Aranar te Aliit [Mia Monroe]

[Anija Betna]

Enciri, Mandalore
Betna Homestead

Aeten II. Empress Teta. The events on those two worlds felt as if they were forever burned into Anija's memory. Even now, when she closed her eyes, She kept seeing what had happened on Aeten II. She'd blown Ordo's knee out and then that Fething siit spirit had forced him to shoot himself. Just thinking about it made her throat run dry. She knew he still lived, but she'd not seen him since that day on the Dancing Thranta after Empress Teta.

She could sense him now and again... but she couldn't bring herself to talk to him. Not yet. She blamed herself for what she'd done... and what the spirit had made him do as a result. Shaking her head, Anija knocked back another swallow of the Netra'gal that sat at her elbow, enjoying the burn of the alcohol on the way down. She knew alcohol wouldn't solve the issue. And it definitely wouldn't repair the rift that those events had created within the Ordo clan.

But right now, she didn't care. She should have, and some part of her wanted to. But the rest of her... was afraid. She didn't want to face him. Not yet. She wasn't ready. She was his oldest daughter, and deep down, she knew he still cared for her regardless, bus she'd seen that look in his eyes when he'd come out of the bacta tank. It had driven a beskar spike into her heart, and she wasn't sure she could forgive herself for that. Even if the part she played was minor comparatively.

She had the house to herself today, and she was glad of it, for she was in... frankly a sour mood. Sure, they'd gotten a lot accomplished in regards to the Protectors. But, she couldn't ignore the guilt anymore. No matter how much she tried to bury it with alcohol. Cursing softly under her breath, Anija drained the glass and set it down - perhaps a bit harder than intended. Rising from the table, she grabbed her datapad and slipped outside. there was a place on the homestead where she liked to go to think.

It took her only a few minutes to get there. And when she did, she dropped down with a sigh into the single hammock which was strung between two trees. They shaded the area nicely. And though the air was a bit cool, Anija was dressed warmly enough. She'd forgone beskar'gam today, opting instead for some sturdy work pants, boots and a warm sweater. As she laid back, she lifted her gaze to the foliage overhead. It was beginning to thin a bit as the weather cooled, but Anija still found the brilliant colors mesmerizing.

Tearing her gaze from the foliage, Anija sighed and looked down at her datapad. She'd been working on a few new designs. Saving those, she opened up a blank document and just began typing. Maybe.. .that would help her process everything. But maybe it wouldn't She didn't know. She knew Mia was among the living... for she'd seen the woman with her own eyes. For all intents and purposes, the woman was her aunt. Her ba'vodu. A slight smile touched her lips then. Maybe talking to [member="Mia Monroe"] would help. Typing out a short message on her datapad, she sent it.

 

[Lina Ovmar]

She'd wondered how long it would be before [member="Anija Ordo"] wanted to see her. Who else would she reach out too? She was aprehensive, mia had never been good at dealing with her own emotion, nevermind other peoples. Still wehn the message came, she didn't hesitate to make her way over. Still without, she'd not yet found the time to build a new one. Part of her didn't believe she deserved it yet, that she was still an aruetii.

Soft leather boots, flattened the grass beneath her with quiet steps as she passed through dappled sunlight to reach the Betna Homestead, but she did not stop there, instead following the pull of the force and her niece's presence within it. Small clouds of fog rose with her breath into the cold autumn air and she dug her hands deeper into her pockets, more out of habit than need for warmth.

"Su cuy, Anija." she called out as she crested the rise and moved to stand beneath the trees with her. Her shoulder came to lean upon one of the trees. "Meh'vaar ti gar?"

[member="Anija Ordo"]

 

[Anija Betna]

At the soft yet assured words of [member="Mia Monroe"], Anija looked up from her datapad. She not gotten very far, in all honesty. RealIzing this, she sighed softly and tucked the datapad into a pocket before sitting up and stretching for a moment.

"Not much...." She replIed before looking sideways at Mia. She sighed again, knowing she couldn't hide her distress. With a soft curse under breath, she met the other woman's gaze. "Ever feel like there was something you'd done that you couldn't forgive yourself for....or that the people affected wouldn't forgive you for..?"

 

[Lina Ovmar]

Mia's gazed into the treeline, brow creased with a frown as she considered the answer to Anija's question. This was about Aeten, and she knew it. She also knew no matter how much she said it wasn't her fault, Anija would continue to lay the blame upon herself. Slowly she brought her gaze back to Anija and sighed.

"Yes." she replied finally "But when I stopped beating myself up about them, I usually found that people are more forgiving than we give them credit for." She moved from her leaning post to sit in the hammock beside Anija, making it sway gently for a moment. She chewed the inside of her cheek in thought before continuing. "I've lost count of the amount of times I've acted without thought. Attacked in a blind fit of rage, or allowed my desire for vengeance to give me tunnel vision. Every time I have, I have suffered. I used to think that I suffered the most, but..."

Her gaze dropped to her hands as she though of Rel, of his attempted suicide after she was rescued from Nemene. her fingers curled into loose fists. "Those around me suffered more for my self absorption." Finally she looked at her neice. "I'm not going to tell you that what happened on Aeten two was not your fault, that what you did was ok. Because it wasn't. You allowed your rage to get the better of you."

Harsh as her words were, she spoke them softly. "That being said, if it was me? Your father would never have made it back onto his transport. I would have killed him on Coruscant had I made it that far." There was no hint of regret in her voice, she spoke as if such things were simply matter of fact.

[member="Anija Ordo"]

 

[Anija Betna]

At [member="Mia Monroe"]'s words, Anija fell silent for a long moment, not quite meeting her aunt's gaze. Her words cut deep. Because they rang true. She'd let her fear for Ordo and her anger at the situation take control. And now, she found herself unable to look Ordo in the eyes, knowing what she'd done to her buir... to him. And that guilt was why she'd come to the Betna homestead. She didn't feel like she could face him... or Rianna. And.. .that was mainly because she was unsure how they might react.

She clenched her fingers in her lap and stared at them as she twisted them back and forth. Just thinking about the whole thing made her chest ache.... as if she were depriving herself of oxygen. They sat like this for a couple minutes as Anija struggled with her guilt, and with how to frame what she wanted to say next. Finally, she swore softly and slowly lifted her gaze to Mia's. "Ba'vodu...." she whispered. "I wanted to rip that Siit out of him, I could see what it was making him do." She sighed, and studied her hands. "I know... that I could have gone about it differently now. At the time... It seemed like the only option available."

Flinching, she looked away. "I.... don't know what to do.... I know Ordo and Rianna are having a hard enough time. Is it right to go to them with this right now..?"

 

[Lina Ovmar]

Mia could feel irritation rising up in her and she bit down against it. "Anija." she said sharply so as to get the woman to look back at her. "What is it that you want? Forgiveness? You'll have it. In an instant, no questions asked. Why? Because you are his daughter. Because he wanted to die, and he still does. Will that make you feel any better? Feth no."

"You want to go back and change what happened? You can't. You will live through the moment you blew out his knee over and over again, until the next time you do something equally foul and then that will eat you up instead." She got to her feet with a small shake of her head. "If you wanted sympathy, you asked for the wrong person. Stop wallowing and let your father be. He's got his won guilt to be dealing with. He's done things that make what you did look like child's play."

She studied Anija for a moment. "Vod'ika," she said, safter this time "There are bigger problems to be dealt with."

[member="Anija Ordo"]

 

[Anija Betna]

[member="Mia Monroe"]

She took a deep breath, and looked up at Mia. She could feel the guilt trying to overtake her again. With another deep breath, it receded slightly. "I know I can't change what happened. Feth, I wish I could. But I can't." There was silence for a moment as she met Mia's gaze. "There's got to be something I can do," she said softly but firmly. And then, she nodded, her fingers curling into fists for a moment as she tried to keep her focus on Mia's words. "We as a people have a lot to do. I know this. How I can help, I don't know.... but I will - however I can."