Birth Of A Shadow

[Connor Harrison]

As the Jedi Master absently stroked his beard as Aria spoke, he thought about the power of emotions and how much of a pain those little things were that made them all human. Everything boiled down to an action spurred on by an emotion, and while it was a strength to have emotional connections, it was also a weakness.

Take away the emotion, and what did that make you?

"I’ve been where you are, and also farther," he said softly. "Up until a few years back, even during my days as Padawan and Knight and even a Master, my life has been difficult and plagued with darkness. From actions I brought about myself that corrupted my sense of being and my view of the Force, to actions put upon me by Sith Sorceresses and Lords, my emotions have caused great pain to myself and others."

He didn’t speak with carefully chosen words, but he spoke honestly, with a tenderness in his voice and a calm aura for her to feel he was talking to help her, not belittle her.

"We need emotion to know right from wrong, good and bad. That is without saying. Yes, you will be angry at times, and you will be sad. Hurt. Betrayed. Insulted. All of the above. But, he raised a finger, "it are these emotions that you work through and control on your journey to become a Master, and a Shadow, and a leader and confidant of others."

He continued.

"You must prepare yourself for moments when events happen outside of your control. Regardless of what you think, Celiana is her own person and walks her own path. She may stumble, and she may fall, and all you can do is help her along the way but not at the expense of sacrificing your own destiny. If your heart is in the right place, you’re your emotions will simply be part of the course. I am still here, serving the Light, when I could have embraced the Dark many times, but I haven’t because I still want to be a human with emotions that I control; not a monster like the Sith who let emotions control them blindly. They sacrifice their humanity when they sacrifice the choice to think for themselves."

He stretched his arms out and cupped his hands behind his back.

"Use me as the punch bag you need if you want to help with your control. We can put your resilience to the test if you like? It may not be pretty, but we can see how far you can go when pushed."

Again; unorthodox methods for sure, but ones that worked.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

It was becoming easier to relax: the initial feeling of being assessed had faded into the more pleasant feeling of having somebody looking out for her. As she allowed her posture to become more comfortable, Aria did her best to listen to what Connor was telling her without interrupting, wanting to save her words. Then he offered to test her strength. Although the prospect still caused her a flicker of concern, her body missed challenges of this sort and some rigour felt like just what she needed.

Aria stood up, coming just below him. "I don't need pretty," she said firmly. "I need to get back in control of myself. If you think this'll help me do that, I'll do whatever it takes." She sounded bolder than she felt, but she supposed that was a good thing. In fact, playing at being the confident person that she had been all those weeks ago made her feel as though perhaps, given time, she could be that person again.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor tapped his fingers on his chin, humming quietly to himself. A blank canvas to work on. Interesting.

"Ok, Miss Vale," he said, clasping his hands behind his back and starting to pace back and forward. "You don't sway me as the physical type, which is fine, but being a Shadow requires you to get your hands dirty. To do the work the rest of the Order won't. We act without the greater knowledge of the Order, and we are the ones who, as you guess, work in the shadows. We become shadows."

He turned on his heel and looked at her.

"Would you submit to the Dark Side to save the life of your lover?"

His voice was sharp and the question came out of nowhere.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

A thoughtful expression appeared on her face as she gave the question some thought.

"No," she said after a moment, "not fully. Plenty of Jedi use Darkside abilities, but they use them in moderation and they use them for good. If that was what it took to save her, then I would, but if I had to abandon the Light altogether...well, I'd like to think that I could find a way around it somehow, but no. A Jedi who would give up their beliefs and ideals the moment a hurdle comes their way, no matter how hard it is for them to do so, is not truly a Jedi and never was. And I owe it to my parents - and to myself - to remain a Jedi. To remain strong."

She paused for a moment, sighing slightly.

"Then again, maybe I would. I don't know what it's like to stand beside someone and bargain for their life, especially someone you care about. I hope I never will."

[member="Celiana"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

"Oh you will," Connor said, stepping down to her level and walking slowly to her, not looking away. "One day you will have to make that call as both a human being and a Jedi, and when you do, you won’t be able to stop and flutter those pretty eyelids to ask for more time to think. It’s now or never."

It was time to push her.

He stopped a few feet before the girl and looked at her, but through her, into her mind. Seeing what made her tick. Seeing what was behind the strong-minded façade.

"If you fall to the Dark Side, you are forever lost…"

He stopped a few feet before the girl and looked at her, but through her, into her mind. Seeing what made her tick. Seeing what was behind the strong-minded façade.

"You never knew your parents, did you. And Corellia is now all but a memory isn’t it. Like them."

Touching upon her mind, Connor started to see what defence she had and what she was willing to do or not to do in the event of such an occurrence. He pressed on her thoughts, and brought them to her mind’s eyes – the ghostly faces of those she would never know calling out to her.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

Aria flushed and shook her head. "My parents - foster parents - told me that I couldn't have been more than a few hours old when they found me..." she stopped. Had she said Corellia? Oh, she probably had. Had she? Ah, it didn't matter.
That was when she felt a pressing sensation in her skull, like an itch she couldn't locate. Thoughts and memories began flickering at the front of her mind as she felt another's presence appear. What was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to react? Was she supposed to react?

Well, she thought to herself, giving no thought to the supposed outcome, having someone else in her mind was not high on her list of things she wanted to do.
"Is that true, though?" she said, using words to lower his focus the best she could. "Certainly not everyone, but don't several Darksiders eventually redeem themselves?"
As she spoke, she started trying to put up a shield around her thoughts, putting all her willpower into pushing the Master out of her mind. More than likely he'd already seen what he wanted to see anyway.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor pushed a bit harder, just to keep that uncomfortable pressure in her mind, right in the root of the brainstem where he had been infected with Sith Magic years ago. He didn’t care for her memory; he cared for her as a student that he had to protect.

"A Dark Side follower very rarely redeems themselves fully. They still will feel the call back into the depths of hell day to day, and it takes more than just a strong heart and mind to overcome such a corrupted soul as that which belonging to a Dark warrior."

Aria had to feel pain – there would be more of it in battle and they would not waste time talking to her about thoughts and feelings and emotions. If she couldn’t fight back or defend herself mentally and physically, she was in more danger than she could possibly know.

"How do you know you will be able to surive the horrors out there? When they get inside your head and twist your very thoughts to bring you to your knees and beg for mercy- they will break you! And if they break you…" he released the pressure on her head, "…what will you become?."

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

"I don't know." Aria's jaw tightened as the pressured around her skull increased, but by now her mildly competitive streak had kicked in and determination kept her staring Connor right in the eye, giving no other sign that she sensed it. "I've reached something that was very close to a breaking point before; I don't like who I was when I did." In a moment her head was freed, but still she gave no sign of any difference.

"I didn't break, though. Some day, I might, but..." but what? But what? How was she supposed to know the answer? "...but I'll do anything it takes to ensure I'm ready for when that day comes. Whatever that means. I'll do it."

Was that true? Aria was fairly certain the answer was yes. Seeing herself as what the Dark Side would turn her into had hurt her almost as much as her parents' death had, and even more than that it had scared her. Realising that all it took was one push, and she would fall into a hole that she couldn't get out of. Nothing could have made her more determined to avoid going down that path.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

At least the girl was honest. That was the best quality.

"Your resolve is keen, Aria. I like it."

He indicated towards the direction of the Temple in the distance.

"Come, let's head back, it's getting late. And I'll be sure to take you off world soon and see what we can find out there for you to get your teeth stuck into. Being a Shadow isn't all reading books and slinking around the halls."

With a small wink, he began to walk away knowing she would follow. He'd make sure she got away from Voss, if even for a while, just to see what else was out there waiting for her.

[member="Aria Vale"]