Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Name: Bone City
"Live for the gods, kill for the gods, die for the gods,"

Image Source:
http://img01.deviantart.net/78ce/i/2015/254/c/0/bone_city_by_milkduster-d9978th.jpg
Source
Classification: Metropolis

Location: Mugg Fallow

Affiliation: Causstik Rahn

Population: Metropolis

Demographics: 86% Trandoshan, 14% Various slaves

Points of Interest:

SLAVE CELLS
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRI3UXSVyrHHZQeYZXlrAzBoen5zZHW-_wq0dhnIezC383hQ-NQ
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Small Cavernous rooms that house all captured slaves before they are sacrificed to the Scorekeeper and "Rot god". The walls are made up entirely of the bones of previous sacrifices. Prisoners are left unguarded as the cells are part of a large maze. This maze is nearly impossible to navigate without a map. The maze runs nearly the entire under length of the city above. Through the maze bits of the "Rot God" wander consuming and turning any unlucky enough to cross its path. For those who brave it's depths a path to freedom may be discovered.

Arena
http://static.trueachievements.com/customimages/025025.jpg
Source
Bodies litter the arena. They adorn spikes, the walls, the floors. Everything. It is constantly changing, mimicking the layers of the "Dark side of Dosh". With each new layer comes a new challenge. No contestant has ever been able to best the arena. Except for one. He was presumably granted his freedom and given a shuttle to leave.

Description: The city is made almost entirely of bone. A few derelict vessels were incorporated in the design as well. A giant skyscraper dominates the center of the city. It provides most of the housing for Causstik and his band of Trandoshans. In the center of this lies the arena. The stench of rot is ever present in this place. Outside the skyscraper lies small huts where merchants barter their plundered goods and beggars crippled in previous raids wander the streets. Beyond this lies the wall. It was hastily put together using tractor beams to keep the "Predators" of Mugg Fallow out. The wall is made entirely out of fossilized bone of a once giant and majestic beast.

History: Causstik Rahn and his warband had been hired by the Republic as privateers. They pillaged the One Sith space lanes in the unknown regions and took much plunder. One day they were cornered by the Sith fleet. With no where to run they retreated further into the unknown space. Eventually they found a planet with a massive graveyard of ancient ships surrounding it. They made planet fall and discovered ancient bones, fossilized trees and a dessert landscape. The planet had been plagued by the hive mind Mnggal Mnggal. Over the millennia without sustenance the creature retreated and diminished, waiting for interlopers to cross its path. The Trandoshan built a city from the bones they found. They took the Derelict ships ringing the planet and incorporated them in the cities design. Eventually the city grew and became a Trandoshan pirate colony. It didn't take long for Mnggal Mnggal to find the city of bone. He began began consuming host, but the Trandoshans fought it off. After much of Causstik's preaching they came to believe Mnggal Mnggal was the "Dark Side" of the Scorekeeper. They began sacrificing slaves in his honor and feeding them to the black goo. Hoping to appease their god and keep the "Rot God" at bay. Slowly the hive mind amasses his army of the undead. Preparing to assault the city. Then the galaxy.

Intent: For future monster Role play.

Links:

DEV THREAD: The forgotten world
 
[member="Causstik Rahn"]
Okie dokie. Should be fairly straightforward. First thing I see is that your image source is just a link to the image. You should use the image function to put the image in the post, and the source should be the link to the page you found it on. That way people get to see a nice pretty picture in your sub. :D Same with your other picture links.

In general this sub is fine, but since this is a cannon world that's known to have no life on it save for a very dangerous entity (which you noted, thank you), and since you're establishing a metropolis, I'd like to ask for a 10 post dev thread. Or, if you have threads already establishing the location, you could provide a link to that as well.
 
[member="Causstik Rahn"]

Greetings.

There are some concerns associated with this submission. First of all, you are effectively altering a planet through a location submission. The sort of alteration you are looking at is typically reserved for the activities of a dominion (100 posts). 10 posts is, unfortunately, not appropriate for this sort of development (as you are effectively overriding a large component of the canon planet). For instance:


Causstik Rahn said:
They took the Derelict ships ringing the planet and incorporated them in the cities design.

This is a substantial amount of development and 10 posts is simply not enough. Particularly given that the ships's origins span over millenia.

Moving on to the next issue: Mnggal-Mnggal is a canon character and a banned species. So including them in the development of this submission through direct writing is off limits (the character has been written as an NPC in your development and in the submission).

http://starwarsrp.net/page/articles.html/_/role-play-rules/character-creation-r12
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/22802-banned-speciescharacters/

Given the substantial tie of this being to the submission, I'm going to deny this submission outright. However, I would urge you to consider redoing this (with the appropriate development of 50 posts (I would suggest going above this) and do so without directly tying it to Mnggal-Mnggal).

When you are ready, feel free to second chance this submission. Thanks.

[member="Darth Ignus"]
 
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