Feedback Bonjour

[Sunfrog]

So I have so far written:
Raya Krayt
Zephyr Krayt
Ki'an Vizsla
Zemira

Does anyone have any constructive criticism of these characters and/or my writing?


Also I'm sorry to the people I've been threading with, I'm only doing faction threads until the 19th because it's exam period.


Edit: Message me if you don't want to post it on the forum. It'll stay between us.

 

[Sakadi Marathi Sinvala]

I'm glad to see that you've finally put this up after all the peer-pressure. But since you're straight to the point, I will be too. In short, I've always loved threading with your characters. There's always something related to them OOC we can laugh about and that makes both you as a writer as well as your characters a joy to thread with.

But since you asked for constructive criticism, here's a few things I (sometimes) noticed. We haven't written together in a while and upon looking at your more recent posts these tips/critique points may be less relevant, but I'll stick to my experience so far.

The Great Silence: Your characters have (in my opinion) usually very little to say. I love the way you write, mixing your character's thoughts with small actions or observations. But sometimes I found myself having quite a bit of trouble replying to your posts, since 'In Character' there is very little to interact with. It could be that that's just in our threads, but again, I'm basing this off my experiences.

That leads straight to my second point:

Take the lead! I really enjoy it when you're the one in the driver's seat, and I think that's something you should/could implement more often. It doesn't have to be longer than a round or two, but I often felt like you let yourself be pushed away and react instead of moving the plot ahead. It could be my fault for moving too fast or 'seizing the plot' in my posts, but you shouldn't be afraid to return the favor and add your own unique plot development to it.

That about sums it up, I guess. Not much to say or point out, since your writing is solid in my opinion. Just keep doing what you're doing, keep having fun and it'll be a good read regardless!

Sunfrog

 

[Sunfrog]

Sakadi Marathi Sinvala

Peer pressure is a fun new nickname for yourself.

The Great Silence: I'm not going to disagree with you there. This is certainly the case for Zephyr in particular who is the least talkative of my characters and I know that can be difficult to interact with in that regard. I need to find the right balance between talking, actions and thoughts with all my characters.

Take the Lead: But Horus, you know I am beta, pls. But anyway, yeah I can see your point and it is something I am regretfully aware of. I want to avoid stepping on any toes so unless it's an open thread and free-for-all or a thread I started then I usually let the other person lead but I should probably be a bit more assertive since it is a thread for both of us.

In conclusion, you are a great writer, albeit somewhat intimidating given you aren't a native English speaker, which leads me onto my next point of... your writing is very good, among some of the best I have written with, and you write good and interesting posts.