Bank of Stalgasin; Banking Federation™ location.

[Jed Kerkov]

Name: Bank of Stalgasin

Image Source: http://www.deviantart.com/morelikethis/327122995

Classification: Bank

Location: Stalgasin, Geonosis.

Affiliation: The Banking Federation

Description: The new branch of the Banking Federation in Geonosis, it's construction began because of the CEO's decision to affiliate with the Techno Union, which it's capital is based here. The pristine bank is cleaned daily and fake vegetation is planted throughout the premises to give the essence of a paradise amongst a wasteland. Among the average facilities of a bank, there is also a landing pad for a relatively small vessel to land. It is used for freighters to transport sensitive materials.

History: This structure has no history whatsoever. Built within the last year, it's construction was decided on the whim of the CEO after becoming affiliated with the Techno Union.

Intent: To create another branch for the Banking Federation.

Links: N/A

 

[Kamon Vondiranach]

[member="Jed Kerkov"]
Under Review

 

[Kamon Vondiranach]

[member="Jed Kerkov"]
Ok, so, the general concept here is fine, but you need some expansion.

Let's start with the description. One of the things I'd like to see you do is explain what kind of banking this facility does. Does it do loans? Just your stop in and deposit crews facility? Galactic trading? Just, in general, explain what people do at this facility.

Now for history. Every building has a history. Why did it get built? Why build a bank on Geonosis? Buildings don't get plopped down on a whim. They never do. Every location is picked for a specific reason. Beyond that, what's happened in the time since it was built? How has it affected the local population?

Basically, I'm looking for some expansion in the sub, and would also like you to pay very close attention to grammar and punctuation. Let me know when you are done or if you have questions.

 

[Jed Kerkov]

Actually, please archive this. I no longer want this location. Thank you for your time. [member="Darth Ignus"]

 

[Kamon Vondiranach]

[member="Jed Kerkov"]
Noted. Thank you for letting me know.

[member="Judah Dashiell"] [member="Reverance"] [member="Silencia"]