care for eating, in a run down and barely taken care of tenet. She remembered opening the fridge to just beer, and only finding food in the form of packaged, processed sweets in the cupboards. It had been her go to, until someone she had loved started to convince her to eat healthier. Despite it all, the pie actually smelled better than the cheap stuff, and the coffee was giving her a sense of waking up. Her stomach loudly rumbled. She finally reached for the pie and started to slowly, unenthusiastically, eat it.

Resting her head on her palm, chin against the table, she ate like it was a grueling task. As Kaz spoke to her, she chewed dully. Long and slow, she looked at him for a moment before looking away. Oh, where could she possibly start?

She swallowed heavily, taking a breath after that bite. She blinked, looking down at her dish. She narrowed her eyes, the endless nightmare that was her consciousness actively paining her, draining her. She finally responded, after so long...

"... I'm tired... I... the only thing keeping me alive now is Buir. My... My Alor is gone, my lover doesn't know my name, I've been tortured by my biological sire for so long."

She shivered, taking the jacket hanging off her back and pulling it over her shoulders. Hopeless, she continued to look down with an exhausted expression. She had only eaten a couple bites of her pie.

"What do I have besides him? I'm still a Foundling, not a true Vod. I finally found love, but love keeps forsaking me. I can't sleep, I have headaches, I keep remembering that lab..."

She closed her eyes, a hint of rage in her narrowed facial features, "My existence is futile. I'm tired..."

Kaz Krayt

 

[Kaz Krayt]

Kaz remained quiet as she spoke, calmly eating his pie as he listened to her story. She went to hell and back, from the sound of things. The worst part was pretty much the fact that there was nothing he could do to help any of that... and he was probably the worst possible candidate to try and help. The Wardog was little more than an associate from the gun running business, he joined her clan on little more than a whim after being alone for years. He didn't have the capability to declare her a full-fledged Mando and he couldn't help Eliz to get his memory back. She was alone, and not by choice. The galaxy simply seemed to throw the kitchen sink at her and she was trying to stay upright.

It was starting to sound rather familiar to the Zabrak.

Finishing off his pie, Kaz sat back in his chair and contemplated what to do for a moment. "I... I know the feeling." He muttered as he stared off into the distance with a frown. "Not being through hell like you have... but being alone. Forsaken." He glanced back at her, taking a long sip of his caf. "All I can say is that it's probably better to focus on tomorrow and to do whatever you can to enjoy it more than you did today. To find happiness in the little things in life." He gestured to the half-eaten pie in her plate as he spoke, though he knew it was terrible advice to give to the poor girl.

"... You ain't alone, though. I see how people look at you on the ship, here on Kestri... they care about you. Hell, you got Vulc that freaked out about you being in here, you got the rest of the ship asking questions and trying to figure out how to help you." He sat forward, resting his folded arms on the table as he stared at her. "You got people who appreciate you and who will miss you when you're gone, who have killed and will kill to keep you safe. I can tell you from personal experience, that it's more than most have." The advice was simply getting worse and worse. How the hell did he contemplate becoming a psychologist at one point? "Kark it." He grumbled, standing up and walking over to her side before he pulled her up from her seat and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug.

"You got your homies, Gwyn. You ain't nothing." He reassured with a gentle rub along her back. He held her in the hug for a while before letting her back into her seat. "Now, finish that pie. Come on, you've beat Sith and Ultranauts, you can't let a pie beat you now." He quipped with a smirk, dropping back into his seat.

Gwyneira Vizsla

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Were people truly there for her? She knew Kranak cared, and Vulcan. But Shai was long gone, even her prototype gaunts were now heirlooms of the wardog. Gwyn felt a massive division between her and the rest of the galaxy, regardless of what Kaz told her. She had been fighting for so long, and every day grew dimmer. She still... wished for death...

Looking down at the pie, her throat tightened. She had no desire to eat, and even her body was fighting it. Still, she had an annoying feeling that Kaz here would bug her until it was shoved down her gullet. With slow, sluggish reluctance, she picked up the fork and shoveled pie into her mouth. At first, she gagged, but she eventually managed to eat regularly. She got no joy from the taste of the pie, only begrudging chewing and swallowing. Eventually, the pie was down the hatch. She leaned back in her seat, wondering why she had just gone through all this effort.

Kaz's hug from before entered her mind. Why would Kaz take the time to pity and care for this hopeless girl. She closed her eyes, sighing. With a slouch, she opened her mouth to speak.

"Why bother with me, Kaz?" She scoffed at her own insignificance, "I'm everything my parents said I was. I'm worthless, I'm a disgraceful hybrid, no boy would love me. I finally thought I found a new, better family, and they're all leaving me too. How long until buir and Vulcan join them?"

She shoved the empty pie tray away apathetically, "You're wasting your time and effort trying to convince me that I'm significant. I'm not. I tried to be, but history is repeating itself. Don't waste your breath on a forsaken half breed."

Kaz Krayt