Birth Of A Shadow

[Connor Harrison]

Silver Sanctum Temple
Voss

Connor always seemed to forget to look up from Voss at the galaxy above. The huge moon that orbited the planet was gleaming above and it was a fantastical sight to behold even in the afternoon light. The leaves were much darker now, golden browns and tan orange. Autumn was drawing in and the air was much cooler than it had been.

Sitting on a large boulder on the path towards the Silver Temple overlooking the North of Voss, the Rogue Master rested his elbows on his knees and waited.

He had word from fellow Shadow Coci that another had expressed interest in the group and had been seen and heard actively looking for a way in. Not knowing much about who or what – only a name; Aria Vale – Connor had got word to her to meet him outside the Temple grounds, at this location that couldn’t be missed if you went for a slow walk around the grounds.

Since Kessel and Setzi’s disappearance again, that was still hurting him but somehow had always expected, Connor was ready to throw himself into doing what he did best – helping others find their true calling.

He looked up again at the moon, and waited.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

Aria knew exactly what she was signing up for when she'd spoken to the Masters of the Jedi Council about becoming a Shadow: she knew that once she did, there was no turning back. It didn't change anything.

And so when she'd gotten word that the leader of the Silver Shadows had time to meet with her, Aria had made sure that nobody was waiting on her or looking for her and was outside the temple grounds before dinner, just as the sun was nearing the horizon. She saw him almost right away and although she'd not seen him around the temple before, there was nobody else outside at the moment and so she walked over to him.

"Aria Vale." Unsure how else to start, Aria settled for introducing herself. "Thank you for meeting me, um..." she trailed off, not sure what to call him.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Not many people were around at this time of the evening, and so when one figure came hesitantly towards where Connor sat, and her nerves and lack of recognition spiked, he knew it must be his potential Shadow.

"Connor Harrison, at your service."

He uncrossed his legs and slid the few feet down off the boulder with a soft crunch. Maybe the young girl would consider him rude for not extending his hand, but if she got to know him, she would learn it was nothing personal. It was just his way of keeping others safe.

"So, Aria Vale, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

Connor started the process of having the young Jedi tell him in her own words what she wanted, and thus he could gauge what her true intentions were, and begin making her something special in the ranks of the Silvers, and the Shadows should she be strong and determined enough.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

Sitting down on a rock beside the man - Connor, as he had introduced himself, although she'd been expecting a codename or alias of some sort - Aria tried to process in her head how best she could explain what she was hoping to achieve. She barely noticed the lack of a handshake - it wasn't a greeting she traditionally used anyway and there were far more pressing matters at hand than etiquette.

"When I began training as a Jedi Guardian, I wanted to use my abilities to help keep the galaxy safe and I thought that it would be the best way to go about it," she said after a brief moment. "I still want that. But since then I've..." She paused, trying to sort out words in her mind. "It's not just the galaxy at large that I want to keep safe anymore. There are people, individual people, who I need to protect, and the best way to do that would be as a Shadow." That was the most in-depth she could go without causing herself a good deal of pain. If he wanted a more detailed explanation he would ask, and a part of Aria hoped that he would so she could make peace with her past, but for the most part it hurt to talk about everything that had led up to this meeting.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

"I see. Let's take a walk."

Connor nodded in thought about her words. She wasn't backwards about coming forwards, that was for sure, and he began to take note of her mannerisms.

Her tone of voice, her stance, her confidence and coyness. All would combine to give him a true picture of this Shadow-to-be.

"I'm glad you came to see me. However, you don't need to become a Silver Shadow just to protect people. You do that everyday as part of the Silver Jedi, and the Code you hold dear. Your actions go to help protect not just a few, but millions."

But, her choice of words had spiked his interest and he pressed on.

"Tell me about these...people you feel the need to protect."

It would be interesting to hear her reasons.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

Nodding, Aria stood and began to walk alongside him.

"Right. Well...just - ugh - she's another Silver Jedi, and I -" she grimaced as she stumbled over her words. Why couldn't she just talk straight?

"Something happened that made me realise - it's safer for her if I'm - if I'm a Shadow. But - not just as in the Silver Shadows - as in an actual shadow. That I'm unseen."

She breathed in, hoping that she had made sense. Would he understand? Surely as leader of the Silver Shadows - as a Jedi Master - he knew or had known what it was like, to be afraid of your own power?

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

He had a slightly bemused look as she stumbled over her words as she finished. He was intrigued to say the least.

"Okay, well, think for a moment about what you want to say, and try again."

She was making a small bit of sense, but nothing very coherent.

"Who in the Silvers are you talking about, and why do you need to be unseen? The very essence of the Shadow is to be seen whilst not being seen. That’s how we achieve results. If you’re afraid of your own abilities, you won’t be of use to me."

He was blunt as ever, but this method wouldn’t pander to the girl. It was truth he spoke, to help those who wanted guidance to find it right there in his honesty. No lies and no aversion to what the highs or lows may be.

If they still stood before him during it all, he was more than happy to invest time with them.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

She sighed. "Sorry. So - after my foster parents died, I found my real parents. It wasn't hard. They left me out to die, I didn't go after them until then. And - I killed them."

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

"And now she - her name is Celiana - well, she's the only person left alive that I want to protect, but she'd be safer if I'm not there. I figured that as a Shadow I could be...dangerous...but still keep her safe." Aria spoke as slowly as she could manage - even if it hurt, if he couldn't understand her she'd have to repeat herself and hurt all over again - and did her best to stay composed. She'd get nowhere if she couldn't keep her emotions in check. Blinking several times, she let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding in and cautiously waited for a response.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

A small frown was etched on his face as he looked up at the path they were walking, contemplating her words.

"So you took the lives of your real parents for what – personal revenge? That’s one strike towards the Dark Side if ever I heard it, but you’re here, which means you didn’t fall. Yet."

He let that linger, walking across a small stream with the girl as a few birds whistled above.

"This Celiana, I’ve never come across her. What’s her link. Why is she one you need to protect, or have alive?"

Connor made sure his voice was firm, but not scalding or patronising. He wanted the honest detail from this young Jedi.

A picture was forming in his mind about the girl and the dangerous life she had led, and the dangerous path facing her if she couldn’t comprehend her actions or keep her emotions in check.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

"Personal revenge...I guess you could call it that. I hadn't gone after them because I didn't know what I'd do if they didn't have the reaction I'd hoped for but I guess I lost it a bit after my parents - foster parents - died."

She suddenly became very interested in the ground.

"As for Celiana, she's - we're - close. I'm afraid of what would happen to her if I got the way I did again, but she - well, I don't know what exactly she thinks, but she doesn't see our relationship as a danger. To her or to me."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Conner exhaled slightly, glancing upwards for the strength he needed when dealing with new Padawans such as Aria. It was like blood from a stone.

"Aria. One thing you need to know about me is I appreciate the truth, no matter how blunt. No matter how bad or shameful or degrading you feel things have been, you need to open up with your emotions and your past. Embrace them, and acknowledge that your path has led you here."

He looked to her again.

"You didn't answer me before, so now, think and answer it this time. Who is Celiana to you and why is she so important you become a Shadow."

She better have a good answer, because right now Connor knew her heart was in it for the wrong reason; and it could be a painful lesson for her in the future.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

Aria hesitated, closing her eyes for a moment, then slowly, carefully, laid out her explanation.

"She's my friend - girlfriend - I'm not completely sure. And she thinks that she might have accidentally forged a Force-bond between us." She paused, pushing the painful memory down so that she could finish calmly. "Whatever it is, I would do anything to protect her. And what I need to do to protect her is stay away."

Another pause, this time to mentally congratulate herself for keeping her cool. She had known that it would be painful, but it would hurt less once she had finished.

"And I know that from the outside perspective it makes no sense but - I thought it through, I did the research, and this way I can keep protecting the galaxy, I can still keep an eye on her, and I'm too far away to hurt her. I suppose it's my fault, the Jedi always warn you about making attachments, but I never expected...well, I never expected it to work out like this."

 

[Connor Harrison]

The admission didn’t phase Connor at all; he would never judge sexual orientation at all. However, her reasoning for both her love and desire to be a Shadow did bother him. He stopped walking, turning to her and folding his arms.

"Aria, you confidence in where your heart lies needs to be stronger to become a shadow."

He took a step forward.

"Emotions are not something we deny anymore, we can’t afford to. But we can afford to know when they are dangerous or not. If they are not, then we don’t need to worry. If they are, then they will destroy you from the inside out."

He placed two fingers just above her chest, dead centre.

"It will start here, and spread. Eating you up. You want to be a Shadow for the sake of your lover, for what you think is best, and so you can distance yourself. But what about when you are facing death on a distant Core world, or trapped in the Outer Rim? What will you want to be then? At home on Voss in her arms I bet, and you’ll regret your decision to be away from her at that point. And if you do that, you will not be of use to me."

Connor folded his arms again and rubbed his fingers on his small goatee.

"I will not risk the lives of others, or your own, for the sake of how your heart dictates you should feel because that’s not how a Shadow operates. We are faceless, emotionless and do the work others won’t. And, ask yourself this, what would she think if she felt you were keeping an eye on her as you say. Is that how a relationship works? Do you not trust her? Do you not trust yourself?"

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

Aria sighed. "That's not how I meant it. I know that even if I was to disappear or die, I can't keep her safe from everything. She's a Jedi. But I will be able to do my job better, whatever that job is, knowing that she's not at risk from me."

Stopping by a boulder, Aria sat herself down. "It won't affect my performance. At the moment I'm training as a Guardian - it's less dangerous than as a Shadow, I suppose, but the point is that facing death was never something I had a problem with, even before I came to Voss.

"If you really don't think that I'll be able to handle myself as a Shadow, then I'll look for another solution, but it's not a reckless decision, I promise. I know that I'd make a good Shadow given some training, and my reasons for becoming one won't make a difference to how I deal with danger. I've thought it through with a clear head - several times - I know that I can do it, and I want to."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor, regardless how anyone thought about him, wouldn't stop someone trying anything once. He would be honest about the difficulty or ease of the path ahead, but he wouldn't stop them. Aria slowed and sat down, and Connor ambled around a little, arms folded in thought.

The girl had a weakness in her lover being within the Sanctum walls, but it wasn't a bad thing. It was just another factor to remember in the real world when danger reared it's head. However, she was strong beneath all that self-doubt and worry. Strength of mind was important.

"Okay then. Consider this an introduction to the Shadows for you."

He crouched down before her.

"I'll give you some training in any area you want, and when I assemble the Shadows for a war game, you will be there. I admire your determination. However, just explain to me what you mean by saying Celiana will be safe from you. What do you mean she will not be at risk FROM you?"

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

"Thank you. I promise I'll do my job well." Despite the grief and loss attached to her induction, the career had always appealed to her and she couldn't help but feel excited at the prospect.

"As for keeping her safe from me...well, before my parents died, I'd never gone crazy like that. I like to fight, yes, but in a controlled setting. Unless I was being attacked, the only reason I'd be hurting anyone was because we were sparring, in a friendly duel. Until then." The stitching in her Jedi robes suddenly became a whole lot more interesting.

"Once you get like that, once you realise that there's a part of you that just kills mindlessly, you can't ignore it. Or maybe some people can. I can't." She took a steady breath. "Every time I feel myself getting angry or irritated, I worry that this time it'll set me off somehow and then I'll kill a bunch of people. It's been some time, though, and I'm processing it better, but I feel like since Celiana's the last living person I have a strong bond with, if I have another episode it'll be connected to her. Either she sets me off, or she's the one who gets hurt when something else does. And if I can eliminate both possibilities, then the chances of me getting that way again are significantly less."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor nodded in acceptance of Aria's decision.

"Good." He brushed his hands gently - a job well done. "I understand how affairs of the heart can be tricky, especially juggling the duty of a Jedi in a galaxy such as this. I've been there, and seen both sides of the fence. Neither are totally pretty but if you have faith in the Force, it will guide you well. And have faith in your brothers and sisters, for they are more important to you than you'll know when you need them the most."

He looked around, letting the words sink in.

"I will be bringing the Shadows together soon for an activity. War games on Voss I think. When I do, I'll be sure to bring you along for the ride. Is there anything I can do for you in the meantime, Aria? Talking or training, I'm good at both."

The girl was still very nervous and unsure, and he would do what he could to make her feel more at ease and confident in herself.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

Aria thought on that for a moment. "It would be nice to get back to a regular training schedule," she replied thoughtfully. "I've mostly been doing self-directed training for the last few weeks, which I don't mind as such, but it's not the same as having a fully trained Master."

She sighed, not for any particular reason, blowing a strand of hair off her face as she did.

"If there are any skills that you think would be useful for me to be able to do for the war games or something like that, I'd like to start there. I am trying to distance myself from combat to become more well-rounded, though."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

He stepped back and folded his arms, not rushing Aria to get up or leave if she was comfortable. He just thought better on his feet.

"I think you need to work on your confidence, both in your chosen path and your own ability. It's a little unsettling that your path seems to be driven by your feelings for another. I worry if something were to happen to put them at risk, they could lead you on a much darker, dangerous path. One where you would do anything for the outcome you wanted."

Connor chewed his lip a moment.

"If you want me to help you through this, I will. I don't hold back in my methods if I feel you will benefit from them now and in the future."

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

Choosing her words carefully, Aria clasped her fingers together as her subconscious way of focusing. "Maybe you're right. Celiana's only a part of the reason, but she is quite a big part. But it's not about confidence; I know my abilities, and I just...don't think I have as much control over my emotions as I would need in order to hold it together if I stayed as I am at the moment. Maybe that will change, but I don't know how long it would take or how many people I'll have hurt before it does."

Pausing, Aria took a moment to ease her tensed-up posture, assuming a slightly more relaxed stance.

"If something happened to Celiana, I don't know what I would do, but knowing I didn't cause it would make it easier to deal with, if nothing else. I've always gone out of my way to avoid turning Dark, and even after everything I did I'm still here and still trying to find a way to use my negative emotions for good, so it would hurt, and it would hurt for a long time, but I think that I'd get through it. But the same would be true if I kept going as I have been, only the possibility that I would be the one responsible would be higher.
All the same, any help you can offer in gaining control would be very helpful."

[member="Connor Harrison"]