Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Approved Location Bone City

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Name: Bone City


Image Source:

bone_city_by_milkduster-d9978th.jpg

Source

Classification: Metropolis

Location: Mugg fallow, it lies within the center of one of Mugg Fallows many desert filled continents

Affiliation: Causstik Rahn

Population: Metropolis

Demographics: 67% Trandoshan, 33% various species

Points of Interest:

Catacombs- a seemingly endless maze of corridors and large rooms. Skulls line the walls and forearms make up the pillars. This is where the slaves are held. They are not guarded as to brave the maze is too die. The many rooms also harbor the livestock of Bone city. Mainly war mounts such as Drouk's and Rancor's. Be wary any slave who may stumble upon their dens.

Arena- Here sacrificial games are held to appease the "Rot God" and scorekeeper. It is a large pit dug into the earth. The pit is lined with carved seating arrangements. In the center there are many trapdoors that allow for the insertion of combatants or beast. A large podium stands in the arenas center. It is supported by two Drouk back bones, which act as pillars. Here Causstik sits during the games.

City: Slums sprawl around the outer edges of the city. Here their is no sewage and the houses are made of hide and bone. When you go deeper into the city you are met with houses and businesses made up of derelict ships. All over the city lie trapdoors that lead into the catacombs beneath. Scattered are large sky scrapers that are made up of old towering frigates and the like.


Description: The city is made almost entirely of bone. A few derelict vessels were incorporated in the design as well. A giant skyscraper dominates the center of the city. It provides most of the housing for Causstik and his band of Trandoshans. In the center of this lies the arena. The stench of rot is always present in this place. Outside the skyscraper lie small huts where merchants barter their plundered goods and beggars crippled in previous raids wander the streets. Beyond this lies the wall. It was hastily put together using tractor beams to keep the "Predators" of Mugg Fallow out. The wall is made entirely out of fossilized bone of a once giant and majestic beast.

History: The Bone City was founded when a Trandoshan slaver crash landed on planet. They built small huts out of the ships remains. This was in fact a scout sent forth by Causstik Rahn. When he found the crashed scout, he decided to make this are his base of operations. He built a city out of the old bones and ships in atmosphere. It soon became a hub for scum and villainy all around the galaxy. People came from everywhere to evade the law or purchase slaves. As more and more villainous characters lined the streets, so too did the wares. People came from all over the galaxy to be a part of the lawless society that was Mugg Fallow. As the city grew it became recognized as the place to get anything normally frowned upon by the rest of the galaxy. It soon became referred to as the planets largest black market.

Intent: To provide a city for the board

Dev threads:

Thread 1


Thread 2


Thread 3


Links: (You may provide any links to other existing Codex/Factory entries that constitute any significance to this entry.)
 
I am assuming that, case in point of the obvious, this is your Second Chance on the original Bone City submission that was denied previously by [member="Reverance"]

As you are new and still somewhat learning the ropes I feel it necessary to inform you that when you do a Second Chance for a submission you are to plead your case in the Second Chance thread, not simply post a new submission. Keep this in mind for the future, as failure to adhere to this protocol can lead to denial on the second chance.

I will have a new Judge on this shortly. Good luck.
 
[member="Tony Ro'samo"], I'll be taking this Second Chance submission. Hopefully we can work together to fix it.

You've linked several dev threads, and one is of sufficient length to qualify as meeting the criteria that was laid out before, so that's fine.

Quick note from [member="Silencia"]: we're fine with your reference to the 'Rot God', provided that the Mnggal-Mnggal is never directly referenced or ever makes an appearance. That would contrary to the rules, since this is a banned species.

Another concern is your Intent: it's not really appropriate. Places added to the Codex are designed for everyone to use, and thus is accessible to any character on the board who might wish to use it in their RP. I would really like to think that your intent behind the submission is a little less selfish, and a little more 'would like to contribute to the board'.

Also: the 'worlds largest black market' - could you expand on that a little? What is the purpose of it? Who established it, and how? It seems like a major feature in that description, but there's no other mention of it anywhere in the submission.

If you could make a few minor adjustments accordingly (and sweep through for spelling/grammar errors - I've noticed a few as I've gone through it), we'll be able to move forward with this. It's a much-improved submission from the one you put forward last time, so hopefully it'll make it into the Codex with a few alterations.

Many thanks!
 
[member="Tony Ro'samo"]

Most of the edits are good, but please change "It soon became referred to as the galaxies largest black market" to "It soon became referred to as the planet's largest black market". You can't claim that title when it's definitely not the case!

Thanks.
 
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