If Aerik were ever pressed to name Irina’s weakness, it would likely be that her emotions could blind her to the truth, especially anger. In many ways she was putting words in his mouth. He could understand how she reached those conclusions if he allowed himself to look at it from one narrow angle. The pup could not afford that luxury. Even as a child there had always been things to hide, things to think through in silence.
What he was had to be swallowed up by
who he appeared to be. The first time he changed was the first time he learned concealment
ensured survival.
The urge to sigh came and passed.
Aerik knew he could be dense when it came to relationships, but this was something he understood more than Irina wanted to give him credit for. The pup was fully aware this would not have stung so sharply had things between her and Quinn been better. It was not only that he wanted the rift repaired, or that his family was bound to the Empress and those she claimed as family. It was that Irina’s anger burned toward Quinn as fiercely as it burned toward him in that moment.
When Irina took his hands, something in him settled.
The grass shifted around their feet as the breeze moved softly through the maze, carrying the scent of earth and clipped hedges. Somewhere beyond the walls of green, the academy still lived with its distant hum, but here it seemed held back. For a moment, the place remembered what it had always been for them.
Whatever fear had been building that this might somehow be the breaking point eased.
He swallowed hard and let the mask fall once more.
“We are hitting a wall, and that is not what I intended for tonight.”
His words came soft, nearly a whisper.
What could be said that did not feed a fight they did not need? It unsettled him that she heard him say she would never be first, because no part of him had said that. She had his love, even if Quinn could lay claim to duty.
Which she had never once done.
“I understand. Though I also understand your anger has clouded what I am trying to tell you. I want to build a life with you, Irina Jesart. My father’s oath bears down on that. It bears down on you too for as long as you follow him.”
Somewhere in speaking, his attention had fallen to her hands. Even as her thumbs moved across his, it took effort to lift his gaze back to her eyes.
“It does not mean you are not first.”
Aerik let the weight of it settle.
“I have watched my mother’s distrust of the Empress become a burden my father has carried for years. I asked you to fix this because I do not want that to be our story. We can be better if we figure this out together.”
He stepped close enough to rest his forehead against hers, if she allowed it. The gesture came naturally. Easy. Her height had struck him from the moment they found each other again on Erinar, and the memory flickered through him now.
Irina had always wanted him to drop the facade he hid behind, and even with her it had been a struggle. There had always been fear in letting her too far in, knowing certain things already in motion could place her in danger.
Aerik let it all wash over her through the bond. She would feel the mask fall. Emotion long withheld pressed against her, and with it the weight he had carried alone. There could be no room for doubt that she occupied every thought. His failures had never been in loving her, but in trying to protect her without trusting her enough to carry part of the burden.
“Together, Rin, that is all I have ever wanted, even if…”
He let the words fall away rather than give voice to what came after. It did not need to be spoken. Through the bond he opened to her what he had kept guarded, not in pieces she would have to assemble, but as the shape of an intention he had carried alone for far too long. She would feel enough of it to understand why he had kept distance at times, why there were thoughts he turned inward instead of sharing. There was danger in it. There was resolve in it. More than anything, there was trust in allowing her to see what until now had belonged only to him. He did not name what he meant to do, but she would feel enough to know some choices, once made, could not be reversed.
A request pressed to her mind.
<< “They can never know.” >>
